Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, but do have a billion pieces of plasticware all over my house…..I don't know why I bother buying toys….. :D
Alrighty people, strap on your hardhats and get out your panties, both a change of and some of the big girl variety. This chapter is all over the place so you may need a fan, some tissues or a bat…..your choice :D
For those of you who are not fans of angst, you may want to wait until Chapters 16-17 to resume reading. It's gonna get rough for a while.
I am not a medical expert, so anything medically related in this chapter that is incorrect is due to the internet…..I blame it all on the internet.
Big thanks yet again to my pre-readers: Beegurl13 for always being there to look at a chapter when I am being a weirdo and making time for me in her busy schedule. Carenl/nerac for catching all my little mistakes and helping me pick teasers. You are both awesome, and I'm sorry for making one of you threaten to off herself….. don't worry, it will get better...
Here we go…..
Chapter 13: And We All Fall Down…
As I walked out of the main office of the school, I was floating on cloud nine. I had a job. I got the job, all on my own, no help, they wanted me, they wanted me.
The fates must have aligned and made everything fall perfectly into place, because when I walked out to my car in the parking lot, my favorite person was leaning against the passenger side door of my car with his arms crossed.
Edward looked surprisingly dashing in his long charcoal gray pea coat, a pair of Ray-bans perched at the end of his nose. His enchanting green eyes peered above the lenses as I came toward him and he had a look of curiosity on his face.
I nodded as I closed in on him and unconsciously sped up to get to him faster.
"You got it?" he asked as he uncrossed his arms and I stepped into his embrace.
"Yup, I got it," I chimed, not recognizing the happiness in my own voice.
"I'm so proud of you," he murmured as he closed his arms around me and tucked my head under his chin. "I knew you'd get it, how could they not love you?"
I smiled against the soft wool of his jacket and nuzzled my face into the collar. "Mmm, let's go do something fun. I feel like celebrating."
"Sounds like a plan," he said as he leaned away from the car and dropped his hands to his sides.
As I backed away from him, I noticed his gaze lingering on my lips and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him senseless. The problem was, there were people here who knew both of us, and I couldn't risk us getting caught.
It was bad enough that Alice and Jasper knew about this now. At least they didn't judge what was going on between us.
I was so close to everything falling into place. All I had to do was go approve the final draft of the divorce papers and sign them. In a few weeks, I could potentially be separated from Em, in my own apartment, and finally living the life I had struggled to get. The last thing I needed was to do something reckless in public with Edward to draw questions.
The money wasn't the problem; the problem was Emmett might block the divorce if he knew what was going on between us. That; in addition to the fact their family would surely implode. I couldn't risk that. Edward had a strained enough relationship with his brother as it was.
Pulling myself out of my Edward induced haze; I jogged over to the driver's door and unlocked it, slipping in as he did on the passenger side.
"You didn't drive here?"
"No," he shook his head looking slightly guilty. "Vic dropped me off on her way to her staff meeting. Don't worry; she thinks I just came to offer you moral support since Em is in those meetings with James today. She thinks I'm being charmingly cute supporting my sister."
"Oh," I mumbled as I placed the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking space. The mention of me being his sister had left a sour taste in my mouth.
The streets were still lined with snow as I pulled into traffic and made my way toward our neighborhood. I wasn't exactly sure where we were going, but I figured heading in the direction of home would be alright.
"Where are you taking me?" he asked as I felt his warm palm spread over my thigh and squeeze. "Hopefully somewhere you can take advantage of me." I could practically hear his eyebrows wiggling.
"I'm not really sure, any requests?"
"Navy Pier?"
"It's so cold, are you sure you don't want to just head toward home and do something indoors?"
"I thought going to the arcade at Navy Pier would be fun. I know it's near downtown, but it's in the middle of the day, traffic shouldn't be too horrible."
"You do realize that school is still out, the arcade is going to be a madhouse." I cringed thinking of all the tiny little dirty hands that had probably contaminated those video games during winter break.
"Alright, fine, just head to my place. I'm sure we can find something to entertain ourselves with there," he said with a hint of teasing in his voice.
I hadn't been to his apartment in months, too afraid of James seeing me in the building, knowing that I would have no excuse for being there. He was suspicious enough as it was. His comment at the Christmas party had never been repeated, but it was enough to sufficiently scare me into staying away.
To tell the truth, I knew exactly what Edward had in mind, and I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. It had been over a week since we'd decided to pursue whatever this was, and he hadn't touched me since our night in the library over New Year's.
My palms were slipping slightly on the steering wheel as I took the last few turns toward Edward's building. I was so nervous. He knew I was still hesitant about crossing the barriers I had put into place regarding our physical relationship. I put them up for a reason. There was no way I was jeopardizing what I had worked so hard to get done in the last month.
He was just as emotionally invested in all of my future plans as I was.
I still wasn't exactly sure that we would be able to be together after the divorce, even as friends. Too many questions would be raised, not to mention the fact that we would have to be completely chaste around each other.
This seemed like a situation where we were both just being delusional. I could never provide a healthy relationship for him. He would never be able to take me home to his parents. I knew he wanted a family someday, but by the time he was ready would I even want that?
"Hey," he whispered, bringing me out of my toxic line of thinking as I put the car into park. "Stop doing this to yourself. I am just as much to blame as you are for this situation. All I ever wanted was you. If we have to keep this a secret, then so be it."
"I just don't understand how you think this is still possible. I mean, you know how much I care about you, but still, you are essentially giving up everything to be with me."
"And you aren't doing the same for me?"
"I know, but I think I would have eventually ended things with Em. At least I hope that I would have, but you don't have to give up having a normal future to be with me. I don't want you to look at yourself years down the road and regret ever having met me."
"Bella," he groaned as he reached across the center console and began to stroke his thumbs over the backs of my hands. "Please don't say things like that. If I wasn't invested in this relationship one hundred percent, I wouldn't be here. I'm not that noble. I'm here because I love you."
"I know," I mumbled as I tried to look up into his eyes. I wanted to badly to say those words to him, but there was still something holding me back. I didn't want to say them until I knew that I was able to give him what he wanted without breaking his heart.
I still wasn't sure that was possible. Waiting for the other shoe to drop was a nerve wracking way to live, but it's what I was doing.
He leaned forward and placed a sweet closed mouth kiss on my lips before he released my hands and opened his door.
If I were smart, I would have left, but I obviously wasn't, considering the fact I got out of the car and followed him into the building.
Riding in the elevator to his floor was torture, because I was afraid if I took the chance and touched him, someone would catch us. I hated that doing something as innocent as holding hands was essentially wrong.
"Is anyone home?" I asked as he slid the key into his front door, his long fingers turning it in the lock smoothly.
"Not that I know of. Alice promised to keep Jasper distracted today. She knew you'd either need comfort or someone to celebrate with. I don't think she realized that I would have done the same thing in either situation," he said with a smirk as he opened the door and motioned for me to go in ahead of him.
It had been a few months since I'd last visited, but everything was still in the same basic location.
Before I could analyze the placement of the furniture, I felt a pair of warm lips connect with the skin at the juncture of my shoulder.
"Oh," I half moaned, half squealed in surprise.
"I told you I was proud of you," Edward murmured in my ear as his hands came to rest at my waist, squeezing me slightly.
"And that involves kissing me?" I asked; my voice surprisingly rough.
"That," he whispered as he pulled my hair to the side. "And worshipping you. I plan to do that with my tongue."
Oh. My. God.
I let out an embarrassing squeak as he licked and nipped a path from my neck to my ear, tugging on it playfully with his teeth.
My body was trembling as he raised his hands to my shoulders and slowly began to peel my heavy winter coat down my arms. I shuddered against him as it dropped to the floor at our side.
"Cold?" he mused with a hint of mirth in his voice. He knew exactly how he was affecting me. Even after all this time, he knew exactly how to torture me, how to manipulate my body into feeling things I'd never felt with anyone else.
His fingers slipped under the layers of my sweater and he fingered the edge of my camisole lightly before he began to tug it free from my skirt. I could feel myself wobble slightly as I balanced precariously on my heels. My sense of balance was no match for Edward Cullen.
I was panting embarrassingly loudly by the time he found purchase in the flesh of my stomach, teasing me before his hands retreated to the back of my skirt to release the zipper that was holding it up.
"Oh god," I murmured as he peeled the layer of fabric down my thighs until it fell to the floor.
I could feel his lips smile against my neck as he began to tug my arms upward to remove my sweater.
My nipples tightened almost painfully against the silk covering them as the cold air hit my remaining clothing. I was standing in front of him in only my modest undergarments and a pair of too high heels. I was suddenly feeling entirely underdressed in comparison.
Running my hand up the side of his neck and into his hair I found myself moaning and grinding my backside against his noticeable arousal as his hands ran down the outsides of my bare thighs and converged along the side seams of my panties.
"You make me so hard," he practically growled against my skin as he thrust lightly against me, the rough denim of his jeans and the hardness underneath rubbing along the exposed skin of my legs. "I don't understand how you do this to me."
My brain had apparently vacated the premises because my answer was only a throaty whimper.
His hands fanned out against the front of my thighs and one of his thumbs brushed deliberately underneath the side seam of my underwear, moving slowly downward to caress the sparse hair that covered my lips.
I was sure he could feel the wetness that being near him caused me and I panted out labored breaths as he continued to tease me.
The lips on my neck and shoulders were getting more and more aggressive, and I knew that his slight stubble was bound to leave marks on my pale skin. Somehow I couldn't find it in me to care anymore. It's not like I would be letting Emmett see any part of me anytime soon.
The slight jingling of a belt brought me out of my negative thoughts and back to the present as I realized that one of his hands had disappeared behind me to begin to remove his pants.
"Please," I whimpered as his thumb found its mark and began a torturously slow rhythm against where I wanted him the most.
I could see flashes of white against my eyelids as the heat began to build and I hoped that he would hurry up with removing those pants.
As the denim scraped the back of my knees and he bent slightly to push his pants out of the way, I practically sighed with relief, until he pulled me back against him. I moaned loudly and clenched my thighs together, practically trapping his hand between my legs as he twisted his hand around and began to explore the wetness there with two long fingers.
He was hot and hard against my back as he thrust lightly and pushed the tips of his fingers into me. Heat surged through my body as he slowly penetrated me and I threw my head back against his hard chest as the pleasure shook my body.
"That's it baby, ride my fingers," Edward panted into my hair as my hips began to undulate against his ministrations. "God I love the way you feel around me."
"Please," I moaned again as his hips synced into rhythm with mine and we began a slow grind, his fingertips pushing forward inside of me and making me see stars. I wasn't sure what I was asking for – his fingers, him to stop torturing me with the slow pace, or if I was really just that desperate for him to be inside of me already.
"Please….what, Bella?" He breathed into my ear, his teeth scraping along the edge. "Tell me what you want?"
"Oh god, please," I moaned as he brought his other hand underneath the fabric of my camisole and began to lightly massage my breast, making my nipple throb underneath his palm.
"Do you want me to fuck you, Bella?" he whispered, his voice rough and insistent as he began to thrust his fingers faster inside of me. "Or do you want me to go so slowly that you're begging me to go faster so you can come with me inside you?" He slowly removed his fingers as he was saying this and began to softly run the pads over my clit, teasing me.
"I….I….ugh," incoherent mumbles started to stream out of my mouth as his light touch began to build up the blinding pleasure that was already threatening to spill over.
"Too…many….cl-othes," I panted out as he breathed heavily upon my ear. Still rubbing his hardness against my back and making me ache for the pleasure I knew he could make me feel with it.
He chuckled lightly as he slowly removed his hands from my body. I turned slightly and opened my eyes as he pulled his sweater and undershirt from his long lean torso in one swift move and threw them over his shoulder. They made a dull thud when they slammed into the front door where they slid down to the floor.
"Who has too many clothes on now," he smirked as he turned me around fully and pulled me against his chest. His hands slowly pulled the silk cami from the flesh of my stomach. I lifted my arms as he removed it for me, and reveled in the feeling of my nipples rubbing against his sparse chest hair.
His lips found mine as he placed one of his palms on my cheek and tilted my head up toward him. My eyelids fluttered shut and I shivered as his tongue slowly pried my lips apart to seek my own.
The kiss started to build slowly, but soon it had us both panting against each other's mouths as our hands started to grab and pull at each other.
I was tugging at the waist of his boxer briefs, struggling to pull them down his thighs as he began to pluck at my nipples with both hands.
Moaning and groaning filled the air around us, I couldn't even tell who was making what noises, but as soon as my palm found the smooth hardness between his legs, there was no question where the loud grunt that followed came from.
"Fuck," he was panting against my cheek and I began to slowly pump him in my hand.
"I forgot how much I needed this," I moaned back as his hips began to thrust against my motions. "I forgot how much I need you."
Edward grabbed my wrist to stop my movements as he used his other hand to cradle the back of my thighs. "Too much," he panted into my neck as he lifted me up against him.
I threw my arms around his neck as my legs encircled his waist. I could feel the head of his erection trapped against my thigh and I wiggled against him to try to get him to let me lower. The urge to thrust myself down against him and draw him into me was unbearable.
"Stop, please…..stop," he groaned as he palmed my ass and raised me up higher on his torso. "I'd really like it if you'd let me at least get us to a bed."
I giggled against his shoulder and nodded as I tightened my legs and unconsciously dug my heels into his lower back. He groaned loudly and abruptly turned into the doorway that he was passing.
Before I could even process what was happening. I felt the coldness of the surface of the granite countertops stinging my skin as he captured my lips in a bruising kiss. His hands were everywhere, grabbing, pulling, caressing as I could feel the tip of him pressing into the apex of my thighs.
"You" growl "are" pant "driving" bite "me" moan "fucking" groan "insane," before I could even process the words that were coming out of his mouth, he thrust forward and was inside of me.
I threw my head back, and banged it against the cabinet behind me, but I couldn't even find it in me to care as he grabbed onto the backs of my thighs and pushed himself in to the hilt.
It felt fucking incredible to have him inside of me, and if the impassioned grunts coming out of his mouth – as he drew himself out and plunged back in – were any indication, I would say that it felt the same for him.
"I couldn't wait," he groaned as he leaned forward and captured a nipple in his mouth.
One of my hands shot forward to cradle his head against me as I arched into his face. The other planted itself to the countertop beside me to keep myself from sliding with each of his thrusts.
My eyes were rolling into the back of my head as his hands tightened on my skin, probably bruising me, but I didn't care. Not. At. All.
"Oh fuck, oh fuck," I began to chant as I could feel my legs beginning to shake, the pressure building quickly as he began to pick up his pace. He had since given up on teasing my poor nipple and was panting wildly against my shoulder as I grabbed the hair at the base of his neck.
"Come on, come on…..." he groaned as one of his hands moved up to where we were joined. All it took was two firm strokes of his thumb and I was convulsing around him, my legs tightening around his. I could tell that my heels were digging into his skin, but he didn't seem to care as he flexed his hips two more times and growled against me.
I could feel him twitch as he released inside of me and it caused white light to shoot across my field of vision as I neared the end of my orgasm.
We were both covered in a sheen of perspiration as we struggled to heave in air. His forehead slid across my collarbone and buried itself into my neck as his arms came up to draw me tightly against him.
"I love you so much," he murmured lowly as I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I wanted to say it so badly, but my throat cracked and I couldn't get sound to come out of my mouth.
"I know," he whispered as he began to rain soft kisses onto the skin beneath my ear and down across my shoulder. "You don't have to say anything, I know."
He didn't say anything else for a long time. We both remained there, wrapped up in each other until I began to shiver. Once my body came back down from the high it had been on while we were together, I realized that I was freezing cold. After all, I was naked on top of a cold slab of granite, right next to a refrigerator.
"Edward," I whispered as I scratched my nails down the back of his head, feeling him groan into my neck as a result.
"Hmm?"
"I'm a little cold."
His head snapped up and the expression of concern on his face was comical. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, Bella. Let me remedy that."
Edward straightened up and pressed me into his chest as he turned and carried us out of the kitchen.
On the way to his bedroom, he grabbed a fleece blanket off the back of the couch and attempted to drape it around me. I smiled against his chest as he stumbled a little bit, and then carried on to his room.
He kicked open the door and took two steps before lightly dropping me back on his mattress. I giggled as I bounced and took in the appearance of the man before me. His hair was completely sticking up on end, there were faint red marks across his shoulders – probably from my fingernails – and he had the silliest grin plastered across his face as he looked down at me.
"Hi," he smiled as he stepped forward and bent down to crawl on top of me.
"Hi," I replied as I shivered for a completely different reason as he ran one of his large palms up the outside of my thigh, pulling my legs apart so he could settle against me.
Edward wasn't quite hard again, but I could feel a stirring as he began to kiss and lick up the side of my neck.
"God, I missed this," he breathed against my ear as his arms pushed underneath me and his hands came up to cradle my shoulders.
"Mmhmm….." I apparently had lost the ability to speak again as he hugged me to him.
"How're you feeling?"
"Mmmm…." I hummed against his warm cheek.
He shifted on top of me slightly, and I felt the tip of him nudge me between my legs.
"Oh," I squeaked as he deliberately rotated his hips and his head slipped partially inside of me.
"Is this alright?" His voice was rough and deep, overwhelming me with how seductive he sounded.
I nodded eagerly, knowing that he could feel the movement with how close he was. He chuckled as he flexed his hips and pushed further inside of me.
Mutual sounds of satisfaction could be clearly heard as we came together again. It was a far cry from the fevered coupling in the kitchen.
Hips flexed; fingers and hands roamed, and lips slowly caressed. I don't know if we were together for minutes or hours, but I couldn't help but feel complete as we both fell over the edge together.
Neither of us said a word as we crawled under the covers afterwards. Edward turned me away from him and anchored me to his chest with a strong arm over my stomach and we both fell asleep.
*** BD ***
The shrill chirp of my cell phone drew me out of my unconscious slumber. I tried to extricate myself from Edward's strong hold, but even asleep – he clung to me.
Eventually it stopped and I began to slip back under until the noise from the other room started up again. I could only wonder who would be contacting me. I knew Em was due to be in meetings all day, and would probably be home long after dark. Most of the time he didn't even bother calling me to let me know he was going to be late.
The chime alerting me of a text message rang out just before the phone began again, and a sinking feeling came over me. Whoever was on the other end of that phone was desperate to get ahold of me.
Edward groaned and rolled over onto his back as I pried his arm from me. One forearm was thrown over his face as the hand of his other arm absently scratched at his stomach, just above where the sheet was covering him.
I had to shake my head to keep myself from pulling the covers down to reveal what seemed to be stirring under the thin sheet. Instead I turned to his dresser and grabbed a gray t-shirt that was neatly folded on the top and pulled it over myself. The last thing I needed was for Jasper to come home and get an eyeful.
"Where're you goin?" Edward yawned as his arm slid down and he peeked at me.
"My phone keeps ringing." And as if on cue, the chirping started up again from the entryway.
"Nooo…" he whined as he reached his arms out toward me. "Come back."
The pout that followed was almost my downfall, but I managed to slip out the door and pad down the hallway to where my clothes were still piled near the door.
My phone was easily found in the side pocket in my coat, alert menus popping up as I pushed the button on the side to unlock the screen.
It must have been ringing long before I woke up, because I had five missed calls as well as ten missed texts. Two were from numbers I didn't recognize, but it was the one from Ben that caught my eye.
Bells, call me ASAP! It's an emergency.
That alone should have worried me, but as I flicked my finger over the screen to pull up the next message my heart sunk to my toes.
B it's Rose. CALL ME RIGHT NOW! It's Em.
The next one from the same number was just as urgent, and I started to panic as I pulled my clothes up and tried to put them back on without falling to the floor.
I'm going with him in the ambulance. Get to Northwestern Memorial as soon as you get this. It can't wait!
By the time I had managed to get completely dressed and was pulling my coat on, Edward came out from the hall bathroom in a pair of black boxer briefs.
He rushed to my side as soon as he saw the tears on my cheeks with a look of panic on his face.
"Where are you going? What's wrong?"
"I…..I…" I couldn't get the words out as a sob tore from my throat and he pulled me up against him.
"I can't," I choked out as I pushed him away from me. "I've got to go. There's something wrong with Em. He's on the way to the hospital and I have no idea what's going on." My voice was high pitched and tight, I didn't even recognize myself as the words rushed out. "Rose is there, and I've got no fucking idea what's happening."
He grabbed me by the shoulders and leaned down until we were at eye level. "Hold on, I'll get dressed and take you. I can't let you drive like this." I nodded shakily as he searched my eyes. "He'll be ok, I'm sure he's fine. Please stop crying, baby."
The tears continued to stream down my cheeks as watched him grab his jeans from the floor and run down the hallway to his room. He emerged a few minutes later and grabbed me by the hand as he snatched up his keys and coat with the other.
I didn't remember much of the short ride to the hospital. I just stared out the window and let the tears roll down my face. My guilty conscience was rearing its ugly head as I chastised myself for what had happened today.
My husband was in the hospital, he could be dying for all that I knew and I had been off fucking his brother. I was the worst kind of person.
I didn't even need to make the decision in the end; fate had made it for me. This was enough of a sign for me. It was over. Emmett was going to need me, and I owed it to him to at least attempt to act like a caring wife.
When Edward tried to hold my hand across the console, I slowly extricated my hand. The pained expression that crossed his face sent a pang of regret through me, but it was better if I didn't cling to him.
It would be better for all of us if I just deluded myself into thinking that I didn't really love him. I did, I knew that I did, but he didn't, and I was never going to tell him.
Edward pulled the car up to the Emergency Room doors and I flung my door open and took off before he could even put the car in park. I didn't look back as I rushed through the doors and to the admit desk.
"Emmett Cullen," I panted as I gripped the linoleum of the desk in my fingers; it was the only thing holding me up at this point.
"Are you family?" the young nurse chirped, her obviously dyed blonde hair shining as brightly as her big blue eyes, a fake smile plastered on her face.
"I'm….I'm his wife," I stuttered as her fake nails tapped on the computer in front of her.
"Oh," she said with another – what I am sure was supposed to be reassuring but kinda made me want to smack her – smile. "Let me check to see if they've put him into a room or if he's still down here."
I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet as she looked up the information for me. I tried not to panic as all of the horrible things that could be wrong with him flashed through my head. Heart attack, car accident, shooting….
"Mrs. Cullen?" My head snapped up as she looked up toward me and gave me a small smile. This was a smile that told me that he was still alive, but something was wrong. Something serious from the look she was giving me.
"Yes?"
"Well, it looks like they've moved him to the ICU. He's in critical but stable condition. They're only letting immediate family see him right now, but I can have someone come down and take you up to him."
"Okay." My voice was rough with stress as I nodded.
"Why don't you sit down in one of those seats over near that set of elevators, someone will be down in a few minutes."
Somehow I managed to move myself to a seat and dropped down into it as I waited. My head fell into my hands as I tried not to start crying again. I couldn't believe this was happening, the ICU. That wasn't just some accident, whatever it was, it was serious.
"Mrs. Cullen?" A young man about my age stood in front of me in a set of light green scrubs with a lab coat thrown over the top. "I'm Dr. Riley Biers, the intern assigned to your husband's care."
I stood up and shook his outstretched hand as he reached over and pressed the up button on the elevator.
"Let's get you upstairs and the attending can fill you in on the specifics of his case once we're up in the unit."
We stepped on the elevator and just as the doors began to close, I heard my name being called out, and Edward's face flashed in between the crack in the door. He was too late though, and the doors slid the rest of the way closed as I stood there beside Dr. Biers.
"Friend of yours?" he mused as the elevator began to ascend.
"Brother-in-law," I recited mechanically as I stared at the shiny metal doors in front of me.
"Oh…well, Lauren should be able to give him information at the desk."
The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors slid open before I could formulate a response.
Stark white walls and floors lined the hallway in front of us and I followed Riley down to a set of doors off to the right.
He pressed down on a canister mounted to the wall and rubbed his hands together as he used his elbow to hit a metal square on the wall that triggered the door release.
The ICU was quiet except for the numerous mechanical beeping noises that emanated from the machinery hooked up to the patients housed here. Beige colored curtains and glass walls separated the space and a large white nurse's station took up most of the central space in the unit.
"He's in bed four, Natalie is his nurse, and Dr. Benjamin should be in shortly to bring you up to speed on his case."
Dr. Biers pulled the curtain aside and guided me into a chair at his bedside. Emmett looked much frailer than I expected. There were several tubes leading under the blanket that covered him and his dark hair was matted to his head. His face was pale and a thick blue tube was taped in his mouth and leading to a large machine behind him. A smaller tube was up his nose and he had pronounced purple bruises under his eyes.
"There are a few people in the waiting area that came in with him, but we couldn't release any information to them without you here. The young lady who managed to get on the ambulance with him was quite frantic when we couldn't give her an update on his prognosis," I looked up to him in surprise and realized that Rose must still be out there waiting to hear what was going on. "A nurse can show you out there once the doctor explains everything to you."
"What happened?" I rasped out as I tried in vain to hold back the tears.
"We're not exactly sure yet, but it seems that he might have lapsed into a coma caused by ketoacidosis. The labs should be back soon and then we can evaluate whether or not it is safe to take him off the ventilator. Does he have any kind of history with diabetes?"
I shook my head as I tried to understand what he was saying. Emmett was in a coma. How was this even possible? He had been fine this morning. He was tired, like he usually was in the middle of a big campaign, but did I miss something important?
"Well, like I said, the doctor will be in soon and you can get more information from him."
Dr. Biers backed out and closed the curtain, leaving me with Emmett and the plethora of medical devices that seemed to be keeping him alive at the moment. I just stared helplessly at him, looking so broken and vulnerable in the bed before me.
"Mrs. Cullen?" A low voice brought me back to myself as I looked toward the light streaming in the open curtain.
"Yes," I nodded as a short, balding man with a deep olive complexion sat gingerly in the seat beside me.
"I'm Dr. Eli Benjamin, an attending here in the ICU," his voice was low and somewhat comforting. I faced him fully and sat up to listen to what he needed to tell me about Emmett.
"From what we could assess when he arrived in the Emergency Room, Emmett collapsed at his office during a meeting. He was still awake, but showed signs of decreased mental clarity as he was in transport. As they got him set up in the ER his condition deteriorated and he appeared to have a mild seizure as well as heart palpitations.
We believe that he might have had a mild heart attack. He lost consciousness and his blood pressure dropped so we had to intubate him when he started showing signs of respiratory distress.
The initial blood work showed extremely low insulin levels, as well as large amounts of ketone and glucose in his blood stream. It is my opinion that he somehow developed ketoacidosis which caused his condition. We are unsure as of right now if it was caused by an infection, or if he was having a diabetic episode.
Once his next set of labs is back we should know more, but until then, he's on an insulin pump, and we've sedated him to keep his stats stable. We should be able to get him off the ventilator sometime this evening, but we want to keep him sedated a little bit longer while we get him a little more stable."
"Do you know what might have caused this?" I think that I followed most of what he told me, but I still didn't understand how this happened.
"Like I said, his initial evaluation indicated that he may have Type 1 Diabetes, but it also could be caused by some sort of infection. Has he been showing any unusual behavior lately? Fatigue, frequent urination, dizziness?"
I shook my head, but I couldn't really be sure, I honestly hadn't been paying that close of attention. He hadn't seemed ill, but I guess I could have just overlooked the signs.
"Well, I'll send Riley in once his tests are back to give you an update. Natalie can have someone show you to the waiting room or you can stay back here with him. You can have one more immediate family member back here with you if you'd like, but no more than two at a time."
I returned my attention to Emmett and gingerly lifted the edge of the blanket to find his hand. It had an IV port running out of the back of it, but I lightly wrapped my hand around his anyways. He was warm, but I could tell he wasn't even responsive.
Tears leaked out of the corner of my eyes slowly as I berated myself for not seeing that something was wrong with him sooner. I was such a bitch. Emmett was in the hospital, in serious condition, he probably could have even died, and I was off betraying him in the worst way possible.
Yes, I had planned on divorcing this man, but this was going to change everything. I had to be here for him. I owed him that much. Emmett deserved to have someone take care of him. I was supposed to be that person, and I would be. Edward could no longer fit into the equation.
A warm hand on my shoulder sent a jolt through me and I looked back to see the somber face of Esme Cullen behind me.
"How are you, dear?" she whispered as she pulled the second chair up beside me and ran her hand down my back.
"It doesn't matter," I murmured as I re-fixed my gaze on Em.
"I talked to the doctor," she started quietly. "We should've thought to get him tested for this sooner."
I was confused as I glanced back toward her.
"His grandfather had some issues with diabetes starting in his thirties. We assumed since Carlisle never showed any signs of the disease that the boys would both be alright. I know I never expected my twenty-eight year old to lapse into a diabetic coma."
Esme sounded so guilt ridden, but I knew that I held some fault too. I was around him the most; I should have recognized that something was wrong.
"Carlisle is out in the waiting room with Edward and some of Emmett's co-workers. I guess most of his department is out there waiting for news. Poor Rosalie was a mess crying all over Edward. She was the one to notice that something wasn't right with him during the meeting."
That news made me feel even worse – if that were even possible – because someone who I hated so much was probably the person who got Emmett treatment in time. Being grateful for Rosalie's presence wasn't something I ever expected to feel.
We sat there in the quiet dim area for a little while longer until Esme squeezed my knee.
"Maybe you need to go get some air, honey. You've been back here for a few hours. I'll watch over him for you."
"I can't," I said quietly as I ran the tips of my fingers over the back of his hand softly.
"Bella, seriously, just send Carlisle back and we can stay with him while you take some time to yourself. He's not going anywhere. You look a little frazzled, just get some food and some fresh air. Just for a little while."
My shoulders slumped as I realized that she was probably right, and Carlisle has just as much of a right to be back here at his son's side as I did, if not more so considering the circumstances.
I studiously avoided the family waiting area as I snuck to the elevators and took it down to where I knew the cafeteria was.
The coffee was a little strong and stale tasting, but it seemed to calm me as I found my way to an outdoor sitting area. There were still small clumps of snow covering the bushes, but the cement bench I found myself on was clear.
Cold, bitter wind blew my loose hair around as I huddled over my warm coffee cup, thinking about what this all meant.
The only solution I could come up with was that I needed to contact the lawyer and have him put a hold on serving the divorce papers. There was no way I would be able to abandon Emmett in this condition. He would probably at least need to be at home for a short while recovering whenever they released him from the hospital.
He had been running himself ragged at work lately with erratic hours, and it had obviously taken its toll.
Another thing that I had to consider was turning down the full time position at the high school. There was no way I could balance a new classroom and a full course load as well as take care of an ill husband. I could always hire a nurse service depending on what type of care he would need, but that wouldn't be fair to him.
I pulled out my cell phone and opened the email application. Without overthinking the repercussions, I drafted an email to my principal declining the position due to a family emergency. I also sent a message to my real estate agent telling her to pull my application on the apartment.
School was due to start in a few days, and there was no way that things would be resolved before then. It pained me to just give up on the chance, but I knew that for once in the past year, I needed to be strong and do the right thing.
When the time came, I could only hope to be strong enough to follow through.
*** BD ***
The middle of the night in a hospital can tend to mess with your head. The overhead lights make innocuous items look threatening, and the quiet can be suffocating.
Esme had stayed with me while Carlisle drove home to return to work the next day, he had obligations that he apparently couldn't shake. His determined work ethic reminded me strongly of his son. Emmett's sense of duty to his job was something that I was all too familiar with coming in second to. I had no idea how Esme accepted it so readily.
I had managed to avoid Edward, even though Esme had informed me that he dutifully camped out in the waiting room with Rosalie. I had no idea why she was still here, but I wouldn't question it, who knows what kind of condition Emmett would be in if he hadn't made it to the hospital before he crashed.
Focusing on picking apart the binding of the paperback that sat in my lap, I tried to clear my head of the turmoil. Torturing myself wasn't going to make this any easier. I just needed to put on my big girl panties and grow the fuck up.
"Bella," Esme whispered as she leaned over toward me from her own chair. "Would you mind terribly going down to the family lounge and seeing if they have some tea?"
Nodding hesitantly, I stopped abusing my book and stood up, the hours of being seated in an uncomfortable chair catching up with me as I rubbed my cramped thighs.
"Thank you, sweetheart," she murmured as I pulled open the curtain and headed toward the corridor where the family lounge was located. It was attached to the ICU waiting room, but there was luckily floor to ceiling frosted glass that separated the rooms.
My heartbeat picked up exponentially as I sped toward the door, I really did not want to see him. I knew that in the state I was currently in, I would give in to him. I wouldn't have the strength to stay away.
The small lounge looked eerie with the stark fluorescent lighting, but I was a woman on a mission. I quickly scrounged up a few packets of tea from the cabinets and hoped that tea didn't go stale, because I had no idea how old the things must be. I'm sure Esme wouldn't be critical either way.
I was so busy with the heating of the water and the steeping, that I didn't even notice I wasn't alone until I heard a throat being cleared behind me.
Please don't be Edward….
Turning slowly with the mug in my hand, I sighed in relief when I saw that it was only Rosalie. I could deal with her. She was a bitch, but she looked like she had been having as rough a time today as I had. I knew she looked up to Em, and seeing him like that must have been hard on her.
"Hey," she mumbled as she picked at the cuff of the oversized sweatshirt that she was wearing. It looked distinctly masculine, and much like something I'd once seen on Edward, but I wasn't letting my mind go there. I wasn't going to think about him right now.
"Hi," I shrugged as I aimlessly stirred the spoon in my other hand. It gave me something to focus on.
She cleared her throat awkwardly, and for the first time since I had met her, Rosalie Hale looked lost. There were dark circles under her eyes and she looked like she had been crying, I was at a loss. I couldn't reconcile the girl in front of me with who I knew her to be. Apparently this thing with Emmett had really shaken her.
"Uh…I…um," she stuttered, looking totally forlorn.
"Spit it out, Rose," I half hissed at her, for some reason, her appearance made me bitter. She looked more upset about this situation than I had been, and I was his wife. What did that say about me?
"How is he?"
"Stable."
"Is he…..um….would it be possible for me to see him?" She stared at the floor as she made her request and it made my irrational anger surge. I could tell that she only wanted to be there to support him, but who was she to have the right?
"He's not even awake. I mean, he hasn't come out of his sedation, or the coma, or whatever. He wouldn't even know you were there," I couldn't understand her. It was late, much later than she should have still been there and she was asking to see him. Didn't she understand that the ICU was for family members?
"I know, but I just need to see…..um…that he's alright."
"Why is this so important to you?" I hissed, feeling like a total bitch for getting so upset over this. My latent hostility towards her along with the stress and lack of sleep were definitely affecting me.
"You didn't see him. You couldn't know…..I was so scared, Bella. When they took him, he just…..He wasn't himself, and I don't know. I just need to see that he's alive."
"Fine," I conceded as I brushed by her and out the door. I rattled off his bed number and that Esme was still back with him. I pushed the mug of tea into her hands and turned back around to flee to the elevators. "Just don't tell them that you aren't family, they'll make you leave."
I could barely hear her thank you as I turned the corner and leaned back against the wall. That whole encounter was just bizarre. Why was she so concerned with how he was doing? It wasn't like they were friends or anything, they barely knew each other.
I found myself sifting through their encounters from before. Had I been too blind to see something more between the two of them? I was lost in my thoughts for what could have been moments, or hours, but it wasn't getting me anywhere. The past several months were just one confusing jumble. Before I could analyze the situation further, I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. I let out a startled shriek, and my eyes flew open.
Edward was standing in front of me, looking entirely too concerned and amused at the same time. The look on his face made me want to return his small smile, but then I remembered what I had to do to him, and I found myself looking away.
"Hey, I wondered when you were going to turn up," I could tell he was trying to be supportive, but there was an underlying tension in his voice. He couldn't understand why I hadn't come to see him yet. Didn't he realize that he shouldn't have been my priority at the moment?
"Sorry," I snapped. "I was with my husband."
Edward's face fell slightly, his eyebrows furrowing and something dark passing through his deep green eyes.
"How is he?"
I was sure that Carlisle had been keeping him updated, but he was staying away because he wanted to let his mother be with Emmett, and since I wouldn't leave his side.
"Do you really even care?"
I knew saying that was cruel, but his actions lately had shown me how little he really cared for his brother. He may have been family, but he definitely wasn't putting him first.
"How can you even ask me that? Of course I care. He is my brother, Bella. Do you really think I'm that much of an asshole?"
My silence spoke volumes, and I could tell I was making him angry. I knew that he cared about Emmett, but I also knew how deeply he despised him in the same breath. Edward wanted to protect me from his brother's mistreatment, but he had also let the problems in our marriage defend and fuel his anger toward Em.
"God," he chuckled darkly. "Is that really what you think of me? Do you honestly believe that I'd be happy about my own brother being in a fucking coma?"
I shrugged as I continued to look anywhere but at him, as he began to pace anxiously in front of me. His shoes squeaked lightly against the dirty linoleum, and I focused on the sound, feeling like even more of a horrible person. I was letting him think that I thought the worst of him, when I knew that he would never feel that way.
"Well, do you?" he hissed in my face, jerking my chin up so I would meet his eyes.
"I don't know. It does seem awfully lucky that Emmett almost died. I mean, wouldn't it make this easier for you? You could swoop in and console his distraught widow. I'm sure everyone would think you were a hero. You'd get him out of the picture and get me in the process." I knew that my words were hurtful, but this was the only way that I could think of to push him away. It was cruel, but it would be effective. "I mean, I know you couldn't have given him a debilitating illness, but wouldn't him being dead suit you just the same?"
"I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that to me," he growled as he boxed me against the wall, totally invading my space. He was too close, and it was making it hard for me to stay resolved to do this, but it was the only way. "I know you're under a lot of stress right now, and it's obviously making you crazy. You can try to push me away, but like I've told you time and time again. I'll be here. I'll wait for you to get what you need to get done right now, but I'm not walking away."
"No," I hissed as he tried to run his fingers down my cheek. I flinched away from him and he replaced his hands on either side of my head. "I don't want you. This isn't some fairy tale Edward, I have obligations, and you aren't one of them."
"Why're you doing this Bella? Did you not feel a damn thing for me? Was this all a joke to you?" he snarled as his palm made contact with the wall beside my head.
I shrunk down as his dark angry eyes bore into mine. I could understand why he was so upset, but it didn't change anything. This was never going to work.
"I….I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. It's not fair. How can I do this to him? He could have died Edward. He could have died and I didn't even notice there was something wrong with him. What kind of person does that make me?"
"This isn't your fault. There was no way you could have known. Please….please, don't do this. I understand that you feel like you need to take care of him, but I can't let you go. I can't stop what I feel for you, Bella. Stop trying to push me away. I love you, do you not understand that?" He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes closed and his breath washed across my face as I looked up to him. "I told you I would wait, and I will, just don't tell me this is over. It'll break me."
Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I prepared myself to break his heart. This whole situation had spiraled out of control.
"It is over, Edward. It should've never even started, and I shouldn't have led you on this long. I'm sorry….I'm, I…..I have to go," I choked out as I ducked under his arm and tried to walk back to the room that held the unconscious body of my husband.
A sharp sting of pain radiated up my arm as he grabbed my wrist and jerked me back to him. Before I could even formulate anymore lies to get him to let me go, his lips descended upon me and crushed into mine with a staggering force.
The spark of energy I felt anytime he seemed to touch me made my ears ring as I eagerly returned his kiss. I allowed myself a few minutes to pretend we could have ever had a future together. Grainy images danced behind my eyelids of the moments we had spent together, mixed with the dreams I had for the future that we would no longer have.
The dinging sound of an elevator car arriving at the floor broke the fog surrounding our embrace and I turned my head to break the kiss. He continued moving his lips along the skin of my neck and shoulders murmuring 'please' into it.
Silent sobs wracked my chest as I found purchase on his and pushed him away from me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I found the strength to rip myself away from him and turn back toward the doors of the ICU.
I don't know how I made it down the hallway without collapsing as black spots appeared in my field of vision. Esme and Rosalie were thankfully absent as I ripped open the curtain and made my way into Emmett's bed space. Barely making it to the chair at my husband's bedside, I collapsed and broke into full out sobs. My head fell into my hands as I tried to regain my breath.
To any outsider, it would just look like I was a scared spouse, worried about her sick husband, but on the inside, I knew it was because I had just ripped out my heart and stomped on it.
Realizing that I had just given up all hopes of a future with him, I whispered into my hands what I should have said to Edward in that hallway, "I love you, too."
A/N: There were some issues raised last week that I want to address here. Writers in fanfiction are not paid, nor do they get any real acclaim for what they are doing. Minor errors are all part of the game, and to attack or criticize a writer for something trivial is not productive. I am in no way telling you what to write in your reviews, but if you are not using real constructive criticism or are bringing up something petty, then I would rather you not review at all.
If you have a genuine opinion about the story, bring it on, but being childish about minor things is pointless.
This does not apply to most of you. Many of you are kind, supportive and thoughtful with your reviews. All I am trying to say is that if you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of your comments, then don't send them. Words are very powerful and sometimes the things you tell authors in reviews make them question their participation in the fandom.
I am going to look past this, and hope that people will continue to enjoy the story, but I felt the need to make my opinion on this matter known. Some writers don't have thick skin and hurtful words can ruin this for everyone. All it would take for this fandom to fall is a few well placed hurtful words. Keep that in mind.