Chapter 13

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn't call him. It depressed me the whole rest of the trip. Nathaniel had some inkling of what I was, though he never put it into words. This man didn't have a clue, didn't know how dangerous I could be, and I doubted he would be intrigued by oddities. He was your prototypical pretty boy. Instead, I found myself irritated with my thoughts on him, my comparisons to Nathaniel and Edward, and how much I really did want to see him again. Something small had clicked between us but maybe that was just my loneliness talking.

I was finally able to get a hold of Alice. Apparently there had been some scuffle between that vampire Edward was hunting and the Cullen family. She quickly tried to relate the scene with the newborn vampires and the wolves, how close it had come with Edward and Victoria. I asked them why they didn't call to let me know, I would have come home. She said they were about to but the wolves had stepped in, helping to even out the numbers. Something about the wolves was nagging at my mind after I hung up the phone but I had other concerns on my mind.

Alice shared Edward's news of his engagement to Bella and invited me to the wedding in August. I felt the sharp pain of jealousy mixed with a great happiness. It was as hard for me not to be happy for them since I knew, first hand, how right they were together, as hard as it was for me to not be jealous.

The rest of the trip went smoothly. Lily had the time of her life and seemed to gain confidence by all the positive attention she received. I did notice a definite change in her attitude toward me. She seemed more suspicious of my strange behavior at times particularly after she woke up in the middle of the night to find me absent. She went looking for me, fearing the worst, checking all the local hot spots. I had a hard time covering that up when I came back with leaves in my hair.

Like Nathaniel, she didn't seem to want to pry too deeply which I appreciated but she did regard me less as a human. I was dreading the plane ride back because I was afraid questions would come up. I was so used to being around humans but I wasn't able to perfectly cover up my oddities as I thought.

Able to resist the temptations of humans, I tried to breathe easy after I got on the plane. My throat burned but sitting too still would almost further her questions. I turned on the air immediately for some relief but re-filtered air tasted disgusting in my mouth. Hopefully she would fall asleep quickly, she didn't.

"What were you doing the other night?" she asked me pointedly. I hadn't ever heard her use such a harsh tone. I felt it a little ironic that I helped her gain this confidence but I was also the first victim.

"I went to the park. I needed fresh air," I lied as casually as I could.

"There is something different about you. I mean, I knew you were always a little bit of an outsider before, but this is more. Don't lie to me, I know it is true. Did you ever sleep?"

My throat tightened a little. How had she come so close to the truth?

"Is different a bad thing?" I asked cautiously. She was different, too. I hoped to capitalize on that vulnerability. It was painful to do after I worked so hard to build her up.

"Well, no," she replied equally as cautiously. She saw where I was taking this and it was away from the truth.

"It's just, you didn't seem to sleep at all while we were there, you never came out in the sun, and you ate hardly anything. And the one time you did I followed you into the bathroom, you barfed it all up. After all the lectures you have given me about eating disorders…" her voice trailed off. I was hoping this would be enough explanation for her.

"I do have a problem. I am sorry I never told you. It is easier for me to help others than myself. I would go running at night while you slept and sleep during much of the day. I didn't want you to know what a struggle it was for me, particularly because it was so easy for you to overcome."

She seemed to buy this logic because she could relate the experience to her own experience. I felt myself relax in relief. Explaining I was a vampire could cause serious issues in our relationship and put her life in jeopardy. I decided, at that moment, that I had a wedding to attend. I needed to put some distance between Lily and I. If she didn't see me everyday she may be able to reconcile what I tell her and what she wants to believe.

She fell asleep shortly after that, content with the secret I had let her on. Humans were all the same; when they felt like they were in on something it made them feel special and important. And then to juxtapose my supposed experience against hers only made it easier for her to swallow.

I looked at my cold, hard hand, imagining for a moment it was warm to the touch. There would be no secrets behind that hand. I longed greatly for a friend who could know the real me.

I was gazing out the window of the plane, focusing on the cars below as we landed in Bangor. I watched the people's expressions as the moved through rush hour traffic, the details of their face as clear to me as if I was in the car with them and not five thousand feet about the ground.

It hit me then, the wolves, they were in my vision. A pack of changeling wolves were in that vision. Perhaps it wasn't Edward I was having visions of but Bella.