Disclaimer: Something something something not mine.

A/N: Blah blah blah new chapter.

"Ready for our film, Ryou?"

The boy pouted, then mumbled, "This better not be porn."

Kisara shrugged as a twisted smirk split one side of her face. She clicked the Play button, and the two white-haired youths watched as Marik's face filled the screen.

**ON SCREEN**

"Alright, Ryou. Bakura's in the bathroom right now. When he comes out, I'm going to get him to do that thing. This camera only has 16 minutes left of film time, so if I don't get it out of him before then, I'll have to postpone giving this to you. On the upside, you won't have to watch me and Bakura do it… for long. Oh, he's coming."

Marik scurried across the room and jumped onto the bed as a light off-screen suddenly appeared, then disappeared. Marik smiled with schoolgirl giddiness as Bakura's naked back slid into view. The Brit crossed his arms and asked with a rather suspicious tone, "Marik, why do you seem so excited?"

"Silly kitty; I'm always excited around you. But tonight I'm exceptionally so because I'm looking forward to doing… certain things with you."

From the angle of the shot, they couldn't see Bakura's face, but Ryou could picture it in his mind just as clearly as if he could. "Go on."

Suddenly Marik became shy, and his eyes flickered from Bakura to the camera to his outstretched feet. "Well, you know how sometimes – when you're in the mood – we do that thing you hate doing in public?"

Bakura shivered. "Oh Ra."

**OFF SCREEN**

Bang Bang Bang!

Kisara paused the video and snapped at the door, "What?"

But instead of an answer, the door slammed open, and in walked Melvin with his Millennium Rod gripped tightly in his bronze fist. When his eyes met Ryou's, he grinned madly and announced, "I thought I would find you here. I went into the bathroom for ten minutes to take a shower, and when I came out you were gone. You didn't even tell me good morning."

"Ryou's allegiance has changed," Kisara gloated, "He would rather lay in bed with me than with you."

Ryou, horrified at this point, attempted to sputter out his defense, but his boyfriend didn't give him the chance. Melvin pushed Ryou into the middle of the bed and curled up next to him. "What are you watching?"

"Marik was so kind as to make us a video of the one thing Bakura does for him that would destroy his reputation for all who witnessed it," Kisara explained.

"This better be porn," Melvin grinned, thumbing his forehead.

Ryou groaned. "I fear it is going to be."

Melvin kissed the hikari on the forehead. "Press Play."

**ON SCREEN**

"Don't give me that look. You knew this would happen eventually. I mean, with all the fuss people made about it, you have to admit it was inevitable."

Bakura shook his head slowly. "I know, but I had hoped to put it off a bit longer."

"We've put it off for long enough. It's time to do what we do best."

Bakura groaned. "Fine. If I have no choice in the matter…"

"You don't," Marik chimed in delight, leaping from the bed and padding across the room, out of range of the camera. Bakura dropped onto the bed, his arms crossed, and exhaled in half-hearted irritation. A few seconds later, the music to Fireflies by Owl City abruptly filled the room.

"I hate you," Bakura grumbled as Marik perched on the bed beside him and handed him a paper.

"Aw, I love you too, Fluffy." Marik kissed him quickly before beginning his song:

"I did not believe your lies

When you told me 'Those aren't fries,'

Because I knew that they really were."

[Bakura: "Those were chips."]

"Then you took me to a fair,

Washed vomit out of my hair.

I'll never go back to Kaiba Land, I swear.

I'd like to make you mine, Fluffy,

But you would rather climb trees.

You chase each day with the hope you will beat Yugi finally,

Which doesn't leave much time for you and me."

Marik nudged Bakura, who lifted the paper and read from it:

"Yes I am a major snub.

I won't give him enough hugs.

Mostly because he smells like rotten fruit."

[Marik: "It doesn't say that!"]

"No, I'd rather rule the dead

And let Marik scratch my head.

A kitty cat who's grumpy and should be fed.

(Screw this!)"

Bakura threw the paper aside and continued:

"I'd like to make Marik believe

That I'm not too dumb to see

His countless tries to win my love are futile simply 'cause he

Has had my heart since the start of this story.

(I am your Fluffy.)"

"Aw, Bakura, that's so sweet! I almost like your edition better than my own."

"Almost? My version is much better. You were making me out to be the villain. Granted, I am, but not in our relationship. I do care about you, and –" He was cut off by Marik kissing him forcefully. Bakura cracked a smile and kissed the Egyptian back.

And then it turned into porn.

**OFF SCREEN**

"So that's Bakura's deep, dark secret? He sings crappy parodies with Marik? We do that together all the time," Melvin exclaimed, rather disappointed with the blackmail.

"No, it's perfect," Kisara gushed, "This is exactly the type of thing I needed." She kissed her brother on the forehead. "Thank you, Ryou. A deal is a deal. Melvin may now have snow cones."

"You got blackmail on Bakura in exchange for my freedom?" Melvin asked. Ryou nodded tentatively. Melvin pushed his shaggy hair aside and kissed him full on the lips, giving no eff's that Kisara was staring at them. "That is the bravest thing anyone's ever done for me. I love you, Ryou Bakura. I think you are my soul mate."

Kisara flung herself to the edge of her bed and violently fake-barfed. But when she turned back to face them, she couldn't help the small smirk that peeked through. "Alright, love birds. Get out of here and have your inevitable snow cone date. I'll see you at lunch later, Ryou."

Ryou nodded respectfully to his sister before leading Melvin out of her room.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Sonicknuxshad for inspiring the song parody. And thanks to all my faithful viewers who put up with my inconsistent update schedule. I love you guys!