This was kind of hard to write but it should give you a little bit of an insight. Warning, there may be a trigger regarding war in Iraq. Nothing too harsh just yet but it's in there. As usual, italics are thoughts or memories. Thanks for reading, and enjoy chapter 14 :-)

'So you haven't told Blondie that you've moved in to her apartment building? Ouch Cal,' said Mark with a grin.

'Shit. That's bad isn't it? But it didn't come up in conversation and I still have my house and furniture. I only saw the advertisement for the apartment opposite yours and thought I'd take it, just to get away from the memories,' said Callie almost desperately.

'Nah, it shouldn't be too bad. Just explain to her before you two accidentally meet in the elevator,' said Mark as he drained the last bit of coffee from his cup.

Callie had came over to Mark's apartment this morning with a bright smile on her face. Yesterday had went brilliantly. Arizona was taking her out and they rocked their surgery that evening. It was Friday, so Callie had suggested they went out tonight as they both had a half day and weren't on call.

'Yeah, I will. Elevators are always either extremely awkward or really steamy,' said Callie, a far off look appearing on her face with a somewhat dizzy smile as she imagined an elevator and herself and Arizona inside it; obviously steamy. Her bubble popped when she imagined how pissed Arizona would be to accidently find her in the elevator in her apartment building. 'We gotta go, or else I'll be late.'

'Cal, can we talk for a sec?' asked Mark, concern laced on his features.

Callie turned slowly, confused as they were already conversing. 'Yeah, what about?'

'I was just wanting to ask you if everything's okay?' Mark said slowly.

'Well, obviously,' Callie replied, slowly too. Is he going to interrogate me, like Matt? I didn't do anything wrong...

'But I mean seriously, that episode or whatever it was the day before yesterday, the drinking, the whole thing before with you not talking to anybody, the weight loss...' Mark said before Callie cut in, angrily.

'That thing with you was nothing I could control and I'm dealing with it. I drink all the time; I love tequila! I even got Kepner to go drinking with Cristina and I, there's nothing new there. I didn't talk to anybody because I wanted to be alone and I don't know what the hell you're on about with concerns about weight loss,' Callie paused for a breath, she was fuming. 'I'm just as fat as ever, I'm a big girl. Whoopee, Mark.'

'Callie you are not fat, stop it,' said Mark. He would have said more but he saw Callie' expression change and her eyes somewhat droop.

'I am, my body is not desirable. I'm not good enough for anybody. The only person who would be with me is Matt, and that's because I'm guilty. I shouldn't know. I can't tell. I am not wanted and I should know that. I do know that. My master taught me right,' Callie said in a monotone voice. Mark's eyes widened with every word before he caught himself and grabbed Callie's shoulders.

'Callie what are you talking about? That's wrong, that's all wrong!' Despite Mark's efforts, she reacted violently. She dropped to the floor in front of Mark and put her hands over her head.

'I'm sorry, please don't hurt me! I didn't mean to be wrong,' said Callie, her voice higher in pitch. Lost as to what to do Mark hurriedly lifted Callie off of the floor, easily as Callie went limp as she felt his hands on her. Once she was in a standing position he quickly pulled her into a hug, holding her tight and flush against his body.

'Callie, you are so loved,' said Mark in almost a whisper and suddenly Callie's body went rigid.

'Um, Mark?' Callie said in a questioning voice. 'What are you doing?'

Mark let her go and looked at her, seeing her fierce brown eyes as bright as usual, her eyebrow arched in question.

'Oh, I was just...you were just...you don't remember?' Mark struggled to form a sentence at the sudden change back.

'Remember what? The fact that you were going to talk to me? A hug is not a talk Mark,' said Callie with a laugh as she lifted her jacket. 'If you wanted a hug, you could have just asked.'

Mark stared at her then caught himself. 'Yeah, I know. Let's go, we'll be late.'

Callie opened the door as stepped out, leaving Mark to lock up. As Mark shut and locked the door, he made a mental note to talk to Addison about this.

Arizona trudged to an on call room slowly, in search of a bed to collapse on. She had worked through the night. She had a half day today and was getting off at 1pm, and she couldn't wait. Calliope had went home last night and Arizona had been under the impression that she would finish some charts then go home. But no, a set of twins came in from a car crash with severe abdominal bleeding and a brain bleed. She had spent the night in surgery with Miranda Bailey and Derek Shepherd the cases were so severe. Now, having completed her rounds, she just wanted to sleep for a few hours and be ready for Calliope later that day.

Arizona closed the on call room door and locked it, not wanting to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. She took off her shirt and flung it across the room, leaving her in just her bra before removing her socks and shoes and getting into the small bed. Setting her pager on the table beside her head she let her mind drift back to the moment in the elevator with Teddy.

What the hell am I playing at? I have to be strong. I have to be a good man in a storm. Callie is hurting. It's not time for my fucked up past to come to light and mess everything up. She sighed loudly and put her arms behind her head and closed her eyes. She let herself slip into a deep sleep.

'Corporal Robbins I am ordering you to shut the hell up,' shouted a harsh voice, cutting through the sound of gunfire easily.

'With all due respect Sergeant, I am not doing this. This is not what I signed up for!' Arizona shouted back, her words laced with venom.

'I don't care what you think you signed up for Robbins, pick up your goddamn gun and arm yourself!' replied her Sergeant as he fired another round at the barely standing building in front of them.

'That building is about to collapse, I'm not about to order my men and myself into a death trap! Especially when our job will be done for us!' Arizona said as she felt a bullet fly past her head. Jeez, that was dangerously close, she thought.

'You are doing this. You are a marine. You signed up to fight for your country. You will do this because I am ordering you to do this. And you will not argue with your superior! Now pick up your gun and stop being so idiotic,' he said, emptying his clip before shouting orders to the other men. Arizona was enraged, this was suicide. She had made promises, Tim was somewhere in this chaos too.

The situation in Iraq had consistently gotten worse over the past month and this was just unbelievable. It had evolved into fist fights, petrol bombs and random murder. The marines were moved from outside the situation into the heart of it, replacing the rest of the American army and utilising their specialised skills. Skills were thrown out the window and now it was either you or them. Their death, or yours. And Arizona had a promise made to her mother, to her father and to her brother that she would never give up.

Arizona bent down and picked up her rifle and paused for a second. She thought of Joanne. She would have been shit in a situation like this. She was almost glad that she had decided not to come. But her heart ached. She knew that this situation would be playing on repeat on the news at home; this fighting was never as bad as this before, ever. Arizona took a breath and tried to clear her thought.

Enter the building. Take out each and every human. Try not to get shot. Exit before you die. Simple.

'Right, I'm going in,' said Arizona with a determined attitude and face of stone. She wasn't Arizona anymore, she was the trained assassin she spent almost two years perfecting.

'Good luck Corporal, watch yourself,' said her sergeant with a nod and a smile.

'Come on boys!' yelled Arizona as she ducked and crept silently towards the building, her men following behind her. Bullets flew past overhead but missed them. They were nearing the door when Arizona heard somebody call out her nickname.

'Phoenix! Hold up!' yelled a mans turned her head and saw Corporal Timothy Robbins slowly but safely making his way over to her, Corporal Teddy Altman following closely behind. Arizona let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't going to do this alone.

'Where were you guys? I was getting worried,' said Arizona with a chuckle as they continued their way to the door, or what was left of it.

'Got caught up in a fist fight, we won obviously,' said Teddy with a smirk. 'Think I broke a couple of fingers though.' The three of them laughed but then looked behind at the ten or so men who were following. They looked scared shitless, all of them only privates. Newbies in the marines. They took pity.

'Are you ready to do this phoenix?' asked Tim seriously. Even though the three of them were all in the same rank, this was Arizona's mission. And somehow, she was put in charge of the most important yet dangerous operation of the war so far. This was the makeshift HQ for Al-Qaeda, and all of the men that sparked this vicious war were behind these doors. Arizona and her men were to get ready to enter, signal the rest of the men across the yard to cease fire, enter the building and stealthily take out each and every human on the inside. No exceptions except children under 13. Children who haven't been trained in combat. Tim was shitting himself on the inside but was putting on a brave face for his twin sister, it wasn't fair on her.

'I don't have a choice. If we die, we die saving our country. If we survive and win, we get promotions. Death or a promotion? That's essentially all I'm living for here. That damn promotion,' said Arizona bitterly.

'No you're not. We're all going to survive because we've got family at home. We're not going to fall at the last hurdle, we're going home in two weeks. Come on phoenix,' said Tim as they came up to the door safely.

'Arizona, we're going to be okay. And if anything does happen in here, we know that it's just the way it has to be. Nobody's fault, nobody's to blame. We're in this together, okay?' said Teddy to her two best friends.

'Right,' said Tim and Arizona together.

'Okay, war faces. We're going to be fine. This building is going to hold!' said Arizona strongly to her best friends before turning to her men. 'Okay guys, no communication outside of hand signals in here. We are silent. Take out everybody. If somebody is hurt, help them. No man get's left behind. We fight to the bitter end and exit only when every target is taken out. Clear?' asked Arizona. All men gave a nod of their heads and some gave Arizona a salute.

'Just in case, it was an honor to serve with all of you,' said Arizona before raising her arm and giving the signal to the men who were safe across the yard. Soon, all gunfire slowed to a stop and everything was silent. Shouts came from inside, then someone let out a victorious whoop too close for comfort and Arizona cringed. There were lots of them on the bottom floor, obviously assuming the army had given up. Taking a deep breath Arizona looked back to Tim and Teddy who both nodded and smiled before returning her gaze to the door. She was going in first. She was ready. It's her or them now.

Arizona woke with a start and then growled in pain as she had hit her head on the bunk above her head. Her pager bleeped beside her again as she tried to figure out what just happened. Shit! I just dreamed again. Arizona let out a loud growl and buried her face in her hands. This wasn't supposed to happen anymore. Realising that she was drenched in sweat she got up from the bed to check her appearance in the mirror. She was pale and might as well have went for a swim but she fixed her hair as best she could and put on her scrub top whilst grabbing her pager. 911 to the pit. She had missed three pages. She then proceeded to run to the pit, ignoring the weird looks she was receiving for her dishevelled appearance.

'Dr. Robbins, nice of you to join us,' said the Chief as he started to explain what happened to the girl. Car crash victim, heart and lungs in serious condition, abdominal bleeding and a compound fracture on her right femur. Explanation to why Callie and Teddy were both here.

'Hey, are you okay?' asked Callie tentatively as she took in her rough appearance.

'Yeah no I'm okay, just ran here that's all,' said Arizona with a smile, which Callie accepted as she went back to inspecting the girl's leg. Teddy however knew differently, Arizona didn't sweat. They both could run a mile or so before they even broke a sweat. She caught Arizona's eye and cast a worried look. Arizona just sent her a glare which meant keep your damn mouth shut or I'm going to slap you.

'Dr. Robbins it's your call, what do you want to do?' asked Owen Hunt as he looked over her stats. Before Arizona could reply, the monitors started beeping furiously.

'I'm going to restart her heart Dr. Hunt. Give me the paddles,' said Arizona calmly. Hunt handed her the paddles whilst Callie was sticking on the pads.

'Charge to 120. Clear.' Nothing happened, the beeping continued. 'Okay, charge to Okay, charge to 200. Clear.' Still, the beeping continued. 'Come on girl, I'm not losing a patient today goddamn it! Charge to 300. Clear,' Arizona said as she shocked the girl a final time. Callie and Teddy checked the monitors and there was tense silence. Suddenly, her heart rate picked up.

'She's back,' said Callie with a smile. Arizona breathed a sigh of relief and kept the paddles on her for a second before taking them off with a smile and handing them to a nurse.

'Okay, now what do you want to do Dr. Robbins?' asked Dr. Hunt.

'Right, we need to go to an OR right away. Torres I want to to stabilise to femur and Altman can you stabilise the collapsed lung and right ventricle. I'm going to go in and fix the bleeders, we don't have much time so we'll work together here,' said Arizona soundly. 'Page Karev and tell him I want him to keep an eye on my patients, especially the ones in room 4 and 9, he can do emergency surgery if need be. Oh and, someone get me coffee.' Callie laughed at Arizona before looking at Kepner.

'April, you're pretty good at getting coffee. Can you get Dr. Robbins a cup and me too please, you know how I like it,' said Callie with a smile and a wink. Kepner smiled back.

'Sure thing Dr. Torres,' she said in a chirpy voice.

'You ready Robbins?' asked Callie as she rolled up her sleeves further.

'For what?' asked Arizona.

'For our second surgery together in less than 24 hours,' said Callie as she smiled at her.

'Oh, I'm totally ready,' Arizona replied, dream forgotten.

'Addison! Wait up!' said Mark as he jogged up to Addison, who was just about to go into the elevator.

'What Sloan?' she asked as she turned around.

'Do you have a couple of minutes to talk? Maybe in an on call room?' asked Mark. Addison snorted.

'Umm, no Sloan. I don't want sex right now,' said Addie with a laugh.

'Oh no that's not what I meant. I just want to talk,' said Mark. 'Genuinely,' he added when Addie rolled her eyes. 'It's about Callie.'

Addison stiffened slightly. What happened? 'Okay, right. Let's go then.'

Addison and Mark walked side by side to the nearest on call room. Addie saw the worry in his eyes, something she had never seen before because Mark just wasn't a worrier. He made funny sarcastic jokes and flirted with anything that moved. But he was almost stiff. And if it concerns Cal? It must be serious.

They entered the on call room and Mark motioned for her to take a seat, which she did. Addie decided to cut the tension.

'So what are you doing dragging me into on call rooms Sloan?' she said with a nervous chuckle.

'Addison, I need you to tell me what's going on with Cal. Because, she did something this morning. Something I can't even really explain but it was so weird! I didn't know what to do and-'

'-Spit it out Sloan and stop rambling!' Addison cut in.

Mark took a deep breath. 'This morning Cal came over to my apartment and she was really happy. Apparently her and Blondie are on a date tonight and they rocked that surgery last night. But, I started to ask her if she was okay, you know, that we were worried and what not,' said Mark as Addison nodded. They had planned to make sure the brunette was truely okay. But, Addison now knew something Mark didn't. 'Well, during the weight loss conversation she started putting herself down. Like, really putting herself down. She sort of went into this trance, where she was rambling on about being undesirable and guilty and how she's not wanted, and something about a master?'

The colour drained from Addison's face. Fuck! I knew that this was serious, I knew it!

'Addison, what's wrong? You're kind of scaring me now, stop pacing,' said Mark in a worried tone.

'Mark, I need you to think. Did she mention a name?' asked Addison, deadly serious.

'What? Why?' asked a now confused Mark.

'Just answer me! Did she mention a name?' Addison asked again.

'Yeah, it was something like mine. Mark or something...'

'Matt?'

'Yeah! That was it!'

'Oh god.'

'Do you know something that I don't here Addison? 'Cause Cal fell to the floor when I touched her this morning, saying stuff about not meaning to be wrong and that she's sorry. Well I'm sorry Addison, but you better tell me what the hell you know right now. That's my best friend out there, she's like my little sister and I won't have her scared of me! Or hurt at all for that matter!' Mark said, his voice getting louder with each passing sentence.

'Would you shut the hell up Mark for a minute, she might hear you,' said Addison in a hushed voice.

'No she won't, she's in the OR with Arizona and Teddy. Now tell me!'

'Fine! But you can't know everything, it's not my place to say. We have to push everything aside and just look out for Callie together. When she was younger a traumatic event happened and basically it's a relapse. I can't say details, it's up to Cal if she wants to tell you but it involves a man named Matt. When the fight with George happened, it's sent her spiralling again and she needs help. That thing you witnessed this morning? It was a flashback, she needs to talk this out and have people to tell her that she's not guilty and that she's safe. Can you handle that?' Addison finished her speech with fierce determination and Mark was shocked. His jaw hung open slightly and he was speechless. Everything was falling into place.

'That's what happened the other night too,' Mark said quietly as he sat down on the bed.

'What are you talking about?' asked Addison, slightly breathless from her rant.

'The other night, she..I..we, were going to have sex. We were having sex, when she sort of flipped. I stopped immediately of course, but she just left quickly claiming that she was okay. Obviously, she wasn't,' Mark said. The two fell silent.

Addison spoke after a minute of silence. 'We've just gotta pray like hell that Arizona can handle this, and fix her. She needs someone to love her, prove that she is something to her. She needs someone that isn't broken themselves. I don't know what else we can do. But, in my opinion, I think Callie only had that incident because I pushed her to recount the story last night. It may get better.'

'Let's hope.'

'Teddy I need to talk to you,' said Arizona as she scrubbed out. Addison and Callie had already left for lunch as Arizona wanted to close up the patient. It was always a neat freak thing she had about her, she wanted to make sure everything was done correctly. And that meant staying until the patient was just about to go back to recovery. Teddy, naturally, stayed along with her.

'I think we have been talking,' said Teddy with a laugh.

'No, I mean a serious talk,' said Arizona, her face serious.

'Oh,' Teddy replied, unsure of where this was going. 'What about?'

Arizona stopped drying her hands and pulled off her scrub cap. 'It happened again today.'

Teddy's head snapped up towards her, voice slightly raised. 'It what?!'

'It was just a nightmare, in the on call room. But it was really vivid. This is why I shouldn't have talked the other day!' said Arizona with a whine.

'Um no, shut up. Just shut the hell up, we're gonna deal with this,' Teddy said with determination.

'How, Teddy? Just how?' said Arizona with disbelieving look.

'You need to do what you did last time, you need to remember that that was not your fault,' said Teddy.

'But it was Teddy, it really was,' said Arizona as her eyes started to glisten with tears.

'No. No it wasn't. You had orders. You carried out those orders. If it had to be blamed on somebody then it was your Sargeant's fault. Not. Yours,' said Teddy as she straightened up. She had to be tough, this was how it had to be done.

Arizona snorted. 'Yeah, the same man that made me have authority issues today. What the fuck Teddy I did it, it was my gun, my hands. I did it,' said Arizona.

'Yes, you did it. But you wouldn't have if it wasn't your orders,' said Teddy. 'Would you do it now?'

'No!' said Arizona defiantly.

'Then it's done. It's forgotten. A hell of alot of shit went down during that war Arizona, worse things were done. You have redeemed yourself. You save kids lives everyday! You are a great person, it was an ordered mistake. Now, lets go get lunch,' said Teddy with a smile.

Arizona smiled back. 'If it get's worse though then I'm calling Tim.'

Teddy faltered slightly then remembered that he was okay, he was home. Then replaced the smile with an even bigger one. 'That's the plan.'

Oh, what am I doing, eh? ;) Any theories as to what Arizona's been hiding? Love it if you could give some feedback in the reviews, they make me write faster and I always take them into account. Thanks guys! :-)