XVIII

JEALOUSY.

Santana shot a look at Blaine. But nor her usual pointed look that left Blaine confused, but a worried one that left him feeling sick. Or maybe it wasn't the Latina's eyes that had his stomach tied in knots, bile creeping up his throat, but rather the scene that played out in front of his eyes.

Her laughter rumbled in Blaine's ears like thunder, her perfume saturating his nostrils, her kiss swollen lips imprinting on his brain.

"Who is she?" he croaked out, watching the couple whisper lovingly into each other's ear, food lying on the table forgotten.

"Penny Owen." Santana answered with a voice that just sounded so wrong coming from her mouth; she sounded sympathetic. Blaine hated it. "Med school dropout sells coffee in a shop a few blocks from mine. Low on income, no way in hell could she afford him so I'm guessing this isn't work but a-"

"A date." Blaine confirmed, through gritted teeth, watching Sam Evans and that Penny from across the restaurant, the blond completely ignoring his presence, all too wrapped up in entwining his fingers with the women next to him. It disgusted him to watch.

Sam disgusted him.

Because he was a liar.

He either lied to Blaine a fortnight ago on Brittany's birthday or he was lying to Penny, and furthermore himself. And Penny seemed oblivious that she was obviously being played, at least to Blaine it was apparent anyway. She was either there to send a message to Blaine or to attempt to solidify what Sam clearly tried so desperate to be. Blaine may have had more compassion for the evidently confused guy had he not been so centric to the situation that had invested his entire being. But this was low, even for the prostitute, to walk into Blaine's working environment and blindside him with such a gesture, knowing full well that if Blaine reacted –and god, he wanted to react- he could potentially lose his job.

Blaine felt used - Had been used- by a no good whore, leaving him feeling dirty.

"Let's take a walk."

"I was just about to head home actually." Blaine shrugged, pressing in close to himself as the cold night air nipped at him.

"Can I walk with you?" Sam asked in a voice that sounded hopeful yet tinged with nerves. Blaine looked over Sam's shoulder and saw Kurt give him a small smile, and Blaine, curious as ever, shrugged and turned to walk towards the exit of the park, confident Sam would follow. "So, how have you been?"

"I've been better." Blaine answered truthfully, paying attention to the sight ahead, rather than the blonde man at his side. "Where have you been?"

"Georgia. I've got family there, just needed to get away for a while. Do some thinking."

"You mean you ran away." Blaine corrected, leaving the park and making his way down the sidewalk.

"I suppose you could look at it that way."Sam answered after a while of silence. Blaine wanted so much to look at him, to find something in those green eyes that answered every question. But he knew they held none, doubted they ever would, so he kept his gaze upfront as he walked the darken streets.

"What were you thinking about?"

"You."Sam replied.

"And you came up with-?"Blaine asked casually, ignoring the stutter in his heart beat.

"You've got to understand how hard this is for me Blaine." Sam sighed woefully. Blaine chanced a glance beside him, to see the other man, thankfully with his head bowed. "I think your funny, charming, caring witty and an all-round nice person, and if you were a girl, I would date you in a heartbeat."

"But I'm not a girl." Blaine felt the need to point out, heart clenching painfully.

"No. no you're not."

"Meaning?" the bar tender wondered. Wondered why this conversation needed to take place, whilst walking along the streets of New York, when Sam could have easily declined him by text. Instead he had to run away, make Blaine miss him, then randomly return demanding walks filled with talks of nonsense.

"Meaning I don't know where to go from here. I want you in my life, that much I know. But you have to understand, I've never been attracted to boys, never even been curious. I haven't even kissed a bloke before." Sam said in an agitated tone, grabbing hold of Blaine's wrist, bringing them both to a stop a couple of blocks from Diamontes.

"Was that your roundabout way of asking for a kiss or something?"Blaine asked, trying to add some humor to a situation that suddenly became thick with tension. He had been wise to not look at Sam before, because now that he was, he saw the pain, the confusion, the struggle written all over his face. It hurt Blaine's heart.

"I don't know. All I know is that I would feel uncomfortable kissing a dude, but because it's you, and I care about you and stuff, it might not be so bad." Sam tried, voice quivering slightly, proving that he too felt the shift in the atmosphere. His nerves were contagious and Blaine seemed highly susceptible.

"You want me to be your experiment?"Blaine asked slowly, hurrying on when Sam's pretty green eyes filled with panic. "No, no, it's fine honestly. I've done this before in college for a few friends. Bros helping bros."

"So you'll let me kiss you?" Sam questioned, still seemingly unsure about the whole situation. Blaine could agree with him there. He thought of attempting to lighten the mood again by asking if Sam would charge him, but thought better of it.

"Honestly Sam, I'm just as interested to find out the answer myself." He said instead, with a shrug he hoped to be taken as blasé.

It was only then that Blaine realized truly how close they were standing to each other, when Sam barely had to move himself, to attach their lips together.

It was chaste and quick, a brief pushing together of the lips before Sam pulled back with a frown. His emerald greens lingered on Blaine's lips and was looking at them like a really hard and confusing math equation. The blonde breathed heavily from his nose, eyes darting up to Blaine's before seemingly steeling himself and going back in for another kiss.

This kiss, however, was far from innocent. It seemed that Sam really was invested in finding out the answers to his dilemmasbecause within seconds, he was sliding his tongue across Blaine's lower lip, wetting them and demanding entrance, Blaine ignored the shivers passing through his entire body and opened his mouth greedily, letting Sam's tongue slide across his. In the back of his mind, the kiss reminded Blaine that Sam was a prostitute, because the kiss was so skilled and practiced that it was impossible to master without plenty of experience. Sam really did kiss like a pro.

"Well?" Blaine breathed heavily after several minutes, quietly confident that he already knew the answer, the hard presence against his thigh practically confirming what he had known for weeks.

Sam gulped and took a step back, head bowed, like he was embarrassed. Which, Blaine wasn't going to lie, slightly knocked his confidence. "I need to go." Sam whispered, frightened eyes piercing into Blaine's. "I'll call you."

Sam never did call. Never texted, showed up, nothing; Just disappeared for two weeks without so much as a word, only returning tonight, with a girl on his arm, playing it straight and pointedly refusing to look his way.

Blaine hated him.

He had been right from the start about Sam, the prostitute was a cold hearted hustler who knew nothing more than sex and was devoid of feelings. Blaine's intuition had been correct, when it warned him against Sam, yet the bar tender had tried so hard to break down the wall and find the person beneath, that he got hurt in the process.

"Why the long face, Killer?" Sebastian's voice drifted to his ears, causing him to reluctantly pull his gaze away from Sam and Penny. It was probably a good thing really, considering he hadn't done much work tonight due to the distraction.

"Not now Sebastian, I'm not in the mood." Blaine sighed and went about mixing up a drink for the gay prostitute. "What are you doing here anyway? I don't see you entertaining anyone."

"Come to see you actually." Sebastian smirked, purposefully stroking his fingers across Blaine's as the bar tender handed him his drink. "I'm horny, so I thought I'd try my luck."

"I don't get paid until the end of the month, sorry." Blaine answered sarcastically, taking Sebastian's cash and popping it into the till. Blaine would never pay for sex, Sebastian knew this, but their meetings and conversations seem to have gone from one sided distain to mutual banter between a couple of friends. He wouldn't go as far as to call the man his friend, but maybe one day, when he got the fantasy of sleeping with Blaine out of his system.

"Free of charge, I've told you this before. Hell, I'll even pay you." Blaine just gave him a blank stare which caused Sebastian to visible deflate somewhat. "Fine, at least grab a drink with me outside of work."

"When?" Blaine asked, thinking a night out with a wild child like Sebastian was actually what he needed to distract himself from stupid closet cases.

"Now."

"I'm working." Blaine felt the need to state.

"Go." Santana encouraged, with an eye roll. "Seriously, your heads out of the game and you're no use here tonight. Go, have some fun for once." Blaine wasn't sure whether to be thankful to the Latina or insulted. Either way, she had a point. It was a quiet shift that evening and looked to remain that way due to it being so close to pay day for everyone. Mason, Brittany and Santana had basically been doing all the work all night anyway as Blaine focused intently on burning holes into the back of Sam's head. She was probably right; Blaine needed to have a bit of fun for once.

"Let's go, then." Blaine shrugged, jumping over the bar with a dopey smile. In the euphoria of the spontaneous decision, he didn't even protest when Sebastian wrap in arm around his waist, setting his fingers into Blaine's hip as they walked up the stairs.

Blaine didn't look back once.

"I slept with Sebastian.

The entire table stopped talking at once.

Kurt's father was flying in from Ohio tomorrow morning to visit and because the waiter didn't particularly want to play host whilst battling a hangover, he had decided to skip going out with the girls and instead opted to throw a dinner party for them instead. Brittany, Dani, Marley, Mercedes and Unique all jumped on the idea, resulting in all of them, plus Kurt and Blaine, sitting around the dining table, catching up on the week's events over Beef Wellington, in which Kurt forced Noah into giving him the recipe for.

"Excuse you?" Both Mercedes and Unique asked in sync, the fact that no one mentioned it or laughed just proving how in shock everyone was.

Especially Kurt.

As far as Kurt knew, as much as Blaine made clear, the bar tender hated prostitutes, unless they were pretty little blonde ones that he was stupidly in love with -regardless of Blaine's denial- and had absolutely no desire in entertaining one. Particularly one so forward and crude as Sebastian Smythe.

"Well, Kinda." Blaine mumbled, cheeks flooding a beet red colour as his eyes became transfixed on the pastry his fork was intent on destroying. Everyone remained quiet, staring at him with wide eyes, silently urging him on. "I let… let him, y'know" he made a vague movement with his hand towards his crotch. "With his mouth."

"Sebastian blew you?" Kurt exclaimed, resting his cutlery courteous down on his plate and rested his elbows on the table, head balanced on his closed fists as he inspected Blaine with narrow eyes. Blaine shrugged noncommittally, causing one of the girls, Kurt made guess Marley to gasp. "When? How?"

"Last week." Blaine croaked out, coughing to clear his throat, and raising his head to reluctantly meet Kurt's gaze. "When I left early with him. We went to Diamantes and I got really wasted and he was flirty all night and I was drunk and lonely and angry and he offered and I let him." He rambled. Kurt couldn't help but feel sorry for him a little bit.

"Does Sam know?" Unqiue asked which caused Kurt to cock an eyebrow. He was unaware she knew about the whole Blaine/Sam situation.

"He probably does." Mercedes answered instead of Blaine, giving the dark haired boy a cautious and sympathetic smile. "Noah said about how Sam watched you leave then finished up with his date minutes afterwards."

Noah hadn't told Kurt this. Not that he needed to or as far as the Chef knew, concerned Kurt at all, but still, the waiter couldn't help the knot in his stomach at hearing that.

"Can we please drop it? I just needed to get it off my chest, now that it is, we can never speak of it again." Blaine pleaded in suck a dejected voice that Kurt felt compelled to oblige. For now. "Anyway, Kurt this food is delicious, where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Noah gave me the recipe." Kurt answered automatically, still slightly thrown by Blaine's admission. The confused looks around the table made him internally cringe as he realized what he had just said.

"Why would Noah give you a recipe? He hates you." Dani asked.

"Loathes you." Mercedes agreed.

"Detests you." Marley added.

"Loves you." Brittany summarized, squeezing the knot in Kurt's stomach painfully tight. All the girls head snapped from Kurt to Brittany's in a heartbeat, something Kurt was insanely grateful yet mortified at. He noticed Blaine, in the corner of his vision, kept his gaze firmly on Kurt. Kurt tried school his facial expression as best as he could.

"Come again?" Unique asked dumbly, mouth open and eyes bulging.

"Noah loves Kurt." Brittany shrugged and smiled, like she was talking about something completely casual and not the fact that she had assumed something almost frightening accurate, if exaggerated a bit. "Why are you all looking at me like that?" Brittany wondered. "Noah doesn't hate Kurt, might hate loving him, but doesn't hate him."

"What in sweet Jesus' name makes you think that?" Mercedes questioned, Kurt still feeling Blaine's eyes burn into the side of his skull. He remained tight lipped and as passive as possible, hands now hidden under the table, screwed into tight fists.

"The way they look at each other, the way they get under each other's skin. The way they always find a reason to touch and the way they look at each other when the other isn't looking. The subtle smiles, the lingering touches, the desperate desire to demand attention from the other. It's obvious."

"You're saying this like it's a mutual thing." Dani informed slowly.

"Well it is, isn't it?" Brittany asked with her adorable confused face, nose scrunched and everything, as she looked over at Kurt. Kurt held her gaze, frozen, ears vaguely registering the shuffle of bodies as everyone turned to him. "You love Noah?"

Well, Kurt could safely say that he had not predicted this turn of events when planning the dinner party. How had this turned from Blaine to Kurt, again? He didn't know, couldn't remember, his brain wasn't working right, surely. Brittany hadn 't honestly asked the question that Kurt refused to even conjure up in his own mind, especially with no evidence apart from her apparent intensive spying sessions. Which in themselves where inaccurate, surely. The way Kurt looked at Noah regardless of if the man was watching, was with annoyance 100% of the time, right? And Noah looked at him back the same way. Noah wasn't capable of love, not towards a man and not with so much hatred and passion in his heart. The constant touches were a sign of lust not love, the constant need for attention from the other was warranted in the battle of control they had going on, surely? The hidden smiles were silent signs of victories, yeah?

Yeah? Right?

No!

It seemed to come out of nowhere, or maybe it had been there all along, simmering away waiting to reach the surface and only now –when placed under the spotlight- it allowed itself to boil right over, clenching Kurt's heart and stomach painful tight. Yes, Kurt was physically attracted to Noah and yes, he craved his attention and company. Yes, his skin itched for the chef's touch, his gut jolted when they locked gazes. Yes, Kurt couldn't remember a life before Noah and felt sick thinking of a life after him. Noah consumed his thoughts, his dreams, his entire being. He felt like he was put on this earth to challenge Noah, to better him; To complete him and to love him.

"Go tell him." Blaine advised softly, pulling Kurt back to reality, where hopeful, sympathetic and shocked eyes penetrated him. He felt he couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, as he dumbly nodded his head to anyone and everyone and scrambled from the table and out of his flat.

He loved Noah, had actually fallen in love with a man that once petrified him, constantly angered him and never failed him. He was reliable, safe yet dangerous, mysterious but readable, guarded yet dependable and Kurt loved every bit of it. Of him. Of Noah.

His mind kept playing the same things over and over again as he rushed down the street. Different stages of their relationship, each encounter driven by lust or anger, trying to pin point the exact moment when Kurt had unconsciously given his all over to the man, yet he couldn't find one. All of them seemed fitting, yet none felt indefinite. The moment they met in the staff room, when Noah had ignored him only to then call him Chris, Kurt couldn't have imagined yet somehow had always known that Noah was going to be a massive presence in his life.

He reached Noah's complex, barged pass the elderly man who was exiting in order to slip through the closing door, ran up the stairs two steps at a time and hammered frantically on Noah's front door. He felt like he was running on pure adrenaline, felt dizzy with emotion and crazed with the need to tell the man he loved how much he meant to him, regardless if Jake was around or answered the door or..

Only Jake didn't answer the door. Neither did Noah.

Instead, the door opened to reveal a dark haired woman, wrapped loosely in a towel, water drops sparkling like diamonds over her exposed shoulders and neck, looking at him with beautiful hazel eyes in confusion.

"You're not Noah." Kurt choked out, air struggling to fill his lungs as he looked up at this beautiful young women before him.

"Well spotted." The women snorted, still somehow managing to sound angelic. "Noah's in the shower. Who are you?"

Kurt barely heard her, his mind completely focused on the girl's neck, which beneath the glittery water were dark red angry marks in the shape of someone's hand, not unlike the ones Kurt spent days covering up after they were left on him after Finn's birthday. Kurt felt sick.

Ignoring the woman completely, Kurt took a staggering step back as his heart twisted and pulled, then another, and another until he turned around all together and fled the heartbreaking scene.