Payson's POV
It was around three in the morning when Emily and Julie finally crept back onto the bus. We had decided to sleep in the bus while the boys stayed in the flee-invested motel. Surprisingly, Lauren had been all for it. "Sleeping on the bus is much better than sleeping in that garbage can," she had stated in typical Lauren fashion. Lauren and Rina were sound asleep while I laid awake, thinking about my new routine. I still couldn't get use to being an artistic gymnast. Even though I had the moves down, I still didn't feel like one.
Emily and Julie dragged their pillows and sleeping bags over by the driver's seat, carefully avoiding stepping on Lauren. I tried to fall asleep, but my mind wouldn't let me. I could hear Emily and Julie whispering about something. I strained my ears to hear what they were saying.
"Hey, Julie, do you think I'm doing the right thing?" Emily asked, her voice squeaky. It was silent for a bit before Julie answered.
"I don't know, Em. Does it feel right?" I was startled by both Emily's question and Julie's answer. Of course it was the right thing to do! We needed Emily back at the Rock; it would help boost the low morale. Then I realized that she wasn't asking whether it was the right thing to do or not. Emily was asking whether or not it was the right thing to do for her. We came all this way and never considered whether or not it was the right thing for Emily. We only considered if it was the right thing for us.
"I have no clue," Emily responded sadly. This hit me like a rock. I guess I didn't know Emily as well as I thought I did.
"I know you still love gymnastics." So now I knew the reason Emily said yes in the first place. She couldn't hate the sport if she was willing to leave a life she was perfectly happy in to go all the way back to Boulder.
"Yeah, I do. It's what saved me, ya know? I hate the world, though. It's not about the love of the sport for all of them. It's about winning and power. I just want to do gymnastics." I had to admit she was right. Kelly Parker and Ellen Beals weren't in the sport because they loved it. They were in to win and have power. That's why all of us were in the sport.
The two said nothing after that. I woke up in the morning to smell freshly brewed coffee and doughnuts. I got up off the floor and grabbed a cup of coffee off the table. "Morning," Lauren said sweetly. I gave her a confused look. She was never this sweet in the morning. "I've had three cups of coffee," she explained after seeing the look on my face.
"Ah, that explains it," I answered with a roll of my eyes. At that moment, Emily and Julie entered the bus, both dressed and awake.
"Ah, see! I told you the smell of coffee and doughnuts would wake them up. It's an universal thing, Em." Julie said with a laugh. She turned to us. "Boys will be here in half an hour. My mom will let you use the shower at her apartment, so hurry up." Lauren grabbed her stuff and ran out of the bus. Julie followed to show her where the apartment was. That left Emily and me alone on the bus.
Emily sat down and grabbed a doughnut. I cringed at the though of all the calories in one of those. "How can you eat that? It's an hour worth of exercise." I asked, suddenly hungry. If there was one thing I didn't miss about being injured, it was the food. Being a gymnast required a very strict diet. No gymnast in her right mind would even look at a doughnut; eating it would make your leo hate you.
Emily laughed. "It's just a doughnut, Payson. It can't kill you," she responded nonchalantly. "And besides, I ate doughnuts while I was training and I was perfectly fine. The diet they try to force on us isn't healthy. There's a reason so many gymnasts have eating disorders." We both stopped and though of Kaylie.
I remembered going to the hospital and waiting to hear something, anything. I tortured myself over not knowing that something had been up. I'd been so wrapped up in trying to fix my career that I hadn't paid attention to what was going on around me. I hadn't noticed that one of my best friends since we were nine years old was sick. Luckily, Kaylie had been able to bounce back quickly. She got better with the help of her new secret boyfriend, Austin Tucker, and was ready to compete at Worlds. Kelly Parker had somehow convinced the National Committee that they owned Kaylie that much. When I asked her why she did it, she replied, "I don't want to beat Kaylie at Worlds simply because she didn't compete. I want to beat her because I was better." This made me shake my head. It was typical Kelly Parker. To the surprise of everyone, Kaylie hadn't beaten her. It had been Emily who won the all-around. No one was really sure how it happened. I think Emily won because no one was keeping track of her or even considering her a contender. She trained hard and surprised them.
After a while, Emily looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why do you love gymnastics?" It was a hard question. I wasn't sure why I loved gymnastics. It came to me as naturally as breathing did. I didn't know who'd I be without it.
"I'm not sure. I just know that I love it. Gymnastics is like a part of me. It's who I am. If you cut it out, I don't know who I would be." I stopped for a moment before continuing. "Everyone is so excited for life after the Olympics, but I dread it because I can't think of life after the Olympics."
"There is a life after gymnastics, Pay," Emily told me with a wistful smile. "It's a pretty good life, too. There are new people and places. My favorite part is the limitless opportunities. You can be whoever you want to be. No one is controlling you."
I listened as Emily told me stories of her road trip with Julie and the things they'd done: bungee jumping off a mountain in Wyoming, herding cattle in Texas, and clubbing in Los Angles. I made a mental note to make sure she didn't tell any of this to the younger gymnasts. Her stories alone would make anyone want to quit the sport and travel the country. I also listened to the bad parts: when someone stole their wallets leaving them broke, the time Emily had to punch some loser in the face for feeling her up in a club, and all the people who had tried to swindle them. The real world sounded like a dangerous place to me. I was just starting to figure out life after gymnastics, and I wasn't sure where I'd end.