A Pale Blue Light

Chapter 14

That evening, after they had both eaten, Neytiri finally got the chance to talk to Jake alone. He was back in his human body, which did not bother either of them. She was sat leaning against the base of one of the wooden structures in the green area, away from the cooking fire and the other Na'vi, and she had helped him out of his chair to lean against her side. They were both tired - it had been a long, tense day, but they had managed to get everybody who was leaving and healthy enough to go now, through the checkup process.

"Hans is already feeling better," he was telling her. "Francine gave him something to make him feel ill. He was very worried, because some of the men had been talking about using him to put pressure on us. They knew we'd talked to him and he'd been helpful to us, so I guess they thought they could use him against us."

"But they got Selfridge instead."

"Yeah, he was worth more. Hans says the two other miners might want to stay here as well - we can ask them tomorrow at the last check."

She nodded, and they were silent for a long moment. Neytiri closed her eyes and concentrated on the distant sounds of the forest. Hopefully it wouldn't be long until she could go back there, even if only for a short time. She would have to ride - how she missed Seze! It would be a struggle to get used to a new ikran, once she found one. She idly wondered where Jake's ikran was.

"Jake?"

"Hmm?" he rubbed his head against her arm, nestling closer against her.

"What happened... with Toruk?"

He was silent for what seemed like a long time.

"I didn't see her until she dove," he said under his breath. "And I tried to call her, tried to... I don't know. To make contact with her somehow, you know? But there was nothing, no recognition, no interest. She had her eyes on a prey and she wasn't going to let me distract her."

"And she grabbed... exactly the right person?"

He grimaced.

"It looks that way, doesn't it? That's the disturbing thing. She picked him out - as if on some level she was still connected to me, and felt he was someone I wanted rid of. Kind of a horrible thought. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"No," she agreed.

No, he wouldn't. The situation has been infinitely more complicated to him than it had been to her. If she had seen a way to take out the man who was holding Selfridge without any danger for Selfridge, she would have done it in an instant. It had been horrible to see someone snatched up by Toruk, to hear the scream being cut off, but it had also effectively solved the problem, and she could not feel regretful for that.

For Jake it was more complicated, and she understood that he still strongly identified with the men.

"So tomorrow evening they will go into the shuttle?"

"Yeah, everybody who is healthy enough to go. They'll go into cryo-sleep, and then in a week or so the rest will be healed enough to go up, and then they'll leave for Earth."

"Are you sure they won't just return with more bombs?"

"No."

She blinked at that.

"No?"

"No, I'm not sure," he clarified. "I think Selfridge will follow the plan - at least, I think that right now he intends to follow the plan. What happens when they arrive on Earth is kinda hard to say."

"We'll have to spend the next two generations wondering if they'll come after all?"

"I hope not. The change has already been communicated to the space vessels that are underway, so while it'll be a bit chaotic in the next few years as those arrive, I think if they cooperate that will help for the company not to pull out the big guns. And we have another card up our sleeve. Max and Grace have all sorts of material on how the RDA treated the Na'vi here."

She nodded. "Max told me about that."

"We're looking at a way to put that information safe somewhere, and so that it would be released to the media automatically if the RDA ever went back on what we've agreed to here."

"That's possible? How?"

"Err - it's done on - we can upload --" he trailed off, one hand moving idly like he was trying to pluck the words from the air. "You know, I have absolutely no idea how I would explain to you what the internet even is. Sorry. If you really want to know, ask Max, he'll probably have the words for it."

She chuckled. It was a strange thought that some things on earth were so different that he couldn't even begin to find words to explain them to her.

"You should mention this information to Selfridge, I think," she said after another moment. "So he knows that we are not completely depending on his word."

"Yeah, I think we'll do that," he grinned.

"And after they leave, what happens?"

"I don't know. We could probably send most of the hunters back to the clans."

She nodded - she had already sent some people back once the excitement of the evening was over, with the request that they return the following afternoon.

"I would like to go myself, to thank the leaders of the clans before they return home. We won't be much needed here until the last people are ready to ship out, I think."

"But you will be here," she said with a frown. At his confused look she took his hand into her own. "Your - your avatar body will be with me. But you.. will be here."

He gave her a sweet, sad smile.

"That's how it is." he brought her hand up to his face, and then seemed to remember that he was wearing a mask. Lowered the hand again.

"I'm stuck going back and forth. Unless Mo'at could do one of those ceremonies..." he trailed off. "Could she do that? Let me be... reborn, I guess, in the avatar body?"

"It would be very dangerous," she said, not liking the idea at all. The memory of watching Grace's face, anxiously wishing for her eyes to open, was still fresh. "You could die."

He was silent for a long time. She tried to imagine it, taking the mask off his human face, kissing him a last time, and then... looking at his other face, forcing air into her lungs while she waited.. waited...

"If you could walk, would you still want it?"

He'd tried to explain to her once, in a dark hour before the battle, how he'd ended up betraying the Na'vi. How he'd been offered the healing of his legs in exchange for information, and how he'd come to hate himself for accepting.

She'd been angry with him for his betrayal, and just as angry with the people who withheld healing he so clearly needed and then used it to manipulate him.

"I don't think it was ever really about the walking," he said finally. "I didn't really understand that myself, before - before everything. I thought I accepted Quaritch's offer because I wanted to walk again, but... it's hard to explain."

She was silent, hoping he would try anyway.

"I was a marine all my life. It wasn't just what I was, it was who I was. And then when I got shot... I didn't stop being who I was, you know? I couldn't do the job anymore, they fixed me up and sent me out to be a civilian, and there I was... a marine who got dumped because he wasn't useful anymore. I never managed to find a way to live as anything other than an ex-marine. Then when Tom - my brother - died, there really wasn't... there really wasn't any reason to stay on earth."

She stroked her thumb along the back of his hand, wanting him to feel she was there without distracting him.

"Then I come here, and I'm not exactly welcome, 'cause everybody expects smart and educated Tom, not his crippled grunt of a brother, and suddenly there's this colonel who thinks well of me, and who thinks I could be really useful. And he and Selfridge listen to me, and... and it felt like I mattered."

"Then later I learned to live with the Na'vi, and I... I found someone to be. And I started to hate that the only way I was allowed to be that person and be with you, was if I continued to give them information they could use."

Her heart broke a little for him, for how hopeless his old life must have been. She hadn't been kind, those first few weeks - in fact she had tried hard to discourage him, so that he would leave. The clan had not been welcoming to him. She had wondered what had made him fight so hard to integrate himself with the people, and now she knew.

"So no, it's not about the legs," he finally said. "I don't want it to always be like this, half in one body and half in the other. I mean... every day I'd be with the clan, with you. And every night I would be here, in my other life. Like I was just pretending to be part of the clan. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that... "

She gave a little squeeze in his hand, understanding how much he wanted to truly feel part of the clan, and how impossible it was right now.

"I want to really be with the people, and with you..."

She heard the longing in his voice, and felt a wave of warmth and love for him, for this strange man that came from such a different world and had fought so hard for hers.

"We can ask Mo'at what she thinks," she conceded. "The thought scares me, but I understand... I understand that you would be prepared to take the risk."

He turned to face her and laid his hand along her cheek. His eyes spoke of love and understanding, and gratitude.

"You see me."

Neytiri woke with a start, suddenly aware of the strange, flat surface she had been sleeping on. It was a heightened surface covered with something soft, and it was the right size for her body, but it felt weird and motionless, not at all like the cocoons she was used to sleeping in. The avatar house was still a curiosity - built for Na'vi bodies, but by human minds, with what humans thought was important if you were ten feet tall.

At least it was open to the outside air.

She heard rain on the roof, not a downpour but a gentle trickle. As she got to her feet she grimaced - her feet were sore. Too long standing on the hot tarmac the day before.

The wet grass outside looked appealing. Neytiri walked past the deathly still body of Jake - covered up with a sheet, as none of them like to look at it - and went outside, her head clearing as the cool rain washed her skin. The grass felt wonderful on her sore feet as she thought about what the day would be like.

Jake had mentioned that most of the humans that were not leaving would be busy packing up the belongings of those who were returning to earth. Each human had arrived on Pandora with a bag and a metal crate; nobody had been allowed to return to their sleeping spaces or access their things after the battle. She understood that it might be dangerous to let them pack their own things, but she was still impressed and somewhat surprised that the humans were willing to spend the better part of a day packing up the belongings of the prisoners.

Of course, Jake had mentioned, shipping them home with their belongings helped to make them look less like prisoners on arrival; it would look more like a normal reorganisation of the way the base was lead, as if these people were no longer required and could therefore return to Earth.

It meant that she would be in charge of base security, and probably not see much of anybody until the afternoon, when the shuttle would arrive.

"Ohh, feels good," Na'el said, slowly stepping toward her through the grass. Neytiri greeted the other woman with a smile.

"Your feet hurt too?"

"They do. I hope it will keep raining today!"

"Neytiri!" she looked up to the house, to see that it was O'maru calling her. He was holding up something small. "This is making noise?"

"It's my radio set," she replied, accepting it from him. "Thank you."

"Hello?" she said when she'd put it on.

"Hello Neytiri, could you just come to the medbay please?"

It took her a moment to realise that it was Rick speaking.

"Okay. Is there a problem?"

"No, don't worry," she heard the smile in his voice. "Just something we'd like you to see."

Inside the lab it was already fairly busy. Rick, Francine and several other healers were standing around one of the amino tanks, and when Neytiri looked closer, she saw that the hunter who was floating inside was moving. Norm was standing close to the tank, pressing something against it and talking seemingly to the wounded man.

Rick saw her and a moment later came out through the airlock.

"Thank you for coming. He is starting to wake, and we thought it might comfort him to hear you. Norm tried to explain in Na'vi, but I'm not sure if seeing all of us is that helpful," he said, handing her a small device. "If you press that against the glass," he indicated the round window hatch, "then he will be able to hear you."

Rick moved the rolling bed away from the round window so she could reach it easily, and she talked to the device, feeling faintly ridiculous.

"I am Neytiri of the Omaticaya," she started, and the man jerked his hand, clearly reacting to her voice. "You were wounded in battle, and we brought you here to be healed. These sky people are helping us - they put you in this fluid because it heals your burn wounds." Indeed, his burns looked much better already. The angry purple blisters had faded away, and new skin was already starting to form.

"We want to give him some medication that will make him sleepy again," Rick said softly. "Could you explain that so he doesn't freak about it?"

"You will get medicine to dull the pain and to make you sleep," she said to the device against the glass. "You are safe; I will make sure one of us is near when you wake up."

She stood watching for a long moment as Francine did something complicated to the cluster of tubes that ran from the man's mouth to the machine panel outside.

"Check out in the back there," Rick said, rolling the bed back into place.

Neytiri looked and took a sharp breath at the sight of Tru'dee, still floating in her tank, making small twitchy movements. Max was sitting at the head-end of the tank, one hand to the glass. He was talking into the same sort of device she'd just used.

"She's awake?"

"She's not in a coma anymore," Rick said. "We are keeping her heavily sedated, and she will be in there for quite a while, and of course we won't be able to tell if she has brain damage until she wakes up... but it's a step in the right direction."

She nodded. Tru'dees burn wounds were also beginning to heal, but like the hunter in the tank in front of her, the wounds on the surface were not the only problem.

She shifted her weight, starting to get uncomfortable on the hard tiles.

"What's wrong with your feet?" Rick didn't miss much.

"The tarmac was very hot yesterday," she said, feeling a little silly for even mentioning such a minor discomfort.

"Christ, of course it was. I can't believe nobody thought of that. Why didn't you say something?"

She frowned at him. Why would she have said something? Did the humans have power over the temperature of the tarmac while the sun shone?

"We have all sorts of clothing that was made for the avatars," he clarified. "Including shoes and things. I'll ask someone to bring it out."

It wasn't long later that a widely grinning Darrell rolled two big crates out to the square where the cooking fire was. Rick joined them when Neytiri and Na'el opened the crates and examined the contents. There were the big clunky shoes she had seen Grace wear, and was convinced could not possibly be comfortable, but there were also softer, lighter versions of that, and pairs of fabric slip-on things, and various versions of soles with straps.

Na'el tried on the heavy shoes and pulled a face.

"How can sky people walk?"

"You might find these more to your liking," Rick said, indicating foot-shaped pieces of flat spongy material, with straps on top. "We call them flip-flops. This here sits between your toes."

Neytiri put two of them on the ground and stepped into them. The strap between her toes felt strange, but apart from that they were nicely open and unrestricting.

She took a few experimental steps and stopped in consternation. The flip-flops swatted against her heel with every step, making a loud flapping sound. Both Rick and Darrell burst into laughter when they saw her face.

"Do humans walk on these?" she said, baffled.

"That's why they're called flip-flops," Darrell said, still chuckling.

Na'el picked up a pair of the same things and looked at them critically. Then she pulled her knife from her belt and sliced off the straps, shoved the soles into the socks she'd found, and slid her feet in. it took a moment to arrange the soles nicely under her feet, but then she walked away with confidence - and in silence.

Neytiri tried it, but disliked the feeling of tightness around her feet, and opted for a pair of soles with more elaborate straps. It did not feel as airy, but it didn't flap, at least.

It wasn't long before almost all the Na'vi present on the base had devised some form of footwear, and it made Neytiri grin to see everybody walk around with deliberate strides, not accustomed to having something on their feet.

"See, not everything we make is bad," Rick said with a grin.

"If you did not cover the ground with tarmac, you wouldn't need them," she pointed out. Then, seeing his expression fall, "but thank you. We are much more comfortable now."

to be continued

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