Marvellous G: YAY! Summer holdiays have arrived! Although I'll be on holiday quite a lot, I should still be able to update a bit more regularly than as of late. Thanks for all of the reviews, but I need more! MWU-HA-HA! Ahem, sorry... Anyways, enjoy this chap!
/ ---- -- ------------ -------- ---- ------- /----- ------- ---- ----------/
Chapter Fourteen: Those Damn Hornets…
/ ---- -- ------------ -------- ---- ------- /----- ------- ---- ----------/
Cake trudged wearily into the next area, annoyed that Eva hadn't just taken him straight to Geeky Dorky. But something he saw ahead of him made him stop and lean forwards, edging towards a better look.
"Hmmmm…" he said aloud. "I see a little sillhouetto of a man…" But he then remembered that the Queen chapter had been and gone, so he dismissed those Bohemian Rhapsody lyrics and tiptoed into the next area: Bolshya Past Crevice. But he had been right: there was a sillhouette 'o' of a man. It was Major Cat-Man's body that was being displayed as a black outline. Cake foolishly walked right up to the name-giving crevice in the area. He somehow didn't actually see it, so it came as an unpleasant surprise when he fell off of the edge, and had to hang on to avoid falling into the black pit below him.
'I wonder what's down there…' Cake asked himself mentally. But that thought was quickly dismissed as some funky music started playing and loads of Cat-men gathered around the edge of the area. The Major himself strolled up towards the crevice. He leaned his head back, and laughed unpleasantly at our hero.
"Need a hand? Too bad!" the Major said un-funnily, but the remark still got some big laughs from all of the back-up Cat-Men. After five minutes of grunting, Cake managed to pull himself back up onto the ground above the crevice. He then glowered at Major Cat-Man, and struggled to think of a crowd-winning insult.
"You know, I'm sure I saw the username 'Major Cat-Man on Club Penguin before. It must have been you, but that's a kid's game. So that makes you a kid!" Cake burst out laughing at his incredible display of 'wit', but he was just met with blank, angry stares from everybody else. Major Cat-Man laughed nervously, to cover up his own embarrassment. He loved Club Penguin, and would much rather be chatting with his online bud, CoolMan124, than be stuck here in this immature parody. But he mentally brushed all of those thoughts aside, and unholstered both of his SAAs, pointing them at Cake's temple.
"Hey again," he started the conversation with his target again, so as to move completely away from the whole 'Club penguin' topic. But Cake was all ready for a fight, and yelled,
"Stuff boring pre-boss-fight convos, and let's fight!" After blasting this out, he grabbed an AK-47 (with actual bullets!) out from his impossibly big backpack, and loaded in a full clip. He promptly wasted it by firing about 695739502796 bullets at the Major, of which three hit. That man. But anyway, Major Cat-Man responded in kind, and fired off six shots from one of his SAAs at Cake (all of which hit him), before diving behind cover.
"The first proper boss fight is underway!" He yelled.
/ ---- -- ------------ -------- ---- ------- /----- ------- ---- ----------/
The fight was one for all of those Metal Gear n00bs out there, and consisted mainly of ducking behind conveniently-placed rocks and ever-so-occasionally firing out at our furry-named friend, Major Cat-Man. But Cake, with his disturbingly tiny attention span, found this strategy thoroughly boring, and decided on a much more gung-ho style of battle. He thought through his plan in his mind, to check that it would work (it wouldn't). After he was sure there was only a three-quarter chance that he would fail, he put his plan into inevitably pitiful action. He charged out from his snuggly, warm cover, and ran across his side of the crevice, blasting out full-auto AK fire. Our hero found that this strategy was actually fairly efficient, and adopted it for the whole fight. After a fair amount of going into the mysterious 'cure menu' to heal his wounds, Cake was on almost full health, so he looked up at the white bar in the top-left corner of the sky that represented his foe's remaining energy. It was low. But, as he was looking up at the strange bars in the sky, he ran out of ammo in his current clip. The Major was one shot away from temporary failure, and Cake didn't want to suffer another trip to the 'cure menu'. He needed to reload fast, so he called Major Nought on his radio. He loved how whenever he called someone on it, his radio stopped time, like something out of 'Bernard's Watch'
"Yes, Cake?" Came the gruff answer to the irritating beeping noise Cake's radio calling made back at HQ.
"Major, how do I reload in under a second?" Cake asked stupidly.
"Well, Cake, I hate to tell you that that isn't actually possible. In real life, at least. But this game stars someone called Cake and a ghost man, a man that is made of hornets, a guy that can dislocate his limbs and turn invisible, and a guy that can fire laser bolts out of his eyes. So I think we have a little room for making stuff up here. Hmmmm… Which buttons should we use? Okay, YOU, the player, need to double-tap the R2 button to do a 'quick reload'."
"I have no idea what the hell you just said, but I'll just go along with the unseen force that you refer to as the 'player'," Cake replied, clearly in a bit of a state. And so it was that Cake managed to load a whole clip into an AK-47 assault rifle in under a second, to defeat a certain Major Cat-Man.
/ ---- -- ------------ -------- ---- ------- /----- ------- ---- ----------/
Cake's gloating at his victory was cut short, however. This was because an enormous mass of hornets appeared out of no-where shortly after Cake's and Major Cat-Man's battle. They attacked all of the surrounding Cat-Men, Cake and Major Cat-Man himself. Only the latter was unharmed, however, as he finally used his revolver showboating skills to do something even remotely useful. He twirled the two SAAs around on his finger at about 130 rpm, and somehow managed to smack the butts of the guns against all of the thousand hornets that had assaulted him. Well, it's more believable than the whole 'quick reload' thing, which is in turn more believable than the powers of virtually all of the Boa Unit members. Cake, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He was dangerously close to getting stung to death by those damn hornets, so he took the most unintelligent option he could think of (for parodial means, of course). He hurled himself into the crevice, and wondered how long it would be before his body smacked against the floor, and stroked his chin as he fell in the pitch-blackness.
/ ---- -- ------------ -------- ---- ------- /----- ------- ---- ----------/
Marvellous G: Thanks to Digipoke for the 'quick reload' idea, but thanks to all of you reviewers, particularly CloudRox1 for all of her nice reviews. Please, all readers, review if you like this fic! Until next time, ciao!