Hal seriously considered ditching the party completely. He could ignore how much time Barry poured into planning it, and he could ignore all his friends that had shown up to celebrate with him. All he wanted to do was take Wally and go to the park, or try his hand at skateboarding. They could have a contest to see who could jump the farthest on the swings and compete to see how many marshmallows they could stuff in their mouths at one time. Truthfully, Hal would do anything to escape the fact that he was now…
He screwed his eyes shut.
His arms crossed tightly over his chest.
Hal grit his teeth in mock agony as he mentally said the heartbreaking word.
Thirty.
He gave a pathetic half-sob and collapsed over the kitchen table right beside the shopping bag full of hotdogs. Both of his arms sprawled out above his head and slapped against the wood, knocking a package of hamburger buns onto the floor.
"Jesus, Hal, it's your birthday, not the end of the world," Barry scooped up the buns and set them on the counter. He was bustling around the house with Wally trailing along behind him, trying to get set up before all the guests arrived. "Try to look just a little bit less like your wisdom teeth are coming in."
"You say that now," Hal spoke directly into the table, his voice muffled by the oven mitt beside his mouth. "But what are you going to do when I look up and you suddenly realize I'm thirty with old man wrinkles and grey hair coming out of my ears?!"
"Y'know, that's real insulting, because I'm almost thirty-two," Barry stopped beside the counter and snapped a set of barbecue tongs at him.
Hal rolled his head to the side to glare at him, "Yeah, but you're gorgeous! You could be fifty and still be hot."
"Relax. You don't look a day over twenty-nine," Barry rolled his eyes at his antics and started moving all the grilling supplies out into their expansive backyard.
"But that's just it!" Hal popped up, waving his arms about frantically. "I'm one day over twenty-nine!"
Wally had his arms full of condiments when he walked past, a bright yellow bottle of mustard teetering over the crook of his elbow, "Actually, Pop, you're three hundred sixty-five days over twenty-nine years old. Because you're thirty. And old."
Hal narrowed his eyes at the bright red shock of hair scurrying through the doorway outside, "I'm the one who taught you how to count, you little snot. Don't you turn all that math against me."
Everyone was too busy to answer him, so Hal let his head drop back onto the table in misery. He might as well get all his moping out of the way now before Diana or Arthur showed up to make fun of him for acting like a child. Hmm…at least he had that going for him. Old man with the heart of a child.
The idea vaguely gave Hal the creeps, so he dismissed it.
Outside, there was a loud rush of what sounded like wind, and an angry yelp followed by loud metallic clangs and some pretty colorful cursing. Hal jumped up and ran outside in time to see the grill completely engulfed in flames and Ollie frantically beating it with a metal spatula.
"This isn't a grill, it's a damn spaceship!" he jumped back and patted his 'Grill Sergeant' apron to put out the small fire that had sprung up in the middle of the ties. "Whatever happened to some coals over a rack?! I can't figure out the controls on this thing!"
Running over from across the yard, Dinah Lance nudged Ollie out of the way and slammed the lid of the grill down, effectively sealing the flames inside. She twisted the gas knob to low and dumped her glass of iced tea onto the smoking apron to put out the fire.
Dinah tossed her long blonde hair back and dusted her hands off on tight-fitting jeans and a snug blue t-shirt, "Ollie, why don't you let me get the grill ready? You can help Roy with the salads."
She jerked her thumb over her shoulder where Roy was angrily shredding lettuce into a big bowl.
Hal expected Ollie to get all indignant about the implication that he couldn't handle it, but his eyes went all gooey instead and he surrendered the apron without a fight, "You got it, Pretty Bird."
He smushed his mustache against Dinah's cheek in what Hal supposed was a quick peck. A shiver went up his spine at the thought of Ollie's heard, but Dinah didn't seem to mind. She just smiled at him indulgently and gently pushed him towards Roy.
Hal couldn't really believe they were together. He'd been so sure that Black Canary wasn't even giving Ollie the time of day. She was a bombshell, and very clearly out of his League, yet she found him charming for some reason. Hal had to admit that he liked her well enough. She made Ollie happy, and she was honestly something else to see in action.
Dinah winked at Hal and tossed the wadded up apron at him with one hand on her hip, "I guess this makes you grill master today."
"What?" He caught the slightly damp apron while Wally snickered at him from one of the picnic tables they'd set up. Hal flexed his fingers to see if the spilled tea had made them sticky. "I'm not doing it. It's my birthday; all I'm gonna do is laze around and eat."
"Uh-uh," Dinah grinned at him in challenge. "I heard you bellyaching inside about your birthday. If you're gonna deny it, you're gonna work."
Hal thought about all the people coming today and how much food Barry had bought, "I changed my mind. I like being thirty."
"Nope. Too late," she patted him on the shoulder and sauntered away. "Make sure you don't dry the meat out too much."
Hal slipped the apron on and jammed his hand into an oven mitt, all the while mumbling obscenities at Dinah under his breath. He cautiously eased up the lid on the grill in case it was still imitating a volcano. The fire had died down to a manageable heat now, so he left the lid open.
"How'd you get stuck grilling?" Barry asked when he came around to set a few plates on the fold up table attached to the grill. He started ripping open packages of hotdogs and bratwurst to pile on the plate.
Hal laid a few on the grill, spacing them apart carefully, "Ollie proved to be inept."
Barry's mouth formed a small smile, "Do you want me to take over?"
"Nah, I got it," Hal flashed a bright grin back at him to emphasize that he really was fine with it. He leaned in for a kiss, and Barry happily met him halfway. Warmth sizzled through Hal's whole body, and he was pretty sure that he could be shoveling cow manure and be on cloud nine. Barry's lips made everything better.
That was one of the best things about being out and open now to everyone: Hal could kiss Barry whenever and wherever he wanted. His little game trying to get people to guess had been fun, but this was incomparable.
Ever since Barry had been shot, practically the whole League knew about their relationship. It was totally Hal's fault – he'd fluttered around Barry for a full week, waiting on him hand and foot (which had been severely unwanted by Barry), and squawking like a mother hen if anyone got too close to him. Everyone had found it annoying, particularly Wally, who'd been warned constantly to be careful not to accidentally hurt Daddy. Hal had one hundred percent earned the fiery, green-eyed glare he'd gotten from the child. The other League members had received pretty similar treatment. At one point, Hal actually blocked Diana with a ring construct because he'd been worried she would upset Barry's IV. That hadn't gone over well…
Barry had been surprisingly patient with Hal's obsessiveness. He's seemed to understand just how scared Hal had been, and he let him be as overprotective as he wanted without complaint.
For a week.
After he was back on his feet, Barry declared that if Hal smothered him any more, he'd steal the Lantern ring and chuck it into the nearest ocean. He was less grumpy after a two hour jog around the planet. Hal guessed that was what happened when you tried to cage a speedster for any length of time.
Hal made room for the hamburger patties he as being handed, listening to the meat begin to sizzle. Barry was putting together kabobs beside him, the two of them working in comfortable silence. It really was a perfect day outside. The sky was impossibly blue and huge above them, completely clear of clouds, and the light breeze was just strong enough to stave off the heat. They could hear Wally's excited laughter as he freed Roy from salad duty and dragged him across the yard towards the Englewood National Park.
Hal was glad that Wally and Roy were friends. Roy was far too serious for his age, especially with him wanting to fight crime still. Wally was good for him – kept him grounded. Ollie was always saying how worried he got over Roy. Apparently, he didn't play or do many normal ten-year-old things. He'd taken Ollie's excuse that he needed to train more before he could become a sidekick very literally. All he did with his free time was practice archery. He'd even forged Ollie's signature and enrolled himself in a few martial arts classes in secret.
Wally had a talent for making Roy laugh and getting him to have fun.
"Hey, Ollie," Hal jerked his head at the archer to beckon him closer. Ollie sidled over with a curious look on his face. "How's Roy getting along with Dinah?"
Ollie looked thoughtful for a few moments, "Well, she doesn't stay at the mansion as much as I'd like, but Roy seems to like her. At least, he hasn't shot her with anything yet. It's hard not to like my Pretty Bird, though. Plus, she's great with kids."
Hal wanted to gag. He wasn't jealous of how close Dinah was with Ollie. He wasn't.
Oh. Hmm… He wondered if this was how Ollie felt about Barry sometimes. Maybe that's why they didn't always get along.
The doorbell rang inside the house, and Barry set down the skewers he was spearing sliced vegetables with, "I'll get it."
As soon as he was out of earshot, Ollie jabbed Hal in the ribs playfully, "Things still okay with your vanilla boyfriend? I think this is the longest you've ever stayed with anyone before. And, look how domesticated you're becoming."
Hal's eyebrow twitched with irritation. He damn well that by 'vanilla', Ollie meant 'boring'. Just because Barry was too smart to get into half the messes that Hal and Ollie did, it didn't mean he wasn't fun. What Hal loved about Barry was that he had a very well-hidden mischievous streak in him that lashed out and struck before you even knew what he'd done. Besides, Hal was the only one allowed to call Barry boring.
He crunched his heel into Ollie's toes discreetly, "You wanna start this with me? I can bring up the fact that your girlfriend fights crime in fishnets."
Ollie leapt back and nursed his foot with a pout, "I like fishnets."
"Well, I like vanilla," Hal turned his attention back to the grill.
Three sets of footsteps came onto the back porch, and Hal saw Ralph and Sue Dibny talking and laughing with Barry. He'd thought they were still chasing mysteries in South Africa…
Ralph spotted him and gave a great big friendly wave, "Happy birthday, Hal! It's thirty now, isn't it?"
"Sure is," Hal grumbled while Ollie stuffed a few slices of zucchini in his mouth to stifle his snickering.
"Uncle Ralph!" Wally yelled and came charging across the grass to jump on the newcomers. "Auntie Sue!"
Ralph ruffled Wally's hair, and petite little Sue tried to lift Wally up in a bear hug, "Oh my gosh! You're so big now that I can't even pick you up anymore!"
Wally beamed proudly at his hard won inches of growth, "Did you bring me back a present?"
"Wally," Barry raised an eyebrow at him to let him know he was being rude, but Ralph didn't seem to mind.
He bent his knees a little to be Wally's height and winked at him, "Now, do you think Sue and I would go off on an adventure and not bring you back a souvenir?"
Like they'd rehearsed this, Sue pulled something out from behind her back and held it out to Wally with a brilliant smile. It was a small elephant figurine that looked like it had been hand carved and painted with lively, intricate designs. Wally grasped the gift gently, turning it over to look at every inch with awed delight, "Thank you! It's so cool!"
Ralph and Sue proceeded to exchange high-fives at their accomplishment.
"Why don't you go put that in your room with your other souvenirs?" Barry eventually broke down and smiled.
"Okay!" Wally hugged Sue first and then Ralph, and disappeared inside to make room on his shelves for the newest addition.
Hal would've been jealous if 'Pop' didn't trump 'Uncle Ralph'. He ignored the fabricated beef he had with Dibny and kept working at the grill as Barry entertained their guests. They talked about Cape Town, how Central City had fared while they were gone, and how Barry was handling his close brush with death.
Thankfully, Clark arrived soon after with a ridiculously wrapped gift featuring cartoonish planets and spaceships on the wrapping paper. Hilarious. Hal didn't have room to complain. Three years ago, he'd given Clark a gift wrapped in Superman paper right in front of his girlfriend, Lois Lane. He still maintained that it wasn't even remotely his fault that Lois figured out Clark's identity later that same year.
He made the rounds, greeting everyone in his horn-rimmed glasses and slumped over posture. Hal wouldn't have believed a pair of glasses could hide Superman from the world, but they let Clark turn into a completely different person.
Clark came over to Hal last and lightly slapped him on the back, "Happy birthday! Do you feel any older?"
"I feel fifty…" Hal said unhappily, nudging hotdogs to roll over with his tongs.
"Yeah, that'll go away," Clark assured him with a sympathetic nod. "It's like reaching that very last milestone where you can't pretend you're not an adult anymore."
Hal was startled by the surprisingly accurate insight into the reason behind his mood, "Are you-? You feel that way too?"
Clark nodded with a sigh, "Not so much anymore, but I did. I almost bought a motorcycle a few months back, but it would've made my insurance rates go up, so I changed my mind. It was a dumb idea anyway."
It was the most absurd thing Hal had ever heard. He was standing in the middle of five superheroes all being careful not to let on that they were superheroes just so that one eight-year-old didn't find out…while discussing pre-mid life crises and insurance with Superman. When did this become his life? "Clark…why do you even have insurance? It's not like you could ever have a doctor look at you anyways."
He tried to imagine a nurse trying to stick Clark with a regular needle and having it crumpling like an accordion. Hysterical laughter bubbled up in his chest, and he failed to smother it.
"It's to look normal," Clark shrugged defensively. "In case anyone ever suspected…"
Hal couldn't breathe over his laughter, acting out a scene that popped into his head, " 'Hey, Mr. President, I think I figured out who Superman is! It's that Clark Kent guy!' 'Whoa, man that's huge! We have to tell everyone – oh wait. No, look, he's got full coverage health and auto policies!'"
Even Clark couldn't resist chuckling, "The President would never say 'whoa, man."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were best friends with the President," Hal teased him sarcastically.
Clark smiled and bumped his shoulder in retaliation, "You're burning all that food."
Hal looked down at the blackened hotdog links and smoking patties, immediately pulling them all off the rack, "Well that's just…you can pick off the burnt bits. I can fix it!"
"You're a terrible griller," Clark shook his head sadly like it was a damn shame. "You should let me take over, California. I've got thirty years of Kansas grilling experience."
"Really? Your Ma let you light fires as an infant?"
"She let me pick out the coals."
"She did not. She put you on a haystack like a normal farm baby and let you drool all over yourself."
"How do you know what 'farm babies' do?"
"Well, I'm lookin at one right now."
Hal didn't know how it happened, but he was in a headlock and his fingers were trying to tear off Clark's glasses when the Garricks and Arthur walked into the yard.
Jay and Joan just shook their heads and smiled at their rough housing while Arthur fixed them both with the most bewildered stare.
"Is this what happens to you on all your birthdays?" Arthur strolled up, making no moves to help. Hal took in his dark polo shirt and jeans, and decided that Aquaman looked ridiculous in street clothes. "Because I think Diana punched you in the face last year."
"No, I deserved this," Hal gripped Clark's bicep and forearm, struggling ineffectually to free his neck.
Clark tightened the hold and laughed, "You deserved it last year too."
"Hey!" Barry suddenly yelled from across the yard, one arm still around Joan like he was in the middle of greeting her when he spotted them acting like children. "There's no strangling my boyfriend. Stop it!"
Hal froze, only dimly aware that he'd been released from the headlock, and stared at Barry in wide-eyed surprise. Everyone knew they were together by now, but this was the first time that either of them had said it out loud in front of others so offhandedly – like it was comfortable and normal now.
"Aww, look at that – he's blushing," Arthur pointed out a second later with a grin. Hal bristled, but it was true. "Is it because you're happy or embarrassed?"
Hal sputtered to deny everything, but it only sent Clark and Arthur into hysterics. "Just go away, will ya? Both of you!"
Clark walked off, still laughing and wiping tears out of the corners of his eyes. Arthur leaned over the grill to inspect Hal's work, "Those look kinda dry…"
"I swear to God…" Hal whirled on Arthur with a turning fork and chased him away.
After that, Diana showed up much to Wally and Roy's delight. Hal kinda got the impression that they both had a little crush on her – either that or they were latching onto her for lack of a mother figure.
J'onn didn't arrive much later than Diana, and he'd bio-shifted his appearance into that of a dark-skinned human with closely cropped hair. He often wore this disguise, and Clark had managed to convince him to take up a life outside of the League. Hal agreed. His whole life couldn't be monitor duty and the dark enclosure of the cave. If he did that, J'onn would end up like Batman – and nobody wanted that to happen.
"Ooh, hey!" Hal grabbed Barry's arm when he passed by close enough. "When you said you invited everyone…did that include Bruce?"
"Yep," Barry answered with a sly grin. Hal paled in dread. "Relax. He said he couldn't make it. He did send something over with Clark though."
Relief washed over his nerves like water extinguishing flames, "Thank God. Can you imagine anything more awkward than Batman at a birthday party?"
"You know he's more than Batman, right?"
"Oh, I got it!" Hal snapped his fingers excitedly. "Bruce Wayne at a birthday party hen you know he's really Batman and has to act like an idiot playboy! That's way more awkward."
Barry gave him a sympathetic look like he was just tragic, and patted Hal's back, "This is why Bruce doesn't like you, babe."
"Yeah, I know…" Hal sighed, biting back a helpless laugh. There was no use. Nothing short of a miracle would make him and Bruce get along. Hal figured that it was enough that Bruce trusted him. They didn't have to be friends.
"Who's Bruce?" a relaxed voice that Hal knew all too well asked from the side of the house. "Sounds like a sissy name."
Hal whipped around quickly, spotting Guy Gardner sauntering around into the backyard with giant black shades on and a leather jacket. He grinned hugely and waved at them both, "Thanks for the invite. I was starting to think you'd never let me meet your family."
"Invite…?" Hal repeated dumbly in dismay. He looked at Barry and found the speedster avoiding his gaze and smiling at the ground. Dammit, Barry! He knew that Hal wasn't really fond of Guy! "Uh…yeah. Thanks for coming…"
He'd worked with Guy a lot since the Baltimore native had been chosen for the GLC. Hal had to admit that he was spectacular in a fight, annoying as he was. Guy was also brash and not afraid at all to tell Hal if he thought a plan was stupid or if he just flat out refused to follow orders. It was infuriating, but Hal decided it was worth it the first time Guy teamed up with him against Sinestro Corps members.
He would really just rather stay 'work friends' with Guy, but here he was.
"No problem," Guy slapped Hal on the back amicably, laughing loudly. He hooked an arm around Hal's neck and nodded at Barry with a sly sort of grin. "This your man? He doesn't really look like the type that dresses up all in red and runs around beating up lawbreakers."
"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" Barry gave him a slanted smile and shrugged.
To his credit, Guy was the most vocally approving of their relationship. With his family background, Hal had expected him to be pretty strict Irish Catholic, but he actually really liked that Barry and Hal were dating. He was surprisingly cool with a lot of things, and Hal got the feeling that Guy was the black sheep of his family. He could respect that – he was a black sheep too.
"True," Guy nodded enthusiastically. He turned to survey the party guests and leaned in close to Barry, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "So…there any other masks at this barbeque, or is it just us three?"
Hal exchanged a look with Barry, and they both shook their heads innocently at the question.
"Nope."
"Can't see any…"
Guy seemed disappointed, "You two need to branch out! Make some allies, y'know. I was in Chicago last week and ran into this cool mask who called himself Blue Beetle. He didn't have any powers, but he was all gadgeted out like Batman – except fun."
Hal knew who Blue Beetle was. The League was already keeping a close eye on him, and they were probably going to try and recruit him in the next few months.
"We'll give that a try, thanks," Barry smiled with perfect acting skills. Hal knew for a fact that he had at least twelve heroes on speed dial and over half of them had babysat Wally at one point or another. Hal didn't think they could handle any more hero friends.
"Alright, guy! Food is done," Hal stepped back from the grill and gestured at everyone half-heartedly. "Come and get it, and I suggest keeping your dry food remarks to yourself."
Naturally, everyone complained.
Hal turned the grill off the second he was done with everything and the guests had all grabbed their food and settled in. Stupid backseat grillers had just about driven him mad. He carelessly slapped together a plate and surveyed the loose groupings of lawn chairs as he decided where to sit. Normally, he'd pick Barry, but the speedster was in deep conversation with Clark and it looked political. Wally and Roy were sitting on the grass off by themselves and playing some kind of game with stones and darts that Roy had snuck in. Ollie was completely enthralled by Dinah eating a hamburger and didn't look quite capable of speech at the moment.
But then, like saviors, there were the Garricks resting in the shade of a tall maple tree with Diana. Amazon princess aside, this was clearly the best spot. Jay and Joan were effortless to be around. There was just this easy feeling of comfort he got when he was around them – kind of like the feeling he used to get when he was a boy and his dad was still alive.
Jay looked up with a warm smile and crow's feet at the corners of his eyes when Hal took a seat opposite him, "You're too young to be depressed about your age, Hal."
"I know," Hal sighed around a mouthful of hotdog.
"Just be glad you only turned thirty," Joan chuckled brightly, tucking her white curls behind her ear. "Before you know it, that will be eighty."
They'd just celebrated Joan's eighty-first birthday a few months ago, so she and Jay knew that fact intimately. The crazy thing was though that they both looked like they were in their fifties if that. Hal had been convinced that Barry was lying to him when he revealed how old the retired speedster and his wife were.
"I welcome turning eighty," Diana held her head high, looking every bit like Wonder Woman even with the fake glasses she wore and the plain sundress. She was going to be seventy-nine soon. "Just think of it as one more year you have cheated Death."
Yes, that as fine and all, but she was immortal. Diana would never have to worry about dentures, or needing a cane to walk, or having her hair fall out.
Jay seemed able to tell what he was thinking, judging by the knowing smile he fixed him with, "Somehow, I don't think you'll have to worry about getting old."
Hal snorted, "Why – because I'll end up offing myself doing something stupid?"
Joan gave him a mildly disapproving little frown that almost hid her smile. Hal had never seen her get truly angry about anything before. Nevertheless, it gave him a small case of the church giggles and he had to fight them down.
"I meant aging, not dying young," Jay laughed quietly. "Though, you could probably be less reckless."
Hal normally would've countered the teasing remark with something witty, but he was too preoccupied with the first thing he'd said, "Why don't I have to worry about that?"
"Because there's a speedster that's sweet on you," Jay explained cryptically. When Hal kept giving him a blank stare, Jay elaborated. "Barry told me about all the strange things that have been going on with you lately – about the lightning and being immune to electricity."
This was news to Diana, who turned to look at him with sharp concern. He and Barry had agreed to keep that under wraps for now, so they hadn't told too many in the League. "Is it affecting you negatively?"
"Not so far," Hal shrugged. It wasn't a lie, but he'd discovered a few more weird things that were cropping up with no explanation. "Are you saying you know what's causing it? Ollie thinks it's because I'm around Barry so much."
"He's close. It's more the fact that Barry cares about you," Jay reached over and took his wife's hand, giving her a content smile. Hal didn't know why they could get away with showing how in love they were and have it not be nauseating. The Garricks were just plain cute together. "Barry asked me for help figuring out what was going on, and the only thing that was any different was your relationship with him. It's not exact, but your symptoms sound very similar to some of the things that happen to Joanie sometimes."
"Like what?" Hal had forgotten all about eating and he was just staring with open-mouthed rapt attention.
"Looking thirty years younger than I really am for a start," Joan said with a little laugh. "It sure isn't my genes. You should see my younger sister. Poor thing looks like she's pushing a hundred!"
Diana frowned pensively at the grass, tapping one long finger against her lips, "You would think that a speedster would make you age faster, not slow it down."
"My dear, there are so many things about speedsters that we don't know," Jay looked hopelessly lost, holding both arms out wide in a shrug. "Why don't air particles rip right through us at high speeds? Our bodies should burn up from the high velocity friction and our bones should shatter from the force of touching the ground at the kind of speeds we can reach, but they don't. The laws of physics say our powers should be impossible. Decelerated aging is just another piece that doesn't fit in the puzzle."
"You think I'm not aging?" Hal looked down at his body, turning his hands over like he was checking for liver spots.
"We'll have to wait a few years to tell for sure," Jay nodded. "But I'd say it's a good bet."
"You could send a sample of your blood to Batman," Diana suggested helpfully. "He's very skilled at DNA analysis."
Hal made a face and crossed his arms stubbornly, "Negative. I don't want any of my DNA in the Batcave."
"What's the Batcave, Pop?"
At the sound of Wally's innocent, curious little voice, Hal froze. He twisted around in his seat, mind reeling in panic, to see Wally standing two feet from his chair. The child's face was cocked a little to the side, but not in confusion. He was looking up at Hal with clear, sharp green eyes that waited calmly for an answer.
The Garricks and Diana were also tense in their seats as they watched him. Hal frantically wracked his brain for something to say, intending to come up with a story, but nothing came to him, "Uh…that's where Batman lives…"
Ugh. Should've made up some bullshit lie…
"Why would your DNA be in there?" Wally asked with an eerily focused intensity.
"Uhm…well, DNA is-"
"I know what DNA is," Wally interrupted him calmly, and Hal got the weird feeling that he was testing him somehow.
"You do?" Hal tried to look over Wally's shoulder to see if Barry knew what was going on. He really needed Barry's help quick, because he was about to bumble away their secret identities.
"It's deoxyribonucleic acid," Wally told him immediately, stumbling over the pronunciation a little but continuing on like a little scholar. "It's in every cell in your body and it tells the cells what to do."
Hal frowned at him suspiciously, "Where did you learn that? I'm pretty sure DNA isn't in your first grade curriculum."
"Daddy taught me," Wally pointed one arm back at Barry without taking his eyes off of Hal. "He said that he uses DNA to catch bad guys at his job."
Hmm. Well, considering Barry's profession, Hal could see how that might come up in Wally's questions one day.
"I was just teasing Hal," Diana told him sweetly, stepping in with relaxed posture and confident words. "None of us would even know how to talk to Batman."
"I know one way," Jay grinned good-naturedly. "Rob a bank in Gotham at night. He'll find you."
Wally looked between the four of them with a falcon-like gaze. He clearly didn't believe them, but he dropped it and adopted a strangely neutral expression, "Okay, Aunt Diana."
Then he walked away without another word. Hal got a terrible feeling that Wally had heard too much. They weren't going to get away with this for much longer – Wally was too perceptive for his age, and living with him increased the danger of him finding out. Maybe it was finally time to sit him down and tell him about their double lives.
Jay, Joan, and Diana were quiet for a few seconds, all three looking just as nervous. Hal covered his eyes and grimaced. He hated lying to Wally – hated it more than anything.
"So, Wally calls you 'Pop' now?" Jay asked in an effort to change the subject.
"Uh, yeah," Hal sighed, trying to shake off the memory of the tiny flicker of mistrust he'd seen in Wally's expression. "For a while now."
"He thinks of you as another father," Joan told him, nodding towards where Wally was running straight back to Roy like he was on a mission. He probably was, if the razor sharp look in Roy's eyes was a clue. For one mad second, Hal wondered if Roy had figured out his identity as well and told Wally to go spy on him.
"I guess. He was all stressed out one day because he couldn't call Barry and me both 'Daddy'. He said it would be too confusing, so he wanted me to help him come up with something and I told him I didn't care what he called me as long as it wasn't some variation of 'Mom'. He ended up coming up with 'Pop', and I didn't really like it at first, but it's growing on me," Hal laughed kinda sheepishly. 'Pop' still made him feel old for some reason – maybe it was just how it sounded – but it was really the fact that Wally saw him as a father figure at all that choked him up. It made Hal feel like he belonged in this weird ass family more than anything else, and that made him indescribably happy.
When he came back down to Earth, he found Jay and Joan smiling at him with subtle pride while Diana just watched him with that odd look she'd seemed to reserve just for him these days. It was like grudging respect and irritation all wrapped up in one.
Hal didn't know what it meant, but he and Diana were getting along loads better than ever. He had an idea that it was because he'd become a bit more responsible due to taking care of Wally, but he hadn't thought he'd changed that much.
"Diana is too proud to admit it, but she was impressed by all you did for Barry after his wife's murder," J'onn was suddenly speaking inside Hal's head. It was a weird sensation, but Hal had never been bothered by telepathy. He wasn't exactly great with words, so it helped him get his point across better sometimes. "She was also surprised by your relationship with him and Wally. She did not believe you capable of such good decision making."
"Oh, that's nice…" Hal thought.
"She no longer feels that way," J'onn amended.
Hal smirked, only half-listening to the story Jay was telling Diana about World War 2, "I hope she still fights with me. Council meetings will be so boring without Diana shooting death at me from her eyes."
J'onn's resulting feelings of disapproval and confusion showed that he didn't agree, "My original intent was to warn you about the children."
"Why? What're they doing?" Hal subtly glanced over his shoulder, finding both redheads watching him and whispering to each other.
Then, J'onn told him exactly what he'd feared all day, "Roy knows that you are Green Lantern."
Oh, dammit.
"How?" he asked in resignation. Hal probably hadn't been as careful as he should have with his abilities. A big part of that was who he was hiding his identity from. It wasn't some villain out to kill him. It was a ten and an eight year old. They weren't a danger to him, and they'd have to find out eventually. Plus, both boys were impressively tenacious.
"He deduced it from your close friendship with Oliver and from questioning Wally about your location on dates corresponding with Green Lantern sightings and absences."
Hal was speechless.
"Wally is also beginning to suspect that there is something off about you and Barry. Roy's questions about you alerted him and he has been paying very close attention to your comings and goings." J'onn told him very calmly. When Hal replied with nothing but swirls of mental panic and imagined scenarios, he became concerned. "Do you require any assistance with the situation? I would caution against memory alteration, but thought processes can be guided onto other focuses."
"No, they're just kids," Hal didn't even consider the idea. "If they've noticed our double lives, then it's our fault for not being more careful. I'll talk to Roy tonight, and I'll make sure Barry and I don't make Wally's suspicions any worse. Thanks for the heads up."
Someone touched Hal's shoulder from behind and startled him out of his trance, "What? Sorry – what happened?"
Barry placed the gift Clark had brought with him in Hal's lap, "I said it's time for you to open your gift. Diana and Arthur have to leave soon, and they want to see you open it."
When Hal looked up, he saw that everyone was turned in their chairs to face him. He looked around awkwardly, "Oh. Kay…"
Hal wasn't a very materialistic guy. He didn't really care much for stuff. In the grand scheme of his life, there were many things – many people – more important, especially now. He slid his fingers under the tape holding the paper together and looked at Clark, "Did you have to?"
"What? Get you a birthday present? Of course!" Clark looked affronted at the very idea of a birthday without gifts. "Besides, it's not just from me. Bruce, Ollie, Diana, Arthur, John, and Dinah all went in on this together. It's also sort of a two-parter."
Hal glanced up at Barry as he unwrapped, flashing him a wry grin, "They wouldn't let you chip in?"
"No," Barry laughed. "They wouldn't."
He leaned in closer and whispered close to Hal's ear, "But you're getting my gift later tonight."
Hal detected the thinly masked suggestion in his voice and answered with a sly leer of his own, "Yeah?"
"Mmhmm," Barry teased quietly, moving away and letting his fingers trail across the back of Hal's neck.
Clark went nine shades of red and averted his eyes while Ollie sniggered into his hamburger. Joan and Jay just smiled at him fondly like Hal was some nice girl Barry had brought home to meet them.
Hal drooled, and his skin prickled up in goose bumps. Oh hell yes. Dirty gifts were the best.
He slowly peeled off the spaceship wrapping paper, noting with trepidation that everyone was scooting forward in their seats and exchanging smiles with each other. Even Wally was wiggling around in place and grinning like he couldn't wait to see Hal's reaction. He ripped off the rest of the paper off of a simple cardboard box and lifted the lid.
Inside was the gaudiest pink and green fanny pack Hal had ever seen.
With a blank look on his face, he lifted the fanny pack out by its strap and held it in the air while it spun around.
Then, like water breaking through a dam that could no longer contain it, everyone burst out laughing all at once. If this was some collective joke, Hal definitely didn't get it.
"What-?" He asked.
Someone finally got enough of a handle on their laughter to speak, and they told him to open it.
Hal unzipped the fanny pack and peered inside with the caution that one would apply to defusing a bomb. He pulled out a slim booklet and flipped it open to find two neatly printed tickets tucked inside. He picked one up and read the tiny lettering, turning it over as he tried to figure out what it was for.
"We got a weeklong cruise to the Caribbean for you and Barry," Clark explained with a huge smile. "All expenses paid."
Hal looked up at everyone with a stunned expression, "Are you serious?"
They all nodded and Arthur gestured at the tickets, "You and Barry have been together almost two years and you haven't really had much time alone what with your jobs and taking care of Wally. We thought it was about time you two got away from it all for a bit."
Hal went silent as he stared down at the tickets. This was…beyond nice. A whole week alone with Barry sounded fantastic. The only thing was Wally…
He immediately looked at Wally's big green eyes, about to ask why he wasn't coming along when his question was answered before he voiced it.
"Uncle Ollie asked me if I wanted to go, but I really want you and Daddy to have fun," Wally told him happily. He hooked an arm around Roy's neck. "Plus, I'll get to spend the night at Roy's house for six nights!"
Barry ruffled Wally's hair with a sarcastic snigger, "Aren't you sweet?"
"Guys…" Hal trailed off, replacing the ticket in the booklet and trying his very best not to look like he was about to start shedding manly tears – cause he wasn't. "Thank you. This is so awesome. I can't even…"
"You're welcome. Now, I believe it's time for cake. The boys helped bake it." Thankfully, Diana cut him off when she stood up and beckoned for Roy and Wally to follow her. They both got up, smiling importantly, and raced each other to the house. Diana followed after them leisurely and stopped just inside the doorway, looking over her shoulder with an unmistakably flirty expression. "Guy, isn't it? You wouldn't want to help us, would you? That cake might be too heavy for me to carry all by myself…"
Guy, who had been reclining in a lawn chair with a beer, jerked upright suddenly and flushed red. He stammered with eagerness when he spoke, "Holy… Yep! I will definitely carry anything you want."
Hal stared open-mouthed as Guy power jogged into the house behind Diana, slamming the sliding glass door shut behind him. Why the hell was Wonder Woman flirting with dopey, vulgar Guy Gardner? And why was she asking him for help carrying a friggin cake? Hal had seen her lift a tank over her head and throw it so high into the air that it took out a helicopter!
He floundered around, tossing bewildered looks at his friends who didn't seem as shocked as he was.
"That was just to get Guy, Wally, and Roy out of earshot," Barry took pity on his confusion and explained it to him.
"Right. A diversion," Hal nodded sagely, fully bullshitting like he'd known the whole time. "No, I knew that. So, what did you mean by this being a two-parter?"
"Bruce and Ollie paid for the cruise," Clark clarified, and then he waved his hand around at everyone gathered in the backyard. "And the rest of us will have Coast and Central City covered while you're both gone. You won't have to worry about a thing."
"We're also cutting off your League communicators for the cruise so no one will bother you," Dinah shrugged, fixing Hal with a slightly menacing look that said: 'You won't do any heroing on your vacation, or so help me…'
"This is way too much," Hal tried to protest. He couldn't even imagine going a full week without fighting aliens, or Rogues, or teaming up with his fellow Leaguers to curb a disaster halfway across the planet.
"No it's not," Arthur rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and sighing at the ridiculous idea. "We're taking each day in shifts, so don't you dare try to say we can't handle it. You're gonna go on your vacation and there isn't going to be any arguing with us."
"Besides, we're getting something out of it too," Ollie cracked up laughing. "There's a stipulation for this trip."
Hal narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "What is it…?"
"The stipulation is that I have to get ten pictures of you wearing the fanny pack," Barry sighed.
Hal blanched and looked at the fanny pack like it was a roach. They wanted him to actually put that on?! His eyes roved over the neon tinted colors and the bulky pouch with distaste. He tried to imagine himself wearing it, forcing his thoughts to be positive, "I could make this look sexy... What do you think?"
Barry looked skeptical, "I dunno, babe. You're gorgeous, but that'll be a challenge."
Hal grinned suddenly as an idea came to him, "What if I was wearing only the fanny pack and nothing else?"
"I don't want copies of the pictures if that's what's happening," Clark said in a vaguely horrified voice.
Joan became very giggly and she covered her mouth with one hand, "Oh my…"
Hal was still cackling when Diana opened the door for Guy and the kids. Guy was struggling under the weight of a massive sheet cake and trying not to step on Wally and Roy as they blew past him recklessly with plates and plastic forks in their hands.
Unfortunately, his friends insisted on singing to him. No one was in sync, and it was probably the worst rendition of 'Happy Birthday' ever heard, but Hal loved the people singing anyways. Despite this being his thirtieth birthday, the day had turned out undeniably great.
Diana and Arthur took off first – they both had obligations in Atlantis and Themyscira to address. The others trickled out one after another as the sun began to set in the horizon, Joan and Jay lingering to help with the clean-up before calling it a night.
Once everyone was gone and Wally was tucked into bed, Barry and Hal relaxed on the couch with the windows all open to enjoy the cool night air. Hal was leaning against Barry's side, idly massaging the aching food baby he'd acquired from eating so much cake. He'd need to fight a few dozen aliens to work all those calories off.
Barry was nervously running his fingers through Hal's hair with one hand and dangling his other off the side of the couch to hide the thin present gripped tightly between his fingers. Hal could tell pretty easily – he could see it in the reflection of the TV's black screen – but he didn't say anything. If Barry was this anxious about giving whatever it was to him, then Hal was just as nervous to get it.
"So, you knew about the cruise thing?" Hal asked to stall for time.
"Yeah," Barry chuckled quietly, and Hal could feel the vibrations against his back. "Ollie told me about it last month. I've already put in both of our requests for time off from work. We're going in three months – the end of August."
Hal twisted around a little to look at him, "You talked to Carol? How did that go?"
Barry ducked his head a little sheepishly and flushed like he was embarrassed at himself, "I got a little jealous… She kept dropping hints like she wanted me to put in a good word for her, y'know like she wanted to get together with you again. So, I may have said some things."
"Like what?" Hal asked eagerly, grinning from ear to ear. Oh, please, say he told Carol they were dating now.
"Like, maybe I called her emotionally frigid and maybe I let her know that I've seen that mole you have on your inner thigh," Barry smiled sheepishly.
"Heehehe," Hal was overcome with giddiness as he imagined what Carol's face must've looked like. "I love you. Seriously. You don't have to worry about me leaving you for Carol. Once you go speedster, you never go back."
"Just be glad she still gave you the time off after that," Barry groaned.
"Worth it," Hal reached back and squeezed Barry's knee to console him. They went quiet for a long time, just listening to each other breathe and the crickets chirp outside. Hal was so comfortable that he was near asleep when Barry took in a deep gulp of air and cleared his throat.
"You ready for your present?" Barry asked him in a thick voice like his throat would barely let the words out.
Hal sat upright and faced his boyfriend on the couch. He swallowed hard, stomach tying itself into knots, "Uh, yeah…"
Barry lifted the plainly wrapped gift over the armrest of the couch and placed it in Hal's hands wordlessly.
It was limp and pliable like a paperback book, and Hal was so careful not to damage it as he removed the wrapping. When he was done, he frowned down at the neatly stapled packet of papers and read the words printed on the first page.
He was holding a copy of Barry Allen's will.
Hal looked up at Barry in confusion, but the speedster just waved at him to read on. He was staring at the fabric of his jeans with his knees drawn up to his chest – actively avoiding Hal's eyes.
"Barry?" Hal flipped through the pages to the one towards the middle marked with a little red flag. He folded the papers back and poured over the words, holding his breath. It was a legal document naming Hal as Wally's godfather. If anything were to happen to Barry, Hal would be given full guardianship of his son.
Hal was completely blown away. The packet slipped from his fingers and he just stared at it in numb shock, so touched that he couldn't even speak.
Barry rushed to explain, speaking almost too fast for Hal to make out, "Now, I know it says 'godfather' on that paper, and I'm not saying that's all you can be, because Wally really has come to think of you as another father. And I think it's beyond great – that makes me so happy I don't even have words for it. I just want you to know that I trust you to take care of Wally in my place if he ever needs you to."
Hal's voice cracked as he spoke, running his fingers over the paper, "What brought this on?"
"Getting shot," Barry admitted with a jittery shrug. "When I woke up, I got scared because I realized that I hadn't named you Wally's guardian in my will. If I'd died that day, Wally would have gone to someone else, and there isn't anyone I want raising him but you."
Hal set the paper down and pulled Barry into his arms. His fingers threaded through Barry's hair and he gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly, "Barry, I - You really want me to be Wally's guardian?"
Barry couldn't speak, so he nodded into Hal's neck, clutching him back just as tightly.
"Thank you, I- " Hal closed his eyes. "You don't know how much this means to me. I love Wally."
"I know you do, and I don't want you to be afraid to call him your son. I want you to know that I'm okay with that," Barry sniffed into his shoulder. His whole body was actually trembling. "But you can still opt out if you don't want the responsibility. I made it so-"
"I want it," Hal pushed Barry away so they could look into each other's eyes. He squeezed the speedster's arms forcefully and made sure not to even stammer. "I want the responsibility."
"Really?" Barry exhaled with a quiet, relieved sob. Hal nodded convulsively and kissed him as hard as he could. Barry's fingers grabbed for him desperately, digging into his scalp, his back, anything he could reach. He tugged Hal on top of him, kissing back with everything he had.
Hal wondered how long Barry had agonized over giving him this. He had to have been out of his mind worried that he'd scare Hal off, which was ridiculous. A few years ago, the thought of a family terrified him. Now, he couldn't want anything more.
He wanted Wally to call him 'Pop'.
He wanted to be able to say Wally was his son.
This will was the most beautiful thing Barry could've ever given him. Hal smiled against Barry's lips, pressing a flurry of short kisses along his jaw, "I love you so much."
Barry laughed exhaustedly like he'd just been put through a harrowing trial, "I'm so glad. I was worried you'd bolt out the window for a second there."
"Didn't I tell you I'd never leave you again?" Hal whispered hotly against his neck. Barry slipped one leg over his hip.
"You did. I believe you."
Hal shivered when Barry's hands crept into the waistline of his pants. He kicked off his shoes and ran his tongue between his lips, "So, was all that teasing earlier just to throw me off the scent, or does my present have another part to it?"
Barry's blue eyes glimmered with mischief, "Oh, there's definitely another half."
"Are you gonna tell me what it is?" Hal asked in a low, rough voice. "Or do I have to beg for it?"
Never in a million years would he have believed that Barry would be giving him a look so full of lust. The speedster wrapped his other leg around Hal's waist and ground up against him leisurely, "I wouldn't be that mean. After all, I'm lifting the 'No powers in the bedroom' rule tonight."
Hal froze.
"No way," he gasped. Barry just smiled and nodded.
It had been a necessity when they first started sleeping together. As awkward as it would be if Wally walked in on them accidentally under normal circumstances, it would be ten times worse if they also had to explain that they were superheroes. Plus, the walls weren't all that thick, and powers would make a lot of noise. Wally would definitely start to recognize the sound of a Green Lantern ring going off.
This was like the worst possible time – J'onn had just told him they needed to be extra careful about being found out. But he wanted this so badly! He knew he should say 'No, Wally's getting suspicious. We have to be careful.'
But he'd never had much concern for being careful.
"You're serious?" Hal couldn't keep the grin off his face. He was already starting to picture how hot Barry would look draped in glowing green constructs. A shudder of anticipation ripped down his spine. "Don't tease me about this, Bear."
"I've been practicing my vibrating all week," Barry reached up to purr against his ear.
Hal picked Barry up off the couch with one arm and carried him up the stairs in a sprint. Barry held on as Hal barreled into their bedroom, stifling his laughter sloppily. They locked the door, barricaded it with the nightstand, and then Hal started the light show.