True Romance Chapter 14: I Know, a wrestling fanfic

A chappie. X3!

14 – I Know

"the pretty little face i stare into all the time, the beautiful turquoise eyes that seem like water lapping into a green forest, forbidden, my face all too hidden, in my head still stridden…forbidden…deepest desire, my forbidden fire…"
October, 23rd, 2007

I can't believe it's all true.

They're all right I'm wrong I can't believe it's all true I can't see it anymore & I'm scared of everything around me & how could this have happened? I've hurt Cody I've hurt Matt I've hurt Jeff I've hurt myself & I've failed the ones I cared about the most & I've twisted a child's mind forever.

He's only a child Little Coddles doesn't know anything & he won't ever know anything right now I can imagine the look of betrayal deception fear tears on his face when he realizes the truth that I've hidden kept tried to keep away from him & & &- why'd this have to happen to me all over again? My entire life messed up fucked up broken up in itty bitty bits & I don't even remember how.

Pathetic no?

I'm not lying I'm not going to lie Not anymore I'm tired of all the lying I'm sick of all the fighting I'm sick of him I'm sick of me I'm sick of us I'm sick of it all… he's just a child He's just a child He's just a child…how could I taint break destroy his mind like this? Make him forget forever forget about all things real.

He's only ten He's only ten He's only ten & he looks up to me as if I was a hero when I'm the monster around here & I still can't believe the look on his face when he asked me to marry him The ten year old boy loves me & I don't know how to shatter break destroy all his hopes dreams & faith in me.

I've lost completely & utterly lost all hope in me.

Why hasn't he? Why haven't they? Why am I the special extra special child that has to be all too perfect with the perfect hair & perfect blue eyes & perfect perfection? I'm so sick of being perfect perfect perfect & when I swerved off the high road I realized I'm lost forever lost & I don't know who they are anymore & I don't know who I am anymore.

Jeffy with all his glory & pretty pretty little green eyes & healthy blonde hair & rebellious nature, oh, pretty little Jeffy, turns out to have been on drugs Oh pretty little Jeffy is on drugs So shocking.

Matt with all his curly black hair & his dark eyes & his emotionless face is being raped & abused by his father The scars, the cuts, the bruises…oh, sad little Matty actually has something to be sad about.

& itty bitty little Coddles has been twisted tainted broken because of me & the saddest saddest part is he doesn't know yet.

Poor itty bitty Cody.

The sweetest of dreams are always the most forbidden ones I had realized this when I started reading these weird books.

I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him.

I don't know who I am anymore yet I know that I want to be together with him and him only.

I'm a piece of shit a horror movie on repeat.

Awesome.

I have so much self worth it even shows how much I love me.

Let me die alone in my grave of disrepair.

It's not like anyone really cares.

The Doctor sits down with Gilbert, his face very friendly and soft, the light shining from his soft hazel eyes are warm and radiant, the healthy glow of him makes Gilbert feel envious that his children couldn't have the same healthy beam of beauty in them. "I just need you to pay for Matthew's operation and it's all set."

Gilbert stares at the paper. "Is he gonna be alright?"

"I already gave you a list of medications that he's going to need after the surgery and that's all you're gonna need right now. I also looked at Matthew's records and he seems to be held back a year since he hadn't done it, but I'm sure he's a bright boy. He seems very selfless though, especially in front of his brother and he needs to be more selfish. He seems to want to do anything to protect Jeffery, even in the expense of his own health and life."

Gilbert nods his head, 'Matt just loves him." He won't tell the Doctor that he means that in the terms of an actual love relationship.

"I see that, 'the Doctor says.

"Is he gonna be alright?"

The Doctor looks down. "You already asked that."

"But you never answered me."

"Look, 'the male starts, closing his eyes. "Matthew sees everything wrong in his body, he sees the imperfections he has…and he's scared of what he is. I assure you that's normal in his condition. Schizophrenics are normal people with a condition that nobody respects, they just think that just because one has this condition, they won't be able to function and Matthew…Matt seems to be the type that knows how to control himself even at the strongest of things but he can only handle so much. The pressure breaks and he's left doing things he regrets. He doesn't understand that he already has the control he needs…Matt…I'm sure he's going to be fine if he'll start concentrating on things that his age is supposed to be concentrating on—school, college, his friends and try to compliment him as much as you can since he sees himself with a low self esteem."

Gilbert nods his head once more and he looks through his wallet, seeing that he's unable to pay, he sighs but then he turns around and Chris stands there, along with Jeff. "Hey, Imma pay for Matt." The blonde Canadian moves towards Gilbert and rummages through his purse, taking out his checkbook, smiling at the male warmly as he pays.

Gilbert looks back at his son, 'are you going to be alright?"

"Is Matt gonna be alright?"

Gilbert nods his head. "He's gonna be just fine. We can go home now."

"Matt isn't my brother anymore. He's a Jericho. He's Chris's adoptive cousin."

Gilbert's eyes widen, and he stares at Jeff but he knows he isn't joking as Jeff sits down, his head in his hands as he tries to find a way to explain the words that are in his head, 'look, Dad, I don't know how to explain this in any way…but I'm going to. Matt is adopted by Chris's family 'cause when I was 13 and he was 16, he used to drink a lot…I mean a lot…and he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't rape me or anything but we kissed a lot and he sexually pressured me…but he was drunk. He had no idea about it afterwards at all and he was in control of himself but the shape shifter who supposedly was you had seen that. He threw Matt away in an orphanage, he didn't want him to stay around…he didn't trust him…Dad, I'm sorry but Matt is…Matt's not yours anymore."

Chris stares at the father and son, before he sighs softly, 'Adam doesn't know that Matt's okay. I can make something up and pretend that Matt died or something and you can go back to school here, Matt…Jeff, this can all be yours again. I'll tell Adam, John and Randy about it…Hell, we can go come back here and finish our studies here since I just got off the phone with Adam and we have nothing left, no house, and no nothing, but Randy has two houses here so we can live here…again…restart this entire nightmare that started playing. It's going to be us again…high school…this can be our very salvation. Sure, Imma miss my Mother and Father but they're jackasses and I can finally be alone with Adam without thinking that they're gonna force us to break up…this is a release for us. I'm going to tell the others about it and see what they think."

Jeff nods his head. "Thanks, Chrissy, you're the best."

"Call me Chrissy again and you'll never see the light of day." Chris jokes playfully, hugging his other friend. "You were there for me when Adam got into a car accident and I was there for you when you needed to go to Canada to see Matt…it's not over just yet, is it? Come on. I know a shop by that sells awesome lattes."

"Lattes!" Jeff perks up. "And then Matt?"

"You say his name again in the next thirty minutes…well, Imma pound your face in."

"Hey!"

"Just saying."

The two friends exit out and Gilbert smiles warmly at them, looking at how much Chris had written in the check definitely astounds Gilbert. That's enough to cover anything and to that, the father walks out to see his elder son once before they leave in the next few short hours.

"John?"

"Huh?"

John's awake now.

The tanned male slowly allows his eyes to focus on the face in front of him…

"John?" Mike asks, with concern lacing his voice, he sits down onto a plastic chair, holding onto John's shoulders, tightly squishing the soft flesh underneath as John tries to remember the face in front of him.

John blinks. "I know you."

"You're just dizzy, baby." Mike says, kissing onto John's lips ever so softly.

John just stares at him before he blinks, 'oh yeah…I remember you…you with the cigarettes…"

Mike rolls his eyes. "That's the first thing that you remember about me?!"

"No, wait…"

Mike grins.

"You also have the HIV thing, no?"

Mike slaps him.

"MIKE!"

"Great! Now, he remembers and it's 'cause I have HIV and smoke." Mike snaps at him and John starts laughing before pulling him and staring up at him, kissing him softly and Mike stares down at John, confused. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah." John says. "Mike, are you okay?"

"I'm not the one who got raped this time, John. And I want to know if you're fine. You say you are but you're not. I just know."

"Okay, Sherlock Holmes, can you please get off my lap now so I can get sit up? I'm tired of this hospital food."

"Now, that I believe. Shit food."

John and Mike make their way outside by are stopped by Mr Morrison who stares down at his son, his hard brown eyes soft and loveable. "John, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" John says, blinking. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Hell, I got raped. I understand but some people just move on quickly."

"John, if you want me to talk about it…"

"No, Mike. Just come with me and we'll go out to eat and you can't smoke inside, right?" John smirks, knowing that Mike must be agitated at the fact that he isn't able to smoke inside of the hospital and the young brunette nods his head before following John outside, both of their hands finding each other as Mike rests his head onto John's shoulder. John looks down at his lovely boyfriend.

It isn't long until they reach towards a fast food restaurant.

Mike sits down and orders a sandwich, John doing the same while Mike plays with John's hair, loving the way the soft hair lies against his shoulders and John just watches as his boyfriend curls up to him. "John…if you want me to talk about it…"

That's when John slaps him.

Mike gasps, retracting, holding onto the spot that John had slapped him in.

John, who'd die if he ever saw anyone else hurting Mike, had just slapped him.

Mike doesn't know when he stops breathing.

John just stares down at him, his breathing soft yet rapid.

Mike just breaks out, tears cascading down his cheeks as Mike holds onto his head and John just stares for a moment.

"You get what you deserve, Mike."

Chris slips into the airport, his eyes looking around for Adam, his eyes only wanting to see Adam and then, in a vision of beauty, Chris has seen his Adam, his heart soars as he runs towards him, the aqua blue jacket that's around Chris's bright purple tee, his jeans are dark and his boots are black as he jumps into Adam's arms. Adam, having to wear a black jacket and a red tee with black jeans but his waist is decorated by a gold belt and his boots are gold, holds onto Chris's body, holding him as close as he could've, planting butterfly kisses all over Chris's face and neck.

"I love you, you idiot. Why'd you leave?" Adam says, kissing onto Chris's lips.

"I—"

"I already know why, babe," Adam says, turning around and holding onto the red trolley of his, 'I told Randy, John, and Phil about this moving away idea. I even told my parents since they won't let me go without a consent and they think it's a good idea since we have adults around and we can't let this disrupt our education."

Adam and Chris stare at each other before bursting into laughter.

"Or maybe they just don't want to pay."

"Maybe? That's definitely just that!"

Chris holds onto Adam, kissing him once more, a passionate kiss, 'it 'cause we can finally be alone. No more eloping and stuff. I can invite Jeff and Matt and Mike and John and Randy and the other John…and it's going to be so perfect. Addy, this is gonna be our dream wedding."

"I never dreamed of a wedding."

Chris slaps him playfully. "You dream of me and you in the car again and Imma shoot you, Adam."

"It wasn't that dream again!"

"Oh yeah?" Chris raises an eyebrow.

"It was on a table!"

"ADAM!"

"I'm so dead…"

"You think?!"

Adam and Chris stride towards the exit, both of them hand in hand, safe into each other's embrace once more yet the longing in Chris's stomach is still there as memories of the past attack him and his brain's fighting into trying to pull those thoughts away, everything, and he twists his head towards Adam's, softly smiling at him. "When will the others be here? Are they even coming?"

"Randy is coming. He wants to see his mother. John doesn't want to bother, says something about Randy and him breaking up…sad, really, and Phil is in taking the next flight here, he wants to see his mommy's grave… and his annoying ugly-ass sisters are coming too." Adam shudders. "I swear they look like they can crack a mirror just by looking at it. Hey, I bet when she gave birth, the Doctor slapped the Mother."

Chris rolls his eyes. "You're bad at jokes."

Adam laughs. "Oh love, your sense of humor is different."

"Joke's on you. You're the one who proposed to me, 'Chris says, looking down at the ring and Adam holds onto the hand, slipping off the ring and Chris stares at him, confused as Adam pulls out the childhood cheap ring and pulls it around Chris's fingers, making him look down at it, staring at it.

"Adam…"

Chris stares up at Adam's face, those eyes are threatening back tears. "I talked to a dead cat, Chris. I was going crazy. I don't wanna see anything other than that ring on your finger…this thing, 'Adam allows the diamond ring to sparkle, 'this thing isn't as precious as that child's ring is to me."

"You talked to a dead cat?"

Adam nods his head. "Moonstone."

"Moonstone…" Chris repeats, knowing exactly what Adam has done now, cupping onto his face and kissing Adam's lips. "I won't leave you anymore, Addy. I promise."

"How do I know for sure?! Chris! It's hard living with you! I can't let you get hurt. Remember my birthday, the way you got hurt, that could've been a million times worse…I might never see you again because of this weird addiction you have to running around countries! Chris…you always say that you won't leave me but I can't handle that promise anymore…"

Chris's eyes bubble. "Are you…are you gonna leave me?"

Adam sighs. "No."

Chris stares down at the floor. "I'm sorry, Addy. I just like it! I like being like this. I don't wanna be boring. I'm scared of what you'd think if I told you what I was gonna do, you'd find me crazy or demented or something…"

"You are demented."

Chris just stares at him, 'you're right. I am."

Adam just realizes what he's sad as he holds onto Chris's face, watching tears trickle down those soft blue eyes, 'I'm sorry, Chrissy…I just…"

"No, you're right."

"Are you gonna be like you were before?"

Chris just stares at him, 'why?" his grip around Adam's neck tightens as he stares at him, 'why, Adam? Don't you like me that way? Gothic Goth Chris with Gothic black clothing and Gothic Goth depressing eyes. Don't you like it that way? 'Cause you seem to be depressing me at things you know I can't change…you have to face the fact that one day, you're gonna roll over the bed and I'm gonna leave a note saying that I left and I'll be back…"

"How do I know that?!" Adam exclaims, lifting Chris's chin, staring deep into those eyes, their souls connecting, 'how do I know that you haven't left me for another guy? A guy that you deserve, Chris? …Chris, baby, if I don't make you happy, then you should just hit me right now for just that…I feel like you're running away from me. Like you don't want me around anymore and I know you usually do have excuses but you're not safe out there, Chrissy. You're not old enough…"

"Stop treating me like a child." Chris says, biting down his lower lip. "Sometimes, butterfly's gotta fly away, Addy…"

"Butterfly." Adam kisses onto Chris's nose. "My little butterfly."

"I'm sorry."

"God, I'm sorry too."

"I'm sorry for being so demented."

"Chris-"

Chris turns around and walks off, leaving Adam behind for the moment before Adam runs towards Chris, holding on to his shoulder, Chris turns around and faces Adam's face, Chris trying to get out of his grip.

Adam just stares down at Chris's troubled face. "Chris…Chris…"

Chris's eyes open and Adam realizes that Chris can't hold back the tears. "You know what, Adam? I thought you were the only person that could understand me…you know what, Addy? I thought that you understood that I used to have a bad childhood. You know more than anything that I used to run the razor through my flesh until I bled to the point of a black out, you know that I used to drink alcohol so badly that I came to school drunk and you knew what I used to be…please, you're the only one who can make me and break me now and…and…" Chris's voice turns softer. "Please, don't break me, Addy. Don't break off my butterfly wings. I wanna fly!"

"You're sick of flying, Chris. You have problems on an airplane."

"I want to be a pilot."

That takes Adam's attention.

Chris's face glows at the thought of his dream job, 'I want to be able to fly the plane, like I'm the plane…like I'm the one who has the swings…like I can control something despite the fact that I can't control myself…Adam, that's all I've ever wanted. I wanted to be a pilot…I don't care what it takes…but I don't want you to rip out my wings before I can even fly…please, Adam, don't do this to me…"

"Shh…Chris." Adam kisses Chris's forehead. "Let's take you back to the hotel room."

Chris nods his head, sniffling.

Adam just stares at how much damage he'd done by a few words he hadn't known he'd said until he'd said them.

"You need a little break, Jeff."

The Doctor knows that Jeff's been standing there, waiting for Gilbert and Matt to finish their little talk about how Matt is going to start school soon and how he's in control of himself, trying to strengthen Matt's opinion of himself. Jeff walks towards the birth centre with the Doctor and stops to stare at the babies, his heart goes out to a baby girl with beautiful hard brown eyes…

He wants a baby…

"They're beautiful, right?"

Jeff just nods his head as he leans down to hold the little baby girl, seeing her card and realizing that her name is Natasha, his smile strengthens as he stares down at the blessed child.

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"

Jeff turns around.

A male stands there with a gun in his hands, hard blue eyes burning with hardness, as Jeff gasps and holds the baby as close as he can to him, '…Ted?!"

Ted looks at Jeff, trying to think.

He drops the gun.

"…Jeff?"

Jeff walks towards him, staring at him. It's hard that once Ted used to be a geeky looking child, with weak lenses for glasses and too much gel in his hair but now, Jeff hates to admit so but Ted may look better than he does. "Teddy?"

"Yeah." Ted says. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Jeff simply says, the baby in his arms waving around her arms.

"Yours?" Ted chuckles.

"No!"

"Hey, just saying. Don't have to react that way to me…" Ted blinks, trying not to think of his best friend but does anyways. "How's Matt? Is he alright?"

Jeff knows just by the tune of voice that Ted's using that Ted knows all along that Matt's been raped and abused. "Yeah. I guess. We're taking him home. You know, it's hard to explain but there was this shape shifter…" Jeff then repeats the story that he's memorized, Ted nodding his head throughout as Jeff holds and rocks the baby in his arms back and forth before placing her back into her cot.

Ted just stares as Jeff looks down at the baby. "I'd like to think what Matt would think. You know, before I left, I think that if you were gonna bring a baby into the house, Matt would be all like 'a baby? You can't even take care of yourself!' But now…now…I'm scared that's not the same Matt I'm going to look at…"

"I…I'm dating him."

Ted sighs. "No surprise. I'm just used to stuff like that. Matt was stock full of surprises. It scares the hell out of me sometimes that he could be bleeding like Hell and the first thing he'd say is 'did you pick up Jeff from school?' it's sad… I don't know why but he just hates himself too much to care about himself."

"I know." Jeff says, agreeing completely with Ted. "I just wish he'd love himself half as much as he loves me."

Silence roams.

"Hey…you saw those white papers outside? The ones on display? The diary entries?" Ted asks.

"Yeah. I read them all. I was bored." Jeff responds.

"It's to show how sick some people can get. 'Cause the ones with the poetry at the front, the notes that I left before I ran off, I was sick, Jeffy…you must understand that I did a ton of things…there's Cody. He was one of the kids I used to take care of back at the foster home and I tainted his mind…I broke him…sad thing he doesn't really know it…and I'm scared to tell him that I've sexually used him…I left just the night afterwards…I just can't look into those eyes again…shit, what did I fucking do to him? He was just a kid. He shouldn't be worrying about what I meant when I touched him. He should be worrying about beating Evie in that video game or something…"

Jeff just stares at him, hugging him tightly.

"Jeff…"

"Huh?"

"Please, just understand, have you and Matt ever had sex?"

Jeff's cheeks flush pink and he nods his head. "Y-yeah. We did. A couple of times before but he stopped when…after that…"

"What'd you do?"

"I didn't want to have sex as much as he did. He'd come in and want me more than ever but he'd never tell me…I'd just know it by the boner he had…though I'd never be quite as hard as he was. Then one time, I just came in and let him fuck me senseless…'cause that was the night I found out he was raped. I didn't want him to feel…I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't have anything…that he had me…but it was pity sex and he didn't touch me afterwards…I felt so dirty." Jeff turns around to face the sleeping baby. "I feel so dirty…how could I fucking do that?"

"He thinks that he's rewiring your brain, Jeff. That's how I felt like with Cody. He just feels like he's changed you and it's his fault. Anything that happens to you, he doesn't think of it as your fault…he thinks of it as his fault…" Ted says, softly sighing. "Hell, look at me, because of just thinking that I rewired Cody's brain, I got a gun and started playing around with it, hopping from place to place and I never killed anyone but I needed the money…I really did…"

Jeff sighs. "Imma check on my brother."

Ted nods his head. "Tell him I said hi."

Jeff stops. "You know, Mike has Cody around in his house…maybe you should stop by, visit him."

"I can't do that. I can't have him look at me anymore. It's just too painful…"

Jeff lets out a soft sigh once more, 'Teddy, he hasn't forgotten you. When I was a child, when I'd have a nightmare, I'd always turn to Matt and the week that he had to leave for this trip, I always walked to his bedroom still…Cody grew up around you, he still does things to remind him of you…and you're never gonna rewire his brain. He'll be pissed when he knows the truth but Ted…he deserves just that, the truth. And if you just run away, at some point, you're gonna stop running and wonder where you are and why you're here and you'd realize that there's a way out but at that time, it won't matter 'cause you won't have anything at all…trust me, Ted, I may be a child but I've faced Death hands on. I know how darkness works and it's never tired of playing with the same puppets. Trust me, Ted. I know."

"IAN SHECKLER! WHAT IN FUCK'S NAME ARE YOU DOING NOW?!"

Shit pregnant fucking teen.

Ian looks over at Isabella, her swollen stomach in view even if it's supposed to be bigger, Ian rolls his eyes. "By the way, bitch, that's gonna be one skinny baby. She has nothing to eat! Go pick up some Chinese or something."

"Shut up." Isabella retorts, 'and what about you? You rarely eat."

"I'm the Devil. I don't have time to eat." Ian snaps at her, 'besides, there's the fact that my little game isn't over, Izzy."

She snorts. "Yeah? Whatcha gonna do now?"

Ian looks over at his dog, who's biting into a picture of Jeff, the vicious blue dog stares up at Ian, barking happily, while Ian takes the slobbery picture from the floor, pointing towards it. "Let's do that to the green eyed freak."

"Rip him to bits."

Ian nods his head, 'but let's do it in a very fun way."

"Can't you read minds or something? I mean, in stories, you have some sort of ungodly powers…in real life, you have shit powers."

Ian glares at her, 'I control Hell. What else could you want?! Besides, mind reading is fucking weird. You don't get to stop reading minds when you get the power. Ask Tammy. You see her. Whenever I'm around her, she looks like she's gonna blow up…reminds me, I should actually blow her up. Useless piece of shit."

"And what's the deal with you kissing Matt?"

"You got turned on?"

Isabella points towards the baby in her stomach.

"By the way, you're just a carrier. Imma throw you away after you're done delivering the skinny ass child."

X Sam.