Comfort
Victoria felt the butterflies in her stomach as she walked towards her chambers, knowing that for the first time in nearly a week she would see Lord Melbourne. She felt the determination build in her step as she neared the doorway.
Pausing at the door she looked at the handle before taking a deep breath and opening it.
She walked in, her heels tapping on the floor as she saw him turn around and walk towards her. He didn't say anything but dropped down on one knee and kissed her offered hand.
''Good morning Your Majesty'' He said upon standing.
''Lord M, it seems like a lifetime ago since I saw you'' Victoria smiled towards him before walking to the table where her boxes sat. ''Is there anything of importance today?''
''A few documents that require some attention but nothing too strenuous'' He replied, sitting in his usual spot.
Victoria opened one box and pulled the wad of papers out, and Lord Melbourne did the same.
The silence was almost deafening. ''What have you been doing this last week?'' Victoria said to try and lighten the mood.
''I have been exceedingly busy with the house, although I did return to Brocket Hall for a few days, taking a mountain of paperwork with me'' He gave her a small smile. ''Have you been very busy?''
''No'' Victoria remarked quickly ''My mother will not let me leave the house, she says my safety may be at risk as the public are still angry at the papers''
''I have not heard anything from outside the palace ma'am, the people seem to have moved on from it. After all there is a new story every day. I rode to the palace this morning and nobody said anything to me''
''Try telling my mother that. I am sick of this place now. I would give anything to make a public appearance or even just go out in the carriage''
''Have you not seen the public at all ma'am? No speeches or even the mounted troops?'' He enquired
Victoria shook her head ''I am under house arrest'' She smiled and rolled her eyes.
Lord Melbourne was confused. He would have advised on addressing the problem straight away rather than hiding from it. The Duchess's actions confused him, she was perfectly happy to allow Victoria to face the public on the death of her lady in waiting Lady Flora, so why would she try to conceal her daughter from the world over this?
''I would like to go riding this afternoon if that is ok. Mama cannot stop me from riding within the palace grounds, she was perfectly happy to allow me to do it with Albert'' Her tone was cold and sharp.
''You have been spending time with the Prince'' He replied, almost in a questioning tone, he knew it was wrong, that he had no right to, but the stab of jealously hit his stomach was impossible to ignore.
Victoria looked across the table at the stiffened Priminister ''Yes'' Victoria started ''Although his company is somewhat dull. It shocked me how educated he is on certain topics. She paused ''I was looking at that painting of Elizabeth earlier in the week and he came over. He explained to me the reasoning behind my family's actions and the way they behave sometimes, as though I didn't understand. Truthfully, he shed a new light on it, but he is around the same age as me, yet he seems to know a great deal more''
''Knowledge is not wisdom ma'am'' Lord Melbourne replied calmly as he tried to shackle the green-eyed monster inside him. ''You are Queen, he is not. That is something he would never have a complete knowledge of''
Victoria hummed in agreement as she signed another document. ''Perhaps you could talk to my mother about a public appearance. Even with the guards if it would make her feel better. Help me to escape from this place. Please?''
''I can certainly try'' He started ''What about your Uncle? How has he been this last week?''
''Pretty much the same'' Victoria replied ''He tried to shove the guilt on to me the night we last spoke'' She paused as memories came flooding back ''He says I had it coming, and that by coming out to see you would not have gone unnoticed by the public''
''I think he over estimates just how much the public look for such things. Im pretty sure your marked carriage could go through the streets and half of the people will not look''
''He has stopped pushing me on to Albert though, although I have been spending a good deal of time with him, just to kill the hours'' Victoria paused ''Mama has been acting strangely though''
That caught his attention ''In what way?''
''Well for one she hasn't come and seen me since reading the paper, certainly not like she used to. She doesn't check on me when im with my ladies, she doesn't look at me when we dine at breakfast and dinner, and is very very quiet. I have been thinking about asking her if there is anything the matter, but she seems to be avoiding me''
''That is strange ma'am'' He replied as he to signed his name and looked back up towards the pile of un touched paperwork. ''Perhaps she knows something'' he joked.
''What do you mean?'' Victoria looked at him with slight determination ''About the papers?''
His face fell ''I was joking ma'am, your mother would never do anything like that''
''Yes, well I certainly wouldn't put it past her'' Victoria spat
''Either way, now its died down its best to leave it and move on. She may be keeping quiet because of the time you are spending with Albert'' The statement sent a shiver up his spine at the thought of her heart elsewhere.
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Victoria had thought of nearly nothing all afternoon, even once the boxes where finished. Her mother. Why was she acting so strangely? Did she know something?
Victoria didn't think she could be so cruel, but she is easily persuaded as she recalled all the times Sir John had manipulated her.
She was never close to her mother, and she didn't hold much love for her, but it hurt her deeply to think she was capable of such devastation just to get Victoria to perhaps marry Albert.
''I was thinking of holding a dance, as the Princes leave in 5 days' time''
Lord Melbourne couldn't help but feel joy at the idea of Prince Albert setting off home. Gathering his reins to steady his horse slightly he looked over to Victoria.
She was wearing her velvet green riding outfit; the corset underneath was bound tight as the slim dress hugged her curves and features. The buttons down the front in a dead line as the green dress flowed over her legs and down the horses side. Her hat held her hair in place as the plaits rolled neatly round her ears.
She looked so beautiful. He was constantly in awe of that. ''I am sure the Princes would love that ma'am, what a lovely way to end their stay at the palace''
Victoria nodded in agreement ''And after they leave I wish to go to Windsor for a few days, to avoid my mother and Uncle Leopold. I have no reason to stay at the palace after they have left. I would like you to attend with me'' Victoria looked across at him.
He continued to look straight ahead, the heavy fog concealed their view much further than a few feet. The large woodlands either side looked spooky in the dim light.
''I do not think that is such a good idea ma'am, it will only raise suspicions''
''Nonsense, I am making a public appearance the day after the princes have left I believe''
He nodded as he remembered their arrangement ''Right so I can tell the people then. If I tell them my side, then whatever the papers say about it can be contradicted''
''You are smarter than you think'' He pointed out to her and returned her warm smile she gave him.
''Perhaps one day I shall be as smart as you''
He inwardly scoffed. Don't fall in love with somebody out of your reach then. He thought to himself sadly.
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Victoria laid in bed that night, thinking over the events of the day, it seemed to of gone so quickly, yet every detail she had remembered explained so much more.
The mood between her and Lord Melbourne was awkward, and for the entirety of the time they spent in each other's company she couldn't help feeling the conversation was forced and almost unwanted, as if they both just wanted to sit in silence within each other's company, mulling over the bad decisions they had made during their short-lived relationship.
She still loved him, whole heartedly, no amount of time away or trying to go back to the way things where would change that, she felt worse than ever, as if the distance they had put between them made her love him even more.
Forbidden fruit She thought to herself.
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Lord Melbourne wrapped his robe across his body, feeling the soft, comforting lining of silk envelope him. He walked over to his chair, the one which he had hardly left when he was at home.
No amount of work at the house, or the tender attention required to the glass Houses at Brocket Hall could take his mind off her.
He had lost loved ones before, that had been unbelievably hard. But this was even harder, mainly because he knew she was still there, and that she still wanted him. He loved her, so much it hurt him, and leaving her was by far the hardest thing he had had to endure of late. But seeing her today, having to deal with the forced conversation, hearing of her plans and what was troubling her, it seemed to break him, as if it destroyed every ounce of self-preservation he had left in him. It just made him want her even more.
He looked at the half empty bottle sitting on the stand, the one he had had for weeks on end and hardly touched, the strong taste of brandy still lingered in his mouth. It was a different sort, and it dragged him into an alcohol infused trance much quicker than his normal drink did.
It was how he had spent most of the week. He wanted to retire from government and sit and wallow in self-pity, like any man probably would. But he knew if he did that she would never forgive him. For at her age, some contact was better than none.
Grabbing the bottle, he poured out another generous glass and began to sip at the warm liquid, feeling it sweep through his veins to dull his senses once more.
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The daylight stung his eyes like salt in an open wound as the hand on his shoulder woke him. His head throbbed in pain as he squinted in the bright mornings sunshine.
He wanted to speak, but couldn't. His eyes looked up to the servant for a split second before realising that it was to painful to hold such a glance.
''You have a visitor sir'' The servant replied quietly.
Lord Melbourne appreciated his lowered tone as he tried to soothe his pounding head with his hands.
''I am indisposed'' He replied quietly. His voice dry and raw ''And desperately in need of coffee''
''I am afraid they won't take that for an answer sir'' The servant replied knowingly.
Lord Melbourne sighed. ''Fine'' He replied stubbornly ''Send them in''
He sat up slightly in his chair, but made no effort to get up or tidy himself.
The heels clicked into the room, and much to his suspicion Emma seated herself opposite her friend.
''I feel you would be a great asset to the house, your stubbornness would go an awful long way'' He looked down at his hands, his voice dry and hoarse
''Every woman is stubborn William'' Emma replied ''Enjoy it?'' She looked over at the empty bottle.
He glanced over it before looking more closely, did he really drink that much? He closed his eyes and sighed. ''Evidently'' he said rubbing his temples.
''How are you feeling?'' Emma asked her friend with a tone of compassion.
''Like I have been hit by a…'' He couldn't even find the words to explain
''Hmm'' Emma replied ''Is it working?''
''Not in the slightest, but, what else do I have to try''
''She is miserable William. Me and Harriett were walking past her chambers last night after she had retired, and she was crying. Nobody can do anything for her'' She is absolutely devastated and so confused''
''I cannot do anything about it'' He expressed with an almost pained expression. ''When I met her that night she told me how fearful she was of the uncertainty of how this would play out, she felt as though she had let everybody down as well as the crown, I put her in that position. I had to do the right thing and step back. She is young, her heart will be stolen by somebody else soon enough''
''I think you underestimate her, she knows what she wants, nobody is going to change that''
''The princes leave in a few days' time, after the dance, perhaps she can resume her normal duties after that, although she asked me if I would attend Windsor with her''
Emma looked at him knowingly ''Do you believe that is a good idea''
''I never said I was going with her, although she didn't give it much room for persuasion'' He smiled slightly as he recalled the conversation.
''Whoever did this did it out of spite, and I don't think it was to get at the Queen, so be careful'' Emma warned.
''What do you mean?''
''We where discussing it the other day, especially me and Harriett given we have that… insight. We believe somebody did this to get at you, perhaps in a bid to push you away from the situation''
''But why would they do that?'' He replied confused ''Nobody can force Victoria to marry, so surely it is not a big enough incentive''
''Her family could do an arranged marriage if they feel Albert is the only one really suited to her, especially if there are no other Princes willing to attend the palace anytime soon''
''That's absurd'' he scoffed at her words.
''No, it's a possibility, see it as you wish, but you're not going to find your answers there'' She pointed at the empty bottle as the servant brought in a cup of coffee.
Emma stood from her seat. ''Oh, and perhaps try to attend the house at some point, people think you are hiding''
He visibly winced at her raised voice as her clicking heels left the room, covering his sensitive ears in silence once more.
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Victoria walked towards her carriage which was waiting outside. The chilled winters air took a bite at her face as she left the warmth of the palace. Just as she had discussed, Lord Melbourne stood waiting at the door of the carriage. Victoria had already arranged a public speaking after the princes' have left but her desire to get away from the palace for just a short time was proving to hard to ignore. He smiled and bowed as she reached him.
''Your carriage awaits'' He joked, and she smiled as she stepped in.
''Is everything set for the dance tonight?'' He asked as the carriage set off
''I think so, it is only a small gathering really. I did not want to make to much of a deal about it, although I am looking forward to it'' She looked over to him. ''You are coming?'' She asked.
''I wouldn't miss it for the world ma'am'' He said cheerfully, ignoring the lingering headache he had from last night's brandy.
Victoria spent most of the journey looking out of the window, taking in the sights and smells of London. ''I have missed this, terribly'' She said as she pulled her face from the window.
''Yes, London has many benefits, although I do enjoy getting away from it every now and then'' He smiled at her.
''No, I mean this'' Victoria gestured around her ''Being out, alone with you. Just like we used to. I feel we have been making to much of an effort at meaningless chatter'' She admitted kindly to him.
He laughed ''Yes, I believe your right ma'am, I am glad you noticed''
''It never used to be like that'' Victoria replied sadly ''I miss what we had. What we shared'' She took hold of his hand in her own. Turning her head away from him she shut her eyes and tried to conceal the tears. She felt him trace her hand with his own, rubbing his fingers across hers almost mechanically. But she felt the emotion within it.
Perhaps they could find a comforting middle. One where they danced across that line, the one they could no longer cross, in a bid to satisfy their love for each other. Victoria held out the hope, as she had nothing else.
I hate writing painful chapters! Poor Lord M! Thanks for reading. Please leave any thoughts below.