Mai on... Maiko!
"So for some reason out of all the ships on Avatar: The Last Airbender my own romance with Zuko has received a completely undeserving amount of attention, about 86 percent of which is overwhelmingly negative, even though we both really just wanted to snuggle together without being interrupted. So fine, let's by all means go over it and get it out of the collective system of the whole world plus Ty Lee.
"I met Zuko when I was just a little girl with ribbons in my hair OH SO CUTE NO WAIT I'M UGLY and hanging out with his psychopathic sociopathic inhuman THAT MIGHT BE REDUNDANT little sister Azula. Now you have to keep in mind that I was a shy little thing back then and didn't like to talk at all although I've gotten a little better at it but back then my favored method of communication was running and hiding. I would go over to the palace to play games with OR MAYBE JUST GET LIT ON FIRE BY Azula and her other friend Ty Lee and I started seeing Zuko around a little but not much because he isn't a complete moron DESPITE ALL THE EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY and he did his best not only to stay far away from Azula but also keep to the company of someone who could protect him from her which was usually his gentle loving mother OKAY MAYBE HE IS AN IDIOT. I could never bring myself to talk to him and honestly I'm not even sure how I started liking him but he was kind of cute AND GREW UP INTO A RAGING FIRE OF HOTNESS and seemed kind of gentle BECAUSE THERE WERE NO AVATARS AROUND BACK THEN and unlike a lot of people I knew he didn't go out of his way to make anyone feel bad BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SMELLY WATERBENDERS HE COULD TAKE HIS RAGE OUT ON and he really disliked Azula for all the mean things she did BUT OH WAIT THAT'S STILL THE SAME. So it came to the point where I really just liked being around him and seeing him made me happy but little children in the Fire Nation are taught to be afraid of happiness so I could only blush at him from afar like a delicate little damsel in love I LIKE MYSELF A LOT BETTER NOW THAT I THROW KNIVES AT PEOPLE. Azula noticed my affection for her brother and exploited it to the fullest and of course it was really embarrassing but it was better than being lit on fire by her even though she did both at the same time once or twice but I had no other friends so I put up with it and grew up into a happy healthy girl who wears dark colors and stabs people and cuts herself.
"Just as I was about to grow a backbone and broach the subject of my affections with Zuko by GRABBING HIM BY THE SHOULDERS AND SUCKING HIS FACE OFF he ran head first into the 'While you livin' unda ma roof!' argument with his daddy and got himself banished OOH THAT'S NOT GOOD from the whole Fire Nation OH NO WHAT A DISASTER until he could track down and capture MAYBE THERE'S HOPE a guy who hadn't been seen in a hundred years and was known for killing whole armies of benders back in his day NEVER MIND I'M GOING TO JUST GO DROWN MYSELF NOW. Zuko took off with his uncle to travel the world and waste his life away leaving me to make the best of spending every single day of the rest of my life with Azula and Ty Lee ZUKO WAIT TAKE ME WITH YOU! In all honestly at least they were sometimes sort of real friends to me and at least helped make me into what I am today because I kind of like who I am despite all my so-called flaws so of course even that little bit of happiness was taken from me and my parents made me come with them to the Earth Kingdom to run a savage little city and it's not that I'm really this much of a whiner but everyone expects it of me and giving them what they want is a great cover for getting one of my knives ready LOOK AT OUT BEHIND YOU I GOTS A KNIFE HA HA MADE YOU LOOK.
"At that point of my life a little ray of hope WHERE ARE MY SUNGLASSES shone down upon me when Azula came over to play and asked me if I'd like to help track down her brother DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK so that he could be brought back to the Fire Nation in chains MEH THAT'S LIKE OUR CHILDHOOD IN A NUTSHELL ANYWAY. I readily agreed but soon found to my ever-present boredom that Azula was more interested in tracking down this bald little Airbender than her brother GOOD TO SEE HER SHOWING SOME INTEREST IN GUYS and then for kicks'n'giggle we took down the whole Earth Kingdom. One positive outcome of the whole drawn out affair was that we found Zuko and he WONDER OF WONDERS had decided to join up with us again to kill that Avatar kid and come back home to regain his honor MIRACLE OF MIRACLES and hey while he was hanging around he may as well spend all his free time kissing me AGNI HAS GIVEN YOU TO ME HOORAY!
"Of course, that didn't last.
"Zuko finally figured out that his daddy and his sister weren't very nice people GOOD JOB IT ONLY TOOK YOU SIXTEEN YEARS and that destroying the world may not be the best idea I'M AMBIVALENT ON THE SUBJECT so he ran away to help the Avatar destroy his nation and kill his family and ruin the hopes and dreams of a quiet teenage girl who would really like just once to be happy YOU SELFISH SELFISH JERK. Zuko being Zuko he didn't last two weeks at his new job before he screwed it up and got himself captured by Azula and where Azula goes her loyal mindless little minions go so Ty Lee and I rode with her to Alcatraz where Zuko was waiting and she was even nice enough to give me a chance to blow off some steam and rant at him for his idiocy NOW I USE THESE SO-CALLED 'RAMBLINGS' FOR THAT but he had by that point achieved enlightenment or something and while he felt really bad about the whole thing HONEST he was adamant that not destroying the world was more important I'M A TEENAGE GIRL YOU NINNY THAT ARGUMENT DOESN'T FLY FOR ME but then before we could kiss and make up because that had to be coming up soon Zuko's friends launched their escape attempt and Zuko had to leave and since I probably was looking pretty mad so he locked me in a room so that I wouldn't try to stop him OH NO ALONE IN THE DARK AGAIN I THINK I'LL CUT MYSELF and he ran away to continue his noble quest.
"Zuko being Zuko I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY IT AT THIS POINT he messed up his escape attempt and the Alcatraz people were about to send him on a long walk off a short gondola rope thing into a boiling lake BECAUSE IT WAS THE LAKE THAT WAS BOILING NOT THE ROCK and Azula was just going to let it happen and I didn't really want it to happen but it was going happen and no one was going to make it not happen unless maybe I did something to make it not happen but I'd get myself in big trouble if I made it not happen but because I'm not actually a completely selfish jerk WHAT A TWIST I made it not happen. Really. It was fun.
"Azula considered my actions a bit of a bit betrayal and she was really mad like even madder than the time her mommy stopped her daddy from cutting out Zuko's heart on a stone slab but before she could unleash her full fury in a firestorm that would crisp my unhealthy pale skin from my healthy but slender bones I took the opportunity to get a quick little meaningless jab in there and told her AND I QUOTE, ' I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.'
"Oh yeah, I went there.
"I was fully expecting to die but Ty Lee as ever displayed a complete inability to assess odds with any degree of accuracy and turned on Azula to save me GREAT NOW I CAN FEEL GUILTY FOR THAT and so we both got locked up in Alcatraz and if you don't mind I'd really rather not go into detail about what sitting next to Ty Lee in a cell for ten solid years THAT'S AN ESTIMATE is like and just when it seemed all hope was lost OOH DRAMATIC NO WAIT THINGS ARE ALWAYS LIKE THAT I got let out of prison because Zuko and the Avatar had in fact NOT screwed things up and had locked up Zuko's daddy and sister. I really should have given him more grief for the whole thing but as whiny as I can be I'm not one to waste anything so I grabbed Zuko by his shoulders and sucked his face off and will continue to do so until the day I die.
"Ha."