A Very Potter Sitcom
Episode 12, season one
"Daniel P."
(TV-14)
A VERY POTTER SITCOM
ON TBS…VERY FUNNY!
Malfoy's voice: Previously, on an episode where I had hardly any screen time.
Animated Jacob in clip from last episode: As you can see, I'm a cartoon right now.
(Clip of Hermione and Jacob in hospital wing, petrified)
Harry: Oh my God.
Chad: No.
(Silence)
Ron: Jacob. Hermione.
(Clip of Harry looking at cell phone where he has just seen the video Riddle forwarded to him of Hagrid being caught)
Harry in shock: Oh my god. Hagrid opened the chamber of secrets!
(Dark music starts and ends)
Harry: Cool, I wonder what sort of comments there are on this vid.
(He looks)
Harry reading: I can't believe Hagrid did that! Lol. *laughs*.
(Clip of Ron and Harry alone in common room, no longer animated)
Ron yelling: Oh my Wizard God! Hagrid's the guy who set the monster of Slytherin loose!
(Harry looks at phone)
Harry mumbling: Yeah, and it get's worse.
Ron loudly: What?
Harry mumbling annoyed: A bunch of people thumbed down my comment.
CONTINUED TODAY….
SORRY FOR THE DELAY….
(Beginning theme)
(We return to see Harry in his bed, muttering to himself)
Harry scared: No. NO… DON'T SHOW ME THAT MEMORY!
(There is a blinding flash and the audience gasps)
(We see a small room with Harry's parents holding on to a baby)
James: He's coming, Lily. He's coming. (Turns to her) I want you to know…I do NOT read Wizarding Playboy. I was holding it for Sirius and the bastard completely forgot to pick it up.
Lily: James, I love you. I don't care if you don't read Playboy or not.
(Pause)
Lily: What's wrong with MY boobs?"
James: I don't know. Before we die, let me check.
(The door is blown open and a hooded figure steps in)
(Audience gasps)
James: Get away from my family you son of a bitch!
(In fake, comical slow motion, he runs at Voldemort who raises his wand)
(Voldemort says 'Avada Kadavra' but it sounds more like the way adults speak in Charlie Brown)
(There is a flash of green light and the old killing curse sound effect from AVPM)
(James falls down)
Lily: AAAGGHH! James! I don't know if this is a bad time but-
(Pulls out a stick)
Lily:-here's your wand.
(Audience laughs)
(We go back to see Harry rolling around in his sleep with scared expression)
James's distant voice: Let me check your boobs.
(Harry laughs slightly)
Harry in sleep: Heh, my dad was awesome.
(Goes back to terrified face and suddenly wakes and screams)
Harry breathing hard: Oh my God. I just saw my parents…die.
(He stands and walks down the stairs)
(We see him walking into the Gryffindor common room where there is a little boy sitting)
Harry: Hello? Who are you?
(The boy looks up)
(He has similar features to Harry, but without glasses)
Boy: Hi…Harry.
Harry: Do I know you or something?
(The boy nods)
Boy: My name's Daniel. I'm your little brother.
(Silence)
Harry stunned: That can't be. You're too young. My parents died when I was one.
(Daniel stands)
Daniel: I'm not from this world. I'm from a place where different people live. People who didn't really get to live. People who are….otherwise.
(The song "Otherwise" begins)
Harry singing:
The one thing that I've always wanted
Is to keep from being taunted
But it's sorta hard when you're stuck with
Cruel cousins, uncles and aunts.
I'd sit in the cupboard under the stairs
Away from all the sneers and glares
I'd wish for a reason to keep on being
And hope that they would start seeing
That they give me so much strife
The story of my life...
Daniel singing:
Even though I have it all
I still get bored and throw things at the wall
I've always wondered if something was missing
I've been kissing, dissing, pissing and hissing
But something still wasn't right
Both singing:
'Till I found you
Daniel singing:
I always needed someone to be there
To help me survive and guide me along
Harry singing:
I have to pinch myself to see if it's a dream
Make sure that it's not a long-time fantasy scene
Daniel singing:
I'll tell you right now, Harry
This is real
Both singing:
To just imagine
That this is how it's meant to be
I know somehow it's true...
I've found you
Harry singing
This is the way the world is supposed to work
I imagine a place where there are no jerks
No Death Eaters or fire-breathing dragons
Just me and my family...that's just it.
Both singing
Life has gotten better
This day has finally come
This is more than what I could've hoped for all along.
I'm no longer alone
There's a meaning to life...
I've found you...
(Song ends and they hug)
(Audience cheers)
(Commercial break)
(We return to see the two brothers)
Harry: So you don't exist in my world and I don't in yours?
Daniel while eating Redvine: No, I just said you don't exist in my world so that the song would seem sadder, but now that you think about it, that plot line is kind of a cliché.
Harry: Wow. So you're from an alternate universe where my life would have been different if Mom and Dad hadn't died.
Daniel: Yep. And now, I get to come and show you what life would have been like.
Harry: What do you mean?
Daniel: I mean that I wanna take you to MY world. Our world.
(Daniel holds out his hand for Harry who smiles and takes it)
Daniel: Okay. Time to go.
(Another bright light and they appear in a house with another Harry and Daniel running around, chasing each other in a nice looking house)
(The REAL Harry and Daniel look somewhat transparent)
Harry: Holy crap. It's my house from Godrick's hollow.
Daniel: Yep. And there WE are, acting so foolish. How young we were then.
Harry: Yeah. How long ago was that?
Daniel: For me? About one week ago.
(Audience laughs)
(Harry's mother comes in)
Harry: Mom! Daniel got the letter to Hogwarts!
(He puts his arm around his brother)
Lily: Oh that's wonderful, boys!
(James comes in wearing a business suit)
(He looks around the room)
James: Honey, I'm home.
(There is a knock at the door)
James, annoyed: Oh God, now I have to walk all the way back!
(He walks out of room)
Lily: Ignore your father, dears. He's just pissed off because he's having some trouble at work. You know, with Lord Voldemort around and all.
Present Harry, shocked: Wait! Voldemort's still around! I killed him a year ago.
Present Daniel: You killed Lord Voldemort? Hm, really. Good job. Anyway, he still is alive HERE. Just not in YOUR world.
(James comes back in)
James: Lils, look who came to visit! It's the Weasly's!
(Mrs. Weasly comes in)
Mrs. Weasly walks in: HI!
(Audience cheers)
Mrs. Weasly: Now, where did I put all of my children?
(Looks in bag and that back into hallway)
Mrs. Weasly: Bill!
(Bill walks in)
Bill: Yo-yo, Potters!
Mrs. Weasly to Lily: We do this every time I need to see them. It's a thing, you know. Yeah.
(Straightens up)
Mrs. Weasly: Charlie!
Charlie: Hello, mommy.
Mrs. Weasly: Percy?
(Percy comes in and straightens his nerdy looking glasses)
Percy: Hello, mother.
Mrs. Weasly: Fred and George!
(They enter)
Fred: Oh, but I'M Fred.
George: And I'M George.
Mrs. Weasly: Nice try, but I've told you before. You've got your letters on your damn shirts, dumbasses.
(Audience laughs again)
Mrs. Weasly: RON!
(Building shakes from her screaming)
(After it is done, she smiles as if it was normal)
(Ron comes in)
Ron: Mom, where are all of our Redvines?
Mrs. Weasly: Meh…Fred and George ate them.
(Ron groans and the twins laugh)
Harry: Hey, Ron.
Ron: Hey, man.
(They high five)
Ron: Ready for yearrrrrr…six?
(Present Daniel leaning over to Present Harry)
Present Daniel: He had to think about that for a second.
Past Harry: Hell yeah, Ron! Let's go. But this time, Danny's coming too!
(Daniel smiles and runs over)
Mrs. Weasly: It's time to head out! LET'S GOOOOOOO- oh the building's shaking- OOOOO!
(They all run out of the room and the audience cheers)
(Commercial break)
(We return to see Harry, Ron, and Daniel entering the Hogwarts area)
Harry with his arm on Daniel's shoulder: Well, you're at Hogwarts now. I'm gonna go. See ya inside.
Daniel: Okay.
(The same music of "To have a home" stars as Daniel is left alone)
(This newer version is called "My Brand New Home")
Daniel singing: Home. I've heard the word before. Of course, it's been much more then a thing I've ALWAYS haaaaaddd.
(Scene freezes)
Present Daniel: I changed the song a little bit.
Present Harry: Yeah, I might sue you.
Present: Oh please, you made a musical of one of the most successful series in the world with an author who likes pressing charges on people who rip her off. Yeah, I'M the one who's gettin' sued.
(Audience laughs again and cheers)
(Scene resumes)
Daniel singing: But a place…they say 'hey, know your place' but I've never had a place to even know, or a place that I could go to if I needed more than one person…there. (Pause) I'm laughing. It's hard to hide a smile. It has been a while since I have been in a world without a dark glare. A place for us to enjoy. Somewhere the girls and the boys to learn the way magic earns. This must be…my brand knew hoooooommmmeeeee!
(Runs into Great Hall where Harry and Ron are seated next to Hermione, Seamus, Neville, Dean, Jacob, and Chad)
(We see McGonagall holding the sorting hat, ready to place it on a student's head)
(Daniel walks in)
Daniel singing: I finally made it. And I'm ready to go. It's finally for me. Just little me. Yes this must be…my brand…new…. HOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE!
Sorting at as he sings: GRYFFINDOR!
(Song ends)
(Daniel smiles and sits next to Harry who puts his arm around him)
(Dumbledore walks in)
Dumby: HEYYY! How is everybody? Good? Good. Now, please let us welcome my good friend the potions dude, yeah you know the rest. Here's Snape.
(Snape moves forward from a wall in a sinister way)
Snape: Why, hello.
(He comes forward to center stage)
Snape: Now, I am VERY, very happy to announce that we have restarted the dueling club. Anyone wishing to join will merely write their name on a tiny slip of paper and throw it into the blue flames of that Goblet of Fire that Dumbledore bought off of eBay.
Dumbledore smiling: Mhm. Now, kiddies. I do hope you all enjoy your time here at Hogwarts this year. You better call me Dumbledore, or I'll *makes false, babyish, sad face* expel you. 'Night!
(All of the students begin to talk as the present Harry and Daniel talk to each other)
Harry: This actually seems pretty nice.
(He looks around again)
Harry: Wait a minuet.
(Looks down at Daniel)
Harry in serious tone: Where's Ginny?
(Daniel stands there)
Harry: Where's Ginny?
(Pause)
Daniel: She was…killed at a summer party. You were there. You survived. But you couldn't save her. You lacked the courage. In my world, you were never treated like a hero who had destroyed the dark lord. You were too scared. I'm sorry.
(Harry stands there in silence)
Harry: You said this happened about a week ago.
(Dark and dramatic music begins, but for mood, not a song)
Harry: Why did you come to me? Why did you leave your world? What the HELL is actually GOING ON HERE?
Daniel: IT'S BECAUSE I DIED!
(Another silence)
Daniel: That's right. We all died. Voldemort killed us all a week into my brand new school year. And you and I didn't see each other after we died. God sent me to you. I don't even know why.
Harry: Show me.
(Daniel nods)
(Sad 'no hope' music begins and we see everybody in Hogwarts running and screaming)
(Snape and Dumbledore are struck down by a dark figure in a cloak who runs at a group of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Daniel, Cho, Lavender, Lavender's friend, Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Jacob)
(No audio as they all hold hands)
(Tears began to fall down their faces as the dark lord raises wand)
(They all close their eyes as a large, green light flashes)
Commercial break
(We return to see Harry sitting back in his bed in his world)
(He looks around)
Harry: Daniel?
(Silence)
(Harry leans his head down and begins to sob)
(Ending credits but with no music)
NOTE: THIS EPISODE WAS BASED ON A FIC I WROTE ON HERE CALLED "WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN". IF YOU WISH TO READ IT, YOU'LL FIND IT ON MY PAGE. PLEASE REVIEW THIS EPISODE AND THE FIC I HAVE MENIONED.