I'm so sorry.

ROMANI RANCH

"Out! GET OUT!" Cremia screeched, seizing my collar and shoving me out the door of the ranch house. I stumbled and fell to the ground, turning to see Cremia looking down at me with blazing blue eyes. "Until you both grow up a bit," she looked between me, on the ground outside, and Romani, standing by the table with tears running down her cheeks, "I will not allow you to see each other!" I stood up at this.

"That's not fair!" I yelled. "You-"

"I got news for you, kid. Life isn't fair! Now get your ass off my ranch before I get Mamamu-Yan to sic her dogs on you!"

"Cremia!" Romani said, looking shocked. Cremia rounded on her.

"And don't think I'm finished with you either!" she yelled. "You're in hot water now, Romani. Oh boy, are you ever in hot water! You go upstairs now! And YOU!" she shouted, turning to me again. "Why the hell are you still here?!" I gritted my teeth as I stood and turned to walk away. Behind me, the door slammed, making the windows of the house rattle.

Well, I thought, that went well. Romani and I had come back from Snowhead Mountain expecting an earful and a long afternoon of chores. Instead, we got screamed at (in pitches one normally does not hear outside of opera, I might add), and I got kicked out and was forbidden to see Romani anymore. I was heavily restraining myself from kicking down the door and running Cremia through. I normally refrained from such unnecessary violence, but I was so pissed then, I didn't give a shit about the consequences.

The sun reached its zenith as I passed underneath the gate that proclaimed to the world that the land behind me was Romani Ranch. I sat myself down on a nearby rock and put my head in my hands, succumbing to my anger and sadness. I felt my eyes water, and then my body started to shake with silent sobs. Alone on the rock, I let my tears fall as images of Romani flashed on my eyelids. The images slowly condensed into a single picture of her. Her red hair flying on the wind, her right hand over her chest and her dark blue eyes gazing sadly at me. She was so beautiful…

I struggled to keep the image for as long as I could, trying to fix it in my memory. When my tears eventually faded away, I opened my eyes and looked around, not knowing what I was looking for. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the Ocarina of Time. Raising it to my lips, I began to play, my fingers plugging and unplugging the holes. I wasn't playing anything in particular, I was just playing, and the result of my improvisation was a mournful melody that did not make me feel any better.

Frustrated, I played Epona's Song and shoved the Ocarina back in my pocket. Thirty seconds later, I heard a whinny as Epona approached. I stood from the rock and walked to her, hoping that a nice ride would help me to calm down. After climbing into the saddle, I nudged Epona's flank with my heels and turned her around, heading down Milk Road and out into Termina Field. Thrice I rode around Clock Town, but I felt no better for it. Whenever I closed my eyes, that image of Romani met me, and I felt a pain in my chest. I knew it was heartache.

Goddesses, I didn't know I would miss her this much… I thought as I stopped Epona outside South Clock Town. Damn it, why couldn't I have figured this out back in Hyrule? Then I could've been with Malon. Talon is so much more relaxed than Cremia. My thoughts turned to Malon as I entered town. She looked just like Romani, after all. And, she was in my homeland to boot. Maybe I could just leave Termina, let it be destroyed by Majora. And then I could be with Malon…

But then, I thought, turning into East Clock Town, I don't think Malon would be the same as Romani. They're the same in physical appearance, but they're two entirely different people. What if… What if Malon didn't love me back like Romani does? I shook my head. No, I could never settle for Malon. She's not the same, and I would feel like I was just replacing Romani. I'd feel terrible for that.

A sigh broke my train of thought, and I looked around to see a small group of girls looking longingly at me. Several of them were whispering, and for some reason, I strained my ears to hear them.

"That ranch girl isn't with him this time."

"Do you think they had a fight?"

"Maybe they broke up!"

"He looks sad enough for that to be the case…"

"Oh my gosh, he's looking at me!"

"No you idiot, he's looking at me!"

Fed up with the gossip, I called, "Have you finished yet?" They all jumped at the sound of my voice and stared at me. I realized that the words had come out much angrier than I meant them too. I opened my mouth to apologize, but they were already leaving, most looking back at me with resentment, but a few still with longing. I sighed.

Women, I thought. The ultimate mystery of the universe…

A door opened to my right, and I saw Honey and Darling entering their shop, holding hands and flirting frivolously even as they went to work. Envy filled me. How could they be happily in love when I, the goddamned Hero of Time, couldn't be with the girl that I loved?

If anyone has a right to be happy, it's me! I thought angrily. I'm the one who saved this stupidworld AND Hyrule to boot! Why the hell can't I just like a girl without it blowing up in my face?! My feet took me up the stairs and on top of the Milk Bar, where I climbed onto the fence and sat on it. This was where I had waited for the moon on the last 3-day cycle before facing Majora's Mask.

Majora. That bitch. If not for her, I would still be with Romani. I would have enjoyed the Carnival of Time and actually been on vacation. But no, she just had to go and ruin everything. My vacation, my sword… my love-life…

I felt my eyes sting again as my thoughts cycled back to Romani. That image arose once again, and I held it this time.

How about… Grasshopper? That's the name Romani gives you!

Hi there! You're cute!

I want you for you.

"Hey there, Hero Boy." I let out a yell and almost fell off the fence when the loud voice broke my train of thought. I turned around to see the rich girl from the Carnival walking towards me. I sighed and turned back around.

"Hi," I muttered, not really wanting to talk her in this state of mind.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she asked, climbing onto the fence and scooching up right next to me. I gritted my teeth at her nerve.

"She's… back at the ranch," I said eventually.

If she tries to make much more casual talk, I think I'm going to flip, I thought.

"Oh," she said happily. "Rumor is you two broke up."

"And why the hell is that any of your goddamn business?!" I said angrily, turning to face her. She looked shocked at my reaction.

"Geez, kid. Calm down."

"I will not 'calm down!'" I yelled. "It's none of your goddamn business, so why don't you just drop it!"

"HEY!" came a shout from below. I looked down to see Mr. Barten glaring up at us. "Keep it down, some of us have work to do!"

"Sorry, sir," I said.

"Besides, shouldn't you be, I dunno, saving the world?"

"Oh, go to hell," I muttered as he entered the Milk Bar again.

"Now that wasn't very nice," said the rich girl, looking at me reproachfully.

"No, you know what isn't nice?" I said, frustrated again. "Talking to a guy who wants to be left alone. So why don't you just piss of?"

"How dare you?!" she said.

"Oh, I dare," I said, climbing off the fence. "I'll dare quite a bit more if you don't leave me the hell alone." The girl looked at me quizzically.

"Do you know who you're talking to?" she asked me.

"No, and frankly, I don't give a damn. Piss off."

She dismounted from the fence and stood herself right in front of me. Then, she started to glow.

What the hell?! I thought. She grew brighter and brighter, and then suddenly, the light went out. Before me stood a girl in a pink dress with the Hylian crest on it. Golden hair fell down her back, ending at her navel. She opened her cerulean eyes and looked at me.

Goddesses save me, I thought. I just told Princess Zelda to piss off!

I immediately bowed and stammered apologies. Zelda laughed.

"Get up, Link. You didn't know it was me, I forgive you." I stood up, still beet red.

"Princess, what are you doing here?"

"I followed you."

"Let me rephrase the question. Princess, what are you doing here?" She laughed again.

"Well, sometimes Princesses want vacations too, Link." She stepped closer to me. "And do you know what Princesses want while they're on vacation, Link?" I took a step back, remaking the original distance between us.

"No idea. Look, you need to get home. King Torren is probably worried sick-" Zelda took another step forward and placed her finger on my lips.

"My father can deal." She took another step towards me. "Would you like me to tell you what princesses like on vacations, Link?"

I took her finger off my lips and took two steps back. "No," I said. "No, I think I can guess." Zelda brightened.

"Well, since you broke up with her and you know what I want, then…" She ran up to me and kissed me. I immediately recoiled, trying to push her off me, but she wouldn't get off. I could feel her trying to pry open my mouth with her tongue and sucking on my mouth like a leech. I pushed and pushed, but she just wouldn't give. And then…

"WHAT THE HELL?!" The scream broke Zelda away from me and we both turned to see Romani standing at the top of the stairs leading to the top of the Milk Bar. Tears filled her eyes, and she turned and ran down the staircase.

LOOK I SAID I WAS SORRY ALRIGHT