Beautiful Lie Chapter 14: In The Cabin, a vampire academy fanfic

I walked onto the cabin and looked around.

It still looked the same.

I just wish I was the same...

I decided to listen to some music and turned the radio on.

I went and sat on the bed looking straight into the fire. I saw th flames play with each other... I walked towards it and sat in from of it, playing with it with my hands... feeling nothing, noticing the fire is the only light in the cabin.

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

A silent tear ran down my cheek.

All I had wanted was happiness... so what had I done wrong? I'd loved Dimitri and our child with everything inside of me... I'd protected Lissa and all of my other friends with my own life.

So why hadn't I gotten my happy ending? I hadn't asked for much, had I?

All I had wanted was a family... to feel loved. But lately, I didn't even know what it meant.

All I knew was that if you loved somebody too much, it destroyed you completely. Love it self was a fire that burned you... burned your whole body, your soul, left scars, and destroyed you to the point where sometimes you couldn't recognize yourself.

I watched my dreams get destroyed.

I watched my self get destroyed.

Everything I had ever wished for had disappeared.

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

I didn't have hope.

I didn't have love.

I don't think I even had pain anymore.

The pain had numbed me.

I just wished one day I could pick my self up...though it looked like it would never happen.

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Every day that went by was a day full of memories.

I always wondered why i was still alive after all my attempts.

And I asked myself why, if there was a God, why did he put me through so much?

After all I had ever been through, I was still here.

I was still breathing though it seemed I wasn't sometimes.

Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise
There will be a dawn

Year after year there was only one thing that kept me alive. The one thing I found a reason to live for.

It was one phrase... One promise.

I clinged to it though it was made years ago, because I wished it would happen.

I had hoped that one day it'd become true despite everything that had happened.

"I'll always be there for you Roza," he'd promised me.

It was a lie of course.

But it was such a beautiful lie.