~Valkyrie x Skulduggery~

A/N: Guess who's back, back, back, back again, again, again, FlawD is back, back, back, tell a friend. Well hello to my little faithful angels out there who read this poor excuse (in my opinion) of a songfic collection! I am so thankful to all my loyal readers out there even the silent ones! Big hugs and cuddles go to everyone that has favourite/followed/reviewed! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys and gals! I'm very sorry for my absence, I'm sure you all missed me terribly ;)! So for me being away from Fanfiction for so long, here's a little saucy gift to the Valduggery fans out there! So good to be back. Xx

Skulduggery: Besides from FlawD apologising to you all for being away for so long, she would also like to let you know that she doesn't own anything! That disclaimer goes for any songs and characters that are used throughout these fics! :D

Valkyrie: IMPORTANT! This is letting the readers know that I am in my 20's in this fic and this is set before I met Skulduggery! The time is set during the war against Mevolent so obviously that means Skulduggery is human but FlawD is making it that Skul doesn't have a wife or kid.

FlawD: Thanks guys! Now to all you devoted readers out there, don't forget to read/review/favourite/follow! On with the songfic!

Normal POV

Woman Like Me – Beyoncé

Skulduggery laughed at the fellow Dead Men cracking jokes and poking fun at Anton for not wanting to come out to the Burlesque club they were all currently inside of. Everyone's jaws hung slack when Anton turned around and said simply, "I have no desire to go out as I have better things to do." Of course, Saracen followed up Shudder's statement with an accusation that Anton was gay. In reward to his words, Saracen got a stony glare from the man his accusation was aimed at.

"He didn't even deny it!" Shouted Erskine while grinning wildly at Anton.

"I'm not gay." Anton ground out angrily.

"Oh, I'm so disappointed!" Larrikin exclaimed while blowing a kiss and a cheeky wink Shudder's way.

Although Skulduggery was having a good ol' time laughing his head off, he sensed a fight coming on and decided to intervene before the jokes went too far.

"Oi men! Over this way, I got us a table!" Everyone's attention quickly snapped to Skulduggery as he followed a petite blonde waitress to their seating. The rest of the Dead Men were quick to follow suit as all of them were in dire need of a drink and a good show. All of them sat at the round ebony table and began to relax. Skulduggery was the one seated closest to the stage with Ghastly to his left and Dexter to his right. Next to Dexter was Saracen who was seated next to Erskine. Larrikin was getting comfortable in his seat that was next to Erskine while Hopeless settled in beside him and Anton. Ghastly began to chuckle when he heard Shudder mutter beneath his breath that he was surrounded by idiots. Shudder gave the burly man next to him a brooding look before he got nudged by Hopeless.

"Stop sulking Shudder and let the many beautiful women around you set your cold heart aflutter." All of the Dead Men rolled their eyes at Hopeless' hopeless poetry. The suave man was quite the character and a valuable friend to have on the battle field but for the life of him, no matter the situation, he couldn't stop rhyming! In response the Dead Men's eye-rolling, Hopeless gave them all his trademark goofy smile.

"Now that everyone's settled, do we all know what we're each getting for drinks?" Ghastly asked.

There was a collective round of 'Yes's' and nods around the table so Erskine did the task of calling over the waitress. Upon seeing Ravel, the waitress made a show of puffing out her chest and revealing her ample amount of cleavage which gave a devilish gleam in Erskine's eyes. Everyone knew what that meant. If Erskine was to ever go off to the bathroom, he'd no doubt be accompanied by that waitress later on.

"I'm Natalie. I'll be your waitress for this evening, what would you like to order gentlemen?" Her voice was sickly sweet and Skulduggery wanted to cringe at how forward she was towards Ravel.

"Hello Miss Natalie, I'm Erskine Ravel and I'll be your ever-loyal customer tonight. So be a lovely girl and grab me beer." Erskine purred lowly to a blushing Natalie beside him.

"Do you have any preference on that beer, Mr. Ravel?"

With a shake of his raven-haired head, Erskine replied with a sultry, "Surprise me."

Natalie nodded while furiously scribbling down what he wanted. Skulduggery had no doubt that she had probably written Erskine's name with little love hearts around it.

"What would everyone else like to order?"

"I'll have a Rum & Coke, thanks." Saracen declared.

"One Scotch on the rocks please." Dexter called.

With a raise of the hand, Hopeless said, "Two shots of Vodka over here."

"A Jagerbomb for me would be great Natalie." A sly smile from Larrikin earned him a smile from Natalie herself.

"Vodka & Orange would be well appreciated, thank you." Ghastly ordered.

"I'll just grab a simple glass of red wine." Anton muttered.

Natalie gave nod after nod as she scribbled down everyone's orders. She noticed though that one other man hadn't ordered yet. She looked over to him and saw that his attention was focused on the lights that were dimming. The new lighting set a nice yellow glow on his sharp features and Natalie couldn't help but study his strong, defined cheek-bones and stubbled jaw-line. Her attention though was brought to his glistening emerald eyes that were shadowed underneath his shaggy jet black hair as he turned and realised she was waiting for him to order. She watched his dark-grey suit crease at the elbow when he leaned his arm on the table to adjust the grey Fedora on his head while his other hand was placed on his knee. He was very attractive, no doubt, but personally Natalie's attraction was captivated by Erskine Ravel.

"And what would you like to order sir?"

"If I could please have a White Russian, you'd have my thanks." Skulduggery's velvet voice reached Natalie's ears and she nodded politely.

"I'll be back with your drinks very shortly." With those words she parted to go hand their orders to the man behind the bar but before she turned and walked away, she left Erskine a fleeting wink. Which he happily returned with a dazzling smirk.

Saracen gave a yawn before leaning back into his chair and turning his head towards Anton.

"Hey Shudder, what's up with the red wine?"

"What do you mean by the Rue?" Shudder said cautiously.

"Could you have picked a more girlier drink? Or are you trying to tell us that in a gay relationship, you'd be the woman?" Larrikin taunted Anton dangerously.

Anton's eye twitched menacingly before replying with, "For the last time you fools, I'm not gay!"

"Don't worry about them Anton, you shan't waste the time. I for one find it nice that you ordered a classy glass of red wine." Hopeless offered in his thick English accent.

"I agree with Hopeless." Ghastly stated.

"Can we all just move the conversation topic to something else?" Anton suggested, annoyed.

"Ease up Anton, we're only joking. We all know you're straight." Skulduggery stated helpfully.

"I don't know Skulduggery, I have suspicions…" Vex trailed off.

Erskine and Larrikin stifled laughs but Ghastly silenced them.

"That's enough guys, we came here to force Anton to have a good time and constantly teasing him is obviously going to have the opposite effect." Bespoke declared.

"I'm so glad you all feel the need to drag me to your useless gatherings." Anton drawled sarcastically. With his remark, the table full of Dead Men laughed.

"Is anyone else here eager to see the new act they've got prepared here at Bella's Burlesque?" Larrikin questioned.

"I'm not sure what to expect just yet, but it'll be good I bet. I just hope the new act doesn't cause too much of a threat because I want to see the rest of the Burlesque girls on set!"

"Honestly Hopeless, I couldn't agree with you more. I hope this new act didn't cause other Burlesque girls to be shown the door. Oh god, I've got "Hopeless Syndrome"!" Exclaimed Vex in his Australian drawl. Everyone else groaned while Skulduggery and Hopeless laughed.

"Oh no! Not that again!" Erskine pleaded.

Skulduggery remembered that time when everyone had "Hopeless Syndrome" clearly. It was a very long, gruelling time for all of the Dead Men except Hopeless. Everyone was on a very dangerous mission and they were all restless and were just itching for the mission to be over. After a while everyone had grown excessively annoyed at Hopeless' constant rhyming and fluent poetry that Vex and Rue decided to make a bet with Hopeless. If Hopeless could rhyme a very lengthy poem fluently and precisely about something completely random and of their choice, they would ALL have to rhyme non-stop for three days straight. It wouldn't matter if they were held captive by enemies either, whatever they were doing and wherever they were, they would have to rhyme. However, if Hopeless failed to complete the task, he couldn't talk at all for the whole period of time that we were on the mission. It seemed so simple, they would all just have to pick something that would be excruciatingly difficult to rhyme about. They all thought they had picked an option that outsmarted Hopeless and his rhyming. Together, they picked out a speck of dirt for Hopeless to rhyme about. The rest of the Dead Men thought it was brilliant! It wasn't dirt he had to form a poem for, it was an actual speck of dirt Erskine spotted on the ground. The speck was just grey and boring, nothing special about it and yet the Dead Men were all forced to endure a ten minute poem about the little speck of dirt.

Hopeless is actually a lot smarter than what people give him credit for.

So obviously the rest of the Dead Men lost the bet and had to rhyme non-stop for three days. It was actually quite simple for Skulduggery as he is quite the singer and he pretty much just turned everything into song but for everyone else, it proved to be just a tad difficult. And after the three day period of rhyming, everyone had gotten into the habit for it and the Dead Men were still spitting out rhymes and poems for four days afterwards. After the fifth day of not being able to stop rhyming, Larrikin declared they all had "Hopeless Syndrome".

Hopeless was about to remark on the syndrome that was named after him but the lights above the crowd dimmed almost completely and the bright spotlight was aimed at centre stage. The crowd silenced almost immediately, eager to see the new act that was about to come on.

The golden curtains were drawn to the side off the stage to reveal…the most agonisingly beautiful woman Skulduggery Pleasant had ever seen.

His eyes were glued to her immediately and he watched the way her body swung to the delicate violins that were playing. His glittering eyes studied her glittering golden dress that sparkled in the bright light. He looked at how the dress began to flow out at her curvaceous hips and long legs. The dress flattered her body immensely and made her look like an ethereal vision of the Goddess Aphrodite. Her plump beige lips and falsified eyelashes highlighted her facial features beautifully and when she gave a swish of her long, curled, navy-tinged hair it did things to Skulduggery that he would never admit to. Cleopatra's beauty couldn't compare to the woman's on stage. When she started to sing though, that was when Skulduggery really had concerns that he was really lusting after her.

"Do you think, you could fall for a woman like me?"

In Skulduggery's opinion, he already had fallen for her and hard. Her rich voice was as smooth and as sweet as honey. He had never heard such a melodic tone, it felt as though it kept him in a trance.

"'Cause I find it hard to trust, I need to much"

"And I really don't believe in love, no, no"

Another tempting sway of her hips kept Skulduggery on edge. He felt as though he couldn't breathe for it would interrupt her and ruin the magic spell she had intricately casted with just a simple song sung with her enchanting voice.

"Do you think that I could be the girl of your dreams?"

Skulduggery was sure she was going to be after seeing her and hearing her voice.

"Sometimes I don't let things go, get emotional and sometimes I'm just out of control"

Her painfully curvy body seemed to glide slowly across the small catwalk on the stage until she was at the very end and enticing the audience to think of nothing but her with subtle movements.

"You need to stop for a minute, before you get too deep up in it"

"(Too deep)"

The woman on stage was joined by two other women who were doing back-up vocals and dance moves. They were dressed the same in short gold mini-skirts with black leather boob-tubes complete leather knee-high boots. The other two woman were very visually appealing, no doubt about it but to Skulduggery Pleasant, his attention could only be held by the stunning woman in the front.

"'Cause everything ain't what it seems"

Ghastly stole a glance to his dear friend next to him and saw his attention devoted to the dark-haired beauty singing. He smirked before glancing back up to the well-built blonde back-up dancer/vocalist. She truly was a sight to remember as her crimped blonde locks flew around her face like an over-powering lioness. What Ghastly wouldn't give to have his hands run through her wild hair and take her lustrous lips with his own.

"It's hard loving a woman, a woman like me"

"(Woman like me)"

Anyone could easily see Ghastly vying over the blonde woman on stage and Skulduggery drooling over the singer up the front but one would have to study Hopeless's face to see that his eyes shined with pure adoration for the porcelain woman with the jet-black hair. Her very petite body spoke volumes to him and those cerulean eyes seemed to wash over him making him feel positively refreshed.

'That woman is such a sight to behold, such a goddess in black leather and gold!' Hopeless thought to himself with a small smile that was hidden in the darkness.

"You need to think about it"

Skulduggery Pleasant's suddenly grew wide and ignited with a dangerous fire when the singer's lilac eyes locked onto his. Their eyes were transfixed on one another's and it felt like time stopped around them. The woman became aware that she was no longer performing to the crowd but rather, dedicating the song to the intriguing and handsome man seated at the table near the stage.

Against her better nature, she began to picture him getting out his chair and stalking towards her and joining her on stage. He'd take her hand, press his kissable lips to it and declare that he could love a woman like her. She wanted to shake her head of her thoughts but she couldn't interrupt her performance or rip her eyes away from the man's in the front row. He just seemed to be devouring her with his eyes. She had never seen such lust.

"Before you get hooked on the venom"

The woman gradually began to walk down the set of stairs at the front of the stage and Skulduggery watched as her impressive golden trail cascaded down the stairs after her. His eyes widened to a considerable amount when he realised she was heading towards him and he straightened up almost immediately. Before he knew it, her angelic body was standing in front of his seated form and she was bending down to his level. Her Jasmine and Sandalwood fragrance filled his head and his body went rigid with delight when she gracefully seated herself on his lap. Her legs were straddling his hips and his breath caught in his throat when she pressed her body to his. Gingerly, she placed the black microphone on the table after turning it off and refocused her attention back to him. There were so many things he wanted to say to her but his thoughts were silenced when she slowly leaned in and pressed her careful lips to his.

"And can't live without it"

"(No, no)"

The golden woman silently begged for a wider opening to Skulduggery's mouth by slightly opening hers. He complied willingly and slid his hands up her legs which made her shudder involuntarily in delight. The strokes of his hands on her legs made her skin ignite in goose-bumps and when he pressed his lips to her neck, electricity thundered up her spine making her arch her torso further into his. She sighed and ran her slender hands through his shaggy black hair. Skulduggery's velvet voice rumbled against her throat as he moaned in delight. He let his hands leave her legs to travel up and flatten themselves against her back. He clamped her body to his and groaned in pleasure when she rotated her hips against –

"Can't believe everything you see"

Her voice shocked Skulduggery out of his little daydream of himself and her. A small blush rose in his cheeks at his passionate thoughts and he was glad no one could read his mind.

"It's hard loving a woman,"

"A woman like me"

~To Be Continued…~

Skulduggery: Damn, why did it have to be a daydream?

Valkyrie: Well we could go re-enact it right now if you want.

Skulduggery:… I'll meet you at your place in five.

FlawD: Good for you guys but before you go, you have something important to do!

Skulduggery & Valkyrie: Readers, please READ & REVIEW as it's your comments/constructive criticism that keeps FlawDiamonds writing more fanfiction! 'Till next time Valduggery fans! ;)