"Ahh!" I hear my mother scream, startling me awake.
"What is it?" I gasp as I try to catch my breath.
"What is this?" she squeals disgusted as she points to something in front of the door.
"Oh" Earl says as he stumbles over to her. "I shot that last night, it's a squirrel… I think."
"And you left it in front of the door? Do you think you're a cat?"
"Why did you open the front door in the first place?" Wade asks excitedly. "Were you leaving?"
"I was trying to get the newspaper… looks like the paperboy missed you."
"Wade doesn't get the paper" I explain as I get out of bed.
"What?" she gasps. "What kind of Neanderthal doesn't get the paper?"
"Lavon gets the paper" he explains. "I only read the sports section anyway."
"Figures" my mother says as she rolls her eyes. "Do you have anything here for breakfast? It looks like all you have in your refrigerator is cheap beer and pizza."
"And hotdogs" Wade adds. "Don't forget the hotdogs."
"And this man is going to be taking care of your children in seven and a half months" she scoffs.
"Mom!" I scold. "Be quiet. Earl doesn't know yet" I add in a whisper.
"Well that's probably for the best" she mumbles as we both watch him mutter something to himself and take a swig from a flask he pulled out of his pocket.
"Where'd you get this?" Wade snaps as he takes it out of his hand.
"I brought it from home" he replies as he snatches it back.
"Earl, it's 8:00 in the morning, and you're still drunk from last night. Why don't you give it a rest?"
"Fine" he says as he stands to his feet. "But the pretty lady's right, we need something to eat."
"Do you think Lavon would mind if we all headed over to his place for breakfast?"
"Probably" I nod. "Wouldn't you?"
"I suppose we could all head on over to the Rammer Jammer…"
"The bar you work at? Perfect!" Earl responds with a smile.
"We're going for food" Wade scolds as he hands Earl a sweater.
"Yes mom" he says as he rolls his eyes.
"The Rammer Jammer?" my mother asks. "That sounds very…kitsch."
"Behave" I mutter.
"Of course" she responds. "This should be fun."
"M'lady" Earl says as he reaches his hand out to my mother.
To my surprise, she takes it and they walk out the door together. I shoot Wade a "What the hell was that?" look and he just smirks and walks over to me
"M'lady" he says teasingly as he reaches his hand out to me.
"Oh stop it" I laugh as I slap his arm playfully.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What can I get for you?" Shelley asks as she looks at the four of us confused.
"Ummm, I suppose I'll try your pancakes" my mother says as she takes a napkin from her purse, dips it in her glass of water, and wipes it around the table in front of her.
"I'll have a beer" Earl says as he smiles at Shelley.
"No!" Wade interrupts. "He'll have eggs, and coffee, lots and lots of coffee for this one. And, I'll have eggs too."
"What do you want Zoe?" she asks me sweetly.
"Ummm, just toast for me, thanks" I smile.
"You should have some protein" my mother says. "Why don't you get some eggs too?"
"No thank you" I reply as I take a sip of water.
"Zoe, you need to take care of yourself."
"I am" I snap. "If I eat eggs I'm just going to throw them up…"
"You got one of those eatin' disorders they talk about on the Dr. Phil show?" Earl asks as he tilts his head.
"No!" Wade snaps at him.
"I'm fine, Earl" I nod.
"Hey guys!" Tansy says as she walks over to our table.
"Hello Tansy" Wade says nervously.
"Hey" Earl says as he smiles and points at her. "Haven't seen you in a while."
"Who is that?" my mother whispers.
"Wade's ex-wife" I respond.
"Zoe" George calls out as he joins us. "What's going on here?"
"We're just getting breakfast" Earl responds. "You should join us."
"No" Wade whispers.
"All right" George says as he takes a seat from another table and slides it in between me and Wade.
"Zoe, what the hell are you doing?" he whispers.
"George, now isn't the time…"
"What, are you just going to pretend that Wade didn't…"
"Hey!" I interrupt looking around the table at everyone. "Why don't we sing!"
"What?" my mother asks as she sneers at me.
"Whatever happened to just singing for no reason? We should sing!"
"I think that's a great idea" Earl says. "I like this one, Wade don't you let her get away."
"Uh… Thank you" I smile nervously. "So what should we-"
"Moon River wider than a mile!" Earl sings loudly.
"Damn it" Wade mumbles.
"I just think you're making a huge mistake" George says loudly.
"George!" Tansy scolds. "This really isn't any of our business."
"You should listen to this young man" my mom argues. "He knows what he's talking about."
"No he doesn't" Wade says through gritted teeth.
"I'm crossin' you in style someday!" Earl continues to sing.
"For the love of God Earl, shut it!" Wade snaps.
"I just don't want to see one of my best friends make the biggest mistake of her life" George says angrily.
"George, there are some factors of which you are unaware, but I'm making the best decision I can…"
"'Factors of which I am unaware' What the hell does that mean?" he asks.
"George!" Tansy scolds again.
"I just think you're about to ruin your life…"
"I'm pregnant!" I announce loudly. Oh my God, did I really just do that? Everyone in town is gaping at me. I wish I could sink into a hole…
"Ha!" Earl says happily. "I'm going to be a granddaddy!"
"Yeah" I say sheepishly as I look at Wade to gage his response. He looks just as nervous as I feel.
I feel something brush against my leg and realize that Earl is kneeling down in front of me.
"Oh dream maker, you heart breaker. Wherever your goin' I'm goin' your way" he continues as he sings softly to my stomach.
Dear Lord, could this situation get any more ridiculous or embarrassing.
"Hey Zoe" I hear a familiar voice behind me say nervously.
Oh crap, Zach is back!
Please Review!