Chapter Thirteen

Home

"Sometimes we're holding angels and we never even know. Don't know if we'll make it, but we know, we just can't let it show. It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't. It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed. Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know. We're holding on and letting go..." ~ Ross Copperman

"Secret, hidden underneath it, trying hard to keep it safely out of reach. Creeping, I can feel it breathing, calling to the surface, finally in my dreams..." ~ Digital Daggers

"The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start I knew that I'd found a home for my heart..." ~ Christina Perry

I watched as Ava left the room, wondering if I should follow her. I decided against it. She needs time and space to think and clear her head. The front door slammed shut just as Sasha walked into the room. I saw Sasha flinch with the bang. "You think she's okay?" she asked looking at me. I shook my head meeting her gaze.

"Honestly? I don't know." This was a lot to take in. I remember our past and it tortured me, I didn't want her to go through the same thing, but now I don't have a choice. She's going to want to know about her life, and she deserves to know. If I could turn back time I'd go back to the day I decided to give up on her. But I couldn't.

I was stuck with all the decisions I made. "A lot of truths have been shared in the last few weeks," Sasha noted leaning her butt on one of the antique tables in the room. She crossed her arms, and looked directly at me. "And not all of it good," I said sitting down. I ran my hands over my face, trying to listen for Ava. It had started to lightly drizzle outside, the rain making it harder to hear Ava outside.

"I don't know," Sasha said pushing away from the table. "I think it's brought us all together," she finished sitting down next to me. I looked at her amazed that I had a part of creating her. I nodded, "she just needs some time."

"Yes. She just needs some time," Sasha agreed.

We were quiet for a bit, each lost in our own thoughts. Mine wandered back to 1860. It was the year I proposed to Ava. I remember every detail of that hot summers day. I remember the light blue dress she wore, the pink lipstick she wore, and the way she looked at me when I asked her to be my wife. For so long I've been suppressing these memories too afraid that if I allowed myself to remember I'd become the person I hated. I'd become the man who didn't fight for the one thing he wanted more than anything. If I hadn't been such a coward, I'd have taken her from the life she was living with Vincent. I asked her to run away with me, and she did. But I didn't stick around to make sure that she was safe. "You can drive yourself crazy with guilt, but it's not gonna change anything, Damon," Sasha said startling me. "It's time that you forgive yourself. I know that Ava has."

"You know you sound a lot like her," I observed looking at Sasha.

"So I've been told," she laughed, touching my hand.

It took me by surprise, but I didn't react, just in case I scared her off. Sasha smiled at me and got up. She squeezed my hand and turned to leave the room. She stopped by the door and turned around again. "Promise me you won't leave when all this is over," she implored. I met her worried gaze and saw the fear she hid behind those green eyes.

"I promise," I said. "I promise to never leave you or Ava."

"I'm going to hold you to that," she replied with a smile. She turned again and left the room. Ava appeared in the doorway a minute later wet and smiling. "How much of that did you hear?" I asked. "All of it," she said striding towards me. I got up and met her halfway, sweeping her into my arms. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too," I said kissing her.

Ava tossed and turned, her sleep restless. It's been like this for the last week. Ever since I shared with that memory. I've asked if she was okay and she always says yes.

I snaked my arm around her waist and Ava immediately stopped moving. Her body relaxed under my arm, and she sighed in her sleep. This has been the only way she managed to get some sleep. It usually only works for a couple of hours, and then she'd start tossing again. I pulled her closer and nestled my face into the crook of her neck.

I managed to get a couple of hours sleep before Ava started moving again.

I woke up with Ava's side of the bed empty. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, amazed that I had slept through Ava getting up and leaving the room. I must have been more tired than I thought, which meant that Ava must be just as, if not more tired than what I've been. I got up and pulled on a shirt heading downstairs to find Ava. I didn't have to look too far. She was in the kitchen stirring her cereal, staring out of the window.

I leaned against the door frame contemplating whether I should talk to her about her lack of sleeping or just leave it. "I'm fine Damon," Ava said before I could open my mouth. "You're not fine," I snapped. She kept lying to me and to herself. Why couldn't she just talk to me? I thought we've passed all this.

"I don't want to do this," she whispered. "Not now."

"Then when?" I knew I shouldn't have been angry, but I was and if I've learnt anything the last decade it was that we were destructive if we didn't talk to each about how we felt. "Not now," she insisted getting up. She walked past me avoiding eye contact.

I shook my head, and ran my hand over my face. She just needs some time I told myself. I heard Ava stop, turn around, and walked back towards the kitchen.

Ava came to a stop in front of me and ran her hands through her hair.

"You're right," she said. "I need to trust you." I was still struggling to live with someone who can so easily tap into my thoughts. Even if she doesn't mean to.

"I'm starting to remember," Ava said looking down at the floor. This was to be expected. I didn't think it would happen so quickly, but I knew that once I showed her our past she'd start to remember. Jack once said that it could take the smallest of reminders to bring her memory back. He said that Ava had one of the strongest minds he's ever come across. I was surprised that she didn't remember earlier, but I think deep down that is why her love has always been so strong. She might not have remembered, but I think deep down she always knew we were meant to be together. "We were so happy," she said looking at me. "How did we lose that?" I opened my mouth to say something, but I had nothing. Nothing I could say could explain the choices I made all those years ago. It just happened.

"By the choices I made," I finally said. The pain in my voice evident.

"No!" Ava looked up meeting my gaze. "I was weak," she said taking my hand.

"I asked Jack to take away my memories." That confused me. I always thought Jack just took her memories. I never expected Ava to have asked for her memories to be taken away. "I gave up on us, Damon. Not you."

"I don't understand," I finally said. It was all I could think of. I was trying to remember what she remembered. When I came back on leave from the Armed Services, Ava had gone. Jack was there and her removed the memories I had of her...of us. After that I met and fell in love with Katherine. Then I became a vampire and all my memories returned. "I thought it was for the best," Ava said interrupting my thoughts.

"Jack said you didn't know."

"Because he was protecting me. Like he's done so many times before."

"Well, we're together now and that's all that matter."

"A lot has happened over the last few weeks," Ava said.

"It's only made us stronger," I replied pulling her closer. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me. "I love you," Ava said wrapping her arms around my waist. I smiled. I couldn't help it, this is exactly what I wanted. I know it took us years, but we finally made it. And there was no more secrets between us.