Chapter Fourteen: Better Than Me
I told myself I
won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I
really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence
tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better
than me
I can't believe I did that.
I mean, why did I have to get all defensive? She's obviously going through something…and I just keep pushing. She just needs her space, that's all. She'll come to me when she's ready.
But what if she'll never be ready?
What if this whole time she's been trying to tell me goodbye and I've just been ignoring the signs? Oh God.
Well, I'll just have to accept it. I mean, I don't deserve her anyway. I know she's not perfect but…she's better than me. I'm trouble. I lie. I don't open up easily. And I have the sharing abilities of a closet. That makes no sense. But you get the point.
I know all this. But I can't help but to love her. And I can't help but to miss her. Why did I ever let her go? I had her. I. Had. Her. And then I let it all go. How could I have been so stupid?
I guess that's why.
Because I'm stupid and don't know I've got a good thing when I have it.
I keep staring at my phone like she's going to call me. I know she won't. I know she need to process things. And I know that when she does, she'll leave. She'll realize what a screw up I am. And she'll realize she deserves so much better than me.
I realize I'm being repetitive here but…I kind of need to get this out. It's one of those things.
Maybe I'll go for a walk.
Yeah. That'll help.