Chapter 14. Flak

"Now isn't this a delightful welcome! Look, Artoo, fireworks!"

The Jedi's apparent delight did not extend to his astromech droid, considering the rude electronic shriek that greeted that pronouncement.

Anakin's mission to Rattatak did not appear to be starting off well – missiles and cannons had turned the atmosphere below into a lethal game of dodge and twist. He had dropped in at an inopportune time: in the middle of open warfare. As an internal struggle between warlords in the power vacuum left by Ventress' exit and the mass prison break of her opposition, danger was presumed to come from within, not from without.

Planetary defenses were not set to pick up ships arriving from hyperspace, for the battle raged on the planet's surface and in the atmosphere. Anakin had gone undetected when he shot into normal space outside the gravity well of the planet.

"Artoo, we're going to sneak in quietly, but be prepared," Anakin told his droid. "Looks like they're not expecting company, so it should be easy."

That was an optimistic assessment, even for Anakin Skywalker, but not unreasonable. It would be difficult, but not impossible, to penetrate the planet's atmosphere without being knocked out of the sky. In the cockpit of his fighter, Anakin grinned and prepared for some fun. This would require superb skill and reflexes, just his type of flying. Were Obi-Wan with him, he was sure the Jedi would be muttering his infamous; "This is why I hate flying."

Anakin had never understood why: his master had excellent skills and impeccable timing, for they were the same skills needed in lightsaber combat. He had only come to a hazy conclusion that Obi-Wan felt that operating machinery left him in less than one hundred percent control, that he wasn't sure the ship would always obey his commands.

No matter, he was alone now. The smile faded from his face.

Alone, because the woman who tortured his master had done such a good job of it that Obi-Wan would be in no condition to go on any missions for a while.

He had been so certain, once, that when Obi-Wan was rescued, that all would soon be okay. His fears would dissipate; his master's suffering would be over.

It had proven not to be.

It had taken time for Obi-Wan to heal from the scars – mental and physical, and while that recovery was nearly complete, the effects would linger for some time still. The healers had made that very clear to those who knew him best, for a patient all but well was well in his own mind well before his healing was complete.

So it was that after facing and releasing all that he had endured, Obi-Wan had expected to endure no moments of less than perfect serenity, such as when discussing Anakin's mission. Anakin winced, just remembering.

It had gone wrong nearly from the beginning when he had first broached the idea; his master's reaction had been emotional, vehement and angry, rather than the reflective and measured contemplation he had anticipated.

Obi-Wan hadn't wanted Anakin to go on this mission.

They had argued about it with some heat, with Obi-Wan arguing that Anakin's mind wasn't clear, that capturing Ventress was not the top priority of the Jedi, and that Anakin was on a personal quest not an official mission.

He had gone absolutely thin-lipped with barely repressed anger when Anakin smugly informed him he had already spoken to members of the Council and had preliminary approval. With a withering stare of disapproval, he had turned without a word and taken off, and Anakin realized just how thin his master's control was.

His own anger and worry didn't stop him from heading off to do some sparring, to blow off some steam of his own. He was going to finish off this confrontation but after they had both calmed down. When he returned, Obi-Wan was standing in front of the window with his back to the door, hunched and bone weary in posture. He had looked even more weary when he turned and faced Anakin, arms crossed tightly in front of him.

Without preamble, Obi-Wan had said, "Anakin, forgive my outburst earlier, please. I was out of line. I am greatly troubled by this assignment; I had no right to be angry or take it out on you."

"Do you think I am incapable of handling it?" He was not going to soften, no matter how pained or worried his master looked until they had had this out, so he kept his face stern and unyielding when he wanted to lay a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it, to let his master know that his padawan was there for him.

"Incapable, no." Obi-Wan seemed to realize how tightly he was holding himself, he sighed and uncoiled and dropped into a seat, rubbing his chin. "I fear for you – losing you. Ventress is a formidable opponent and you barely escaped her once. That is no reason to hold you back. As a Jedi I know this. I would let you go, if that was my only objection. However, I do not think it necessary or wise to pursue her at this time, so needlessly risking you is not something I wish to do."

The knot in Anakin's stomach loosened. He walked over and dropped to his knees in front of his master, summoning all his confidence. "I will be okay, Master, trust me. Trust in the Force. There is no way I am going to let her escape justice for what she did to you, and I do understand why you were so upset. You're not yourself, yet and I truly appreciate your concern."

"Your compassion does you credit, Padawan. Never lose it. I shall still argue against this when it comes up before the entire Council, but you know you have my support always. Be careful, and do try to restrain your recklessness. Ventress will take advantage of any weakness. Show none; have none, and you will be victorious."

One hand came up and grasped the padawan's shoulder, the gesture expressing so much more than the words alone that Anakin swallowed a sudden lump in his throat as he reached to cover that hand and pat it.

"Then I shall pretend I have none and do not care what she did to you, Master."

Obi-Wan blinked as if unsure of what he had heard, no doubt expecting a smart remark like, "I have no weaknesses," for such would normally be Anakin's response. For the first time, he relaxed and smiled, even if the smile was a bit strained and the words soft and thick with emotion. "Thank you, Padawan, as I shall pretend I will not worry until you return home safe from this mission."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi not worry – impossible." Anakin flashed an impish grin, incredibly touched, as he stood. "But I am honored that you will consider hiding it. How about something to drink? Caf, tea – or something stronger?"

With drinks in hand they had sat in companionable silence, their earlier tension evaporated as it never was. No danger loomed; Master and Padawan were together having a quiet evening with nothing to disturb them for once, relaxed in each other's company.

Life had been good.

Life would remain good; Obi-Wan would remain safe.

"You're going to be safe, Master," Anakin had vowed silently, keeping his thoughts hidden behind shields. "Forever safe from her, once I find her."

He had vowed that, that evening at the Temple, now he was renewing that vow as he prepared to land on Rattatak. He was going to assure that life remained good; he was going to save his master from the threat of Asajj Ventress, for the threat would remain as long as she remained alive.

He would do anything to protect his loved ones, to protect them.

Anything.

**

Obi-Wan did his best to appear attentive, though his shoulders were slumped and his chin rested on one hand. His eyes were directed at the speaker and focused behind, through the large window at the Coruscant skyline beyond.

The debate had taken a lot out of Obi-Wan. As point man for the proposal, he had been countering various objections, most based on "tradition." He was one of the first to admit he tended to tradition over innovation, but a tendency was merely that – he was more than willing to entertain the concept of innovation and often adopted such a stance once he had been persuaded of its merits.

Persuading some of his colleagues of those merits had proven difficult.

Now that the Council meeting had moved on to other topics, he had given only surface attention to the current issues of discussion, a finger tapping on one knee. He had stopped as soon as he had noticed Yoda's fierce stare. A Jedi should not be prone to nervous gestures, if nervous it was.

He was, as well, worried about Anakin who had not reported in since he had left just days ago. He was distracted on a number of levels, and he had been unable to keep it hidden.

He shook his head and silently sighed; he needed to get a hold of himself and let his worries into the Force where they belonged. Fidgeting, especially by one a master for some years now, was just not done.

He pinched his nose as the voices washed over him, strangely disappointed in the weak victory for his proposal.

A partial victory was better than no victory at all, he had to admit.

After a fractious meeting, it had been unenthusiastically agreed that the initiates nearing thirteen years of age would remain in the Temple rather than being reassigned to one of the service corps if not chosen as padawans. Yoda had been right: contentious the debate had indeed been: the outcome a grudging agreement that temporary accommodations had to be allowed due to the war and lack of potential masters.

It had taken all of Obi-Wan's persuasive skills and Yoda's firm backing to swing the votes necessary. In retaliation, perhaps, it was Obi-Wan who was given the assignment of overseeing the implementation of his own plan.

Allowed only limited participation in Council meetings as yet, Obi-Wan had wished to excuse himself from the remainder of the meeting after presenting his proposal, but the unexpected departure of two masters present via hologram to deal with a battlefield situation had necessitated his remaining in order for the Council to have a quorum.

Remain he had.

Fingering his lip, Obi-Wan sighed deeply; well aware of the tension building within him. Cielan was right –it was too soon to be participating in a full meeting.

His dissatisfaction with the Council's decision to send Anakin after Ventress still rankled him, more than it should considering the decision had been made a number of days prior.

His dissatisfaction with that decision added to this earlier debate had translated into an edginess and irritation that bothered Obi-Wan as much for his inability to fully release the emotions as with the cause of them. Knowing situations such as this was but one reason the mind-healers had not released him to full duty yet did not at all mitigate the effects.

Perhaps it was the Force prickling at his nerves; it fluctuated more frequently, now, as the healers worked on interrupting the cycle that so disrupted his midichlorians.

Just as the healers weren't saying much, the mind healers weren't saying that much either except that they weren't releasing him from limited Temple duty, either. "You need more time to fully process everything and put all reactions behind you," he had heard more than once from them. "Recovery is a cyclical process; don't try to rush it. You may be fine for a week, then get frustrated at something minor, and suddenly be fine again."

He planned to release whatever his subconscious dredged up and let the Force take it away when he had access to it. That was what a Jedi did and he had more than enough experience letting things go. He was no initiate; he was a master and why they seemed to expect him to struggle was beyond him. Obi-Wan Kenobi never struggled with his feelings; he just let them drain into the Force as he had been doing for – what – half of his life – day after day after day….

He put a hand to his head and sighed. He was being just a little bit cranky at the moment; a little withdrawn and perhaps even a bit irritable, but that was surely understandable after what all he'd gone through and the argument disguised as a debate earlier.

Force, they're right, he groaned.

"A word I wish to have with you, Master Kenobi."

Tired and lost in his thoughts, the words slipped by him as he brooded, this only his second participation in Council. His first had indeed been brief; the one about sending Anakin after Ventress.

"Obi-Wan," Yoda repeated patiently, waiting until Obi-Wan looked over at him with a wan smile.

"Adjourned the meeting is. To my quarters come, please, speak we will and tea we shall drink." Yoda waited while Obi-Wan uncoiled himself from his seat and slowly stood. His ancient face wrinkled as he watched. "Sorry I am that your presence was required for this long. Tired and distracted you became; not yet fully yourself are you yet."

"No, I'm not myself yet, as the healers keep telling me, and as I am well aware that I demonstrated in Council today. The Force is still elusive at times as is my control over my emotions. I am reminded of myself as a youngling, wondering if I should ever gain control enough to be ever be chosen as a padawan, let alone be knighted."

A polite grunt greeted his words and they moved on in silence, Obi-Wan folding his arms within his robes for the moment as he cleared his mind; Yoda and his hoverchair staying at his shoulder.

*

They eventually reached Yoda's quarters where the little Jedi busied himself fixing them each something to drink. Without seeming to, he kept an eye on Obi-Wan as the troubled countenance slowly smoothed out and resumed its customary serenity.

He wasn't totally satisfied, despite Obi-Wan's apparent composure. The Force still did not yet run true and strong through his fellow Jedi; it ebbed and flowed unevenly. Inside, Obi-Wan was still troubled despite his seeming serenity. While the emergency that necessitated Obi-Wan's remaining in Council could not have been anticipated, the little master regretted that it arose when it did.

The healers had shared with him what they could. They were pleased with Obi-Wan's recovery, yet had warned Yoda that the Jedi would have periodic bouts of frustration or fatigue when stressed.

Privy to Obi-Wan's medical records – with the Jedi's consent – and honored to have been present as he related his ordeal with the Sith mask, Yoda marveled once again at the younger Jedi's inner strength – and was humbled by it.

Sadly, Obi-Wan would need all the strength of mind and body, spirit and soul, to face the trials ahead – the time for the Chosen One to act, if prophecy were to be believed.

"Tired, or troubled you seem to be," he opened the conversation. "Healers warned us long ago touchy you might be, more forthright than tactful, but only a little of that I saw in you today. Bitter memories of your ordeal you have let go, so something else bothers you, eh?"

*

The diminutive master's gently phrased words smoothed out the edges of his mood, stilling the ripples disturbing the normally calm surface of his mind. It was a special talent of Yoda's, one that drew Obi-Wan for his counsel over the years.

With a nod, Obi-Wan relaxed and settled back in his seat. A hand brushed through his hair as he suddenly grinned, remembering the mind healer's comment regarding Yoda's amused reception to her warning to beware the occasional crankiness and irritability Obi-Wan might occasional display, once she gave him permission to again participate in Council meetings. In return Yoda merely gazed at him, a glint of humor in his own eyes.

"I admit I have moments that make even me uncomfortable. My friends have helped, Bant, Siri…." Obi-Wan suddenly chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen this soft a side to her in my life. If it wasn't for her…. I told you she forced me to honesty, to face the truth of that mask – and thus forced me to confront what I feared to face, and release it. So, I find it – aggravating – when I'm not in control of myself."

Yoda's eyes softened at this confession.

"Yes, kind heart Siri Tachi has, though hidden it is kept, like another one that I know. Prefers to display a sharp tongue instead she does, eh? Saw you talking in the Room of a Thousand Fountains that day, gentle with you she was but determined to help you despite her own fears of what words you would speak. So clouded you were with pain and confusion – fear, as well - but peace you found that day. Knows what is good for you Siri Tachi does."

"She does," Obi-Wan admitted. "I was floundering and she called me on it. I was so busy pretending to be a Jedi I forgot to actually be one."

"Or too busy being a Jedi to remember a mere man also you are. Always with you the perfect Jedi you seek to be and forget who you are. A Jedi is what you are, Obi-Wan is who you are."

"Where does one start and the other end? I'm simply me." Obi-Wan shrugged.

"Then fully accept who you are, you should. A Jedi and a being who is less than perfect – told you this before I have." Yoda's finger gently poked his fellow Jedi's chest. "Accept all that the Force offers, a Jedi should, as you learned to accept the help of your friends. Accepted your love for her have you, as well?"

"My, er, love?"

"Young one, human I am not, but through the Force I understand the human heart and its needs. In your pain you gave voice to yours. No longer do you deny it, yet accept it do you?" Yoda gazed at Obi-Wan. He leaned forward and tapped the Jedi's knee. "All but healed you are, remarkably so – comes does it from accepting her love?"

If he was not mistaken, Yoda was displaying the sly amusement that always made Obi-Wan wonder if he had missed some joke or nugget of wisdom he should heed.

"Er, not in the way you're perhaps intimating, Master Yoda," the Jedi stated uncomfortably, shifting uneasily. When ready, to her arms go Obi-Wan and find comfort and acceptance there. Who knew what Yoda had meant by that some days back – he was neither human nor clear in his fractured speech, especially when he wished to be cryptic. A phrase like that could and did mean many things.

"Admit your heart I said. Express that which is hidden within you was. Plain was it not?"

Obi-Wan relaxed a bit. "I do care for Siri…," he said carefully, as Yoda snorted.

"Hide the truth you cannot, deny it neither. 'Love' her you do."

Obi-Wan conceded the obvious. "With all of my heart that is mine to give," earning a blink of Yoda's eyes and satisfied look.

"Understand you do that as long as your allegiance to the Force remains first, no problem that is. The Force itself together draws you, a bond it has created between you both from that bond of friendship you have always shared. The Force, Obi-Wan, to the Force you listen."

In the Force, a ghost nodded. "Obi-Wan, he's right. You're entitled to some personal happiness." He wasn't strong enough to truly communicate with the living, but occasionally Yoda would sense the gist of what Qui-Gon wished to say. They had made just the slightest of contacts when Yoda happened to be in a deep meditation at the same time that Qui-Gon had protested Anakin's use of the dark side to take revenge against his mother's captors and their entire tribe as well.

"I didn't dream that conversation in the Healers Ward, after all," Obi-Wan said slowly. He shook his head, remembering the exultation and heartbreak of love found and love lost within such a short span of time, so many years ago. "We were young then and wisely parted. It is a part of my life that was denied long ago and I cannot reclaim. I am a Jedi and committed to the Code –"

He jumped as the gimer stick tapped his ankle, interrupting him. Yoda glared at him, ears back.

"Code? No attachments is the Code. Duty first. The Force first. Those we are sworn to protect first. Deny ourselves to give to others what they need first we swear to do – but when duty is satisfied, a duty to self we have, too. The ability to let go if required – that is 'no attachment.' No attachment, no possession, no greed. No longer young padawans torn between each other or the Jedi path are you. Firmly on the Jedi path is your way planted. Rejoice in the bond the Force has given you if you so desire."

Obi-Wan choked as Yoda pounded him on the back. Yoda hadn't said it, but he certainly had implied something that gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "one with the Force." He was a bit shocked at Yoda's encouragement to pursue purely personal desires if he so wished. He believed in bonds, but Force bonds…should such even exist, such bonds didn't require – rejoicing.

Once he got his breath back, he asked, "You're certainly not advocating revamping the Code are you back to pre-Ruusan days? The Council would never stand for that."

"No, no, no." Yoda shook his head. "To the Code listen. To the Force commit. To Knight Tachi –give your love, that which is yours to give and unclaimed by the Force."

"Don't do this to me, Master Yoda." He closed his eyes, shaking his head. Yoda had a strange sense of humor sometimes, but this – this couldn't be a joke. It would be a cruel one if so, and Yoda was anything but cruel. He opened his eyes and saw that Yoda was studying him with a look of deep concern, confirming this was no trick or joke.

"You said years ago we could not love." He spoke slowly and concisely. He rose to stand with hands clasped behind his back, then turned and faced the little Jedi master. "In that I failed. Yet you – you seem to be encouraging it now. You and Qui-Gon were the ones to separate us!"

The eyes that returned his gaze were understanding and full of compassion; Yoda giving the younger Jedi time to speak and finally reseat himself.

"Rightly so at the time. Too young you were to understand, torn you were between your path and love. Feared hurt for you your master did."

"Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon feared nothing."

Shaking his head sadly at the obtuseness of young Jedi, Yoda pointed his stick at Obi-Wan. "Always you have thought your master, even when such was proved false, to be above reproach. As master to your own padawan, you should have learned from experience that the master always tries to set an example of what-should-be rather than what-is."

There was such truth in those words that Obi-Wan merely nodded. As he had once tried to be the perfect padawan, he had tried to be the perfect master – with the same lack of success.

The legendary Kenobi patience had been as much a façade, often hiding frustration at his padawan's youthful escapades in the early days, as it had later become ingrained. It had taken years of work and meditation to subdue and master his temper and impatience, as Yoda well knew.

Qui-Gon never showed fear," Obi-Wan amended his words.

"Fear for his padawan he knew, for reckless you were once."

"Defined as hasty action without thought of the consequences, action taken without the urging of the Force, yes." Obi-Wan remembered defending his action of diving head first out of a transparisteel panel hundreds of stories in the air in a successful attempt to grab hold of a droid involved in an attempted assassination of Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo.

He had followed the Force's prompting, for he would never have otherwise voluntarily subjected himself to what followed: hanging suspended in mid air from a small droid that might not have been able to stay aloft while bearing his weight, not to mention the painful shocks that tried to scramble the nerves of his hands and arms in an attempt to loosen his grip even as he tried to twist his body to avoid the speeders encountered as they cut across traffic lanes.

He'd struggled to explain to his padawan after the Council debriefing why one had to actually hear the Force's urging to do something that appeared so reckless and foolhardy; that such a claim was not merely an avoid-the-Council's-reprimand card and if Anakin was ever to try such a foolish stunt, he had best be prepared to defend it.

Yoda's ears curved at the reminder; he had been one of several on the Council who were none-too-pleased with Obi-Wan's actions but forced to accept his instincts as prompted by the Force and thus above reproach or reprimand.

"Thinks his own master knows not fear, your padawan does," he reproved with a scowl as Obi-Wan's eyes fell, "yet fear only a fool does not know. To know fear is to be a living being, to release and move beyond fear is to be a Jedi."

"There were many times I was afraid," Obi-Wan said frankly. "Afraid of the pain I knew was coming…afraid of the darkness that tried to consume me – afraid of not being strong enough to resist it."

"Afraid for you I would be had you not been."

"Fear," the younger Jedi murmured. "I was lost in my fears, especially when I denied them." He shuddered. "Thank the Force for Siri…."

"Unconditional love pulled from the Force she gave you, for more than affection it took to help you heal. To love is to be a Jedi, from love flows compassion and consideration. From attachment flows possessiveness and greed. Not always the same they are. Know the difference you should, 'Master' Kenobi,' practice it you do without thought, never selfish are you in your love; endless is your compassion. Such love encouraged it should be, whilst all other denied and rightly so for Jedi." Yoda raised a claw and jabbed Obi-Wan lightly for emphasis.

"I understand the difference," Obi-Wan protested, a finger tapping on his knee. "But – this – it's rather hard to wrap my mind around. I just can't believe that you – you're telling me to – to love Siri without restrictions not placed on me by the Force itself."

"Love you do already, and her, you. Admit it, you have; now share your hearts without reservation. Same Jedi you are now as you were before, good Jedi you were and good Jedi you remain no matter what else you choose to share. The Force itself permits this; a vision it has given me."

"I…don't know." Obi-Wan shook his head.

Padawan, stop being so stubborn and listen to Yoda! Don't hide your heart now that you've freed it once – embrace it. Remember how you defeated the mask.

"Much that we say is in the Code is not; open your mind to its spirit as much as its words. Guidelines it offers, a framework of principles we hold to. It is that to which we aspire, for impossible it is for living beings to strictly adhere to. Strict rules – do or do not – such it is not intended to be. Jedi we are, but livings beings we are as well."

"Now you sound like my master debating the Council," Obi-Wan groaned. "Or Jayren and some of his conclusions, as well." That Jedi's studies of ancient Jedi scrolls and histories had led him to some of the some conclusions as Qui-Gon although based on different reasoning.

"Listen more closely to Qui-Gon Jinn perhaps we should have. Right he was not always, but not wrong always either."

"He always listened to the Force before all else, and heard what few other Jedi did; many times I wondered why the Force chose to speak only to him."

"Hear it different we all do, young Obi-Wan, know this you do. Spoke to me, listen to it I did, and it chose to reveal that which I have spoken of to you. Let it speak to you; listen to what it tells you. Siri will know of what I speak, for I saw the Force bringing you together to heal even before restored to us you were."

That silenced Obi-Wan for the moment. Yoda was known for his ability to foresee possible futures, clouded though the visions had become in later years.

"Times are changing, Obi-Wan, old truths need reexamination and perhaps new commitments. Open your eyes and your mind you should while time yet there is."

Now that Yoda had put it into words, Obi-Wan understood what he had been feeling for some time. Change. The galaxy was changing and the Order needed to adapt to it, not hang onto centuries of tradition if such tradition no longer worked. More than an institution, more than a symbol; the Jedi were servants of the Force. Their purpose and their service on its behalf was what was important, not the Order itself.

That was, perhaps, easier to contemplate than – not just acknowledging, but giving in to personal desires. The self came after duty; a Jedi pledged his life to others; his own needs subservient and often submerged. It was a sacrifice made by choice, a sacrifice demanded in service of the Force.

But did the Force really demand this? It demanded much, but it gave much. It soothed and nurtured life, for the Force itself was life.

This really was too much for Obi-Wan to absorb all at one time. He groaned, and dropped his head into his hands.

Loosen up, Master. How many times had Anakin thrown that at him? To be fair, there were times he had railed internally against what he upheld. Be open-minded, Kenobi, don't dismiss this out of hand. Be flexible, marshal arguments for or against, but think.

"Jedi can't love." He didn't realize he had spoken aloud. "There is no self in the service of the Force."

"Jedi must love, listen you did not," Yoda corrected, his eyes gleaming as if he dearly wanted to pound his gimer stick against Obi-Wan's ankle.

"Love cannot be selfish, self-centered, but greater than oneself it must be, if a Jedi is to love. To do the Force's biding, even at the cost of the other's life either of you would do. Sacrifice each other you could, though troubled your heart would be, if required to do so, just as sacrifice yourself you would if necessary it became. Know I do your request of your clone companion for your life to be forfeit to avoid the darkness threatening you in captivity, for fear of what your life would mean to others should you live as a Jedi claimed by darkness."

Promise…don't let me fall, Alpha – don't let me fall…. The anguished whisper reverberated within his head.

"I would not condemn others to death to save my life," Obi-Wan bowed his head. "My life is no longer mine; I gave it into the Force's keeping long ago."

"…to the end of my life and even beyond its ending," Yoda recited, remembering Obi-Wan's pledge on Naboo as he assumed the rank of knight. A clawed hand reached out and gently patted the other man's knee, sensing the interplay of emotions within. "Rarely do you shield from me, a sign of trust and affection that I cherish, young Obi-Wan."

"My life belongs to the Force; I would not be forsworn."

Yoda's eyes softened. "Your life, yes. Your mind, your soul and your devotion. Your heart is yours to give and give it has to your fellow beings, to Siri Tachi. Her heart you have in return. The Jedi way, perhaps not, the Force's will it is. Do you not feel it flow around you both when together you are, binding you as one?"

"My grasp of the Force still leaves much to be desired." Half humorous, half-sad, it was a pained admission carrying within it knowledge that time, too, would heal this. "The healers don't even know if this – lack – is holding back my final recovery, or if my recovery is holding my connection back. Full and final release is not within my grasp as yet, affecting both my sleep and my mental state."

"Find your connection you will again. Heal you will. When with Knight Tachi you are, the Force strong it is around you both, from her you gain strength. Accept from her what the Force offers. Circumspect and discrete must you be but follow the heart's path you should, while time yet there is. The Force demands much of the self, it also gives much. The self it comes not first, not for a Jedi, but the self comes it does after duty."

"I pledge myself to the service of others…," Obi-Wan murmured, weakening in the face of Yoda's assertion that his vows of service above self were not at risk.

"And serve others you have. A fine Jedi you are, true to the Force and steadfast – in these troubled times an example you are of the best of the Jedi. Hardened by war you are not. Your heart," he poked Obi-Wan in the chest, "remains true, your strength it is. The heart of a Jedi you have. Room enough it has for others – and for yourself."

"Don't flatter me, Master Yoda." There was something in Yoda's look that disturbed him, an implication that there was more at stake than just a Jedi's confusion, a man's love. His next words all but affirmed that sense of looming doom.

"Dark times ahead, Obi-Wan, uncertain is the future as I've said before. If happiness you can find while still a good Jedi be – permission I give you to follow your heart with Knight Tachi, if to the Force your deepest commitment remains."

"Well, er," Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "I shall endeavor to keep an open mind should, ah, any further opportunities present itself." Years of discipline made him uneasy in facing an aspect of himself he thought long buried, yet those feelings had been re-awakening ever since he had clutched onto good memories and dreams to help him survive his time in captivity.

"Master Obi-Wan, red-faced you are; 'further opportunities' you shall have." Yoda's amusement was rarely as obvious as now. "Some of Master Qui-Gon's roguish ways on you rubbed off it has, eh? So, already found comfort in her arms you have?"

Heat spread up Obi-Wan's neck and face. He looked anywhere at Yoda.

"Oh, no – no. Nothing like that. I fell asleep on the couch, and er, I guess we did wake up in each other's arms, but only because we both fell asleep, and yes, we've, er, kissed…." Obi-Wan would have gladly dropped through it, had the floor opened up beneath him.

"A cautious man you are now, Obi-Wan. Reckless you were once. Time it is to be neither, but be bold you should."

"I don't believe it," the Jedi muttered. He looked up, eyes suddenly twinkling at the old master. "I am losing my mind…that explains it."

"Oh, sane enough you are young one. Wish not to hear my words it seems, or hard of hearing you are growing." The words were severe, not the tone in which they were delivered, bringing a slight smile to Obi-Wan's face.

"Neither one, Master, meaning no disrespect; in such as this I wish only to hear the Force."

At this, Yoda nodded, his fingers tightening around his stick as he grunted, staring at Obi-Wan. "Expect no less do I, but realize you must that just because it is your heart you hear, in conflict with the Force it may not be but in harmony?"

Obi-Wan's fingers tightened in his lap as a sudden thought occurred to him, one that was more than possible in this time of conflict.

"Have you – had a vision in which I die? Is that why you wish me to pursue personal happiness while I have time?" If that were so, it would not be fair to Siri to rekindle old feelings, only for him to die not much later. On the other hand, if it were Siri who was to die shortly, would it be selfish to deny her a chance at happiness – "Do you see Siri dying?"

"Die, indeed not." Yoda was quite vehement. He scratched an ear and sighed. "No, possible always that is, but great pain ahead I see, but of the spirit not of the body. Behind you that now is. To die is to be one with the Force. Rejoice for that I would, for you, for us all, when time it is. No, our hearts will be in pain – terrible despair – but the source I do not see, nor why, nor is it a future set in permacrete. Avoid it we might yet."

*

A great weariness settled over Yoda as he spoke, his great eyes blinking for at the moment he did not see a man with hair beginning to silver and a few early wrinkles creasing the bearded face in front of him, but instead a prematurely white and deeply grieving figure alone, holding fast to duty and life when all that he knew had turned to dust and ashes, a solitary figure: Obi-Wan.

Why alone? Why such an encompassing grief that it was a hollow void that never truly healed, why a man clinging to duty and hope when nothing was left to hold onto but – perhaps, hope, itself?