Safe Harbour

by prudence dear

A/U after mid season 2 post "Kobol". They'd given Kara up for dead when she disappeared during a Cylon attack but someone else found her. How has the crew dealt with losing Starbuck? What did they do to her while she was held captive? Can Lee get her back

14. Chapter 14

A/N: Wow, hey there. It's been a while, eh? I'm really glad you've stuck around for this next chapter. I deeply apologise for the delay, my school work got the better of me and I just couldn't spare the time or the energy to finish off this chapter, but believe me, I've felt terrible for leaving you hanging like that. Most of this chapter has actually been written for a while but after losing my beta, for reasons which I totally understood and have no hard feelings about whatsoever, I kind of got a little stalled and felt like it was never quite ready. I've come to terms with the fact that it will never feel ready and realized I just need to post it and get on with the story. Anyway, I'm hoping that publishing this and hearing from you readers will get me rolling again.

Just FYI, this chapter has not been betaed so any errors in it are totally my fault. Since no one else has read it yet, I would really appreciate your feedback on it so please, please do me a favour and send me a note once you reach the end.

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Chapter 14

Lee stood frozen at the foot of Kara's bed.

Cottle had made him scrub his hands and don surgical drapes and a mask before he'd been allowed into the isolation room. The doc had also drawn blood and taken Lee's temperature to make sure he wasn't carrying any acute infections, rambling on about "opportunistic bugs", but Lee had barely even registered his voice. He'd sat patiently, willing the older man to hurry up and at the same time, wishing he would take forever. As long as he sat there waiting while Cottle did his work, Lee could hold off the apprehension that had been building in his chest ever since the doctor had announced he could see Kara. Part of him longed for her, as it had for weeks now, but another part of him just wanted to turn away, run as far as he could from the Life Station, bury himself in work and never again have to think about what had happened to her.

Gods, how are we going to deal with all this? Even if she makes it, how can she possibly get over this? How can I get her through this? How can I get through this? It's too much, it's just all too much.

Images of her battered face had intermingled with memories of what the men on the Astral Queen had done to her, flickering through Lee's mind as the doctor finished checking him over. Red hot rage had burned through him as he thought about just how long she'd been gone and how long those animals had held her, kept her, abused her. His heart had broken as he thought of her alone and frightened, trapped in that cell all that time. Had she thought of him? Had she blamed him? What would she say when they finally were able to talk? How was she going to deal with what had happened to her? How could Tom Zarek sink to such hideous depths? What would they do with him and his men now? He had ground his teeth together, pushing the very graphic and very violent images of what he'd like to do to his one time ally from his mind as he tried to pay attention to what the doctor said as he led Lee from the exam area to Kara's isolation room.

At last, standing frozen at the foot of the bed as he looked down at Kara once again, Lee felt his breath catch. In that moment, the swirling and scattered thoughts emptied from his mind. He thought of nothing but her and his need to be there, to be with her, through whatever lay ahead.

She looked so small and fragile lying there against the slightly raised head of the bed. Two bright spots of fever-heat flushed her cheeks and stood out sharply against the pallor of the rest of her face. Her right forearm was swathed in a large white bandage while her left was wrapped in a plaster cast from her fingertips to half way up her forearm. The oxygen mask still covered her mouth and nose and there were all sorts of tubes and wires connecting her to machines around the bed. The blood and grime had been washed away, leaving her face looking even more gaunt and hollow than when he'd last seen it.

That's not Starbuck. That can't be Kara. Not my Kara. He caught himself waiting for her to sit up and grin at him, pulling off the tubes as she leapt out of bed challenging him to a race around the ship. She's not your Kara, remember? You made that clear the night before she disappeared. Right after you frakked her but right before you ran out on her, you bastard. Cursing himself, Lee shook his head to clear his thoughts as he stared down at the woman who was a mere shadow of his best friend; a shadow of the woman he loved so desperately, if so poorly. Whatever else we may or may not be to each other, whatever we do to each other, I can honestly say that she is my best friend. Even if she hates my guts, she is the best friend I have. The best friend I've ever had.

"Go on," Cottle gave him a gentle nudge towards the side of the bed, breaking into Lee's thoughts. "I know all the monitors and tubes are intimidating but most of them can come off once she wakes up and we know she's stabilized," he said, keeping his voice light and encouraging.

If she wakes up and stabilizes. Cottle kept that thought to himself.

"Go on and talk to her, son. She's pretty doped up and with that fever so high, she's gonna be pretty out of it for a while, but she can still hear you."

Lee made his way to Kara's side and automatically slipped his hand over hers. The comfort of that simple contact seeped through him, clearing his head and draining away some of the tension from around his chest. He leaned over her, willing himself not to look at the bruises and cuts. Unsure of what to say, he cleared his throat.

"Ah, hey there, Kara."

My Gods, he'd waited weeks, desperately praying for the chance to see her again, to talk to her just once more, and now that she was here, that was the best he could manage?

"I, well, the President and the Old Man want you to know everyone's sending you their thoughts and prayers."

He reached up to gently sweep a lock of hair off her forehead and lingered, softly stroking the smooth skin of her cheek. Even with the lightest of touches he could feel the alarming heat of Kara's fever warming his fingertips.

Looking closely, he realized for the first time just how thin she really was. Lifting her in the raptor, he'd known that she had lost a fair amount of weight but looking at her now, the reality of it hit home like a fist slamming into his belly. The hallows in her cheeks and under her eyes stood out harshly under the bright hospital lights and the bones in her wrist and hand dug sharply into his. Anger twisted in the pit of his stomach. It's not just that they didn't feed her enough, they were actually starving her. Those frakking monsters! Through the blaze of anger a second thought crossed his mind and turned his gut to ice. Gods, what would have happened if we hadn't been in wireless range? The answer to that question was simply too hideous for him to consider so he pushed it aside before it could take root in his mind.

Focusing on Kara, he pushed the anger aside as well, promising himself that there would be time for that later. His father and the president were going to deal with Zarek and he could be sure they wouldn't let him get away with this without being punished.

"Kara? Well, I... I don't know what to say," he laughed self-consciously and looked up to see that the doctor had left them alone. He sat carefully on the edge of her bed, stroking his thumb across the back of her hand, relishing the opportunity just to be in her presence again.

She groaned softly, shifting her head on the pillow.

Lee stood up immediately and bent back over her, "Kara? Can you hear me?" he called softly.

Her eyelids fluttered, he could see her eyes moving frantically back and forth.

"Kara? Hey, hey, it's ok. It's me, Lee. You're home. Kara?"

Suddenly, her eyelids flew open and she gasped, her face twisting in fear. Her glazed eyes landed on Lee and she snatched her hand away from his, bringing it up to shield her face.

"No!" she rasped.

Not again, not again… No more, please lords, I can't take any more... Suck it up, Starbuck. You said you'd fight until you couldn't fight anymore... Are you just gonna lie there and let him do whatever he wants to you or are you gonna man up and make that bastard sorry he ever came in here?

"Hey, it's ok," Lee said soothingly, as she thrashed weakly on the bed, trying to fight him off. Worried she might dislodge one of the wires or tubes he called for Cottle. He tried to take her hand again, to make contact and bring her back to herself. She twitched away from his touch, cursing and calling him 'Zarek'.

Suddenly the doctor was standing on the other side of bed, "Take her arm Apollo."

"But she - "

"She's going to hurt herself," he growled. "She's going to pull out her stitches or worse unless we can keep her still."

Feeling his heart skip as she flinched away from his touch yet again, Lee grasped her wrist as gently as he could and placed a hand on her shoulder, holding her down on the bed. His fingers circled her once slender but now boney wrist too easily and he could feel her collar bone digging into his hand as she struggled against him.

Noooo. Two of them, I can't fight two at once. No, no, no, no... Yes you can, gods damn it, Starbuck, and you are going to... You are going to keep fighting. You. Do. Not. Quit.

Looking up at Cottle who was holding Kara's down on the other side of the bed, Lee could see the concern etched across the older man's face.

Kara continued to thrash, dislodging the oxygen mask as she flung her head back and forth cursing at them.

"Can't you give her a sedative or something?" Lee asked, worried that their restraint was making things worse.

Cottle shook his head, "I already did and with the shape she's in, I can't take the risk of upping the dose. If this keeps up, we can put her in soft restraints."

"Tie her down?" Lee had an image of Kara strapped down to the bed. He shook his head violently, "No, we can't do that. She…"

An image flooded back, one he hadn't thought of in years. In training at the academy, they'd had to tie a partner up as part of an hand-to-hand unit. Kara's eyes had gone wide when the training officer had explained the exercise but she'd managed well enough until the meathead who'd volunteered to be her partner had tightened the ropes more than he needed to and, when the training officer stepped out the room, he'd left Kara bound on the floor and refused to untie her.

Kara had lost it.

Lee had heard her screaming at the other nugget from across the room. Leaving his own partner, he'd gotten to her, pushed the other young man aside and loosened the ropes just as her panic attack reached its peak. She'd lain there gasping, her face ashen and dripping with sweat as her partner feigned innocence, telling Lee he 'hadn't done nothing'.

Kara had run out of the room as soon as she caught her breath and it had taken Lee over an hour to find her sitting alone with an half empty bottle of gut-rot moonshine on the roof of their barracks. She had admitted to Lee that she'd beaten her partner soundly in triad the night before and 'may have' rubbed it in a little more than necessary.

Not wanting to excuse the other cadet's behaviour, but knowing that the ropes really hadn't been all that tight and that Kara was more upset than she let on, Lee had pressed his friend. All he'd gotten out of her, between a mixture of drunken jokes about the apparently dubious ancestry of her partner and sullen silences during which she would just stare into space and sip from her bottle, was that she 'had always hated' being tied up. Despite the fact that he'd accepted her offer to share the moonshine and had done his best to quickly consume the lion's portion of what was left in a pointless attempt to keep Kara from drinking herself sick, Lee had had the wits not to ask her how someone got enough experience to know they had 'always' hated something like that.

The idea of her being tied down now, especially after all she'd just been through, was just not acceptable. Lee looked down at Kara. She was still struggling but her strength seemed to be waning.

"She had some bad experience a long time ago, she just can't take it," he said simply.

"The abuse?" Cottle asked quietly as he struggled to keep Kara still without hurting her broken hand.

"What- How did you know?" Lee asked incredulously. How could the doctor know something he himself had only guessed at?

"I've had my suspicions for a while. Our scans showed multiple old breaks and she's got some suspicious entries in her record of medical history but it was mostly the things she's talked about while she's been out of it," the doctor shrugged, "they confirmed my suspicions."

Lee felt a shiver run through him, guessing vaguely at something and hearing someone else confirm it with evidence were entirely different things.

As the men were talking, the exertion was starting to takes it's toll on Kara who was gasping and coughing. Lee began to worry as her lips started to pale.

"Can't you try giving her something else? At least until the fever breaks?" he asked the doctor desperately.

"No, we can't take that chance with her breathing compromised like this."

Ishay entered the room, "Doctor, I've finished prepping the samples of the foetal tiss-" she stopped short as the doctor fired her a fierce look.

"What??" Lee asked, looking from the doctor to the medic in shock.

"Ishay, make yourself useful and replace her oxygen mask, would you?" Cottle snapped, jerking his head irritably towards the mask that had slipped down around Kara's neck.

Lee felt Kara's strength giving out and, keeping his grip firm on her wrist, he shifted to lean over her again, trying to get into her line of vision.

I'm so tired, please gods, just take me home… NO! No, you don't quit that easy Thrace. Remember what Lee said? You can't let these frakkers win, remember?... Lee? When did Lee say that? Lee's here?

"Kara?"

I know that voice. Oh, please let it be real this time, please let it be him.

She flinched away from him automatically, the look of fear that was becoming far too familiar reappearing briefly before she recognised his eyes above the mask.

Those eyes. I know those eyes. Oh thank the lords.

"Lee?" she gasped, her struggles slowing.

"Yeah, it's me."

She see me! He felt like crowing, his heart lifting with the relief that washed across her face. He grinned at her, relieved to not only feel the tension drain out of her body but also to see the fear vanish from her smoky green eyes.

"Lee?" she begged desperately. Please, tell me that's you. That it's really you.

He nodded in response to his name, realizing that she couldn't see his smile through the mask. Her eyes were still bright with fever and she was far from being fully aware of what was going on but she was seeing him.

Lee, help me, I can't keep fighting. They're too strong and it just hurts so much. I'm so close to the end, please, you need to fight this one for me. Please forgive what I did that night and just help me through this. Please, Lee!

Her face twisted in anguish. He felt his heart do the same as he released her wrist and closed his hand over hers. It felt so small and so cold, a startling contrast to her flushed face.

"Lee, oh Gods…Lee… I…"

She struggled not to cry and he could see her biting her lip through the clear oxygen mask. Lee, you have to forgive me, it wasn't what you thought… If I could just explain it to you, please Lee…

He had no idea what she was thinking, as her eyes bored into his, but she was obviously still distressed.

"I know, shhhhh. Whatever it is, it's okay… Shhhhh…."

He stroked the matted hair off her damp forehead.

"Lee, I'm sorry… I didn't meant to…It wasn't what…"

She started coughing but held his eyes. Her gaze burned into him.

"Shhhhh. It's alright. Just be still, okay?" his voice trembled as his heart ached with the pain etched across her face. He continued stroking her hair as he leaned closer. "Just focus on your breathing," he said in a low voice. "Just relax now, Kara. It's okay."

"I… I wanted to tell you… I'm just so… sorry…"

She broke down coughing again. Lee felt the bed shake with each rattling cough, her breath dragging wetly in between gasps. Lee was so focused on trying to calm Kara down, he didn't even register what she was saying.

"Shhhh," he repeated, cupping her cheek with his palm. "You can tell me whatever it is later, okay? Just relax and breathe, Kara. Please?" his eyes pleaded with her.

Her body not offering her much a choice, she closed her eyes and leaned back, focusing on her breathing and fighting to deepen each breath. Black spots swirled at the edges of her vision as the room seemed to sway around her.

"That's it," Lee murmured, "nice deep breaths." He ran his thumb soothingly over the back of her hand.

Cottle instructed Ishay to add a low dose of bronchodilator medication to the oxygen to help open Kara's airways and give her another injection of serisone to help reduce the fluid that had built up in her lungs.

After what felt like an eternity, the medication began to work and Kara started to regain some control of her breathing, even if it was still far too rapid and shallow for the doctor's liking.

She slowly opened her eyes again. I'm just so tired Lee. I'm sorry, there's so much I should say but I'm so tired.

Lee could see that she was spent. He leant down gently and, forgetting they weren't alone, slipped his mask down to place a cool kiss on her forehead.

"Try to rest now. You're home safe."

Home. Safe. Lee says I'm safe. I can stop fighting now. Kara nodded, her eyes already drifting shut. I'm not quitting, I'm safe. It's okay.

At the sound of a heavy sigh of relief from Cottle Lee jumped back, slipping the mask back into place guiltily.

Waving at the mask, Cottle shook his head, "Your blood test came back negative. You're ok without it."

Lee tossed the mask aside and rolled his shoulders to get rid of some of the tension that tugged at his neck. Suddenly, he remembered what the medic had said when she entered the room.

"Doc…"

Cottle sighed heavily, knowing what Lee was about to ask, and jerked his head towards the foot of the bed. Lee followed him to the doorway of the small room.

The doctor stepped in close and spoke in a low voice, "I probably shouldn't be telling you this before she even knows," he sighed, "but none of this is going to be easy on her and if she makes it through this, physically, she's going to need all the emotional support she can get." If we can get her to actually accept any help, that is, he thought, thinking back to Kara's attitude the last time she'd be laid up in the Life Station. And this is a hell of a lot worse than just a frakked up knee.

Steeling himself for Lee's reaction, Cottle growled out, "She was pregnant."

Lee felt his breath catch, he'd been staring at Kara and not really paying attention to Cottle. All he heard was the last word as it echoed around in his head. Gods. She never wanted kids and now on top of all this… Suddenly putting the pieces together, his stomach dropped. She'd been raped only hours before, it was too early for that to show up on tests. It must have happened – Gods! Lee felt his head swim even as his heart lifted. Pregnant. A baby. My baby. Our baby.

"How-" he had to clear his throat, "how far along is - wait," the full impact of what the doctor had said hit him and he felt his heart plummet, "you said was."

Cottle nodded sadly, "We lost the baby. She started bleeding while she was in surgery. We didn't know she was pregnant but it looks like the foetus died a few hours before we got her back here to Galactica. There was nothing we could have done, even if we'd known. Given the trauma and lack of nutrition that girl's experienced, it's not really a surprise that she lost it. In fact, I'm surprised she managed to carry it as long as she did, under the circumstances. We can't be too sure yet but it looks like she was somewhere between six and eight weeks along."

Just about seven weeks ago, Kara had disappeared. It was his. My baby. Had been his. Dumbfounded, Lee stared at the doctor. Another baby, gods, another dead baby.

Clearing his throat, Cottle went on, "Well, we'll run some more tests to be sure about things. We don't know yet if the miscarriage will affect her fertility in the future. We'll run some more tests when she's gotten some of her strength back." The doctor patted the young man's shoulder, wearily before he sighed and turned to leave.

"Doc? Uhm, you said you haven't said anything to Kara yet? About this, I mean?"

"No, she's not really up for hearing much of anything yet."

Lee nodded, "Can you hold off? I mean, can I... I just… I think I should be the one to tell her."

Cottle pierced him with a curious look before nodding, "Sure thing, kid."

Walking slowly back to her bedside, Lee felt tears welling up in his eyes. So much had happened in so little time: he'd gone from trying to deal with having lost Kara to seeing her beaten and raped; waiting for the return of the raptor and then waiting again as she went through the surgery; and now, there was all this about a baby. He wiped a shaking hand across his eyes.

Gods. A baby. It felt like every time he started to get his footing and adjust to what was happening, something else blindsided him and he was knocked back under. This latest blow cut deep. He knew he was dangerously close to losing his grip again. Pull yourself together, Adama.

The image of Kara slipping a swaddled bundle into his arms flashed through his mind, 'Here you go, Papa,' she said as she grinned up at him from the bed. He felt a sob building in his chest. Lee crushed that image quickly.

There is no baby. There's just Kara and she needs you. Suck it up, Apollo, and focus on Kara.

Kara stirred on the bed. He leaned over her, forcing a smile just as her eyes snapped open and her face twisted in fear once again.

NO! Not again! Lee said I was safe, how can Zarek be here?

The doctor rushed back to her side as she began to thrash and curse at Lee.

--

Outside, in the main ward of the Sickbay, Bill and Laura were sitting and chatting, having finished their soup.

After a moment's pause, Bill fixed the President with his best steely look, squinting slightly through his spectacles, "So, are you gonna tell me what's happening with Zarek and his men or are you waiting for me to beg, Madame President?"

Laura blinked, the transition from visiting with Bill to meeting with Commander Adama caught her off guard, even though she knew it would happen eventually.

"Well, Commander," she returned his use of the formal title as she slipped off her glasses and clasped them in one hand. Shaking her dark hair back from her face, she returned his even stare, "the Astral Queen is being held in orbit around Kobol by your vipers." Bill nodded but didn't speak, waiting for her to elaborate. "As for what we are going to do with the ship and its crew, it would appear that we are undecided as to how to proceed. I have been speaking with Colonel Tigh and, unfortunately, we seem to be at odds with regard to how to deal with these… men," Laura maintained her professional demeanour until reaching the last word which she couldn't help but spit out as if it rankled her tongue.

"Oh?" Bill asked, "And just how are you at odds?"

"Your Colonel wants to simply destroy the Queen where she sits, summarily executing every soul on board. He has intimated that we could keep the whole event under wraps, officially stating that they tried to flee or fired on the vipers and were destroyed according to military protocol. Obviously, Commander, you understand that we cannot do this. We must uphold Colonial law and recognise that these men have a right to a fair and just trial, no matter how abhorrent their actions; that we cannot simply execute all those men just to fulfil our own need for vengeance or retribution. I know that the Colonel is acting Commander on the Galactica but since you retain your executive power with regard to larger military matters, you and I will have to come to an agreement on this."

Bill looked away, staring down at his hands as they rested in his lap.

Laura continued, her voice rising emphatically, "Surely, you agree with me, Commander? That no matter what the circumstances are, we must maintain our civil structures if we are to have any hope of keeping this transient settlement of ours in any semblance of order?" she paused, but when Adama did not respond she went on, "You don't honestly agree with Tigh, do you? Commander? You can't possibly think we should just execute them without a trial?"

"No," his deep voice rumbled quietly in contrast to the President's agitated tone, "no, I don't agree that those animals should just be killed."

That's too easy, too painless, he thought. They must be punished. The image of Kara's battered face laying pale against Lee's shoulder flashed through his mind. His intertwined fingers tightened on each other until they ached.

Roslin moved to speak again but he raised his hand as he looked up to meet her gaze once more, "But I don't agree with your position either, Madame President."

Laura snapped her mouth shut and did her best not to glare at him. This time, it was she who waited for him to explain himself further.

Commander Adama sighed heavily, "I do not agree that this is a civil legal matter. An independent political body that previously threatened our government, and was therefore declared a hostile entity, took one of my pilots prisoner and held her without cause for an extended period. This taking and holding of a prisoner constitutes an act of aggression against the fleet, initiating an active conflict situation between our military and theirs, such as it may be. We emerged the victors in that conflict and now must deal with the enemy according to military law. Their treatment of her goes against the rules of engagement enacted during the second Colonial civil war and it is a matter for a military tribunal to sit in judgement of, not a civil court."

"That's a load of horseshit and you know it, Commander," President Roslin snapped as she stood quickly and began to pace up and down in the small space between the bed and the privacy curtain. "Zarek and his men were exiles from the fleet, they are not an independent political body and you were never at war with them! Technically, before their exile, they were Colonial prisoners on probation, they have obviously breeched that probation and committed acts contrary to the Code of Laws; the code that has governed our people for hundreds of years. They should answer to a jury of their peers, of civilians, just as they would have if this had occurred before the Cylon attack."

She paused before turning to fix Bill with a searching look. What's going on, why does he want this tribunal instead of a civil trial? He doesn't actually think a civilian jury might let these men go free, does he? Deciding she needed more information, she quickly changed tactics, "Okay, so let's say, for the sake of argument, that I agree and you get your military tribunal. What does that mean exactly? What does a 'military tribunal' look like?" She stood with her arms resting across her chest staring down at him intently.

Bill was not thrown off by her shift in focus. He had expected her to continue arguing with him but had worked with her long enough now to be prepared for her tendency to shift gears and try different approaches when trying to resolve a conflict between military and civilian interests.

"A military tribunal, in this type of case, would consist of a panel of high ranking officers who review the facts of the case before passing judgement and sentence, should the accused be found guilty."

"And, in this specific case, those 'high ranking officers' would include you, Colonel Tigh and…?" Roslin said knowingly, realizing just what Bill was trying to do.

"Well, yes, according to the Standards of Military Justice, the tribunal panel would consist of the highest ranking officers available. Specifically, Madame President, it would be comprised of between three and six of said officers, depending on the situation."

"Ahh, I see. So, in our current situation, that would be, let me see: you, the Colonel," she counted their names off on her fingers, "and Doc Cottle. Am I correct?"

Bill paused, squinting up at her. "Yes, I suppose we would be the three highest ranking officers aboard the Galactica," he said icily. "Captain Adama could also be added to that group if the panel felt the inclusion of a fourth member was warranted in this case."

"Well, that is certainly a fair and just panel of men who are in no way involved in the case personally," Roslin muttered angrily as she stared down at the Commander.

"Personal involvement with the case has nothing to do with this," Bill snapped, his patience running thin. "The military Standards of Justice were designed to ensure that knowledgeable and responsible parties impart judgement over matters of military action, not a bunch of so-called unbiased laypeople making decisions about matters they know nothing about. This is about the treatment one of my people received at the hands of an enemy and it is not a civil matter," he finished firmly.

"And I say again, horseshit. This has nothing to do with your military Standard of Justice. This was not an 'independent political body' that did something to 'one of your pilots'. This is a group of Colonial citizens who, despite the fact that they committed unspeakable acts against another citizen, still deserve a full trial under Colonial law!" the President cried before she turned and resumed her pacing.

Gods, can she be mule-headed! Of course this isn't about protocol. Zarek hurt one of my people and this is not a civil case, no matter what the President thinks. I will not let her turn this into a political event, a media circus or a platform of any kind. One of my own was harmed and I will be the one to punish those who hurt her.

"You don't think he deserves to be punished?" he asked, his voice dropping to an accusatory snarl as the anger that had been simmering under his skin since this all began caught fire once again.

Laura froze, her back to the Commander. "Of course I want them to be punished, Commander Adama," she said coldly without turning. You have no idea how much I want them to be punished, to be ripped and torn to pieces as they scream and beg for mercy, she thought. Unconsciously wrapping her arms defensively around her chest, she stood stock still with her back to the Commander, not trusting herself to let him see her face until the wash of fury and panic had receded.

"I don't see why this matters so much to you, this civil trial business," Commander Adama objected vehemently. His chest was beginning to ache again and a steady throb had begun drumming behind his eyes but he was damned if he was going to give up this fight, "We have video records of their acts, we'll have Kara's testimony. It's not like there will be any real discussion with regard to their guilt or innocence-"

"And yet you feel the need to push for your military tribunal anyway," Roslin interjected. Back under control, she turned to face him once again, anger snapping in her eyes, "Why not let me go ahead with the civil court if you are so sure of a conviction?"

"Because this is not a civil matter, end of story-" Bill caught his voice as it began to rise towards a shout. He lowered his tone but she felt the sear of his anger all the more in his quiet rage, "Gods damn it, Roslin, these men will get what they deserve, there is no question about that!"

"And you have to be the one to give it to them, right?" she retorted, her own frustration and anger spilling into her tone. The stony look on his face made her want to scream and stomp her feet like a two year old. There was obviously no point in debating the merits of their respective positions any further.

Instead of arguing, then, she decided to stop tip-toeing around, "Commander, let's cut the crap, shall we? This isn't about civilian versus military law and this isn't about the President and the Commander struggling for authority within the fleet. This is about you,"she punctuated her words by jabbing her finger at him, "wanting to punish Tom Zarek for what he did to Kara. Your little girl is in there struggling for her life-" Roslin aimed her finger towards the isolation area, jabbing it forcefully even as her voice caught and threatened to break, "and you need to be the one to hurt the men who hurt her, regardless of protocol, or law, or any other godsdamn theoretical framework we could come up with. But you can't just throw your military weight around and start handing out your own brand of justice just because something hits a little too close to home, Bill! Just because your rust bucket of a ship has the most guns doesn't make you Zeus, god of justice and mercy, protector of the weak and punisher of the wicked!"

The heat in his eyes dimmed to an icy cold as he stared at her, "Madame President, I am sorry if the acting Commander misled you in any manner but these men are in military custody and will remain there until their punishments have been meted out," he waited a beat, his eyes boring into her without blinking. "This discussion is over."

"Like hell it is," she hissed angrily.

He stared up at her silently, squinting slightly. Neither of them moved for a long moment.

"Oh godsdamn you and your all your frakking guns!" she exclaimed, allowing herself the satisfaction of one defiant foot stomp. She fired a searing look of her own before spinning on her heel and stalking towards the hatch.

--

Oblivious to the conflict that had boiled over in the ward, Lee, Cottle, and the medic Ishy, had their hands full trying to keep Kara calm in the isolation room.

Hour after hour, long after President Roslin stormed out of the sickbay, they ran through slight variations of the same pattern: Kara slipped in and out of consciousness and Lee and Cottle, or Ishay, would struggle with her when she woke in terror until Lee was able to get her to recognise him and relax. She would lie there, exhausted and delusional, until she'd eventually slip back into sleep or unconsciousness. When she awoke again, once again thinking she was back on the Astral Queen, they would replay the entire scenario.

Lee's fatigue dragged heavily at his arms, his voice rasped from lack of sleep and his continuous efforts to get Kara's attention, and he had no idea what time it was. His world had shrunk to the size of the isolation room; nothing existed for him but Kara and his struggle to keep her as calm as he could.

After a particularly lengthy struggle with Kara screaming and trying to bite them, she'd finally heard Lee's voice again and now lay in the bed sobbing and gasping for air.

Desperately trying to console her, Lee whispered in her ear, stroking her hair and face until her sobs quieted. Her bedclothes were soaked with sweat and each breath dragged painfully in and out of her chest. The doctor checked her temperature and sighed.

Lee looked up at the sound of exasperation in the expression.

"This isn't working, the antibiotics should have done something by now," Cottle grumbled.

"Wha…," Lee's voice gave out on him and he had to cough to clear his throat. "What does that mean?" he asked hoarsely. He gently stroked Kara's hand as she started coughing once again.

Cottle shook his head sadly, "It means they probably aren't going to work, that either her system is too compromised to fight its share of the battle or that whatever's got a hold of her is immune to what we've been using. The fact that every time she wakes up she ends up fighting with us and burning up energy she doesn't have is only making things worse."

"Can't we try something else?" Lee blinked his bleary eyes, trying to focus on the doctor and what he was saying. His tired brain, struggling to keep up with the doctor's words, registered relief when Kara stopped coughing.

"We could-" the doctor was interrupted by a barely audible gasp from Kara just as Lee felt her grip tighten on his hand.

Lee looked down and saw, to his horror, that she was barely breathing at all. Alarms on the machines around the bed started going off as Kara choked. Her eyes were wide with fear and pain, begging them for help as she silently gaped like a fish out of water. She gripped at Lee's hand urgently as she looked between him and the doctor, her other hand scrabbling against the bedsheet.

"Ishay! Get in her with the chest tube kit!" Cottle cried as he lowered the bed so Kara was lying flat on her back. Turning to Kara, he softened his voice, "Listen to me, Thrace," he said calmly as he moved his stethoscope across her chest, listening intently, "it sounds like you've managed to collapse both lungs."

Her hand tightened on Lee's as what little colour she had drained quickly away.

"It's alright, we're going to fix it," Cottle soothed, "but I need you to try and relax and, for gods' sake, don't fight with me on this, ok?"

Her eyes bulged, her lips taking on a bluish tinge once again. She pulled her hand away from Lee's comforting grip to clutch desperately at her heaving chest.

Lee closed his eyes momentarily, struggling to suppress his fear and force air into his own lungs. Opening his eyes again, he leaned over Kara, placing his hand over hers and pulling it gently from her chest as the doctor tugged her gown open before he grabbed a pair of scissors and deftly cut away the tape that was wound around her torso. Leaving himself a wide incision in the tape, Cottle turned around and grabbed a syringe from the cupboard behind him. He ripped open the sterile packaging and tossed the plunger aside as Ishay ran into the room carrying a tray covered with a sterile cloth.

Cottle swiped an iodine swab across a small patch of Kara's now exposed skin and, using one hand to hold her chest still, slowly slid the needle between two of her ribs.

Kara flinched in pain, her eyes roaming until they found Lee's. He nodded at her and forced a smile,

"That's it, just try to relax, ok? The doc's taking care of everything."

Cottle listened to her chest once again, shaking his head when he noticed no change, before removing the needle and tossing it aside. He muttered instructions to the medic as she prepared the instruments. Accepting a syringe full of medication from Ishay, he turned back to Kara and injected the aesthetic into her chest next to where he had inserted the other syringe.

Lee determinedly kept his eyes away from what the doctor was doing and tried to focus on Kara's face. It had only been a matter of seconds but to him it felt like hours since he'd looked down to see that look of pure panic. She craned her neck, still trying in vain to force her lungs to fill, and her eyes widened when she saw the collection of gleaming instruments laid out on the tray next to the Doctor.

"Kara, hey," Lee called to her patiently. She was staring at the doctor's instruments with a look of terror. "Kara? Starbuck? C'mon, over here," he tried again, eventually coaxing her eyes back to his face. The fear and panic in them sent an echoing shudder down his own spine. He struggled to keep his voice even, "Right here, you just give me your eyes and keep them right here, okay?" he said insistently, pointing at his own eyes with his first two fingers. "I'm right here with you, you just stay with me, okay? Just you and me, right here," he gestured to his own eyes again.

She nodded faintly, her eyes starting to droop as another alarm sounded from the machines.

"Ishay?" Cottle asked, not looking up from smearing more iodine in the area surrounding his injection site.

"Her O2 levels are dropping, Doctor," Ishay said quietly.

"I know that," Cottle snapped in reply, "that's what the damn alarm is for, I need you to tell what her numbers are."

"65% and dropping, Sir."

"Frak," the doctor cursed under his breath, "we don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic." He looked up at Kara's face, "I'm sorry, kiddo, this is gonna hurt."

Kara nodded faintly, her eyelids drooping.

A second alarm sounded.

"BP's dropping, Doctor!" Ishay cried.

"Gods damn it!" Cottle responded, reaching for the scalpel once again, "Keep her focused, Apollo. Keep her here with us!"

"You gotta hang in there, okay Kara?" Lee said urgently, leaning closer to put himself in Kara's eye line. He slipped his left arm above and around her head, cradling it gently as he stroked her cheek with his other hand, his face inches from hers. Her eyes struggled open and he met her intense stare with his own, willing the connection between them to hold, "Just hang in there with me and this will all be over soon, I promise," he whispered.

He continued murmuring to her soothingly, holding her eye contact, as he listened to the clatter of instruments on the tray and the doctor's quiet voice as he called for instruments or materials from the medic. Lee cooed as Kara tensed, grinding her teeth in pain, "I know, I know, just a little longer, ok?" He dropped his head to rest his forehead against hers, willing everything else away as he tried to keep her focused on him. When Kara squeezed her eyes shut in pain, Lee twisted his head slightly to flash a look at what the doctor was doing. He felt Kara tremble beneath him as a spray of blood spurted from her chest onto the doctor's torso and hands. Lee felt his stomach turn in a slow sickening roll.

He tore his gaze away from the blood and pulled back slightly to look back down into Kara's eyes. The green pools stared up at him intently for a moment before she blinked three times, slowly and purposefully. She managed a small half smile before her eyelids drifted closed.

"Kara?" Lee cried, squeezing her hand, "Kara? Hey, come on. You gotta hang on, okay? Please? Kara? KARA!"

She didn't move. Her face had gone from pale to ashen grey. Her features, tense with pain and fear a moment ago, were now soft and relaxed; the frantic buzzing and beeping of her monitors a stark contrast to her peaceful expression.

Panic clawing at his throat, Lee looked towards the doctor. The sight of Kara's bright red blood spilling down the sheet below Cottle's incision left his knees weak and his hand shaking on her pale cheek.

"Doc?" he managed to gasp out.

The doctor's muttered curses did nothing to calm his rising panic.

"Godsdamn it!" Cottle cried, tossing a pair of silver clamps aside, staring angrily at the clear plastic tube that jutted obscenely from Kara's chest. "This isn't working, we're going to have to get her back under the knife."

"What about the other side?" Ishay asked.

"We can't afford the time if it doesn't work either," Cottle said quickly.

Ishay only nodded, quickly depositing the chest tube tray on a table and moving to one of the cabinets that ringed the room.

"What? More surgery? What's going on?" Lee cried as Ishay shoved past him.

"No time to explain, Captain," Cottle snapped. "You go on and wait out there," he jerked his head towards the main ward. "I'll come find you when we're done. Get me the intubation tray, Ishay," he said urgently as he moved to the head of Kara's bed.

Ishay had already traded the tray holding the chest tube instruments with a fresh one carrying the instruments needed to insert a breathing tube down Kara's throat. Responding to the doctor's order, she swung the table to his side before quickly moving to unhook Kara from the monitors so that she could be moved back to the operating room.

Lee stumbled over wires and his own feet, trying to stay out of the medic's way but not willing to leave without saying goodbye. Seeing that Ishay had finished removing the leads from the other side of the bed, Lee quickly stepped around it to Kara's side once again as Cottle opened her mouth and inserted the lyringoscope to begin the process of intubating her.

Lee braced his hands on the bed and leaned over her, pushing aside the snake of fear that her stillness sent slithering through him, "You come back to me now, you here me, Kara? I know you're tired. I know you're just about done but please, please don't give up yet," he begged her, placing a hand lightly on her arm above the cast. Gods, how many times are we going to have to do this? I'm not ready to say goodbye! He closed his eyes momentarily and suddenly found himself offering up a prayer to the gods he now desperately hoped were there after all.

Hear me, oh great Apollo. I know I am not deserving of your love or your compassion but Kara is. She is a believer. Part of Lee's mind registered Cottle's sigh of relief as he finished placing the tube and softly instructed Ishay to turn on the ventilator. She is a strong and caring woman who needs your help and cannot beg her plea herself. He could hear the reassuring hiss and pump of the same ventilator that had breathed for his father after he was shot. Please, Lord of the Sun and Lord of the Healing, please grant Kara your blessing and protection so that she might live to see another day. Please, please don't let her die. Not now, not yet.

"So say we all," murmured Ishay, breaking into his thoughts.

Lee's eyes flew open, as he echoed her words aloud, realizing she must have recognized what he was doing. She nodded at him, lifting the last of the wires and tubes onto the foot of Kara's bed. Lee returned the nod before bending down to place one last kiss on Kara's forehead, trying not to dwell on the tube that was held in place between her cracked and blistered lips with tape that criss-crossed from one cheek to the other.

"Good hunting, Starbuck. Bring Kara back to me, ok?" he whispered, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Stepping away, he watched Cottle and Ishay wheel the bed expertly out the door.

And then Kara was gone. Again.

His hands suddenly felt cold and empty without her skin under them. He scrubbed both hands across his face, trying to scrape away the gnawing terror that had crept in under his skin. With a heavy heart, he stumbled his way out of the room.

--

Bill Adama was sitting up in bed, trying to read a mystery novel one of Tyrol's knuckle draggers had loaned him but he wasn't having much luck. The gripping tale of burglary and betrayal couldn't hold his attention as his mind kept drifting back to the young woman fighting for her life just down the hall.

He had managed to get some rest, despite his anxiety over Starbuck's progress, or lack thereof, during the day and a half since Kara's rescue but he had to admit that it hadn't been enough. His eyes were grainy with fatigue and he was having trouble keeping the page in front of him in focus. He hadn't seen or heard from the doctor, Lee, or Ishay in a several hours and was trying to convince himself that this was a good sign.

If she's stabilized, they'll want to run all those other tests Cottle talked about. He reassured himself. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was getting close to oh-three-hundred and decided to put the book away and try to get some sleep. Or maybe, she's doing a lot worse and there's no one available to come and let you know, the other voice in his head piped up as he shut off the small reading light over his bed and set his glasses on his table, alongside the book. If that were the case, if they were working on her again, Lee wouldn't still be in there, he countered, lying back and arranging the light cotton blanket over himself.

Just as he was closing his eyes he heard the sound he'd been waiting for all night: the opening and closing of the swinging door that led to the other areas of the Life Station. Sitting up and squinting into the dim light, he recognised Lee standing perfectly still, just inside the door.

He blinked once. Even in the semi-darkness of the ward's night illumination settings he could see his that one of son's hands was covered in blood, the same blood that was streaked across his pale face and rumpled tanks.

Bill felt his stomach drop as his heart froze in his chest.

No, please gods, no.

One look at his son's face had a wail of grief struggling to force itself up and out of his throat. He swallowed. Hard.

As if he had heard the silent cry, Lee suddenly looked up. His eyes roamed the Life Station aimlessly and from across the room Bill could see the dark circles of fatigue under them. Lee stood in the doorway, his face a blank mask, swaying slightly as if the effort of standing was almost too much for him to bear.

Bill waited a moment but when Lee made no effort to move, he called out to him softly,

"Lee?"

Lee twitched. He turned his head to follow the sound of his name. The headache he'd been ignoring in the isolation room was starting to pound behind his eyes, throbbing in unison with the aching in his weary back and arms. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his head and think about what it was he was supposed to be doing. Right, Life Station, Kara's back in surgery. His thoughts ran fluidly through his mind and he had to struggle to hang on to them. Frak, I'm tired. When did I get so tired? It's only been a few hours, it must have been harder than I thought, keeping Kara on the bed. For a girl who's not feeling so hot, she sure is strong. Shaking his head to clear it, he blinked again and saw his father staring at him intently.

"Lee?"

The strangled sound of Bill's voice cut through his fatigue and had the young Captain automatically sprinting across the ward to his father's side before he could even process the thought.

"Dad? What's wrong, are you okay?" he gasped.

"What?" Bill asked, "I'm fine," he added, shaking his head quickly, dismissing Lee's concern. "What about Kara?"

Lee sighed in relief, confused by the stress still written clearly across his father's face, "She's…" he struggled with what to say, unable to find the words to describe what she'd just been through.

Suddenly, the Commander grabbed his hand in a fierce grip, "Lee," he said, his voice so low Lee almost missed it, "tell me, son."

"Uhm," Lee swallowed, "well, she stopped breathing." Saying it aloud was easier than he thought it would be.

The pain-filled groan from his father had Lee worrying again as Bill dropped back down against the raised head of the bed.

"No," Bill whispered. "No," he repeated, shaking his head slowly.

"Yeah, but it's okay," Lee tried to reassure the old man, "I mean, they got the tube in pretty quickly so she was on the ventilator and didn't go too long without oxygen," Lee added quickly, searching his father's face for signs of pallor or anything else that would indicate he himself was in need of medical attention.

"What?" Bill grabbed at Lee's hand again, "She's alive?"

Lee looked down at his father, his eyebrows knitted in confusion, "Uh, yeah. I mean, yes sir, she's alive but they've taken her back into surgery. Cottle said her lungs collapsed."

The look of relief that shuddered across Bill's face tweaked something in Lee's exhausted mind, "Oh no. You didn't think… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

The look of relief was replaced by a terse grin and followed by a tense chuckle as Bill released Lee's hand..

"She's been in and out of it the last few hours," Lee explained, "Like she was doing out here before the first surgery." Gods, that makes it sound so simple, so…nothing. "But the last time she freaked out, she must have reinjured her lungs or something because they collapsed and she couldn't breathe and…" The image of Kara's terror filled eyes begging him for help as she silently struggled for air rose up in his mind and Lee's voice trailed off as he stared unseeing at the wall above his father's bed.

Bill was dying for more information, for details that might give him a better indication as to how Kara was doing, but he restrained himself, taking stock of Lee's condition first. His face was drawn with fatigue and a rough swatch of stubble covered his jaw. The lump over his eye had darkened considerably and the swelling jutted angrily from Lee's brow. Underneath the smear of blood on his cheek the skin was pasty and bruised looking smudges darkened the hallows under his haunted, bloodshot eyes. Looking closely, Bill noticed that Lee was trembling slightly. The poor kid is exhausted. Saul said he's barely been sleeping for weeks and now a thirty hour stint watching over Kara, never mind the emotional toll of it all, he's at the end of his rope.

"Lee?" Bill said, in a low voice.

"Huh?" Lee's attention snapped back to his father. "Sorry, Sir, I just…"

"It's okay," Bill said calmly, "I know you're beat but, can you tell me about the blood?" Bill finished quietly. He simply couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of the dark red smears on his son's shirt, hand and face.

"Blood?" Lee followed his father's gaze to his tanks. His eyes widened, "Uh, I..." Catching sight of the smear on his hand, he raised it to his face and turned it over slowly. The sight of Kara's blood staining his skin brought a fresh wave of fear crashing down against his overtaxed system. Gods, when did I get this blood all over me? The sight of bright red blood spurting out of the wound Cottle made flashed before his eyes. Blood. Gods, this is Kara's blood… Kara's blood…

"Lee? Is Kara bleeding?" Bill asked gently, in part just to get Lee to stop staring in horror at his bloodstained hand.

Lee nodded and then shook his head, "No. Yeah, I mean… Cottle put in a chest tube to see if that would re-inflate her lung but it didn't. Her chest was bleeding-" he looked down at his dad, meeting his eyes and finding strength in their steady gaze. Lee sighed and shrugged dejectedly, "I don't know, Dad. I mean, Cottle said they were going to operate but that's all he said. Before that, her temperature was sky high, the antibiotics weren't working, she was delusional, she could barely breathe and the sound of her coughing…it was so… I don't… I just…" he trailed off as tears choked in his throat. Forgetting about the blood, he ran his hands roughly through his dark hair, trying to focus on the twinge of pain he felt as he pulled at a handful of strands rather than the grief that was tugging determinedly at his heart..

"Well, she held on this long, that's gotta mean something," Bill said.

Lee shrugged, "I guess, but what difference can a couple of hours make? They got some fluids into her but I don't think she got much rest or anything. Gods, Dad, she was so pale… So pale," he echoed softly to himself.

"Well, Cottle said if she made it through the first twenty-four hours, that was a good sign."

"Yeah," Lee blew out a breath of disbelief, "well, we're a long way from that."

"What? No," the Commander looked at Lee curiously, "Starbuck's been back about a day and half, Lee."

Lee blinked in confusion.

Bill nodded slowly, "You were in there with her for about thirty hours."

Lee glanced down at his watch, incredulously, and then back up at his father, "I…," no wonder I'm so frakking tired, he thought. Where did the time go? "Dad, Sir, I-" Lee's words were cut off by a jaw-cracking yawn.

"Consider yourself relieved, Captain," the Commander smiled gently while Lee attempted to smother the yawn.

Lee forced a smile in response, nodding in acknowledgement, "Thank you, Sir."

"Now, before you hit the rack-" anticipating Lee's noise of contention, Bill jerked his thumb towards the bed next to his which was currently empty, "here, Lee. I meant here, not your rack in the duty locker," Lee nodded, grateful that his father understood his desire to stay as close to Kara as possible. "As I was saying, before you hit that rack," Bill jerked his thumb towards the empty bed again, "you'd better wash up," he waved his hand to indicate the blood on Lee's hand and face.

Lee nodded but before he could speak, the Commander continued, "I figured you'd resurface eventually and would probably want to stick close by so I had one of your pilots bring down a fresh set of clothes and some of your things," Bill pointed towards a pile clothes sitting on the chair next to his bed. Lee's personal toiletry kit sat perched on top of the neatly folded pile. "There's a shower in the Life Station head, why don't you clean up and then get some shut-eye? I'll be sure to let you know if we hear anything from Cottle."

Lee bobbed his head again, his fatigued mind thankful that once again someone else had thought of everything for him but unable to find the words to express his gratitude.

Bill reached out and squeezed Lee's hand firmly, "Go on, now."

"Uh, thanks, Dad."

This time, Bill nodded and then smiled gently at his weary son.

Lee clumsily picked up the clothes and bag with his clean hand and stumbled towards the small washroom attached to the Life Station. Bill watched him go before reaching for the handset Lieutenant Gaeta had installed beside his bed. Picking it up and hearing the familiar sound of Dualla's voice in his ear, Bill cleared his throat before speaking, "Dee, just the person I wanted to speak to…"

--

A short while later, Lee made his way out of the head clad in clean clothes and feeling marginally better having showered and brushed his teeth.

Crossing the ward, his stomach suddenly growled hungrily. Realizing that he was famished, he tried to remember the last time he'd eaten. He faintly recalled an energy pack the doctor had shoved into his hand hours ago. That's great, Lee. Thirty hours and no food? You're gonna put yourself in the Life Station. How do you expect to take care of Kara if you can't even take care of yourself? The fierce gnawing in his stomach was bad enough to make him seriously reconsider his plan of heading straight to bed. He was so tired he literally could not see straight, he'd needed to squint carefully in the bathroom just to be sure he grabbed the bottle of shampoo from his kit and not his shaving gel, but with his stomach growling like this, he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep, exhausted beyond belief or not.

Approaching his father, however, Lee almost cried with relief when the scent of something edible reached his nose and he noticed a covered bowl sitting on the table next to the Commander.

"I thought you could use a hot meal," Bill said, pointing to the dish, "so I had Cookie send something up."

Lee sat down and pulled the table in front of him.

"I wanted to return the favour and while it's not fresh Karlach, it's the best we could do on short notice," Bill went on. "I remembered you having a fondness for the stuff as a kid so," he shrugged, somehow embarrassed to admit he'd tried to do something special for his son.

Lee lifted the lid off the bowl and his eyes lit up when he saw what lay underneath. He sniffed greedily at the steam rising from the oatmeal before grabbing the spoon that rested on the table next to the bowl.

A genuine smile flashed across his drawn face as he dug in. "It's perfect, Dad," he managed around a mouthful of the stodgy cereal.

Bill grinned back, "Well, I told Dee to do what she could to get Cookie to give you some milk and an extra ration of sweetener. I seem to recall you always trying to sneak extra spoonfuls from the sugar bowl when your mother wasn't looking at the breakfast table."

Lee nodded, this time swallowing a large mouthful before trying to speak, "Yeah, she always got mad about that. I didn't think you noticed."

"Oh, I noticed, alright. I was just glad you didn't notice when I did the exact same thing," Bill winked slyly and chuckled softly.

Within moments, Lee had emptied the bowl and done his best to scrape up every last bite. Sighing with contentment, he sat back in the chair feeling his fatigue falling fast and heavy around him again. The hot shower and now the belly full of warm food had gone a long way towards soothing his jangling nerves and easing the tension around his heart; the small taste of home, of something familiar and safe, did more for his spirits than the most elaborate five course meal ever could have. He still longed for Kara, and if he let his mind dwell on her he was pretty sure he'd break down sobbing, but the nervous energy had dulled; he no longer felt like he might fly apart in a million different directions if he relaxed his guard even the slightest bit.

Lee covered his mouth as a huge yawn rolled through him and blinked when his father set a metal cup down on the table in front of him. Without thinking, he dutifully picked it up and slugged back the liquid in it. Fiery liquor seared down his throat, causing him to gasp sharply as tears stung his eyes. Blowing out a deep breath, he felt a warm glow spread through him as the booze hit his gut. Looking up at his father, he nodded in appreciation. "Thanks Dad," he said solemnly.

Not entirely comfortable with the gratitude and affection he saw in Lee's eyes, Bill cleared his throat, "Well, the gut-rot was from Saul. He left a bottle with me this afternoon saying he figured that you'd need a belt whenever you did make it back out here again."

Lee nodded, understanding his father's discomfort but not willing to let it slide as he usually did, "I meant for everything, Dad." He placed his hand over his father's and gave it a gentle squeeze, "I mean it, thank you." He held his father's eyes for a moment before smirking and breaking the tension between them. "But tell Saul that shot sure did hit the spot," he grinned, patting Bill's hand as he stood up and moved towards the empty bed.

"Dad?" he asked tentatively over his shoulder as he walked away.

"I'll be sure to wake you if we hear anything, Lee."

Nodding appreciatively, Lee stepped slowly to the bed and fingered the pale blue sheet for a moment. His mind was empty of everything but the heavy weight of his exhaustion and the rhythmic throbbing of his grief. She's not gone yet, she's in Cottle's and Apollo's hands now but she's still here, he tried to tell himself as he stared at the bed, a little surprised that the god of healing's name had come to mind but far too tired to give it much thought.

Dad will wake me when she's out, then I can see her again, he consoled himself as he toed off his boots, climbed on to the bed and lay back gingerly. I'll see Kara when the doctor has fixed her up, he thought as he closed his eyes. One last thought slipped through his mind, she's home, Kara's back, and he could have sworn he felt the warm smoothness of her skin under his hands as he fell into the welcoming blackness.

Bill watched his son get into bed and smiled slightly when he noticed Lee was asleep before he could even reach down to pull the blanket up over himself

Easing out of his own bed, he padded over to Lee and tucked the blanket around him to keep out the cool air of the Battlestar's simulated night. Smoothing away the hair from his son's forehead, Bill sighed over the evidence of pain and fatigue that still shadowed the young man's face.

"Rest easy, Captain," the Commander murmured, placing an affectionate kiss on the brow that remained creased with strain even in sleep.

--

A couple of hours later, Bill awoke with a start. It took him a moment to place the sound that had woken him but when he finally looked over at the swinging door once again, he saw another figure framed in the doorway. Cottle stood hunched over, lighting a cigarette, just inside the main ward. A bright red ember glowing satisfactorily with each inhalation, the doctor straightened and caught sight of the Commander watching him from across the floor.

Sighing heavily, Cottle crossed to his old friend, noting the sleeping form of the young captain in the adjacent bed. Great, more laundry for my people to do, he thought grumpily. Hours on end without his nicotine fix had left him even more surly than usual, at least, that's what he told himself. It wasn't the desperate struggle he'd been locked in against injury and illness, it wasn't the grief and anger he felt every time he was confronted with the physical and emotional evidence of what those monsters did to the young woman, and it sure as hell wasn't something as unprofessional as his gruff affection for the tough pilot who simply refused to give up, no matter how sure he was that the infection was winning. Nope, it was the cigarettes. Definitely, the cigarettes. You moron, he chastised himself, if it was the nicotine you'd be feeling a lot better now that you've lit up, wouldn't you? If anything, he felt worse; the idea of actually giving voice to his concerns, his dire diagnoses and Kara's deterioration, sat like a stone in his gut.

Reaching Bill's side, he stood squinting down at the Commander, puffing away.

"How'd the surgery go, Doc?" Bill had been trying to read the doctor's expression as he walked slowly across the ward and had decided that the stormy look of frustration meant Kara made it through surgery. There was no way Cottle would let himself look so emotional if a patient had just died; he would have been careful to keep his facial expression professionally neutral as he made his way to Bill's bed.

"She pulled through it," Cottle said heavily. The tone in his voice answered Bill's next question, she'd survived but was still in serious danger.

At the sound of the voices, the figure in the next bed jerked upright. Glancing around, Lee caught sight of the doctor next to his father and felt his heart freeze. Before he knew what he was doing, Lee had leapt out of his bed and, without bothering to put his boots back on, was standing facing Cottle over his father.

"Whatsgoingon? Whathappened? Issheokay?" he mumbled hurriedly, scrubbing his hands across his face as he tried to wake up.

"I was just telling the Commander," Cottle explained, "Thrace made it through the surgery, we were able to fix both of the pneumothorax, but," he took a long drag on the cigarette, "well, I'll be honest with the both of you, things are not looking good, not good at all."

Lee felt the deck fall out from underneath his feet. 'Not good at all'? What the frak does that mean? He wanted to scream at the doctor. Cottle usually keeps things vague, part of his mind pointed out, if he's saying things are bad, they must be really, really bad. A strangled sound escaped Lee's lips. No, no, no, no. She home now, that's what I've been waiting for all this time. She'll be okay now that she's home. She has to be okay. We got her back damn it, we can't lose her now!

Cottle simply stared at the younger man. Cardiac arrhythmia he could treat, myocardial infarction he could deal with, but broken hearts were outside his area of expertise. Grimacing inwardly, slightly disgusted by the ridiculous sentimentality of his own thoughts, the doctor turned back to the commander.

"We got her lungs working again but the infection's not getting any better. If this keeps up much longer, she'll go into septic shock. Her kidneys and liver are already showing signs of trouble and if we can't get a handle on the infection soon, her other organs will start to suffer too," he said calmly.

"What??" Lee gasped, "What do you mean 'suffer too'? What does 'signs of trouble' mean?"

"Specifically? The infection causes a build up of dead cells and other toxins in the blood but her liver and kidneys aren't clearing them as they should. Eventually, she'll experience decreased tissue perfusion and oxygen delivery to her major organ groups because the infection will invade and start to take over her blood stream. If that continues, she'll go into multiple organ failure within the next few days. If that happens…" Cottle trailed off sadly.

Bill closed his eyes, trying to hear what Cottle was saying but not wanting to understand.

"Her blood pressure remains dangerously low and we're gonna have to keep her on the vent as she's too weak to breathe on her own. We're trying to keep her pumped up with fluids and the antibiotics but it doesn't seem to be doing much good. At this point, it looks like she's just too weak, she has too many injuries and spent too long without anything remotely resembling nutrition to be able to fight this thing."

Lee dropped his head, unaware that his hands were twisting his father's bed sheet in a death grip.

"Isn't there anything else you can try, Doc?" Bill asked, his voice soft.

Cottle sighed, "No. We've tried the few antibiotics we still have, nothing seems to be helping much. She's sedated now and we're going to keep it that way to let her get some rest given how distraught she is half the time she's awake. She's a fighter, we all know that, and at this point we just have to hope she can keep fighting and that rest, fluids and nutrition will start to make a difference. It's in the hands of the gods now, there's simply nothing else I can do for her."

A sob slipped past Lee's control and he screwed up his face, trying in vain to suppress the grief that was overwhelming him. Nothing else I can do for her. The phrase echoed in his head, blocking out any other thoughts or sounds. A sharp, tear-filled exhalation exploded out of his chest. He released the sheet and spun away from his father and the doctor, his arms wrapped tightly across his chest. His head dropped to his chest as he tried to subdue the sobs that welled up from deep within him.

That's it, then. This whole thing, it's just been a tease. The gods were just frakking with me after all. She came back, just like I wanted, but I don't get to have her, I don't get to keep her. I just get to lose her all over again.

The broken sound of his mourning echoed through the Life Station. Lee clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to contain the sobs, but they merely struggled out of his nose in wet bursts as his entire body shook with their violence. He felt his world collapsing in on itself and fought to push it back, she's not dead yet you frakking idiot! She's still alive and, like Cottle said, Kara's a fighter, the furious voice in his head tried desperately to keep him from breaking down entirely. She was a fighter, he countered, but now…she's so pale, so tired. She tried to fight us off but at the heart of it all, she's worn out; she's through with fighting… She shouldn't have to keep fighting, godsdamn it! She's been fighting her whole life, she should have earned the right to rest. Why can't she just rest? Why can't she just be okay?... First Zak and now Kara, why does this keep happening? Why do I have to lose her now too?

The questions buzzed through his mind like a swarm of angry bees, sending sharp barbs of toxin through his system. All the rage, frustration, anxiety and guilt that had been building in him for weeks bubbled up and he simply let go and allowed them to wash over him.

Releasing a guttural cry of anguish, Lee slammed into the table, knocking it over and sending the dishes he'd left on it earlier rattling across the ward. Cursing, he flung himself at the bulkhead, slamming his fist into the metal sheeting while he kicked at it mercilessly. No! Kick. Not again! Punch. Not Kara! Slam. No, no, no. Hit, kick, punch, harm. No, no, no! No-no-no-nononono. He pounded blindly against the metal, his fury and grief consuming him completely. The sounds of his blows echoed sharply through the quiet ward as no one moved or spoke.

Eventually, the pain in his hand and foot reached through to his brain, breaking the wave of emotions that had choked him. Suddenly spent, he dropped his head and leaned to brace one arm against the wall. He stood there, his chest heaving, his thoughts racing, for a long moment. The reassuring vibration of the live battlestar under his palm seemed to bring him strength, to reconnect him with something vital, something hopeful. Forcing shuddering breaths into his lungs, he did his best to shove the wave of chaos back, struggling to lock it away again. Regaining some of his control, he straightened up but remained facing the wall, standing with his hands resting on his hips and his head bowed. The stillness of the ward was a soothing balm on his ravaged soul.

Gradually, as the surge of emotion left his system, Lee became more aware of his surroundings once again. A warm slip of shame slid through him. Frak. Sighing heavily, he raised one hand and ran it over his face. Frak. With one fist still resting on his hip and the other hand rubbing at the back of his neck, he turned to face the Commander and Doc Cottle once again. He was relieved to see them chatting quietly as if nothing had happened.

Returning to the bed, Lee felt the heat of shame creep up his neck, "I'm… I'm sorry, Sirs, I don't know what- there's no excuse for that, I'm sorry."

"Of course there's no excuse for that," the Commander said in a low tone. Lee tensed, waiting for a reprimand but Bill continued softly, "and there's no excuse needed. Sometimes, we all need to blow off a little steam, Captain."

Lee nodded gratefully but couldn't stop the flush of embarrassment from climbing up his face as he gingerly rubbed his raw knuckles.

"So Doc," Bill turned to address Cottle who was lighting another cigarette, "what happens now?"

"Well, we're going to keep her sedated for a while, in a medically induced coma, so that her body can have the chance to rest and heal as much as possible," a forced chuckled escaped the doctor's terse lips, "that plus I'd hate to see what Starbuck would do if she awoke to find herself hooked up to a ventilator."

Bill returned Cottle's chuckle but his eyes remained heavy and dark.

Squinting down at the Commander, Cottle continued soberly, "Beyond that? We do the only thing we can do," Cottle took a deep drag and blew out a cloud of smoke that hung about his face as he spoke around the cigarette clenched tightly between his lips, "we wait and we pray."

"Can… Can I see her? Can I go back in there?" Lee asked quietly.

"Sure thing, once Ishay has her settled back in her room and stabilized on the ventilator," some of the tension in Lee's face diminished at the doctor's words, "and after one of us have looked at that hand. Can't have our best pilot running around with an untreated broken hand." Lee ducked his head in embarrassment, still ashamed of his outburst despite his father's empathetic words. Cottle turned to leave but paused, "Oh, there's one more thing, do either of you know where Thrace would have gotten the two recent scars on her abdomen?"

Bill shook his head and looked at Lee.

At the doctor's question, Lee was suddenly thrown back to the night before Kara vanished. The memory of her smooth skin gliding slowly under his hands brought a shiver of arousal that was followed quickly by another searing shot of shame. Gods Lee, hardly the time or place for that kind of thinking. He remembered running his hands down her lithe frame until they found the unexpected areas of puckered skin. I didn't even ask her about them, I ignored those obvious scars in the interest of not losing the chance to finally frak the almighty Starbuck. Knowing he was selling both himself and Kara short with that thought, knowing that it was more than just a frak for either of them, didn't dispel his sense of self-disgust at the realization that he had been so intent on what they were finally about to do that he'd ignored the scars, promising himself he'd ask her about them some other time.

Looking up, Lee realized the other two men were staring at him expectantly.

Clearing his throat, Lee shook his head, "Ah, no, I don't know either." When his father and the doctor continued staring at him, Lee continued, "I mean, I don't really know where she got them, I ah, assume it was back on Caprica, but, well, that's significant. I mean, I should have known about…" Frak, Lee cursed as he felt the flush of embarrassment creep back up his neck, "Well, I mean, as CAG, I should have know about any injuries sustained by any of my pilots, right?" Her silence about the injuries struck him as significant. If it was nothing, if they were just battles scars, Kara would have been showing them off proudly, regaling the nuggets with the surely heroic story of how she got them. "I don't know why she didn't tell us about them. In the chaos of everything that happened around Kobol, I never really debriefed her properly. By the time everything settled down, it didn't really seem necessary, I guess. I'm sorry, Sir," he said to the Commander, "I neglected my duty."

"So did I, Captain." Bill said sadly, "I kept meaning to debrief her but things kept coming up and it just got put off until… until it was too late."

"My gods!" Cottle cut in, his voice sharp with exasperation. "Can we cut out the Adama guilt party please? As if Thrace would have told either of you something she wanted to keep quiet just because you formally debriefed her! Have you two forgotten who we're talking about here? This is Lieutenant Thrace, the same pilot who, if she happened to have woken up on the wrong side of the rack that morning, would look you in the eye and tell you she's fine, that she just doesn't feel like walking, if both her legs were blown clean off."

Bill chuckled at Cottle's outburst. "He's right, you know, son."

"Yeah, I suppose," Lee reluctantly agreed. But still, I should have asked, I should have tried to figure out what was wrong.

Cottle nodded slowly, "Well, anyway, one looks like a wound that was surgically extended and then closed, my guess would be a bullet wound. The other, however, looks like a surgical incision and I sure as hell did not operate on her."

Lee thought back to their reunion on the Astral Queen, when Kara had returned to Kobol with the arrow of Apollo. She'd told him that he didn't have a clue about what had happened to her on Kobol and he hadn't really pushed, he'd gone ahead with planning the search for the tomb of Athena and assumed she'd tell him if something was bothering her. He had a sudden flashback of her leaning on a chain-link dividing wall grinning at him:

"What was that middle part again?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Lee had known exactly what she meant.

"Did you say you love me?" Kara had asked with a grin.

Lee remembered laughing nervously, "Well, um-"

"Lee Adama loves me."

"No, all I meant was-"

"No. Seriously. Very sweet. You love me." Her eyes dancing, Kara had tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders as she flashed him her best mile-wide Starbuck grin.

Lee had laughed nervously again.

Kara had spoken again, in a somewhat mocking, fake-pouting kind of tone, "No, you love me. You can't take it back. There's no take-backs."

Back in the present, Lee let her voice continue rolling though his head as he closed his eyes and held onto the image of her leaning on that fence grinning at him. No, no take-backs, Kara. Not this time. I do love you. He willed the thought to her: mentally sending it streaming from him, across the ward, through the doors and down the hall to where she lay.

Opening his eyes, he found his father and Cottle watching him once again. Suddenly a thought struck him,

"Wait, Helo probably knows what happened to her down there and if he doesn't, one of those pyramid players he brought back with him from that rescue mission probably does."

Cottle nodded, "Good point, I'll ask him about it. Those scars are old enough that they won't have much bearing on what's happening now. I'm going to go check in on our girl. Ishay will come out and get you when you can see her, Captain.

"Thanks Doc," Bill said.

Cottle nodded and left, leaving a cloud of smoke hanging behind him as he made his way back towards the isolation area.

The Adamas watched him leave with heavy hearts.

"Uhm, Commander, Sir?" a quiet voice called.

Blinking, Bill turned and saw Petty Officer Dualla nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she stood, her hands clasped behind her back, near the foot of his bed.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Sirs, but I said I would come by at the end of my shift, Commander. If you want, I could come back later..."

"Oh yes, of course, Dee. No, there's no need to come back, I need your help with something, actually." Bill waved her to the chair next to him, glad to have the distraction.

Dualla approached slowly, the strained looks on both of the men's faces told her she was interrupting, no matter what the Commander said. While he was obviously upset, the Commander was actually looking better than he had in days. There was colour back in his cheeks and his eyes seemed livelier somehow. Apollo, on the other hand, looked... Dee struggled for a word to describe the aura that seemed to be radiating out from the Captain. Destroyed. That was the word that came to mind looking at him. She flashed Apollo a hesitant smile. He returned it with an empty reflex but she had a feeling he barely even saw her.

She sat down on the chair next to the Commander.

"Dee here has been coming to give me updates on what's going on," Bill explained to Lee, smiling at the young Petty Officer. "The XO briefs me on the major events but Dee makes sure I know all the important stuff like the gossip, the com chatter and how my crew is holding up." Not to mention, how you're doing, he added mentally.

Lee nodded absently.

"Sir, if I might ask," Dee spoke tentatively, "how is Starbuck doing? Tigh said she's being treated but…" her voice faded as she remembered watching Kara struggling against Zarek's men on the video screen.

Lee's head dropped at her question and the Commander sighed sadly. Immediately regretful, Dee stammered an apology, "I'm sorry, Sirs, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright, Dee," Bill said. "Cottle was just out here giving us the sitrep. Starbuck is struggling. She's a pretty sick girl and it looks like the doctor has done all he can with our limited supply of medication. At this point, we'll just have to wait and see."

Out of the corner of her eye, Dee saw Apollo's hands clench into fists at his sides.

"Gods, Sir, I…" at a loss for words, her large hazel eyes filled with tears.

"I know, Dee. I know," Bill said, patting her shoulder gently.

"Now as to what I need your help with, do you think you could let the crew know how Starbuck is doing? The acting Commander has a lot on his plate right now so I don't want to pester him with passing along a bunch of updates on her condition but I know everyone's worried about her. If you could pass the word that she's still hanging on, still fighting, and that she could use all the prayers anyone can spare, that would be appreciated."

"Of, of course, Sir," Dee sniffed back her tears and nodded her head firmly. "Of course, I'd be happy to."

"Thank you. And now, if you don't mind, could we perhaps go over your report a little later? I would like to speak with the Captain alone for a moment."

"Certainly, Sir." She stood and snapped a quick salute before turning to walk away.

As Dee made her way out of the ward she heard a low voice call her name. Turning, she saw Helo laid up in a bed next to the hatch.

"Helo-" she said, lowering her voice quickly when he held a finger to his lips. "What's going on," she said quietly when she reached his side. "Why do I have to be quiet?"

"Because I don't want to disturb the CAG and the Commander," Helo said. "Can you do me a favour?" he asked.

"Sure, as long as I can do it and what the Commander asked and be in my rack within the hour," she stifled a yawn, "it's been a long shift."

"Could you take this to Sharon?" Helo asked hesitantly holding out a scrap of paper.

She looked at him with distain.

"Look, I know how you feel about her. Frak, I know how everyone feels about her. But I'm stuck here on strict bed rest," he gestured at the large bandage that now covered most of his thigh and the brace that encased his leg, on top of the bandage, from his hip to his ankle. "I frakked up my leg pretty bad and Cottle says I can't move for a couple of days if I want to have any hope of recovery. I know she's worried about me, please Dee, just take her the note," he was practically begging her.

Dee narrowed her eyes.

"You can read it first, if you want. To make sure I'm not sending her top secret details about how Cottle ties a bandage or anything," he said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"Fine," Dee said as she snapped the paper out of his hand, "but I'm only doing this for you. Because you got hurt rescuing Starbuck. Don't think this means I approve of your relationship or anything."

"Fine."

Dee turned to leave.

"And Dee?" Helo called softly after her. She turned to him, a look of exasperation on her face.

"Thank you."

She sighed and flashed him a half smile before making her way out of the Life Station.

--

I would like to acknowledge that my information and description of the Greek gods came from Greek

--

So, was it worth the wait? Am I killing you with the wait for the Lee/Kara reunion? Any unforgivable mistakes or horrible passages of writing?

I have to admit I'm feeling a little out of touch with the fic after my prolonged absence so I would really appreciate hearing what you think about this chapter.

Thanks for reading!

-Pru