Oh look! I finally figure out how to upload this chapter! Okay, technically my beta gave me the idea...but at least Chapter 14 is out! It was supposed to be posted on Christmas Day, but due to technical errors with the site I've been unable to post it until now.
Student applications are still welcome.
Lupe looked around at her fellow students, noting the bags under their eyes and the numerous bruises. She had been able to avoid that; her agreement to be Marshall Arts' student assistant had come with an exemption from random late-night training sessions. It was tempting to rub it in her fellow students' faces, but Lupe didn't want to be mobbed by angry fangirls (and fanboys, the often-forgotten lesser half of fandoms everywhere).
Meep and Lauphen had fallen asleep, Lauphen's head resting on Meep's shoulder and Meep's head resting on [-]'s shoulder. All around, other students were in similar states of exhaustion, either taking advantage of the short lull between Basic Canon and Creating Your Character to sleep or repeatedly pinching themselves. Several students were missing: Danish the Awesome and Christina Soh had come up with the idea that they could just eat Karen's cookie weaponry, while Izar Laun, Nathaniel Willowshaunt, and Theodore James White had attempted to prank Anjilly with a bucket of whitewash (obtained from Freeranger, who was sitting in the back and trying not to aggravate her bruises). The boys were currently hanging from the outer walls by their ankles, sweating in the steam that rose from the boiling lake beneath them. Danish and Christina had learned that Karen baked her cookie weaponry hard as diamonds, and were in the Healer's Wing getting their shattered teeth fixed and the broken bones healed (Karen did not take well to people thinking they could thwart her). Nobody could remember when they last saw Mai4, though a few people thought they'd seen her in Chapter 13.
"So how was your first day on the job?" Emma pressed Lupe for details.
"Yeah! What's it like, working for Marshall Arts? Did you see any canon characters? Did you see Zuzu?" Fyre Elaine squealed. "Ooh, Zuzuuuu…!"
"I didn't see any of the canon characters," Lupe admitted. "But Marshall and I prepared enough paper for him to sketch half of the students. There should be sign-up sheets in the cafeteria tomorrow. We finished early, so Marshall asked if he could get my yearbook picture done then. He kept saying he didn't like his drawings and doing new ones, even though I thought they were amazing."
"Did you get to keep the extras?" [-] inquired. "You could put them up in your room, add a little decoration. I'm getting tired of having bare walls."
"Yeah, it'd be nice if we could brighten up our dorms," Emma sighed. "I'm tired of metal everywhere."
"The courtyard has dirt," Jessica Carden pointed out. "And I think I saw a few blades of grass near one of the edges. Plus there's that forest the Foggy Swamp people made on one edge, though I swear things move in there."
"Things domove in there," Allie Doyle shivered. "Master Pakku took us in the woods to train a few nights ago…Carsten swears something grabbed her ankle and started dragging her into the shadows."
"Ooooh," Andy Roseanne giggled. "Kinky!"
"How's the Waterbending training going, by the way?" Jessica Carden asked. "The Firebenders are still practicing breathing, and feeling heat, and not burning leaves. Jeong Jeong says none of us are ready to start shooting fireballs around yet. Something about us not having any control. Which is stupid, because I totally have control!"
"Yeah, like you had control when Zuko walked by and you tried to glomp him," Fyre Elaine rolled her eyes.
"You tried to glomp him too," Emma reminded Fyre. "Lupe, weren't you there?"
"Maybe…" Lupe looked away guiltily. She surreptitiously checked her shoulder—the lemur paw-shaped bruises were still there, but rapidly fading.
"Hey, class is starting!" [-] poked Lupe and pointed to the stage. Sure enough, Karen and Anjilly were walking on. "Shush up…Meep, Lauphen, wake up!"
"Nngh…Royroy, kill…eh?" Meep stirred, and lifted her head off of [-]'s shoulder. "Wassgoinon?"
"Class is starting," Emma whispered.
"Now, students," Karen rapped a cookie against a wall. "The past five weeks have been dedicated to identifying and generalizing categories of Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Today, we will be moving on to the creation of original characters."
Students began to whisper to each other, excited. Creating original characters! Finally! They were gonna make the best, the prettiest, the most badass…
"Our exploration of this subject will take up the remaining ten weeks of the semester," Anjilly pulled out a clicker and pushed a button. A screen rolled down from the ceiling. At the back of the hall, several lemurs turned on a projector. Lupe glanced up to look at the dust motes dancing in the beam of light before focusing on the teachers.
"Question: what is the most important part of creating a character?" Karen gestured to the hall. "Tell me what you think."
"What they wear!" Ashee Bieber shouted. "Totally what they wear!"
"How much muscle they have!" Daniel Clemens yelled.
"How much #$ they have!" Andy Roseanne and Joe C. Smith chorused in unison. "Wait…what was that?"
"No, no, and dear Pele no," Karen shook her head. "As for 'that,' it was the censor. I insisted we have one here after all the innuendos you made during Chapter Eleven—and I finally got the Headmaster to sign off on it. Well, he gave me a pawprint, but it's the same thing. Err…anyways, Ms. Ka, if you would?"
"Thank you, Ms. DuLay, I will," Anjilly cleared her throat and stepped forward. "The most important part of creating your character…is what kind of person they are."
Lupe blinked. What did thatmean, the kind of person they were?
"You need to have a concept for a character, and preferably for the story they take part in, before you can begin to really make a character," Anjilly continued. "Depending on the story, your characters must be different to fit the plot and setting."
"The concept usually starts as a vague impression of what the character is like," Karen took over. "Gender, age range, personality traits…before you start in on appearance, you need to know this information."
"In the Avatarverse, you also need to know their nationality and if they can Bend," Anjilly added. "Certain traits are associated with different nations, either by virtue of the element the nation is named for or the common lifestyle of people in that nation. It's unlikely for a Southern Water Tribe male to be as formally educated as a noble in Ba Sing Se or the Fire Nation, for example. Benders will require training to master their element, and the amount of training they have had directly affects their fighting abilities."
"For the rest of the semester, we will use this class to explore the points of creating characters," Karen looked at her partner, who changed the presentation to a slide that read "gender," "age," "nation," "Bender?," and "personality." "It's fairly obvious what your choices are for gender…unless you're introducing an alien species, in which case your story will have a lot of original constructs and worldbuilding, which will not be covered in this course." She thought for a moment before adding, "And gender is a social concept anyway, and is completely different from a person's biological sex and sexual orientation, so it canget pretty complicated. But in general, people tend to make their characters either male or female, and leave it at that." She shrugged.
"Age is a bit more broad of a topic," Anjilly continued. "You can have young characters, or you can have old characters. While choosing the age of a character, you need to keep in mind the skill set and personality you wish to give the character, as the age of a person helps determine these factors. Another important factor to keep in mind is that people really do look their age—or at least, their age range. Physical features show age clearly, and it's unlikely to find someone you could mistake for being much older or younger than they really are unless they've had plastic surgery or starved themselves while going through puberty to prevent development."
"If you're having trouble with figuring out how a person looks at a certain age, take a look at your family and friends," Karen butted in. "Say you want to make a character that's sixteen…take a long look at your sixteen-year-old cousin of the same gender as your character when you see him or her next, and incorporate general details from them into the character. And, this is a big pet peeve of mine, do notgive your character certain…eh…'attributes' that would not be possible for someone of their age without plastic surgery. Seriously, it can get ridiculous."
"Thank you for that, Karen," Anjilly rolled her eyes. "Moving on, the nation and Bending capabilities of your character also need to be thought of. Their nationality will influence their personality, as will the question of them being a Bender or not, because their nation will determine the culture and situation they were raised in. You can be sure that a Fire Nation citizen has different views and morals than a peasant or even noble from the Earth Kingdom."
"Their power, prestige, and property will be radically different as well," Karen chimed in. She paused. "But that's a discussion for later. Suffice to say, the nation a character is from will play a major role in determining their personality, beliefs, background, and lifestyle."
"Personality is the hardest of the basic five traits to be defined, because of the sheer range of possibilities." Anjilly changed the slides so that the screen was blank. "But you need to think long and hard about it, because it's also one of the most important parts of your character."
"Not to mention it influences all other aspects of your character, beyond the basic five," Karen walked to the edge of the stage. Her hands went into her pockets, and she leaned towards the students. Everyone in the front row leaned as far back as they dared. "Personality is a fluid thing—it changes as you go through your life, and is dependent on the situations you find yourself in, the parts of yourself you are stuck with, like your gender and age, and your basic brain chemistry."
"The last one is debatable, Karen," Anjilly objected. "The current scientific view is typically 'nurture over nature.'"
"Yes, but there is undeniably something that determines a person's most basic nature," Karen argued. "It…you know what, we'll continue this after class. For now, our dear students need only know that personality is dependent on family…whether it's biology or nurturing, however, is still being debated by the scientific community."
"Thank you," Anjilly nodded.
"So…personality!" Karen grinned. "What does our audience think of how a person's nationality might influence their personality?"
The students whispered amongst themselves for a few minutes, debating what they knew about the show from watching the episodes and how that could apply to personality. A few people had to have "personality" defined for them. Soon, hands began to rise. Karen pointed to one and nodded.
"Um…well, Zuko mentions in the show that the Earth Kingdom is proud and strong, so maybe if your character's from the Earth Kingdom they would be really proud and strong?" Owlson Pierce ventured.
"You used the singular 'they,'" Karen noted. "And yes, that is a valid point. Kudos to you. All right, who else has a thought? Ms. ihaznoideawuttowrite? What do you think?"
"Air Nomads are supposed to be monks and stuff, right?" ihaznoideawuttowrite hazarded. "So…an Air Nomad would probably be really religious, and spiritual, and maybe a vegetarian?"
"Indeed," Karen beamed. "Now let's hear from another Fire Nation student…Daniel Clemens, what about you?"
"Me?" Daniel pointed to himself. Karen nodded. "Hm…well, the Fire Nation is inherently superior to the other nations, so I'd say that anybody from there would be inherently superior to everyone else in all that they do."
"What?" Ai Da shrieked. "You wish! The Earth Kingdom is way better than you guys any day of the week! Who managed to fight off the Fire Nation for a hundred years, despite huge technological disadvantages and practically no warning before the initial attack?"
"Yeah!" Amy Ochanian backed up her fellow student.
"No way!" William GP protested. "The Fire Nation isn't all bad! We just had a few bad leaders!"
"We were misguided!" Somariel wailed. "Horribly, horribly misguided by our evil leaders! But Zuzu's not gonna mislead us!" The Fire Nation student brightened as she spoke the last sentence.
"Don't be foolish. It takes terrible people to do all the things the Fire Nation did," Cyrus Windfall scowled. "And the Earth Kingdom bore the brunt of it. It's just a good thing we won in the end."
"You didn't win, though," Fyre Elaine pointed out. "Zuko declared the war over. Technically the Fire Nation won, but then gave the Earth Kingdom back to its people."
"I'm with them on the 'Fire Nation is terrible' thing, though," Shiri added. "It takes some sort of predisposition for the horrors of the war to be possible. And remember Yon Rha? You need to be really messed up to do what he's done. Or, as Katara puts it, you need to have nothing inside—no humanity, no soul, nothing."
"The world is full of horrible people," Zuna asserted. "All we can do is suffer until we die."
"Still," Amy Ochanian frowned. "The Fire Nation is terrible."
"Yeah! Water Tribe's where it's at!" Nathan Hofstad jumped out of his seat, grinning hugely. "What do you guys say? Come on, let's hear it for the Water Tribe!"
"Yeah!" Moon Dragon and Vera Moretti cheered, the latter's voice muffled by her Guy Fawkes mask.
"What say we start a cheer for the Foggy Swamp Tribe, brony?" señor dangao pickle suggested to Sunan.
"We~ll," Sunan looked upwards thoughtfully, "there's really no way to determine which nation is best, because each of them has their own strengths and failings. I suppose you could try to create a points system…"
señor dangao pickle raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Y'know what, brony? Forget I even suggested it."
"All right, but if you really wanted to—"
"Wow," Karen blinked as the students dissolved into bickering about which nation was best. "Looks like they're getting some nationalistic pride. Which is…scary. I really hope they don't restart the War amongst themselves. Or try to conquer each other."
"I really hope you'll get them all to be quiet, so we can finish the lesson," Anjilly rolled her eyes.
"Shall I do that, then?" Karen pulled her hands from her pockets, producing a megaphone (made of cookies—what did you expect? It's Karen!). She raised it to her mouth and winked at her partner, took a deep breath, and yelled, "OI, STUDENTS! SEDET ET TACE!" The vic—students all stopped talking to stare at Karen in confusion.
"Um…what?" Daniel Hallowell asked.
"In English, that would be 'sit down and shut up,'" Karen explained. "Well, technically 'sit down and be quiet,' but 'shut up' conveys my meaning a bit better."
"Why not just say it in English? Not everyone understands Latin!" Sofia Jayne Owens called.
"Because Latin sounds cooler!" Karen laughed. Elise. No last name. slapped her forehead in a very realistic version of a facepalm.
"How is she a teacher?" Midori B.M. grumbled.
"She's not a teacher, she's a maniac telling us things," Nicole Jackson rolled her eyes. "I don't think she'd do very well as a teacher. A bit too bloodthirsty."
"I am too bloodthirsty to be a teacher!" Karen beamed at the Earth Kingdom students blatantly whispering about her in voices loud enough to be heard by everyone. "Thank you for noticing! Here, have some cookies…whoops, did I hit you in the stomachs? Oh my, clearly that was an accident…like me hand-signaling the lemurs to get the cookies back! Good work, Sake. Watch the bottle—ow!" Rubbing her temple, where a drunken Sokka-lemur had just clonked her with a bottle of Japanese alcohol, Karen turned to look at Anjilly. "All right, it's your turn to do stuff. I'm gonna go stand off to one side and hope aspirin is enough to stop my head from hurting."
"Bleeprin would be better," Anjilly reached into her sash and pulled out a small container of what looked like white tic-tacs. "I'm trying to distance myself from it, so I've got plenty of extra. It'll dull the pain…and your memories of the past ten to thirty minutes, but then, it's usually used by PPC Agents in badfics for just that reason."
"I dunno if I wanna lose my memories, it doesn't hurt that ba—yeowch! Seriously, Sake? Just as I'm about to say no to the drugs?" Karen twisted her head around to glare at the Misspelling Lemur. "Anj, gimme the bleeprin."
"Here," Anjilly handed her partner the container and turned to the students. "All right everyone, we—"
"Did you just give her drugs? In front of a room full of witnesses?" Ashee Bieber cried in horror. Karen walked over to the side of the stage and sat down, throwing her head back and emptying the bleeprin container into her mouth. A dazed expression settled over her face.
"Well…legal drugs, yes," Anjilly shrugged. "I wouldn't give her something I could be arrested for possessing. Trust me, bleeprin is fully approved by the Protectors of the Plot Continuum…probably because most of their agents are addicted to it."
"What is bleeprin?" Rikki Brook shouted.
"Bleeprin is a combination of bleach and aspirin," Anjilly said. "It's literal brain bleach. Helps dull the headaches that come with dealing with badfic, as well as any horrid mental images and memories that come with it. But we really should finish the lesson. We were discussing personality traits amongst the nations. Now, the few of you who managed to put in opinions had valid points, but there are also—"
"You can't combine bleach and aspirin!" Sofia Owens called. "Scientifically speaking, it's impossible for it to work! And how would it dull memories as well as pain? Wouldn't the bleach make you throw up?"
"No, don't bring logic into—!" Anjilly tried to quiet Sofia, but too late. Karen's dazed look faltered, and she threw herself to the edge of the stage in time to empty her stomach over it. Isabella Rose and Scarlet Johnson, the only students who ever sat in the front row anymore (because Isabella insisted it was her "right" to do so, as the Avatar, and that since Scarlet was her best friend she could join her) threw themselves to the side and barely avoided the mess.
"Thanks…a…lot…!" Karen glared at Sofia through heaves.
"Pointing out the illogic will just keep the bleeprin from working," Anjilly growled, "and adding the fact that bleach will make you throw up only makes sure you do."
"I…will…torture…gehack!" Karen doubled over as she started to dry-heave.
"Umm…anything else we should know?" Sofia eyed Karen apprehensively.
"Bleeprin doesn't mix well with alcohol." Anjilly paused and thought for a second. "Well, if Karen were in any state to talk, she'd tell you that it does mix well, it just tends to explode after mixing. But that's not the point here. We were talking about personality in your original characters—!"
"ANJILLY! KAREN!" Iroh burst through the doors of the Spirit Hall, looking haggard. His hair was a mess, and he was still in his pajamas. Those close enough could see that his eyes were wide and bloodshot. Owlson Pierce realized she was within touching distance of her Lust Object, and promptly fainted.
"Iroh?" Anjilly blinked in surprise. "What is it? Something wrong?"
"It…it's terrible…" Iroh sobbed. "So terrible…I can't believe…"
"What is it, Iroh?" Anjilly stepped forward, alarmed. "Is it a plothole? Has someone been injured? Did Azula snap…snap more than before, and attack someone?"
"Worse," Iroh began to cry. "S-so much worse…" Lupe felt her eyes widen. Iroh had only cried in the series when someone was dead, or he was forgiving Zuko. What could have happened to make him cry?
"Then what?" Anjilly pressed.
"It's gone…all gone…" Iroh sniffed and wiped at one eye.
"What's gone?" Ari Mason called anxiously. Other students were whispering to themselves, wondering what could have happened. Several younger students started to cry in fear.
"The…the tea! It's all gone!" Iroh wailed, bursting into fresh tears.
Lupe blinked. That…was it? Just tea?
"NOOOO! NOT THE TEA!" Anjilly screamed in horror. She fell to her hands and knees, staring wide-eyed at the floor in shock. All of the students—excepting those who knew the bliss of tea for themselves, and were wise enough not to comment—stared at the Course Coordinator and canon character in confusion.
"Um…it's just tea, you guys…" Ishi Bananas spoke up.
"BLASPHEMER!" Anjilly cried, pointing a finger at the Earth Kingdom student. He shrank down in his seat.
Karen had finished expelling the bleeprin (and everything else) from her stomach, and managed to stand by bracing herself against the wall. "Th-the tea's…gone?" She gasped. "Do you know how? Was it a plothole?"
"No, no, I saw the last of it being carried off," Iroh choked on his words, and had to pause a moment before he could continue. "It…it was…a small, furry thing, like a ferret-weasel…"
"A ferret-weasel stole your tea?" Karen raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Are you sure? I don't think they can brew tea…or even digest it."
"I know what I saw! It was a ferret-weasel!" Iroh insisted.
Anjilly gasped. "Like the weasel that stole Mai4!"
"I told you I saw Swiper the Fox!" Fyre Elaine hissed to Freeranger.
"Karen…bleeprin…please!" Anjilly begged. She held her hands out towards her partner in supplication.
"Um…I ate it all. Then threw it all up when Ms. Owens brought logic into the equation. I'm still not happy about that," Karen gave Sofia the evil eye.
"But...it's bleach," Sofia said. "And aspirin. It makes no sense!"
Anjilly glared at Sofia. "Congratulations, Miss Logic, you just did away with the one thing that was getting me through my tea withdrawal."
The students exchanged horrified glances. On the one hand, the fact that Sofia had managed to score against Anjilly and Karen was pretty amazing. On the other hand, the memories of tealess!Anjilly dishing out punishment at GrammarBootCamp were still fresh in their minds.
"Anj," Karen said, attempting to sound placating, "weren't you trying to quit your bleeprin addiction, anyway?"
"Only while I had tea to make it bearable!" Anjilly wailed. "And then that stupid weasel stole my tea, so I went back on bleeprin...and Iroh was going to share his tea with me, but now it's GONE! Gone, Karen! MY PRECIOUS IS GONE!" She started sobbing hysterically.
"Oh," Karen paused. "Oh. I get it. Okay. Um, students, class is over, a situation has come up that requires my immediate attention. The rest of your classes will be continuing as scheduled. Until then, have fun."
The students milled about noisily for half a minute before a few brave souls stood up and walked around Iroh towards the door. Iroh's Misspelling Lemurs Orain, Iron, Irh, Ihro, Ieoh, and Iro hissed threateningly from their perches over the door whenever anyone got too close to their namesake. Owlson Pierce had to be carried out by Jessica Carden and Shiri. Wei Tzu and "Daeth" Santos, who had decided early on in the semester that they were the "bad boys" of the school, swaggered close by the crying canon character to prove how badass and unafraid of the lemurs they were. Orain and Iro dive-bombed them until they accepted the five-foot boundary and stayed out of range.
"Hey, Sunan, wait up!" Lupe heard one of the Earth Kingdom students—Zerkz, she thought—calling to the Foggy Swamp Tribe student. "We've gotta discuss the schedule for the next Suki Fans meeting!"
"So…" Lupe looked at [-], Meep, and Lauphen, "what just happened?"
Lunchtime at OFUA:TLA was always a noisy affair. Students whined and complained about the food, their pets tried to steal from their plates, and most people left the cafeteria still hungry. A few students had eaten Asian food before, and were as yet unsuccessful in convincing their friends to eat it. Several of the pets, such as Vera Moretti's capybara Pete and Mai4's panda Baobao, had perfected the art of looking adorable and starving. Shiri's saber-toothed mooselion Tashi preferred the more direct route of growling threateningly and eyeing the food platters.
Freeranger, aka Lana Kirk, had a harder time than her fellows keeping pets away from her food. She was thoroughly regretting having said in her application that she "walked alone," as it meant she had no nation and thus sat on the floor during mealtimes. Scarlet Johnson's "putty tat" (a rather creepy blob of silly putty that rolled around on the floor and made mewling noises) Axle Child was attempting to steal Freeranger's rice. Holding the plate out of its reach didn't help much, as Ashee Bieber's horse Destiny just took that as an invitation to eat the food itself.
She was getting just a little bit fed up with this place. Sticking her in a room that smelled like turnips, with a plothole in one corner that spewed random stuff out and glowed colors that hurt her eyes…what gave these people the right?
Okay, maybe she'd signed away her rights when she filled out the application form. But the Kyoshi Warriors were holding their katanas to her neck! She'd been under duress! Shouldn't that make the paperwork null and void? But noooo, because the whole freakin' universe here didn't like one little story she'd written, about a show she'd only seen one episode of…
A squirrel decided to use Axle Child as a launching pad, and flung itself at Freeranger's face. "Mr. Mister, no! Don't attack people!" Ishi Bananas shouted, getting up from the Earth Kingdom table and nudging aside several people's cats so he could go over. "Bad crocheting squirrel…go knit something!"
Oh yeah. Freeranger definitely hated it here.
"All right, everyone," Aunt Wu clapped her hands together and beamed at the Fire Nation and Air Nomad students. "Today we will have a quick review and a demonstration of three fortune-telling methods of Asian culture. Now who can tell me three methods of fortune telling from the Real World's China?"
The students started whispering to each other, and eventually hands started going up. Aunt Wu pointed at Karana Solara and nodded for her to answer.
"There's face reading, palm reading, and 'bazi'?" Karana ventured.
"Yes, yes, very good!" Aunt Wu clapped her hands together in delight. "Now, who can tell me what common elements are often found in fortune telling? Anyone? Ms. Owens, your hand is raised: I presume you have an answer for me?"
"Actually, I'd like to say that fortune is bogus," Sofia asserted. "It's based on unscientific methods that have no basis in reality. You think a person's hand or face can tell you what's going to happen to them?"
"I sense someone's not a believer," Aunt Wu tsked.
"She's been protesting this class since the first day, on the basis that spirits can't possibly exist," Yue whispered to the old fortuneteller.
"I think I know who the volunteer for the first demonstration is," Aunt Wu's smile widened, displaying more of her teeth. Her eyes narrowed, fixing on Sofia. "Ms. Owens, why don't you come up here and let me do a reading on you?"
"Actually, I'd rather no—gah!" Sofia yelped as Aange, Yang, Geatso, and Gyatsu latched onto her shoulders and flew her over to the stage. "Wait…wait a minute! They fly primarily by gliding! That was not possible! Four lemurs cannot carry a teenager!"
"Our world has flying pigs," Yue reminded the Air Nomad student. "Why do you expect logic?"
"Because…oh, never mind. Let's get this over with," Sofia grumbled. "Do your worst, ma'am."
"Very well, my dear," Aunt Wu beckoned her over. "Since this is the first demonstration, I'll use palm reading. Show me your hands."
Sofia complied, but muttered, "Shouldn't you just do one hand?" The hall's acoustics picked up the words immediately, letting everyone know.
"Yes, but I'd like to be as accurate as possible," Aunt Wu replied absently. She placed her left hand under Sofia's right and moved it into the light, then leaned down and squinted at it while tracing the lines with her right index finger. "Yes, yes…yes, I had thought as much…other hand?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you a specific question for this?" Sofia complained as her left hand received a close inspection.
"Only if there's something you really want to know," Aunt Wu's brow creased as she examined Sofia's left hand. "My word, I've never seen someone with such an imbalance of wood and metal! You have no time for anything that is not scientific, or cannot be measured and analyzed. This will result in you leading a lonely life, unless you begin to open your heart to others more."
"Excuse me?" Sofia snatched her hand away. "I've had enough of this! Good-bye!" She stormed to the edge of the stage, then paused. "Um…how do I get back to my seat?" As a measure of protection against fangirls, none of the stages in any of the halls connected to the seating areas. The only way onto the stages was through the Staff hallways, which students were not allowed to use. In the space between the first row of seating and the edge of the stage, Karen had asked Huu to grow a thick hedge of thorny bushes and poison ivy. Sofia had no intention of trying to force her way through that.
Fortunately for Sofia, the Misspelling Lemurs had no intention of that happening either. Thirty seconds later, the Air Nomad student was deposited in her seat from a height of seven feet. The other students sitting around her winced in sympathy.
"Well, let's get back to what we were talking about," Aunt Wu suggested. "I had just asked what common elements are found in fortunetelling. Who has my answer?"
William GP raised his hand tentatively. Wu called on him. "Astronomy comes up a lot?" He smiled nervously.
"Indeed it does!" Aunt Wu beamed. "Anything else?"
"Balance? The elements?" Rikki Michaela Brook called.
"Yes, very good!" Aunt Wu clapped her hands together in delight. "Consulting the stars and the balance of the elements are both important parts of some fortunetelling methods. These methods tend to take a while, however, so I won't be demonstrating them in class." Several students "awwww-ed" in disappointment. "But I will demonstrate a method of fortune-telling from Real World China known as 'Kau Cim,' and a method of fortunetelling from the series."
"The thing where you throw a bone in a fire and read the cracks?" Chloe Cooksey asked eagerly.
"That's the one," Aunt Wu nodded.
"YES! THAT IS SO GONNA BE ME!" Chloe bragged.
"Should we mention that now there's no chance she'll be picked at all?" Yue murmured to Hei Bai. He grunted. "No, then?"
"I'd like a volunteer from the audience for Kau Cim—ah, you there! The young man with the two women sleeping on your shoulders!" Aunt Wu pointed to [-]. He jerked in surprise at being picked out, waking Lauphen and Meep from their sleep.
"M-me?" [-] squeaked.
"Yes, you," Aunt Wu nodded. "Why don't you have your fortune told?"
"My fortune? Um, no, I don't think I—gyah!" [-] yelped as Zukko, Befong, and Mae grabbed him. Despite his fervent protests, the Fire Nation student was dumped unceremoniously on the stage in front of Aunt Wu. The old fortuneteller produced a tall cup of sticks from behind her back, and rattled it.
"Take this," she instructed. [-] started to get up, but Wu placed a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. "Stay kneeling, my boy. Now, think of a question and repeat it over and over in your mind. Hold the cup—yes, perfect. Are you thinking of your question?" [-] bobbed his slightly in a "yes." "Very good. Now, tip the cup slightly downwards and shake it."
[-] turned the mouth of the cup a few degrees down from horizontal, and started to move it back and forth. Three sticks fell out, and he looked up at Aunt Wu expectantly.
"If more than one stick falls out, you have to do it again," Wu explained. [-] shrugged, picked up the sticks, and placed them in the cup again. "Hm…it helps if you pray to a deity for aid. Are there any deities you care to pray to?"
"Um…I guess…" [-] closed his eyes. His brow furrowed as he thought hard. "Okay, I got my question and my prayer. Now what?"
"Now shake the cup again, just like you did before," Aunt Wu told him. [-] did so, and one stick fell out of the cup. "Excellent! Give it here!"
"What's my fortune?" [-] tried not to look to eager. Guys getting their fortune told wasn't a very common sight where he was from, nor was it considered entirely manly.
"First, you need to confirm the validity of your answer," Aunt Wu opened one hand to reveal two blocks of stone, each with one rounded side and one flat side. "Toss these on the ground. If there is a flat side and a round side facing up, the fortune is valid. Should you get two flats or two rounds, we'll try again. As a side note, if you get two flats it is considered to imply denial, and that the deity is laughing at you."
"I wouldn't be surprised," [-] muttered. He accepted the stones from Aunt Wu, and threw them on the floor. One landed with the flat side up: the other landed with the round side up. "Does that mean my fortune's good?"
"Indeed it does," Aunt Wu looked at the stick, and smiled. "Yue, could you give me the piece of paper marked 'seven'?"
"Yes, here it is," Yue pulled the paper out of a small envelope sitting on a table that held various fortunetelling implements. Aunt Wu accepted the paper, and smiled.
"Your fortune says this, boy," she spoke to [-]. "'Great happiness can be found when you follow your heart's desires.' A good fortune, to be sure."
"Wow…thanks," [-] grinned. He was still grinning when the Lemurs picked him up off the stage and dropped him in his seat, startling Royroy enough to make the electric rat give [-] a shock.
"One more fortunetelling—the bones," Aunt Wu crooked a finger towards someone offstage, and a Fire Nation guard wheeled in a low table with a brightly burning fire and a bowl of bones. "May I have a volunteer?"
"ME!" Chloe Cooksey screamed. "ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!" Ari Mason and ihaznoideawuttowrite stuffed their fingers in their ears and grimaced at their fellow Air Nomad's high pitch. The door to the hall creaked open, and a female student in the Fire Nation student uniform crept in.
"How about…the young girl that just walked into the classroom, blatantly late?" Aunt Wu suggested innocently. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, young lady?"
"Uhhh…" Lupe's mind blanked. "I…was helping Marshall clean brushes after lunch…because he spilt ink all over them and thought it would go faster with two…and it took a while, because when we were done he asked if he could redo my yearbook picture again because the old one got ink on it too."
"I see," Aunt Wu raised an eyebrow.
"It's kind of hard not to," Andy Roseanne sat up in her chair and winked at Lupe.
"In any case, why don't you come up to the stage and have your fortune told?" Aunt Wu gestured to the fire and bones. "I was about to have a final demonstration."
"Nooooo! Meeeee!" Chloe Cooksey wailed. Suko dive-bombed her, effectively shutting her up as the lemur grabbed the sash tied around her waist and tied it around her mouth instead.
"Actually," Lupe inched towards the seats nervously, eyeing Chloe, "I'd really rather let someone else—"
"Oh, I insist," Aunt Wu smiled as Lupe was seized by five lemurs and brought to the stage. "Now, pick up a bone and put it in the fire."
"Er…you mean, like Aang did that one time when he saved your village from the volcano?" Lupe hesitated, but picked up a bone. Eww, it felt all dead and gross, like there were germs on it that were getting on her hands. She didn't like that episode with the bone-fire-fortunetelling thing…it was way too Kataang for her.
"Yes, just like then." Aunt Wu paused. "Only I don't think your bone will be exploding."
"Didn't Karen find those bones for you?" Yue recalled. "I…I think I'll just go stand over there…"
Lupe gulped as the Moon Spirit walked offstage, and glanced at the fire. She held the bone tentatively, and gave it a weak toss. It fell short of the fire, and the students started sniggering. Gritting her teeth, Lupe picked up the icky bone and gave it a more solid throw. This time it landed in the bowl of fire.
"Now, we observe the bone as it begins to crack," Aunt Wu walked over to the fire and looked inside. One eyebrow started to rise higher and higher, until it was nearly at her hairline. "My my…put the fire out for me, would you, Lee?"
"Yes ma'am," the random Fire Nation guard leaned down and blew. The fire went out, and Aunt Wu pushed her sleeve back so she could reach into the bowl and take out the bone.
"Very nice cracks indeed," Aunt Wu studied the burnt surface of the bone. "Ms. Hernandez, according to this bone, you will find great friendships and adventure at this institution…as well as pain. Much, much pain. In less than two weeks' time, you will have foolishly run into trouble and paid the price. And there is someone very close to you who is about to become very happy, and he will share that happiness with you."
"Um…does it say anything about…"
"No, you will not be able to make Zuko fall madly in love with you or Katara."
Lupe had never believed in fortunetelling anyways.
"Hello, Karen?" Sokka knocked on the door to the cookiephile's office, and stuck his head in. "I need to talk to you…about…" His jaw dropped. The door swung all the way open, and Sokka stepped a few feet inside to point at a very strange object in the center of Karen's room. "What is that?"
"Huh? That?" Karen looked up from the paperwork on her desk (which she was only doing because Anjilly without tea was a far scarier thing than Anjilly with tea, at least when Anjilly without tea wasn't crying about the tea being gone, and Anjilly without tea wanted Karen to do both of their paperwork so Anjilly could lock herself in a room and cry). "It's a suit of armor made of cookies. I baked it a couple nights ago, when I drank too much Dr. Pepper and couldn't sleep."
"You…you…you know what? I'm not going to be surprised by anything you do anymore." Sokka threw his hands up in defeat. "I came because Aang Took wanted to know if he should make the mooncakes for the Mid-Autumn Festival. Anjilly's too busy crying with Iroh about the tea disappearing to give a good answer."
"Huh? Yeah, sure, sure," Karen waved a hand. "I needed to get that taken care of anyways. One less thing to worry about, and all."
"Okay, thanks," Sokka nodded. He turned to go, but caught a glimpse of Karen's paperwork and stopped. "Hey…that's one of the supply transcripts, isn't it? What are you ordering?"
"Supplies for the Mid-Autumn Festival," Karen explained, painstakingly trying to write the Chinese version of her name with a bamboo brush. She wasn't doing very well, to say the least. "I suppose I should order more flour for the mooncakes, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah, maybe," Sokka walked over to the desk and started scanning the scroll Karen was signing. "Hold up…why do you need lanterns painted to look like cookies?"
"I thought it'd be fun, since my attempts at baking cookie lanterns didn't go over so well," Karen shrugged. "Hmm…what kind of fillings should I order for the moon cakes? Knowing Aang Took, he'll want to use mushrooms…something wrong?"
"Um…banners with cookie designs on them…enough ingredients to make thousands of cookies…" Sokka frowned as he read the document. "And you want to see if we can paint the moon to look like a giant cookie. Karen, I don't think Yue would go for that…"
"Why not? Cookies are a great theme for the Mid-Autumn Festival!" Karen grinned. "Plus, I read that in some parts of China they have these matchmaking things where girls throw ribbons at a crowd of boys, and the boy that catches a girl's ribbon has the best chance for a romance with her…I was thinking maybe we could try something similar, only with cookies instead of ribbons."
"Who agreed to let you plan this again?" Sokka looked sideways at Karen and raised an eyebrow.
"Nobody," Karen pulled a cookie from her pocket. "Anj didn't want me getting involved, but with her crying about the tea and everybody else being busy with lessons—"
"Long's Feng's not that busy," Sokka interrupted.
"—everybody that isn't plotting how to regain power or busy with lessons—"
"The Freedom Fighters are pretty happy just goofing off all day."
"—and nobody else with proper organizational skills—"
"Jet managed to keep a bunch of kids organized and attacking the Fire Nation for years. I think he must have some pretty good organizational skills." Sokka didn't like Jet very much, but he had to admit that the guy could definitely lead and organize a guerrilla fighting squad. And Jet wouldn't try to make the Mid-Autumn Festival cookie-themed. Destroy-The-Fire-Nation-themed, maybe, but at least it wouldn't involve painting the moon. Which, now that Sokka thought about it, might come across as sacreligious to the Water Tribes...
"Oh, for Agni's sake, Sokka!" Karen groaned. "Let me win here? Look, I really didn't want to bother any of the canon characters for this, and I want to do something to prove to Anj that I'm not just a cookie-obsessed psycho waiting out my year here before I get full Agent status and head to off to kill stuff with pastries." Karen paused, and added, "Of course, that's pretty much what I'm doing here. But still."
"I understand wanting to prove yourself to the older, more experienced Agent," Sokka sighed, "but maybe you should do a little more research before starting to change the Mid-Autumn Festival into the Cookie Festival."
"What's wrong with a Cookie Festival?" Karen blinked.
"Well…it's not that there's anything wrong with one…it's more that the Mid-Autumn Festival has its own qualities that need to be emphasized." Sokka tried to find the right words. "Err…look, how about you let me and Aang Took plan this out? The little guy's been wanting to be more useful for a while now. It's a great opportunity to let him."
"I'm not sure…dear flame, yes, please," Karen leaned her head against her hand and closed her eyes. "I thought I would have to stay up all night working on these…if you could do it…"
"We'll get it done," Sokka felt a smile tugging at his lips. "You can prove yourself some other time."
Books. Shelves upon shelves of books and scrolls and parchment and ancient tomes…Wan Shi Tong's library was a marvel. Professor Zei had started putting up labels of what the books in each section were about (history, theological, philosophical, etc.), making it all that much easier to find what one was looking for. Everything was in Chinese, of course, but the members of the Asian Lovers Research Society and the Calligraphy Club were working to translate the textbooks and important reference books.
Sofia Jayne Owens, scientist extraordinaire, was reading a translated version of the Peaceful Air Monks textbook and trying to ignore everyone around her. Classes were over for the day, and everyone was either out walking their pets or in the library trying to study. Newton, Sofia's mynah bird, was probably flying around the school with Izar Laun's falcon Ciro (pronounced like "Siro," as the Fire Nation student stressed to everyone), Elise's parakeet Kiwi, and Ari's kestrel Summer.
The words on the page before her stopped holding any meaning, and Sofia's mind drifted back to her fortune. A complete waste of time, naturally, but still…
She was not emotionally stifled! Sofia was positive she was not, and even if she was, well, she was a scientist. It was her nature to measure and examine and figure things out. All the crazy things at OFUA:TLA could be assigned reasonable explanations…
"Aren't my kitties adorable?" Fyre Elaine giggled somewhere behind Sofia.
"Um…they're trying to eat your fingers," Wei Tzu pointed out.
"Aw, they always do that. It's how they show affection!"
…All right, maybe there were a few things beyond modern science. But still.
And it wasn't like Sofia didn't have friends…Ari Mason was sitting across the table, reading a translation of the Spirit World 101 book. Granted, about all they did was sit around and read books, asking each other for opinions or help interpreting phrases from time to time. They were still friends, though. Yeah.
Weird, though…Sofia was feeling sorta…lonely.
"Well well, it looks like your horse stances are coming along well," Bumi snickered. "And you all look somuch more awake than you were three hours ago when we started."
Zerkz would have begged to differ, but he was too exhausted to open his mouth. He just wanted to fall over and sleep. Why did he have to be a Bender? Why couldn't he have just said he wanted a katana and been done with it? After this, he would have to endure two hours of sword training with Piandao, and the Benders that hadn't chosen any weapons would get to go back to their rooms and sleep…
"I think it's time you all were allowed to move some rocks!" Bumi announced. Zerkz's exhaustion instantly evaporated in light of the possibility of doing some actual Earthbending. "On the side of the training field, you will see enough boulders for all of you. Pick one, and go stand by its west side."
"We're gonna move rocks with our minds!" Nicole Jackson squealed as the Earthbending students made their way to the side of the field. "This is so exciting! Azula's gonna be so impressed with me!"
"Or you'll fail miserably and we'll all laugh," Daeth Santos snickered.
"Don't be such a killjoy," Ai Da huffed. "I'm sure we'll all do fine for our first tries."
"Everyone in position?" Bumi craned his neck around to check. "Good! Assume your horse stance!" Zerkz and his fellow students immediately stomped their feet onto the ground and widened their feet, pulling their elbows in to their sides. Closing his eyes, Zerkz tried to listen to the earth—it was tricky, but everyone had gotten the hang of it by then. Cyrus said it was similar to how Toph described her "sight"—the Earthbending students' bare feet somehow relayed to them a sense of the earth itself.
Bumi observed the students, and couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride. Nearly six weeks—thirty-eight days, if you wanted to be specific—and the students could finally feel the earth. Granted, they were starting their training very late, and they tended to complain about the things that would let them learn how to Earthbend without hurting themselves, but they were in decent horse stances and they were breathing properly and they were ready to move those rocks.
"Keep your breathing steady…" Bumi instructed, "and…punch!"
Midori and Nicole Jackson punched the instant they heard a "p" sound from Bumi's lips. Their boulders skidded several yards, and fell over. Izzy Smiling's boulder didn't move at all, earning him some bruised knuckles. Ai Da and Daeth's boulders careened sideways and smashed into each other, throwing rock chips everywhere. Cyrus Windfall flinched back from the debris, and accidentally Bended his boulder into coming back at him and whacking him onto his back. Zerkz's boulder rolled over a couple of times, then just sat on the ground.
"Well, that was better than I expected from most of you," Bumi beamed at his students. "Mr. Windfall, you may go to the Healer's Wing and receive medical treatment. I'll expect you to meet me back here after the day's classes are done so you can make up the time you've missed. Everyone else, how do you feel about your first real time Earthbending?"
"It's harder than I expected it would be," Midori B.M. frowned. "The rock…really didn't wanna move."
"Yes, rock rarely wishes to change unless the change happens slowly," Bumi nodded. "Earth is a very patient element, willing to spend millennia waiting for a change to occur. As Earthbenders, one of the key things you must learn is patience. You must wait for the rock itself to be ready to move."
"Like how you surrendered and let the Fire Nation take over your home until the right time to strike back?" Izzy called.
"Exactly!" Bumi nodded. "I realized we were at a disadvantage, and would lose anyway, so I let the Fire Nation take the city without bloodshed. My people were able to escape later, and lived to fight another day. Had we attacked, or even defended ourselves, the loss of life would have been too great to justify."
"But what if you'd waited too long, and hadn't been able to recognize the right time to attack?" Ai Da asked.
"That's a good question, Ms. Da," Bumi stomped his foot, and a rock about as big as his head flew up out of the ground and landed in his waiting hand. "Another important aspect of Earthbending is the ability to listen—to be able to identify what time is right for attacking, or defending, or doing nothing. Hopefully you will all learn how to tell when the earth is telling you to do what before the school year ends."
"Um…sir?" Ishi Bananas raised his hand. "Is it just me, or is something…rumbling? Really close by?"
"Hm?" Bumi looked up and squinted. "Nope, not just you. Brace yourselves!" The King of Omashu quickly Earthbended a pillar of rock up under his feet, just as a huge wave of water swept over the Earthbender training field. Most of the Waterbender students were being carried along in the wave as well, desperately trying to keep from drowning. Several students crashed into Bumi's earth pillar.
The wave slowly subsided, the moisture sinking into the dirt. Waterbenders and Earthbenders alike moaned in pain.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I do that?" Pakku rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. "My apologies. You know how difficult it can be to splash a little water around properly, don't you?"
"Nice wave," Bumi complimented his fellow White Lotus member.
"Ohmigosh, it's Bumi! Hi Bumi!" Allie Doyle grinned like a madwoman and started waving frantically to her Lust Object. Had he not been twenty feet in the air on a pillar of smooth rock, she might have attempted a glomp.
"You know what would make this even better, though?" Bumi suggested, a twinkle in his eye.
"Do tell," Pakku smirked. "Or rather, show?"
"Gladly!" Bumi held out his hands and clenched his fists. The ground underneath the students turned into sand—heavily drenched sand. Another word for "heavily drenched sand" is "quicksand." Quicksand tends to suck people in, and the quicksand underneath the students immediately began to do so.
"Ahh! What is this?" Ashee Bieber screamed. She started thrashing around as if she were trying to swim, and only sank faster.
"Consider this a practical lesson in Earth- and Waterbending," Pakku smiled grimly. "First person to use their Bending to properly escape from the quicksand gets five points of extra credit.
"Hey Zerkz," Sunan greeted his Earthbender friend cheerfully as the combined classes began trying to Bend their way out of the quicksand. "How's your day going so far?"
"Peachy," Zerkz grumbled, failing to solidify the earth around him like Toph had done in "The Desert."
"That's great!"
"The sad thing is I know you didn't get the sarcasm and you're being sincere…"
The only drawback to Fire Nation Military was that Zuko did not teach it. Other than that, it was sort of neat. Lupe had a soft spot for Iroh, one of the teachers, and while she absolutely loathed Azulon, Ozai, and Zhao for being so mean to Zuko in the show, it turned out Sozin had a great sense of humor…despite having left his best friend to die so he could take over the world.
"All right," Azulon pointed to the first slide, "who can tell me what that is?"
"A suit of plate armor?" Somariel called.
"Indeed it is," Azulon nodded. "This, along with chainmail, is the stereotypical Western idea of armor. However, you can also have armor that is made of leather, wood, silk, paper…even turtleduck shells."
"In battle, you need to consider what kind of situations you're likely to run into before deciding on your armor choices," Sozin, who had the remote for the slide projector, changed slides to three screenshots from the series. "This first picture here is of a Fire Nation soldier with no Firebending capabilities. You will note he is carrying a spear—this is one of several weapons available, which we will cover a little later on in the class."
"You'll notice that his shoulder pads are different from the older version, which I had modified during my reign to be more practical," Azulon added, indicating the second screenshot. It was Hahn in the old Fire Nation uniform, looking smug. "The upturned shoulder spikes kept getting caught on things. Highly impractical."
"A point I would like to bring up is that the uniform has a split down the front, in the middle," Iroh added. "This would allow the soldier to ride more easily on a komodo rhino. It is an adaptation seen commonly in Real World Mongol designs, allowing the armor to protect the rider's legs. Firebender uniforms do not have this aspect, possibly because fighting from rhinoback would limit a Firebender's effectiveness."
"That takes us to the Firebender armor," Ozai held up a helmet. "As you will see in the final picture on the screen, Firebenders wear different helmets from ordinary soldiers. This is purportedly for psychological warfare. Just think of how a soldier in battle would feel, facing an opponent with a helmet that makes them look like some sort of demon while that opponent is shooting flames from his hands."
"The facemask is removable, allowing a Firebender to take it out while talking to someone," Zhao put in as Ozai demonstrated. "Because the facemask can make one's voice sound strange while they are wearing it, this can put one at a disadvantage."
"It can also be an advantage, if you don't want anyone to know who you are," Iroh pointed out. "Zuko kept his facemask on all the time he was hiding on Zhao's flagship, and nobody ever suspected he was not who he said he was."
"Now that we've looked at the armor designs, let's discuss what the armor is made of," Sozin changed slides again. "Traditional Chinese armor did not use metal plates that often—in fact, it hardly used metal at all. More common materials were leather, silk, chainmail, even paper and turtle shells." As he named each material, he clicked the remote and brought up a bullet point with its name. "Chainmail, I might add, was rarely linked together as Europeans would make it, but rather was sewn onto silk or some fabric that could be stiffened."
"Why didn't you use plate armor?" Theodore White called.
"Well, for starters, think about the battle conditions in a world where your opponents can move rocks with their minds, or create huge waves of water," Azulon told the student. "Metal is heavy and can slow you down, which is a bad thing if you're dodging boulders or swimming through ten feet of water. Leather and fabric is much easier to move in."
"But what about if someone's stabbing you with a sword?" Izar Laun asked.
"Leather can block a strike just as well as metal," Azulon explained. "Granted, you will want hardened and reinforced leather. But if you want extra protection, you can sew metal rings into the fabric of your uniform."
"It all comes back to maneuverability over strength," Ozai summed up. "You want to be able to avoid your opponent's attacks so that you can strike him before he strikes you. When battling a Bender, this is especially important, especially if you yourself are not a Bender."
"Metal buckles, snaps, clasps, or any such fastenings, are likely all the metal you will find on a Fire Nation uniform," Sozin finished. "We will now move on to practical armor—what we advise you to wear if you should ever find yourself in a battle."
"We want them to wear armor into battle?" Zhao frowned in bewilderment. "But…then they might survive."
"Don't mind him, he's just read too many slash fics with him and Zuko," Iroh reassured the students. "He won't actually try to murder you all in your sleep." Zhao's Death Glare™ did nothing to reinforce Iroh's words. Lupe cowered against her seat and thanked the Virgin that she hadn't written that Zuko/Zhao story she'd thought up last summer.
"Well, components of armor," Azulon nodded to his father. Sozin clicked the remote again, and the screen changed to a picture of a typical Fire Nation soldier. "You will note the non-Bender soldier has a conical helmet, similar to ancient Chinese designs. At the back and on the sides of the helmet are flaps of fabric or soft leather, which help to protect the neck and prevent the soldier from getting cold during night duties or cold weather. A small pointed piece sticks up from the top."
"If you got headbutted be somebody wearing one of those, it'd hurt," Daniel Clemens snickered. Theodore White and William GP, sitting on either side of him, snorted.
"The shape of the helmets is important," Ozai gestured to the helmet in the picture. "If someone tries to deliver a blow to the head, the rounded edge of the helmet will cause some of the force of the blow to be redirected. You can see similar designs in some parts of Real World Europe."
"Let's move on to the shoulder plate and body armor," Sozin suggested. "You will notice that the breastplate continues downwards, splits in the front near groin level, and continues down to the soldier's knees? This allows a soldier better protection on the sides if they should find themselves riding a komodo rhino into battle, and makes for an easier time while running. There is also a split in the back, which again contributes to ease of movement and protection while riding or running. The small piece that hangs down in front likely serves as protection for the front, particularly the groin."
"Um…can you stop saying groin? It's making me uncomfortable," Emma requested nervously.
"Yes, we'd just hate to make you uncomfortable," Zhao drawled sarcastically. "As uncomfortable as someone who gets kicked 'between the legs' and is incapacitated because she complained about how we word our lessons, rather than pay attention?"
"Zhao, it is important to make sure the students are comfortable," Iroh reminded him.
"Girls don't have anything between their legs!" William GP shouted. "Why would it hurt them?"
"It's still a sensitive area, no matter what gender you are," Ozai sighed. His relatives and Zhao all gave him sideways looks. "Am I the only one who paid attention to my female Firebending instructor? Really?"
"Oh, I paid quite a bit of attention to my female Firebending instructors, little brother," Iroh smirked. Ozai glared at him. Azulon gave his firstborn a thumbs-up.
"Back to the armor," Sozin pointed at the screen. "The sleeves may be loose, or they may be tucked into the armguards on the lower arms. This seems to depend on where the soldier is located—loose sleeves are seen at Pouhai Stronghold, on the Water Tribe warriors who hijacked a Fire Nation ship, and in New Ozai."
"Omashu," Iroh corrected his grandfather.
"No, New Ozai," Ozai insisted. "My daughter officially renamed the city. We made new maps and everything."
"King Bumi took his city back on the day of the eclipse," Iroh reminded his younger brother. "He changed the name back as well."
"Then what are we supposed to do with all the revised maps?" Ozai threw his hands up in frustration. "It'd be a waste of money to just not use them!"
"That's up to Zuko," Iroh shrugged. "He is the new Fire Lord now."
"Yes, the new Fire Lord, ending my war," Sozin muttered. "Pathetic. Line went to seed after Lu Ten died. Iroh, you were a fantastic general, but after that Ba Sing Se debacle everything fell apart. And then you turned traitor. Really, Azulon here was the only one of my descendants who was worth his salt. He conquered huge portions of the Earth Kingdom and oversaw the extinction of the Southern Waterbenders. Well done."
"Thank you, Father."
"You're welcome, m'boy. I'm telling you, though, Zuko is just not suited for the throne," Sozin shook his head. "We could have won that war, if only Iroh had been crowned."
"Hey!" Ozai objected. "I stole the throne, fair and square!"
"By having your wife murder me," Azulon retorted. "Your own father!"
"The show was very unclear on that matter," Ozai folded his arms. "And besides, it was her idea."
"A terrible idea," Sozin asserted. "Look at what you did as Fire Lord!"
"Conquered Ba Sing Se and almost became the ruler of the entire world?"
"Your daughter conquered Ba Sing Se, not you," Azulon sniffed. "And I think your grandfather is more referring to the fact that you tried to burn Ba Sing Se—and quite a bit of the Earth Kingdom—to the ground when the Comet returned."
"It was a 'scorched earth' policy!" Ozai scowled. "I didn't have any reason to believe that the Earth Kingdom would settle down and accept Fire Nation rule, so I decided to get rid of the problem altogether!"
"What about all of the natural resources that you would have destroyed? Forests, crops?" Iroh pointed out. "Part of the reason for the War in the first place was to obtain those resources! Much of that would have been lost if the Avatar hadn't stopped you."
"Ash is fertile," Ozai defended his position, "and it wouldn't have been the entire Earth Kingdom, just a really troublesome part of it!"
"At least he wasn't trying to kill the moon," Azulon jibed. "I mean, come on, Admiral! Without the tides, docking ships would be that much harder, and the ocean ecosystem would fly out of whack! Microorganisms would die, then the plankton that eat those microorganisms, then the fish, then the panda-whales and other big sea creatures that eat fish…did you even think that one through?"
"I tried to warn him," Iroh sighed. "Me, with all my great military experience, telling a newly-promoted Admiral not to do something. You'd think he'd have listened. But no, he was much too proud to hear reason…"
"I was trying to make history! You don't make history by sitting around doing boring hobbies!" Zhao insisted. "Does anybody remember Sozin for his embroidery skills? No, they don't, and have you seen his work? It's amazing!"
"I only told you it was my work because I thought you would keep quiet about it," Sozin growled, his cheeks flushing red. "Telling my son and grandsons about it just ruins my image…"
"Not to mention the auditorium full of students listening to our every word," Ozai's eyes flickered towards the darkened student seating area. He could hear the distinctive sound of fangirls trying not to laugh. Thankfully, Sozin had gone slightly hard of hearing in his old age, and couldn't hear the students.
"So you wanted to be remembered, eh?" Azulon snorted. "How'd that go? What are you remembered as now? The man who couldn't even kill a fish?"
"The man who got his sideburns pulled by a flying lemur?" Sozin snickered.
"Ooh, good one," Azulon grinned.
Lupe settled back in her seat and smiled. When the Fire Lords started arguing, they'd be at it for a while.