Wow, so now I know that cliffhangers really provoke some strong reaction, lol! Sorry dear readers, but this chapter doesn't completely satisfy your questions after the last one. This chapter in some ways is my feeble effort to establish the bond between Alice and Edward and Alice and the rest of the family. I think it's kind of poignant and while not perfect, I still kind of really like this chapter (although I am just as anxious as you to get back to the romance between Alice and Jasper!) I hope you enjoy. So this chapter goes out to oncesakura for encouraging me with some powerful words and as always, to each and every one of my faithful reviewers. Please keep reviewing! I don't know what I'd do without you!
Disclaimer: I have written this as a fan of Stephenie Meyer's work and do not claim any ownership to the characters or plot lines of the Twilight Saga novels or anything Twilight-related.
Visions of Love
Chapter 14: Family
Edward's POV
He was a jackass. Or a dumbass. Or both. To have left Alice like that in the middle of the forest. What was he thinking? She was broken, devastated. By the time I got there she was nearly catatonic. Her thoughts were not coherent. Most of them were shrouded in shock, disbelief, desolation.
I was getting snippets of their conversation from her. He thought we didn't approve of his past, that we wouldn't be able to accept him. Idiot! I could tear him apart! And not because I was scared of what he'd do to our family. Instead that he'd bolted without giving us a chance to absorb his story. But most of all for putting Alice in the position of having to choose. Choose between him and her new life with us. Her family. Her first real family.
In the short time that Alice and I had been in each other's company, she and I had shared a lot using our unique gifts. It'd been quite refreshing for me, to have someone who understood the mind-numbing responsibility of gifts like ours, of never really being able to escape from others.
Although she hadn't specifically articulated it, her thoughts were always permeated by her desire to belong, fit in, to be a part of a life she couldn't remember and had never known. She was an incredibly beautiful creature, not just physically, but on the inside. I couldn't help but already feel protective of her, as a brother would for a sister. Rose had never really fit the bill in that department, much more preferring to focus on the antagonistic aspect of sibling rivalry, ever jealous of my connection to Carlisle and of course the fact that I seemed to be the one creature in existence who could resist her physical charms.
But Alice…her thoughts were so pure, she was so full of life and despite her lonely existence up to this point, her hellish beginning, she had an optimism that was fascinating to me. I was not particularly inclined to be an optimistic being with a yawning eternal existence in front of me, and never having experienced that all-consuming love that Carlisle and Esme had or even Rose and Emmett to an extent. And to top it all off to know that I had no soul. Carlisle wasn't so convinced of that but knowing the monstrous things I'd done, the constant fight to keep from doing more…well, let's just say I found it hard to agree with him.
Which brought me back to focus on Jasper. Sure some of what he'd told us was disturbing but honestly, did he not realize we all had our pasts? That none of us were perfect? Even Carlisle, while never taking a human life per se, had changed us without the choice to, uh, not be changed. Not that I didn't still love him as a father. Still, Jasper needed to understand that all of us unleashed the monster at times, willingly or not. We all had the struggle of fighting against our nature. But that's why he belonged here. With us. With Alice.
Alice's mind screamed out in pain. JASPER! I winced at the agony she was in. There was no time to waste. I knelt down and slid my palm down her face, trying to draw her attention. "Alice." I whispered. She was staring at nothing. "Come on. I need to get you back to the house." I gripped one her balled-up fists in mine and gave a gentle tug.
"It's okay. Let's go. We'll find him." She still didn't look at me. There was no recognition in her thoughts, only pain, fear, and Jasper. Even now with Jasper having left her, her only thoughts of him were worry, fear for what would happen to him, how he'd feel if he slipped, fear that she'd lost him forever. Devastation that he didn't love her enough, that she hadn't been able to love him enough for the both of them.
I blew out a sigh of frustration. Okay, this had to stop. I scooped her up in my arms and took off for the house. I'd leave her with Esme. And then I'd track Jasper down, make him listen to reason. And if he wouldn't listen to reason, well, I'd just have to drag him back if for no other reason than he made Alice happy and I wanted my sister to have all that she deserved. He didn't have too much of a jump on me. I should hopefully be able to catch him before he got too far.
As I got to the back door, Esme was already there to greet me. She'd obviously been standing watch, scanning worriedly for our return. "Edward?" She didn't speak aloud. Over the decades my family had become accustomed to conversing with me with their minds. "Jasper's gone." My voice was terse. I transferred Alice to Esme's waiting arms and in a blur, she whirled and had Alice on the couch, stroking her hair, murmuring comforting words to her. Nothing like a family crisis to put Esme in full mothering mode.
The rest of my family was scattered around the living room, their thoughts and faces showing various degrees of shock…concern…confusion. I didn't blame them. It was a hell of a lot to absorb between Jasper and Alice's arrival, his story, his abrupt departure, the unbelievable sight of full-of-life Alice nearly, well, lifeless. I looked at Carlisle. His gaze met mine, steady but worried. "I'm going after him. I'll make sure he understands where the family stands on the matter." Carlisle nodded in agreement.
At my words, Alice jolted straight up, swiveling her head to find me. "I'm going with you." Her voice was hard, determined. No hint of the usual sing-song lilt I'd come to recognize as both her speaking voice and mind voice. It made me feel a little bereft. "Alice, honey…" Esme was rubbing her back soothingly. I cut Esme off. "No." I was just as determined. Her eyes blazed. Well, at least she had some life back in her.
YES! She yelled at me with her mind. Whoa, she was a little fearsome when she was mad. I set my jaw. I wasn't going to let her bully me, I was twice her size for goodness sake! She continued, "He needs me. He doesn't know you. He'll be scared and feel cornered. I couldn't stand it if something happened. To either of you." Just as I was about to argue with her the blank look was back in her eyes.
The images that flashed in her mind were now flickering across mine. She was having a vision. Jasper was nearly to Denali. On his way to Siberia. Siberia! My lips upturned slightly at the thought. Really, did he think Siberia would be far enough to keep Alice away? Damn fool. And then I saw me catching up with him. Alice was nowhere in sight.
I moved to her side and gripped her hand. She shook her head as if clearing it and then looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. The sadness was still there. I swallowed convulsively but kept my steady gaze on hers. "Edward." She whispered aloud. "Please. Bring him home. Bring him back to me. To us. I don't know why but it has to be you."
I felt a flash of temper rise up in me. She didn't deserve this. I'd bring him back in one piece but I didn't have to bring him back without a mark. "I swear to you. He will return to you. Whether he likes it or not. You are both part of this family now. And we do anything we must for our family." I squeezed her hand, spun around in a flash and was gone before she could say another word.
The search was on. He couldn't outrun his past. And I'd be damned if he outran me.
Alice's POV
Edward was gone. I hoped I'd shown him enough of my vision that he knew exactly where to find Jasper. Jasper! I bent over and grasped my stomach as if I was about to be sick. My shattered heart would never be whole again. Esme stroked my back. "Alice? Are you okay?" A mirthless laugh escaped my lips.
Okay. Such a funny word. No, I had the feeling I would never be okay again. At least not until Edward brought Jasper home. If he would come. I shook my head slowly. He would. He just had to. I hadn't seen any further than Edward finding Jazz. I couldn't be positive he'd return to me. In fact, I really didn't hold out much hope.
I turned to look at Esme. Her brow furrowed deeper I suppose at the bleakness she saw in my face. "Not really." I shrugged what I hoped looked nonchalantly. I noticed that Emmett had sat down in an oversized captain's chair that would have dwarfed a normal man. Rose had perched herself on the arm of the chair, her feet resting on Emmett's massive thigh, his arm draped casually across her knees.
I felt my heart twist at the sight. They obviously had a strong connection. I remembered how he'd put himself between her and Jazz and me when he first arrived. Protecting her. Like Jasper had promised to do for me. And then he'd left. He'd been the one to hurt me far worse than anything that could have been done to me physically. I still couldn't believe it.
I looked away from Rose and Emmett quickly, and saw Carlisle was standing in front of the window directly in front of me. His eyes were filled with such compassion and they were piercing right through me. I felt as if he was seeing all the ugly thoughts I was having. About myself, about Jasper, about him. I didn't deserve his compassion. I'd brought this on myself. For believing that this would work out. That I'd found someone who could love me in spite of my freakish shortcomings.
Guiltily, I looked down at my entwined fingers. I noticed that I was twisting them and untwisting them in an unconscious gesture. It was strange how I seemed to not even really be there. I was pretty sure that whoever I was died when Jasper left. I didn't think I could be whole again until he came back. I understood the concept of the phrase "the better half" now when people talked about their soul mates.
When I looked up, I realized that they were all staring at me, concern on their faces. They were worried about me. It dawned on me then, not because they were afraid I might do something to them, but because they genuinely cared about my happiness. Even Rosalie had concern in her eyes. I knew she wasn't completely without a heart!
And then just a little of my frozen heart thawed. They cared about me because they considered me a part of their family now! I couldn't believe it. It was just what I had hoped for, longed for. I gave them a small shy smile and spoke, "I'm sorry if I worried you. It was just a bit of a shock, the way Jasper left like that. I wasn't really expecting his reaction. I hope you understand that he ran because he was afraid you would reject him. Because of his past. It has nothing to do with any of you or your hospitality you've shown us so far."
Carlisle moved forward and crouched in front of me. Grasping both of my hands in his firm grip. "We know that Alice. Don't worry. We don't blame him for any of it. But we also don't like to see you in such pain. We just want to help. Both of you. Tell us how we can do that." His sincerity brought a lump to my throat and I found it difficult to swallow. I'm sure if I could cry, tears would have been streaming down my face like a roaring river.
I squeezed his hands. "You already are. All of you. Just being here, supporting me…well, it's more than I deserve, more than I could ask for." Esme put a supportive arm around me, patting my shoulder comfortingly. "Oh my dear! Of course you deserve it. You're a lovely woman and you deserve only good things. And, we are so happy to have you here, a part of our family now. You and Jasper." She smiled sweetly at me and I involuntarily felt my lips go up in response. I glanced nervously at Emmett and Rose. They'd been so quiet this whole time.
Emmett was grinning at me, "Yeah, sis. It's going to be great to have a little sister around to tease. You'll find out that torturing siblings is one of my specialties." Rosalie rolled her eyes and then looked at me. She didn't smile exactly, but she didn't look as mean as when we first met either. "Maybe we didn't start off on the best foot, but I do love those boots you're wearing which leads me to conclude that you have excellent fashion sense. Maybe you and I can plan a little shopping excursion once Edward and Jasper get back. A sort of welcome to the family wardrobe provided courtesy of our loving and financially supportive father Carlisle." Then she had a hint of a smile as she raised her eyebrows and looked at Carlisle. Carlisle did a little eye roll of his own but smiled warmly and said, "Whatever you girls want."
Then he turned his gaze back on me. "You see Alice, there's no escape now. You are a Cullen. You're family. And you have no need to worry because Jasper will soon be home as well. Edward can be very persuasive when he wants to be. Have faith." Then he stood up and looked around at the rest of the family. Everyone was nodding in agreement.
The warmth that had started to thaw my heart was in full force now. While I couldn't say that it was completely thawed (that would never happen until Jasper was back in my life), it was beginning to fill up again. So this was what it felt like to be part of a family. I should have done this ages ago and I put my arm around Esme and squeezed while grinning goofily at the rest of my family.