Please read; sorry for the late and short chapter. More school, work, and less time to write. Next week for sure I'll be able to get at least triple the length of this chapter for my next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks xoxo.

...

The artificial light poured out and lightly touched his rough skin, as it tried to enter the crevasses of his deeply closed eyes. Every heart beat sent waves of misery through the one side of his face; every breath sliced through and tested the barriers of self-control, as life continued on in an indescribable blur. It felt like so long ago since the numbing effects of the painkillers had been there to stop the pain, now there was only torment. A long insufferable ache was all that could be felt, as he began to travel down the long road of being once again awake. Confusing images from before started to invade his baffled mind, memories of the past day were nothing more than a haze, and so many questions could not be answered. What had happened?

As he slowly breathed in a lengthy draw of air he recoiled in horror at the sharp pain that smashed squarely into his old mug. Oh... damn. Just doing the simple motions of opening his mouth was like swallowing broken glass. The hurt was so intense that he nearly slipped back into the endless and bare world of dreaming. Trying to focus on anything else the only thing he found that could be used for a much-needed distraction was the sound of some unknown machinery going on with its daily routine, and probably of keeping him alive in the process. Every few passing moments a tiny beep of what sounded like a heartbeat monitor went off, bizarrely enough that little chirp of noise was able to bring some stability and sanity back to his brain. Using this interruption as an advantage he found himself trying to pick up the pieces and sort through all the lost time to try to make sense of everything.

...

...Before...

...

One look was all it took. As Doctor Chakwas' eyes found Shepard's, Shepard knew that it was so much worse than she had anticipated. The Doctor tired quickly to mask her fear and compose her facial features back into professional standards, but it was already too late. Without really knowing what was happening Shepard found herself being pushed aside as different crew members began to put her old turian friend on a stretcher and carry him gingerly from the shuttle to the Med-Bay. How could just one day go so wrong in all the worst ways? One moment everything had been nothing but jokes and flirts that caused butterflies in the stomach, but not anything more. Now Shepard didn't know what to do, how to act or feel, she was like a puppet with cut strings. It hurt to think, hurt to imagine whatif, so she just stood there like a complete idiot. Every detail of the what had happened spun around in Shepard's head like a tornado, as fresh new tears blinded her vision.

"...pard... Shepard..."

An undistinguished voice broke through mist of Shepard's racing thoughts; it was the spark that ignited the motivation to finally move. Not caring enough to recognize who had spoken Shepard found that she could barely comprehend what was happening. Her body was running away, running into the elevator and up to her own personal living space, her mind all though was nowhere to be seen.

Everything that wasn't held down Shepard grabbed and flung aside, treating it like it was nothing more than garbage, because it was the only thing she could do from having a complete breakdown. Rage, pure unfiltered rage consumed every last one of her cells.This is myfault, all of this! Why did it have to be Garrus? Why didn't Ido more? Why wasn't itme?

A scream that closely resembled nails on a chalk board escaped Shepard's throat as she ripped away at her blood covered armor. It was his blood. Throwing away the different sections of protective armor Shepard heard only a mind numbing ringing in her ears, created from the boiling over of erupting fury. A sarcastic laugh fell out of her mouth because Shepard somewhat knew that the AI was shouting at her to stop her actions. Not that it mattered though, nothing could stop her, and at the end of her explosion of boundless destruction Shepard couldn't help up stare blankly at her annihilated room with no emotion. Seeing everything in tatters didn't even cause her heart squeeze with unease or her face cringe with shame and regret. It was only insignificant. Then a fluttering of her anxious heart started and it couldn't help but scare Shepard in a mysterious way. She hated that someone could mean so much to her. She also hated that she could be so vulnerable to emotional distress in less than a second. It wasn't right, no one should have such power over her body and soul, but here she was. Hysterical and close to the edge of being considered insane. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like her heart was ripping out of her chest? Why couldn't see get his face out her mind?

Blue burning eyes that could read her face so well, those eyes were always searching endlessly, just trying to analyze and find what was wrong. Even if there wasn't anything out-of-place just looking into them was a comfort. Then there was that sideways and cocky grin, one that brushed away all the worry and fear without even knowing it. The husky little laugh that only came out every once in a while, one that in return caused her to also grin and laugh like a fool. It was like taking a million miserable bee stings think about never hearing his voice again.

Wordlessly Shepard walked drunkenly over and into her tiny bathroom. The droning of the light bulbs seemed to fog up her mind and at the same time give her just the edge she needed to think clearly. After enough dead silence filled up the room and her brain Shepard tried to grab on to some self-control and form any kind of plan. Looking blankly at the small shower Shepard found her hands forming fists, and her teeth biting deeply into her bottom lip. The only conclusion she could come up with to bring back some piece of mind was the calming effects of a shower. At the very least it would wash away the...blood.The weight of fear tugged sharply at her heartstrings. All though standing here wasn't doing anyone any good, so as she purposely held her breath Shepard finally let herself look down at the mess that was her outfit. Bile rose smoothly and effectively up her throat without any control or voice of opinion. The blood was dried glue that clung unrelentingly to her skin. A wave of panic fell on Shepard without even a moment's notice, causing her to rip off her clothes and jump into the shower without a second thought. Her frantic hands hit different buttons only wanting the soothing relief of water to wash away all the built up emotions in her chest. If Shepard didn't stop moving she knew for a fact that her legs would give out.

The water gracefully flowed down her head, as sweet and soft as a spring rain. Except the second the heat of the water hit Shepard's skin it caused everything to become to clear, and it brought everything down to her level. This hadn't happened to just anyone, this had happened to Garrus. Right now as she stood her watching the blood go down the drain he was probably in the Med-Bay fighting for his life, and it was all of her fault. Not knowing what she was doing Shepard ran her hands over and over through her knotty hair and let out mouthfuls of sobs.It's your entire fault... and what happens if he dies?

The tiled floor of the shower was where Shepard's body collapsed, for it could no longer hold her up. She felt every drop of water, every achy sob that rattled through her chest, and she just couldn't do anything to stop it as time continued on.