14. Shutter Lag

BPOV

My heart pounded in my chest and I could feel the vibrations rumbling in my head from the impact of my feet slamming against the concrete as I forced them to move me toward Edward as fast as they would allow. My lungs burned as my chest heaved harder than it ever had before as I approached the building in SoHo that housed Edward's apartment and studio.

I reached the front of the building and bent at the waist with my hands on my knees as I struggled to regain my breath and slow my heart rate as a wave of dizziness hit me making me lose my balance and sway to and fro precariously for a few seconds. Soon I felt hands steady me and I glanced up to see the extremely nicely dressed man who had stood inside the gallery moments before was helping to keep me upright.

"Need…Edward…talk to…him…Bella." I croaked out between labored gasps as the kind man rubbed my back gently. "His apartment is on the top floor sweetie. You have to go in the side door there and then take the elevator up. There's a staircase too, but in the shape you're in, I'm thinking you need the time to catch your breath."

He chuckled at me as he helped me stand erect again and led me to the door using his key to let me in and pointing toward the elevator. I paused for a moment looking back inquisitively worried that he would let a total stranger into Edward's building. He must have known what I was thinking because he laughed and laid his hand over his heart.

"Oh sweetheart, the man hasn't stopped talking about you for a solid week. The second you said Bella you had a one way ticket to heaven sweetie. And heaven it is….you are one lucky little beeotch."

I stared at him wide eyed before thanking him and he just laughed again and turned to walk back into the gallery as I spun around and forced my legs to rush as quickly as I could to the old wrought iron gate that led to the elevator. I stepped in pulling both gates closed behind me and pushing the button for the top floor.

When I reached the floor I fumbled with the latch on the elevator with shaky hands that were vibrating furiously between the combination of my nerves and the adrenaline pumping through my veins. Once finally free of the blasted gate I froze again leaning against the wall trying to gain some kind of control over my overloaded body.

I rubbed my hands over my face as my breathing at least slowed to the point where I was capable of talking again, although my heart was not willing to slow its insistent cadence. I walked down the short hallway to the door on the right that was quite obviously the apartment door, took one last deep breath, squared my shoulders, and lifted my finger to press the doorbell next to the door jamb.

I held my breath as I listened to the sound of loud heavy footsteps quickly approaching the door and gasped as the door flew open not to reveal Edward, but rather a massive man whose wide shoulders and bulging muscles made him take up the entire width of the doorway. He had a massive mop of curly dark brown hair, blue eyes, a wide goofy smile, and dimples the size of Texas in both cheeks.

I stood and stared for a moment as his eyes twinkled down at me in amused excitement. "Uh…um…is Edward here?"

His brow furrowed slightly although he continued to smile at me. "Hi Muse girl, I'm Emmett, Edward's big brother…and I thought he was with you today. That's what he told us at least. Little shit better not have lied to us to get out of spending the day with us!"

I felt my heart plummet into my toes as the jovial Emmett told me that he hadn't come home. I felt the tears pooling again as I found myself helpless to stop the impending torrent of tears. A gorgeous blonde stepped up next to Emmett who I assumed must be his wife Rosalie and pushed the door further open, three little faces pushing around her slender waist to peek into the hallway to see what the commotion was.

"He…he was, but uh, we had a miscommunication and I ended up leaving him at the park so I could think. I was hoping he was here so I could talk."

Emmett's cheer died on his face as he looked at me with sincere compassion. "Ed finally told you about that whole Muse stuff and it was a little too much for you to deal with on the spot?"

I nodded as I wiped ineffectively at my eyes as Rosalie whispered something to the girls and then wrapped her arm around Emmett's waist looking at me with understanding eyes before looking up at Emmett. "He was probably upset and you know where he usually goes when he's upset." Her eyes shot to me and she pointed to the doorway on the other side of the hall. "Try his studio, that's probably where he's locking himself so he can brood in peace."

Emmett nodded and reached to grab something off the wall next to the door and gestured toward the door as he slid past me with what I now recognized as a key in his hand. He slid it into the lock and opened the door slowly.

"Edward? Are you in here man?"

Somewhere within the dark studio I heard his voice call in response. There was a slight slur to his words as he begged Emmett for some privacy. Emmett raised his eyebrows at me with a small smile and gestured for me to enter the darkened studio. I looked back at him silently questioning if it was a good idea and he nodded quite sure of himself.

I slowly entered the space as Emmett closed the door behind me silently. The room was entirely dark with the exception of a light emanating from a room in the back of the space that reminded me of a television's glow, except the lights weren't flickering.

As I crossed the space I tried my best not to knock things over as I noticed the space was divided into several walled off sections, probably for different types of sets for shooting. Thankfully I managed to cross the large room without killing myself and stepped through the doorway to find Edward sitting in front of three huge computer screens that all had a single picture on them, the one that he sent me after our day in Central Park of me standing on the castle looking out over the great lawn.

"Emmett, I asked you not to bother me. Please, don't you see my damn heart is shattered here? Just let me bury myself in my good friend Jack here until I can't feel anything anymore." His voice slurred and his head lulled to the side as he spoke and I realized that he had already drank quite a bit and figured he was well on his way to the numbness he was searching for.

I stepped forward seeing that the bottle was three quarters empty and began to worry about his night if it had been full when he had started. He lifted the bottle taking a long swig directly from the opening and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he hissed. I could feel the tears streaming down my face and my heart pounding as I stepped forward putting my hand on his shoulder gently.

"It's not Emmett…can we talk?"

EPOV

I slowly walked home feeling nothing but the cold numbness radiating through my whole body. My heart was beating, my lungs were filling and releasing air, but inside I seriously felt like I was totally dying. You would think that numbness would be painless right? Oh hell no, it hurt worse than any pain I had ever felt before in my life.

About a block before I reached my building I made a split second decision in my desperation to find some way to warm the ice in my chest, even if it was a short term artificial solution. I entered like a zombie reaching for the tallest bottle of Jack Daniels I could find and walking back out the front door tossing a fifty at the cashier on my way out and not even bothering to wait for the change.

When I got home I couldn't even begin to face Emmett, Rose, and the girls and I sure as hell didn't want the girls seeing their favorite uncle so messed up, so I walked straight into the studio and to the computer where I booted up and stared at the image of what I would never have.

I opened the bottle and took a long swig straight from the long neck and hissed with a grimace as the welcome burn slid down my throat finally replacing the ice for a moment until it reached my stomach and then the ice returned, so I took another drink, and another, and another.

I stared at her picture and thought back over the times I had spent with her as the traitor tears slid from the corners of my eyes as I pulled another long swig of the quickly disappearing amber liquid. Today was like my best dream and my worst nightmare all rolled into one and while I couldn't ever regret one single moment in her presence, I would never, ever find anyone who meant as much to me as the beauty on that screen.

My brain began to fuzz as the alcohol took hold and I began to see her face in my mind's eye and began to daydream. I pictured over and over that she would come to me in tears and apologize for her strong reaction and kiss my lips and tell me that she shares my feelings, the irrevocable draw between us, the need to see me as often as possible, and the desire to be more than friends.

My heart ached raw and unyielding in my chest, the alcohol only making my pain more intense as the cold numbness faded and was replaced with the sharp stabs in my chest with every beat of my now bruised and battered heart. I was so completely broken I wondered if I would ever find a way to move on.

Everybody waxes poetic about muses and their influence on your life and your art, but nobody prepares you for when the muse practically spits in the face of your feelings and flees.

My daydreams started to rise again and I struggled to push them down because they were too painful to let loose. I was losing the battle when I heard the sound of the key jiggling in the lock and large metal door push open slowly.

I yelled over my shoulder begging Emmett to let me wallow in peace. I didn't need an audience for my self destruction and he didn't need to see it either. I heard the door close and then there was silence and I thought he had left until I felt a presence behind me.

I groaned and slumped my head over on my shoulder in my exhaustion not wanting to deal with Emmett's attempt at psychobabble now. I begged once more for him to leave and then my heart stopped when I felt a small hand on my shoulder and smelled that beautiful exotic slightly sweet smell that always surrounded Bella fill my nostrils and I stiffened in my seat beginning to worry for my sanity.

Then her voice filled the air and I started to panic that I had finally stepped over my limits so completely I was now completely hallucinating. My breathing started to pick up and I spun quickly in my chair with my bottle still in hand and stumbled back away from her toward the window.

"Oh God, I'm really losing it now," I mumbled. "Don't torture me!" I yelled at the illusion of Bella that was so complete it even included her scent and her voice. "Please!"

I blinked hard a few times willing my eyes to make the apparition disappear and I watched as her face fell further and tears leaked from her eyes as she collapsed on her knees on the floor.

"Oh God, I'm too late. You hate me now don't you?! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I ran away, but I was overwhelmed and needed time to think and talk to Alice and get my mind wrapped around everything…but I was too late wasn't I?" She sobbed into her hands and I fell onto the chair by the window and then slid onto the floor crawling toward her.

I reached a tentative hand out and touched her hair and I could feel the silky softness that felt even more amazing than I had imagined. I picked up a strand and pulled it to my nose to sniff and my eyes rolled as that smell filled my lungs with warmth and joy. In an instant I reacted by grabbing her waist and pulling her into my arms hugging her close and kissing her hair.

"Oh my God, it's really you! You really did come? Oh I'm sorry Bella, I've been daydreaming all night that you would come and say those things to me and I thought I was losing it. Oh Baby! Oh thank you God for bringing her back!"

We cried together on the floor as I held her close, the feeling of her body next to mine filling the dark cold cavity that had been steadily growing larger since she walked away in the park until I could feel my legs growing stiff and my knees aching on the concrete floor.

We pulled away and looked at each other for a long time, reaching out to caress each other's cheeks and run our fingers through one another's hair, just savoring the moment as though it was going to disappear like a dream at any second. I shifted a little and pain shot up my leg and I groaned clutching it. Bella grimaced and suggested we move to the couch in the main room.

I went to stand up, but the whiskey I had been consuming in mass quantities was now in full effect making me more than a little wobbly on my feet. She laughed lightly and helped me over to the couch where she made me lay on my side. She leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I'm guessing you don't want your nieces to see you like this. I'm going to run across the hall and get some blankets and pillows for you and I'll be right back."

I grabbed her hand, not willing to let the angel go for fear that she wouldn't return and I would lose her forever. "Don't go, please?"

She sighed and kissed my hand. "I'm just going across the hall for a quick second and I'll be right back. I'll spend the night on the love seat over there if you want, but I really need to get you settled first."

"Please?" I pleaded only really hearing the part about her spending the night.

She smiled down at me running her fingers through my hair and scratching my scalp lightly making me close my eyes and moan in pleasure. "Sure sweetheart. I'll be right back."

The room started to go dark, but I vaguely remember her coming back, placing comfy pillows under my head and tucking me in with a soft warm blanket. I lifted my head and made her promise on her mother's head that she would stay and watched her settle on the love seat across the room before I finally let my eyes close. I knew we'd have a rough conversation through my hang over headache the next morning, but I didn't care, as long as she was still here, I'd do anything to keep her for as long as I could.

Author's Note: Okay, so I didn't think I'd get to write until next week, but I also didn't know when I posted last that I was going to get sick last night and have my entire weekend wiped clean thanks to the bug my son brought home from preschool. Sucks for me since I feel like I've been plowed over by a Mack Truck…good for you guys since I have nothing better to do than sit and write and I get bored watching TV. So now you have the answer to the cliffy. Next chapter, the big dreaded conversation…and poor Edward gets to endure it while hung over…in the meantime I'd love to hear your impressions!

Also thanks to my girl AgoodWITCH for hooking a girl up with some great ideas and also checking over my story pointing out my strange and ongoing sentences in the midst of my Nyquil haze!