wow I can't believe we've made it to the second to last chapter. well technically this is the last chapter and the next update will be an epilogue but whatever. this is by far the chapter I had the most fun writing and I cannot wait for you guys to read it. thank you to everyone that has reviewed this story so far, especially those of you who have continued to review over and over again. :))
Just as she had been for the past month and a half Jane sat down on the couch at 2:30 with a book in her lap. On days when Mike came straight home from school he arrived anywhere from 2:45 to 3:10. Since she had no other option but to be cooped up inside all day she had become somewhat of an expert on the schedule of the Wheeler family. She knew everything from when Ted came downstairs to take his blood pressure medication to when Holly started to get cranky and need to take a nap. Most days that she waited for Mike to get home Nancy shot her a cheeky grin before sitting down next to her with a book of her own. She'd yet to spill the secret of their relationship, which Jane was thankful for every day.
The days had started to blend together into two different categories. Pre Elden Avenue Bombing and Post Elden Avenue Bombing. Dates and days of the week hardly mattered to her anymore. Unless it was the weekend and Mike wasn't going to a friend's house, that was the only scenario where she cared what day of the week it was. Jane's life had become unremarkable and plain. Yet at the same time it was everything she could ask for. She was safe and was living with a family that had welcomed her with open arms. Everything she'd had to give up was, most of the time, worth it.
Most days were uneventful.
Others were not.
At 3 PM on the dot the front door flew open and slammed against the wall. Both Jane and Nancy jumped and stared at Mike with wide eyes as he rushed inside and practically collapsed in an arm chair next to the radio. He was out of breath and his hair stood up in the way it always did when he tried in vain to push it off his forehead. It usually made him look completely adorable but Jane was more focused on how strange he was acting out of nowhere.
"What the hell, Mike?" Nancy snapped as she got up and closed the front door. In the moments it had been open Jane felt panicked by the possibility that someone could see her. If the wrong person ever caught sight of her through an open door or window she could get into serious trouble. It only took one tip to the Nazi's for a house to be searched. Mike's crazed demeanor didn't help calm her down.
"Shut up and listen." He replied shortly as he turned the volume of the radio up all the way. It crackled and distorted at such a high volume.
All three of them felt silent as the voice of the reporter filled the living room. He spoke rushed and excitedly and was a bit hard to understand. But she managed to make it out. "On this day, four months after the suicide of Adolf Hitler, the second world war is officially over. Surviving soldiers will be returning to their home countries and we've heard word that the Jewish prisoners taken by the Nazi's will all be identified and returned to their families."
Jane's whole body felt numb. As if someone had reached into her head and flipped off a switch in her brain. She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She wished someone would hit her or something so she would know she wasn't in a dream. Could it be true? Was it all really over? For months she had been wondering what would happen once it was all over. Was she just imagining it a bit too vividly? Her imagination had strengthened somewhat since she moved in. sometimes dangerously so. Jane looked over at Mike who was grinning at her from ear to ear.
"It's over." He said simply.
She pushed herself onto her feet and hurried around the coffee table to reach him. Yet another miracle was that her legs weren't shaking quite hard enough to cause her to collapse. He stood up just in time for her to reach him and throw her arms around his neck. By the way he stumbled slightly she figured she had crashed into him harder than she meant to. For the first time in over a year she was crying about something that didn't make her feel totally hopeless.
Mike's arms tightly wrapped around her waist and she could feel his cheek rest on the top of her head. For once she wasn't worried about someone catching them being affectionate with one another. Though she was pretty sure his parents had figured it out by then neither she or Mike had said or done much to confirm it. And Nancy was a fantastic secret keeper. Even though she knew they typically help themselves back around her. But Jane didn't mind at all that Nancy was standing only a few feet away from her.
She wasn't sure when Karen and Ted came downstairs but when she finally pulled away from Mike they were standing nearby and staring wide eyed at the radio. Though the reporter repeated the same things over and over again in different ways Jane could have listened to it for the rest of her life.
It was over.
Jewish prisoners taken by the Nazi's will all be identified and returned to their families.
As they listened the voice started talking about centers being set up for families to ask about people that had been taken and get some answers as to where they were being taken. He then started spouting off addresses of the centers that had already been set up. Suddenly Karen's head perked up and a smile spread on her face. "Beverly Road." She repeated from the list that was still being read. "That's only half an hour away from here. We can go if you want."
All eyes landed on Jane. She could get her father back. She could get her friends back. But everything about the process was terrifying. Jane hadn't left the Wheeler property since she stepped foot onto it. They were the only people she had talked to in months. She felt safe inside the house and in her little hidden bedroom. The world outside the windows and walls had become her enemy. Was she ready to walk right into it? And if she went to go look for the people she'd been missing for months she opened herself up to finding out that they were gone.
But she had to know.
Jane looked over at Ted and Karen. Every muscle in her body was tensing up and her mouth had gone dry. A small, scared, part of her mind screamed at her to stay inside where she was safe. But she had to put on her big girl pants and suck it up. "Is that okay?" she asked
Karen practically laughed. "Of course it's okay."
As the rest of the family went out to the car Nancy went upstairs to get Holly. When she came back downstairs she handed Jane a coat. The last time she'd been outside there was no need for one. But a cloudy day in November made her thankful for the offer.
The family headed out to the car but Jane hesitated on the front porch. Her eyes scanned the street in front of her, the one she had a perfect view of from the library and Mike's room. Families were emerging from their houses and chatting with neighbors on the pavement. Some wore wide smiled and hugged each other excitedly. Others wore somber expressions. It was clear from body language alone which people were the type she had been hiding from. As she stood on the porch the only person who seemed to notice her was a blonde woman across the street and four houses over. Over the shoulder of the man she was talking to she flashed Jane a soft smile.
She knew. Jane could tell.
She practically jumped out of her skin when Mike put his hand on her back. The worry in his expression was clear as day when she looked over at him. "I'm sorry." He said immediately. "Are you okay?"
Jane swallowed the small lump that had settled in her throat. "I'm just nervous." She admitted. Mike nodded, understanding completely, and held onto her hand as she walked to the car.
In the back seat she was sandwiched in between Mike and while Holly sat on her mother's lap. It had been months since she'd been in a car and she felt a big queasy but she forced herself to ignore it. Jane hardly bothered to hide the fact that she was a shaking nervous wreck. Mike held tightly onto her hand and Nancy glanced her way every few minutes. But Jane's eyes were fixed out the front windshield and didn't dare look anywhere else.
What if they were gone? All of them?
Ted somehow managed to find a parking spot somewhat close. The local junior high gymnasium doors were propped open and a long line ran all the way down the street. As they walked to the back Jane scanned the faces of those already on line. Everything she felt was perfectly mirrored on their faces. Including the glimmer of hope they all tried to suppress so they wouldn't get let down to hard. She loved the Wheelers with all her heart but they didn't understand the dread that rested so heavily on her shoulders she felt like she might collapse in the middle of the street. The only thing keeping her upright was Mike holding securely onto her arm.
When they finally reached the back of the line Jane had become so nervous she worried she might puke. No one said much. Every time she looked Mike's way he offered her his best attempt at an encouraging smile. But she could still see the hint of anxiety in his face. Jane had fallen for him dangerously hard and dizzyingly fast. She remembered how irritated she had been with him when she first moved in. Remembering made her feel like an idiot. Mostly everything she said or did to Mike before the day of the bombing made her feel like an idiot.
He had become the anchor that kept her sane. Everything seemed less big, bad, and scary when she was with Mike. Though she'd been furious at first she ended up being glad that he read her diary. After a while she didn't need to explain much to him. He had achieved his goal of understanding her better. Jane couldn't imagine how she would be able to function if she ever moved out and didn't have him by her side.
With only five people ahead of them in line she looked up at him. "I'm scared."
He squeezed her hand gently. "I know." Jane felt her heart do a backflip. What on earth had she done to deserve someone like him?
When it was finally her turn everything inside her begged her to turn around and run back to the car. Jane didn't think she could bare to hear anything other than good news. But she also knew that she would never forgive herself if she didn't find out what had happened to him. Her knees shook as she approached the man sitting behind a table. In front of him sat a large stack of paper with four columns written on the top page. He was young, in his mid twenties maybe. His hair was dark and much too done up. Jane could see the gel from where she stood.
He looked up at her and, with the monotone voice of a man that had been repeating the same line for almost an hour, said "Name?"
For a moment Jane feared her voice would fail her. She cleared her throat and choked out "Jim Hopper."
The man flipped through papers for what felt like ten minutes. When he finally found the page he was looking for his finger ran down the list of names written down in the first column. "Hopper is in Bergen-Belsen." He read. "It's about an hour and a half's drive from here. That man back there can give you a map and some directions." He pointed at another table behind him on the other side of the room where a man was pointing at something on a piece of paper to show a couple in their sixties.
Jane looked back at the man in front of her. "And do you know if he's…"
The man's previously plain face twitched with sympathy. "I'm sorry." He answered, "I don't."
It's better than nothing. "I have two other names if that's okay?" Jane asked. Her voice came out weaker and shakier than she intended it to. The man nodded shortly. "Gwen Weber and Rita Scholz."
She watched him flip through the papers once more, this time twice as long as before. He eventually looked back up at her. "I don't have anything for either of those names." He told her. "But we're still getting information. If you come back in a day or two we'll definitely have more."
Jane barely choked out a thank you before heading straight over to the man with the maps. Two hours away. All that time and her father had only been two hours away from her.
Bergen-Belsen. The words felt weird in her mouth as she repeated them back to him. With a fat red marker he drew a line across the map and gave Ted more specific instructions on how to get there. As he talked Jane stood silently with her eyes fixed on the map. The fat red dot was so close to where he indicated they were. Once he was done they thanked him and headed back to the car. They passed by a few people who wore bright smiled. But they passed by more that were crying.
Just as they reached the car she felt Mike squeeze her hand gently. Nancy hesitated getting into the backseat when she saw them stop. "Are you okay to go there now?" he asked gently. "We can wait."
"I'm okay." She lied. It didn't matter how she felt. She needed to know.
Jane kept going back and forth between feeling everything and nothing at all. When tears built up in her eyes she did her best to keep them from falling. She made the mistake of wiping her eyes once which immediately got Mike and Nancy's attention. He put his arm around her shoulders and rubbed his hand in small circles on her arm while Nancy started digging around in her purse for tissues. More tears started falling when Nancy finally handed her the tissue. She did her best to be silent so Ted and Karen wouldn't notice too.
She loved them, the whole family, so much it made her heart ache. Not only did they manage to keep her safe for months but they made her feel like she was part of the family just as much as any of them. Anything she needed they jumped at the chance to help with. Whether it was talking about what was on her mind or just the opposite they were ready to listen. Jane didn't know what she would do with herself if her father wanted to find another house close to the city. Could she handle living three hours away from them? From Mike?
Jane knew they were getting close before she saw the entrance. The area got more and more isolated the farther they drove. Eventually military cars with different countries flags on the side started appearing on the side of the road. Jane was able to spot the entrance from about a quarter mile away. A fence with barbed wire on top stood almost ten feet tall. A large sign stuck out of the ground next to the open gate.
Bergen-Belsen.
Ted parked the car in the first spot he could get. Both sides of the roads were jam packed with cars of who she assumed were families looking for their loved ones. Once the car was in park everyone looked over at Jane, waiting to hear she was okay to get out. Her eyes were glued on the sign out front. Her father was in there somewhere. The only question was whether he was going to be coming back with them. Jane hadn't realized until they were parked outside that there was no room for him in the car. Was that a bad sign or some kind of preminiton?
She took in a shaky breath and looked over at Mike. It didn't surprise her that he was already watching her carefully. "I'm ready."
Everyone opened the doors and climbed out of the car. Jane only took a few steps before Mike stopped and tugged on her hand. The rest of the family went ahead without noticing that the two had stopped. When she looked over at him his eyes frantically searched her face. He grabbed onto her other hand before speaking. "Are you absolutely sure you're okay with this?" Mike asked her. "If you find something out… it's not something you'll be able to un-know."
"I know." Her voice sounded as shaky as her whole body felt. "But I need to know."
Mike squeezed her hands gently. "Yeah, I know." He said. His eyes quickly fell down to their hands before meeting hers again. Her heart twisted into a knot when she saw something she couldn't quite name in her eyes. "I'm just… worried."
Jane could feel herself starting to tear up. She had absolutely no idea what she would have done over the past couple of months if it hadn't bene for Mike. Sometimes she felt like she was drowning in the world. Mike was always able to pull her back to the surface. Even before the bombing. He had held her and made her smile even after she'd gotten cross with him for a stupid reason. In hindsight she realized that having someone that cared for her had terrified her. He was just another person she could lose. Mike had become a vital part of her life she didn't think she could live without.
Jane was in love with him. Totally and hopelessly. She had just been too afraid to admit it to herself.
"It's okay." She told him and did her best to smile. "It's going to be fine, remember?"
Mike bent down just enough to kiss her on the forehead. "It will be fine." He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist. "I'll be here for you no matter what."
She wanted to tell him. The words danced on the edge of her tongue like a diver on a board. But she didn't think, on top of everything that was going on, that she could handle a rejection.
Jane clung to his arm as they caught up with the family. As they walked into the camp they passed by people crying and hugging one another. They also passed by soldiers sitting with people in blankets with bowls of watered down soup in their laps. Jane had always thought that zombies were fictional. But the people in the camp were dead men walking. They were thinner than Mike (which she hadn't thought possible) and had skin that was paper white. Sunken eyes and small wounds were present to a certain degree on almost every face she looked in.
Jane's eyes frantically searched through the crowd that surrounded them. There must have been hundreds of people inside the camp. Soldiers, prisoners, and loved ones. Her stomach clenched when she saw a young boy younger than Holly who looked as if he could fall apart into a pile of bones at any moment.
Where the hell is he?
The deeper they walked into the camp the more panicked she began to feel. She felt like her own heartbeat was choking her. What if she didn't recognize him and left without him? What if he didn't recognize her? What if he was in one of the body bags the soldiers had attempted to hide in the back corner of the courtyard?
Where the hell is he?
Desperation was starting to take control of her. The only time she dared to let go of Mike was to approach a man that was just about to pass them. He was so thin she was glad there was no wind because it might have knocked him over.
"Excuse me." She managed to choke out when she stopped him. "Do you know if there's a Jim Hopper here?"
He replied in a language she knew just enough of to recognize as Polish before walking away. Her bottom lip started to tremble as she turned back to the Wheelers. Mike immediately came over to her and put his arm back around her. "I don't think I can do this." She whispered just loud enough for him to hear.
"Let's take a break, okay?" he said. "Just look at me and breathe for a second."
She did as she told him and looked up at him. He took in and let out dramatic breaths for her to follow which made her smile a little bit. The rest of the family stood close by waiting for her to be ready to continue. For once they didn't stare at her nervously while they waited to see if she would be okay. They stared at the scene around them in disbelief. Her mind refused to believe that her father, her hero, had been kept in a place as awful as Bergen-Belsen. Mike put his hands on her cheeks, "Just breathe, Jane." He told her.
"Jane?"
She could feel her heart jumping into her throat. It was a voice she could recognize anywhere. The same voice that had given her advice about bullies and boys and general socializing ever since the fifth grade. She turned her head in the direction she'd heard the voice and her eyes almost immediately landed on the source. The girl that she looked back at her was a dull and subdued version of the one she knew. Her hair, which had always been cut to reach her waist, was just about as long as Jane's was. Her once rosy cheeks were pale and lifeless looking. She was dressed in the same grey uniform as everyone else. The only thing that was the same was her eyes as blue as the sky that sparkled mischievously at her.
It was her Gwen.
She only noticed the man sitting beside her when he stood up. The second her eyes landed on his face she let out a sob and clapped her hand over her mouth. His once clean-shaven face now had a beard that reached halfway down his neck and dark circles almost an entire inch underneath his eyes. They were so dark she wondered for a second if he had gotten punched. When she was little he had been so strong that she could sit on his arm when he held it out straight. Now he was thin and weak looking But there was no mistaking him when a familiar smile spread on his face.
"Daddy?"
He took only two steps forward before she broke out of her trance and ran full speed towards them. Tears were streaming down her face before she even reached him. She crashed into him so hard that he stumbled backwards but he managed to catch himself. His arms wrapped around her in a bone crushing hug. If it hadn't been clear just by looking at him that he had lost a lot of his strength she could just feel how skinny he had gotten. But none of it mattered. He was her dad. He was there.
She could feel his cheek resting on the top of her head. "God, Janey I'm so happy you're okay." He said. His voice was raspier than she remembered. She wondered if it was a reflection of her memory or his time the camp.
Jane pulled away just enough to look up at him and wipe the tears off her face. "Says you." She replied. "I've been worried sick about you for months." She then looked over at Gwen. Tears were running down her dirty and pale face but her smile was still as bright as her eyes. "Both of you."
Gwen wrapped her arms around Jane's neck. She was the only person her age she knew that was shorter than she was. "I didn't recognize you standing next to a boy." She said into her ear, hushed so her father wouldn't hear. "I thought I was hallucinating.
Jane let out a laugh. Typical Gwen, always able to pick things up as if they'd been apart only a day or two. She squeezed her tightly before looking at her. "He's a senior." Jane told her. She grinned ear to ear as she watched Gwen's eyes snap up to look at Mike over her shoulder.
Her smile grew even wider as she stared at him a few yards behind her. "Are you going to introduce me?" she asked when she finally looked back at her.
"Only if you promise to back off."
Jane was happily sandwiched between them as they walked the short distance over to the Wheelers. The whole family was all beaming back at her. She felt like she weighed nothing with the worry of her fathers and friends fate decided and known. If she weren't holding on so tightly to them she would have floated up into the sky and lived among the clouds for the rest of her days. Happy tears were running down her face but she made no attempt to wipe them away. She kept glancing at each of them to make sure they were really there. They were really there.
When the three of them reached them Jane could feel her face starting to ache from smiling so much. All the times she wished that her dad could meet Ted and Karen and that Gwen would tease her about Mike were finally happening. If she hadn't exclusively been having nightmares every time she slept for months she would have thought she was dreaming. "Dad, Gwen, these are the Wheelers." They were words she didn't think she would be able to say. "They've been letting me stay with them for the past couple of months."
Her dad shook hands with both Ted and Karen. "Thank you so much for taking care of my girl." He said. Jane could hear the tears he was trying to hold back in his voice. "There has to be some way I can repay you, please."
"There's no need." Ted answered almost immediately. "Jane was an absolute pleasure to have. We would do it again in a heartbeat."
Jane hadn't thought she could smile any wider. She was quickly proved wrong. Her eyes drifted down to Holly who was still staring at the camp with a horrified look. She reached for her hand to get her attention. "Hey Holly," she said when her big blue eyes looked up at her, "Remember my friend Gwen I told you about? The one with the pretty blonde hair like you?"
Holly's eyes drifted over to her friend standing next to her and went even wider. She gently pulled on Jane's hand to get her to kneel down to her height. Once she did Holly leaned in and said in her ear "She's pretty."
Jane put her hand next to her mouth so no one could read her lips. It was what Holly always did when she wanted to tell a secret. Even if she didn't exactly understand the concept of whispering. "I know." She said back. Still holding onto Holly's hand, she stood up straight again and looked over at Gwen. "And this is Mike and Nancy."
Gwen shook hands with Nancy and shot Jane a quick look before doing the same with Mike. Somehow, in plain grey clothes and dull pale skin she was still beautiful. If she hadn't been through hell Jane might have been jealous of her. "I bet if Jane could she would have told me all about you." She told him.
He laughed and looked between the two. "Well she's definitely told me a lot about you."
Gwen grinned and bumped her shoulder against Jane's. "Yeah, I would hope so."
They didn't stay in the camp for very long. Jane imagined that Gwen and her father were eager to leave. She'd only been there for ten minutes and she was already looking forward to leaving. Her arms were linked with them both as they headed for the entrance. Just as they reached the open gate Gwen stopped dead in her tracks. When Jane looked over at her she was staring wide eyed at the ground. Jane recognized the same fear she had felt that afternoon when she left the house for the first time. Only ten times worse.
"Hey." She said gently and grabbed her hand. "It's okay. You're coming with us."
Gwen stared at the ground for a few seconds longer. Her wide eyes held pure fear. Jane's father reached around her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Gwen." He said. She tore her eyes away from the ground to look up at him. "They can't hurt you anymore, right?"
While she waited for her friend to respond Jane's eyes scanned her face more thoroughly than before. Her heart ached at the sight of a fading bruise on her cheekbone. Gwen's frightened expression didn't last much longer before her smile returned. In a moment she was her old self again.
Jane was sure she had just caught a glimpse of what life was like inside the camp. It made her sick to her stomach so she did what she was best at; changing the subject. She told both of them about all the books she had read at the Wheelers because it was the easiest thing she could think to talk about. When she told them about how Mike made fun of her for liking Gone with the Wind Gwen shot him a joking glare over her shoulder and whispered "I don't think I like him anymore."
When they reached the car Jane, her dad, and Gwen sat on the floor behind the back seat. It wasn't the comfiest spot but she didn't care. She just wanted to be with them. Just as the car pulled back out onto the road she spotted black blocky writing on her dads' forearm. BB- 4559. Jane glanced over at Gwen to find the same handwriting on her arm. BB-6893. She felt a wave of nausea come over her not only at the fact that two of the most imported people in the world to her had been branded but that there were four thousand people in the camp that came before them. There had been a lot of people there when Jane arrived but there were not six thousand. She could easily guess what happened to the others that were no longer there.
"I don't think I've ever seen your hair so short." Jane commented as they drove away from the camp. She couldn't stand the way they looked out the window at the open gate and needed to talk about something more lighthearted.
Gwen flashed her a small smile. "They caught me saving up food. They slapped me around a bit and then cut my hair in front of the whole camp. Their idea of a punishment." She shrugged her shoulders. "Joke's on them. I love it."
She was putting on a brave face and they all knew it. No one mentioned it.
They asked her a thousand questions about what she had done since she last saw them. It was clear that they didn't want to talk about what they had been up to, which was fine with her. Jane told them how she had learned to cook and promised them that she was going to make them something. She told them about how she had suddenly acquired the ability to talk to kids and how during the air raid she had gone back into the house for Holly.
"That was really dangerous, Jane." Her father said. "You shouldn't put yourself in danger like that."
She forced herself to not roll her eyes. "Yeah, dad, I know. I already got the lecture."
Jane talked the whole drive back to the house. She couldn't stop. Though neither of them said anything Mike and Nancy were obviously listening to every word they said. The wide smiles they both wore were infectious.
By the time they pulled into the driveway her throat had gone sore but she didn't care one bit. The only thing that mattered was that they were okay.
They were okay.