Kyle's Jeans
By AllzStar
Author's Note: So this chapter is uber short. I'm warning you now. ^^
Chapter Fourteen – This Is How A Heart Breaks
Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded
And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake
And I don't know how much more I can take
This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks
- This Is How A Heart Breaks by Rob Thomas -
It's bliss for about five seconds before Kyle gently pushes me away. "Stop."
I blink at him, stunned. "What?"
He bites his lip, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. "I shouldn't be doing this."
I probably have the stupidest look on my face but I don't care. I just gape at him. I can't believe my ears. "Why not?" I ask. I'm whining, but that hardly matters now.
He shakes his head and attempts to wriggle out from underneath me. But I keep him pressed down on the seat, and don't budge to let him up. He sighs, aiming his breath towards his floppy red bangs, which flare up with the impact. "Cartman, don't. Let me up."
"What's wrong?" I ask, forcing myself to remain calm and concerned. Half of me is a little annoyed that he led me on for so long and then decided to cut me down right when something happened.
"It's nothing to do with you, it's just..." He trails off, hoping that I get the idea.
I don't. "It's just what?" I demand, my brow coming down over my eyes slowly. "Kyle, tell me what's up. Give me one reason why we shouldn't be together." Wow, now there's a sentence I never thought I'd ever say.
Kyle looks at me sympathetically, his almond-shaped green eyes dipping at the corners to create a rather sad expression. "I'm just...involved with...someone else right now."
My lips smack together in a thin line as I try to prevent a flush from reddening my cheeks. This can't be happening. "What?" I demand, staring at him in shock. "Who?"
Kyle looks away bashfully, his hands coming up to cup his own face as it turns pink. "It's none of your business," he says; it's meant to be firm but he only sounds embarrassed. "I'm not an unfaithful person, Cartman."
"Well, it can't be that serious a relationship if you can't even tell me who you're seeing."
"Cartman, I'm not right for you."
I try to ignore the ache that's taken over my heart. "You're wrong," I growl.
"No. I'm not."
I desperately search for something—anything—to say that will change his mind. But I'm at a loss for words. All I can do now is—"Kyle...please."—Beg.
He refuses to meet my gaze. Instead, his emerald eyes focus somewhere under my arm, at the rolling blue waves that are carrying the boat out to the middle of nowhere.
I reach out and gently cup his cheek in my hand, turning his face so that he's looking at me. "You don't know how long I've..." I trail off, unable to complete the thought without looking like a total creeper. "I just...I need to know what I've done wrong."
Kyle gives me a pointed look, and I'm surprised to see some anger there. "You wanna know what you did wrong? Go through the past ten years in your head and then come back and ask me what you did wrong!"
I'm so stunned I don't even try and hold him down as he squirms out from under me and disappears into the cabin.
I sit on the bench and stare at the yawning sea. The waves seem to taunt me as they gently rock the boat, causing my torso to sway lazily. A salty breeze caresses my face, but it does nothing to comfort me.
So his rejection had nothing to do with something I'd messed up recently.
I'd been fucking up my chance since I met Kyle. Since I ridiculed him all through elementary and middle school and the first three years of high school. Finally, in our senior year, I had realized something about myself only to discover that I'd blown it years ago. And now school was over and Kyle was bound to go to some hoity-toity university and never see me again. And that, I guess, was okay with him.
A small part of my mind wonders idly who captured Kyle's heart back at home. I will it away. I don't care anymore. I've lost, and it's nobody's fault but my own.
I lie down on the bench, curling up foetus-style, and stare at an ant that is carrying a large piece of bread on its back as it crawls across the seat. The little fucker can carry something like five times its body weight easily. But I just can't support the weight my heart has right now. It feels like it's swelling in my chest, crushing all my other organs and squeezing the life out of me.
Wow.
So this is how a heart breaks.
Author's Note: Told you. :-) Review anyway? :-)