BLIND
(Placebo)

A/N: So, pushing the length boundaries again. You know you love it. Anyways…enjoy.

.:.

Sometimes in life, things get tangled. Tyler Lockwood knows this better than most. He remembers his sixth birthday, one bit of it at least. His parents had scheduled a huge party for him. He'd sat at his bedroom window; hand propped on his chin, and watched all the workers unload truck after truck. They fought the wind as they carried tables and decorations. The only thing he'd been delighted to see was a truck full of balloons. Latex in every color he could imagine. But the wind took hold of them. They fought the strings furiously and danced before his eyes. The strings…swung together and twisted. They'd been so hopelessly tangled that his father lost his temper. He stood with arms crossed as each was popped. Tyler jumped back into bed and pulled the covers up over his head. It had only worked for a few minutes. His mother came for him and he had to go to the party, he had to pretend everything was normal. Standing on campus, one foot on concrete and one on grass, he watched and felt the same twisting within him. He wondered briefly if he would end up the same as the balloons, in pieces on the grass. Eventually he shoved the thought aside, moving forward with renewed purpose.
"Problem?" he questioned, crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow.
"Nah Lockwood," a meathead, Tyler thought his name might have been Joe, muttered, pulling his arm back again. "You can move along." Tyler stepped closer.
"Yeah I don't think so."
"I'm fine," Jeremy interjected, yanking his grey hoodie from the other bulky guy's hand and stepping away. "Mind your own business." He scooped up his bag as he smeared the blood beneath his nose. Tyler let him pass before turning to follow him. Jeremy hadn't changed he thought. Not one bit.
"What do you want Lockwood?" Jeremy questioned, still stalking away. Tyler rolled his eyes and followed silently. "Seriously. When the fuck did you decide you're the knight in shining armor? Don't horses have a thing about wolves anyway?"
"Do you have a death wish or something?" Tyler questioned, anger simmering just beneath the surface. Jeremy spun on him then.
"Let's not disillusion ourselves. You used to do the exact same thing they were doing. Just because it's a different time in a different place doesn't mean things are any different. I don't need anyone's help. Especially not yours." This time, when he walked away, Tyler let him.

It was a pretty big campus. So the very next week when Tyler ran into Jeremy getting surrounded by a different group of guys he decided that it may be time to transfer schools. There were five of them; Tyler could barely see the tip of Jeremy's head. He knew more on instinct than anything that it was him. It was one of the talents of Jeremy Gilbert to repeatedly piss people off and not give a damn about the results. He knew Jeremy didn't want his help. He also knew he'd most likely get his head taken off for trying. But he couldn't just stand by.
"Why didn't I get invited to this party?" Tyler questioned, crossing his arms again. The two guys holding Jeremy glanced to him. The one punching him continued as if nothing had happened. Tyler broke through the other two, pulling the guy back by the arm, "I'll break it," he warned softly. Jeremy looked up slowly. Blood was oozing from his nose and mouth this time. He didn't look angry. He just looked…lost. A hand fell on his shoulder and he spun, throwing the guy he held into the wall opposite them before laying the guy that had touched him on the ground with one punch. "Let him go, now." Tyler was trying to keep a lid on his anger but it was proving difficult. One on one was actually fair sometimes. Two on one, still wasn't this bad. Five on one? What the hell had Jeremy done? The guys dropped his arms, both stepping back and holding up their hands. Tyler pulled Jeremy away as gently as he could. "Anyone on campus touches this kid again they deal with me. Understand?"
"Whatever Lockwood. Didn't know he was your boyfriend." Tyler just shook his head. He led Jeremy into one of the bathrooms.
"Are you okay?" Jeremy didn't answer. Tyler grabbed a paper towel and ran water over it. He tilted Jeremy's face up and wiped the blood away gently. His anger flared all over again. "Jeremy." He snapped his fingers a few times and Jeremy finally looked at him. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," he said, "peachy."
"What happened?" Jeremy shrugged.
"They've had it out for me since the first day. I was sketching on the quad and they called me a fag before taking my sketchbook. I may have punched a few of them. I don't like that word," he said, taking in Tyler's expression.
"Okay. So what about last week?"
"One of them bumped into me and wanted an apology. I told him to go fuck himself."
"You always have had a mouth on you," Tyler said, shaking his head. Jeremy walked to one of the sinks before lifting his shirt.
"God damn it," he muttered. Patches of his skin were already an angry red; bruises that had barely begun to fade dotted the skin as well.
"Jesus," Tyler let out. Jeremy dropped his shirt, his expression dying.
"I'm fine."
"Yeah and I'm human."
"Read my lips Lockwood, I'm fine."
"You're welcome," Tyler called as he left the bathroom.

Word spread pretty fast. Over the next few weeks Tyler got jumped a few times. He took care of them without any trouble. Still, he was surprised and a tiny bit impressed with how many assholes Jeremy had been putting up with. Fewer girls were flirting with him too. He supposed that the rumors of him being gay were flying. He didn't let it bother him, even when the guys started flirting with him. It would die down eventually. He hardly saw Jeremy at all. The few glances he got were of his back. He counted it as his good deed for about the next five years. It did seem to be the gift that kept on giving. Finally, finally the guys knocked it off. Tyler let himself celebrate, going to one of the parties just off campus. Midterms were over and everyone was getting blitzed. He could hardly wait to join them and fall into bed with a gorgeous girl who'd be willing to help him forget all the trouble he'd put up with. Yes, he straightened his shirt in the mirror before walking out the door; it was going to be an amazing night. The party was in full swing by the time he got there. He let the pounding music envelop him. It was like coming home. This was where Tyler felt most comfortable. When there was so much chaos flying through the air, no one could possibly be looking at him. No one could be judging or disappointed. They just wanted to drown their demons. Just like him. He needed a drink. The party catered to it well, the cup filled table was just inside the door. He drained one and dropped it to the floor before picking up another and working his way further into the room. The burn hadn't even worn off before a stunning brunette was looping her arm through his.
"Hey Tyler," she purred. He had no idea how she knew his name. He didn't care either.
"Hey," he returned, leaning closer so he could be heard over the pounding music.
"So glad you came." She pressed closer and ran her hands over his shoulder.
"Yeah," he agreed, taking a sip. She pressed him against the wall in the hall, which was already packed with people. She kissed his neck, fingers tugging at the collar of his shirt. She moved up to his mouth, hands drifting down to his belt. They tugged there as well. She wasn't staggering or slurring but Tyler wondered how long she'd been drinking. Then he wondered why he was thinking about it. He needed to be drunk. This good guy thing wasn't him. He needed to knock it off before he got used to it. With one hand on the back of her neck, sliding into her hair, he angled her head perfectly and let his tongue dive into her alcohol drenched mouth. He didn't know her name. He didn't want to know. This was all he needed. This was all he was.

Things got out of control quickly. Her hands were suddenly under his shirt, pushing it up as she ran her fingernails down the skin. They were the long fake kind, Tyler remembered, painted powder blue. Just like that, Tyler was out of it. He was done. Nearly disgusted. He couldn't decide if it was him or her. In that second, his eyes landed on Jeremy. He pushed her away. She didn't even say anything before latching onto another guy, wrapping her arms around his neck. Jeremy got up off the couch and headed out the front door. Tyler didn't think about it, not really. He dropped his cup and went after the younger boy.
"Hey wait up," Jeremy didn't stop outside the door; he headed straight for the trees on the edge of the lawn.
"We still doing this?" Jeremy questioned, raising the bottle in his hand to his lips. He kept walking, stumbling only once. Tyler had no trouble catching up.
"How've you been?" he breathed, shoving his hands into his pockets. It was quiet here. The party had already faded away. There was no more chaos. Just Jeremy. Just him.
"Oh I'm excellent. Haven't you heard? I'm the pathetic little gay boy on campus."
"Jeremy, people are idiots. They've been saying the same thing about me."
"I don't want pity. I am fucking sick of people's pity."
"Why do you let it bother you so much? Why do you let people under your skin?" Jeremy shrugged, taking another long sip.
"How can you not?"
"If you grew up with my dad you'd understand." Jeremy didn't answer, still walking between the trees. "People have been leaving you alone though right? Nobody's messing with you?"
"No one will room with me. Other than that I'm fine." He turned towards Tyler, gesturing with the hand that held the bottle. "Why you care so much anyways? Just cause we went to school together and talked a couple times doesn't make us friends."
"Nobody's allowed to kick your ass except me Gilbert." Jeremy's laugh was short and bitter.
"You really are a piece of work."
"You honestly telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing? The odds were hardly stacked in your favor."
"I don't need you to fight my battles." Tyler sighed. He was tired suddenly. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.
"It's okay to let people help you sometimes you know."

Tyler cursed himself the entire way back to his car. He'd left a willing girl to argue with Jeremy Gilbert. What the fuck? So yeah, she was drunk. So yeah, it wouldn't have meant a damn thing. It would have been the perfect distraction. Not to mention, fighting with Jeremy hadn't meant a damn thing anyways. He might as well have been talking to a brick wall. You'd think some gratitude would kill the guy. Now he was pissed off. He didn't want to go back to the party. He wanted to beat some sense into Jeremy. But that hardly seemed like the answer. He needed to stop picking up unnecessary burdens. He'd go back to his apartment and change. Then he'd run off all this energy. No, the night had not gone according to plan. It seemed like whenever he ran into Jeremy nothing else mattered. It was developing into a serious problem.

A few hours later Tyler was in bed. He was still going over the night in his head. His phone buzzed from the nightstand.
"Hello?"
"Hey-um, Tyler?"
"Yeah."
"It's Elena. I'm sorry to bother you so late…it's just that Jeremy called. He's drunk somewhere and it would be a three hour drive for me. I know you two don't exactly mesh but could you possibly pick him up?" Tyler sat up. Jeremy had called Elena drunk? What the hell was going on?
"Yeah. No, I'll take care of it, get some sleep." He clicked the phone closed before she could reply. Enough was enough. This shit with Jeremy was going to end one way or another. One thought led to another and by the time he arrived at his car he was fuming. After everything, the kid wasn't even grateful, couldn't even say thank you, and now Tyler had been dragged out of bed to drive his drunk ass home? This wasn't happening. When did he start putting everything aside for one other person, especially Jeremy? Why did he feel the need to help him so badly? Why couldn't he seem to stop? He wasn't angry with Jeremy he realized then, not really, he was angry with himself. If he couldn't even control his own actions then what the hell was the point in anything? His anger evaporated totally when he saw Jeremy lying in the grass on the lawn. God damn it. Poor kid. He shook his head before getting out of the car and carrying him. He half expected him to be unconscious and jerked when he turned his head and spoke.
"Tyler?" he breathed, eyes opened in slits.
"Yeah like it's not plausible at this point." Jeremy didn't answer. Tyler maneuvered him into the front seat and closed the door behind him. He shook his head again before getting in the other side. "You can't keep doing stuff like this Jer. You can't keep trying to destroy your life." He was quiet for a long moment.
"I'm sorry," he finally breathed. To say the least Tyler was shocked. He didn't think that Jeremy was actually listening to him.
"Just…try harder," he mumbled before putting the car in gear. Jeremy didn't speak until they were in Tyler's apartment; Tyler helped him into the bed and took off his shoes.
"Tyler I," Jeremy paused and so did Tyler. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm sorry." He just nodded. Jeremy was still drunk. The words didn't mean a thing. He went out to sleep on the couch.

The morning came early. Tyler was bitter. He'd admit it easily. He wanted to go for a run, but he thought leaving Jeremy alone wasn't the brightest idea he could have. Instead he made breakfast, frozen waffles to be precise. He decided that he didn't want to expend any more effort on it. Jeremy shuffled out of the bedroom when Tyler had taken the first bite. Jeremy didn't look at Tyler. He didn't say anything either. Tyler told himself he shouldn't expect anything different. He told himself he didn't want anything different. The last thing he told himself, as he watched Jeremy eat, the last thing he swore to himself, was that this was the last time. He wasn't a boy scout for fuck's sakes. This really had to stop.

It didn't stop. In fact, they repeated the same actions the next several times that Jeremy got too smashed to make his way back to campus. The third time Tyler told Jeremy to stop calling Elena and gave him his phone number. He stopped asking himself why Jeremy did it. He stopped asking Jeremy too. He stopped promising himself that he would stop. They kept going in that pattern. Then one night it wasn't. An unknown number flashed on his phone screen at 2:16 AM. He answered on the second ring. He was used to being woken up by his phone now.
"Hello?" he questioned, instantly on alert.
"Yes, hello. This is Sally West; I'm a nurse over here at St. Mary's. We had a young man come in on an overdose. He didn't have an ID and you were speed dial one," she paused then, as if unsure, "could you tell us who he is?"
"Is he okay?" he questioned instead.
"We have him stable now."
"I'm on the way." He yanked on the closest clothes and literally ran to his car. The only thought thrumming over and over in his head was 'let him be okay, let him be okay, he can't be gone.' He ran through the ER doors, slamming into the desk when he couldn't stop in time. "Sally West called me," he let out on a harsh breath, "I need to see him." The nurse took one look at his expression and motioned with her head for him to follow.
"I'll bring back the forms you'll need to fill out," she murmured, leaving him in the doorway. Tyler paced forward slowly. He'd never liked hospitals in the first place, particularly so now. Jeremy lie in the bed, eyes closed, a tube running under his nose. He looked so…fragile. He sank into the chair. The nurse came back and handed him a clipboard. There was no change in Jeremy. Tyler filled out Jeremy's information, listing himself as the primary contact. He handed her his credit card wordlessly. She nodded before disappearing again. He leaned his head on his hand and did the only thing he could. He waited. He didn't know how long it was. The sun was rather high in the sky when Jeremy finally breathed his name. Tyler let his eyes slide over slowly. As if he hadn't been worried, as if he hadn't been going out of his mind. Jeremy was crying. Tyler didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Jeremy that he had no right to do this, not when there were people that cared about him, not when he cared about him. But since when was that his place?
"I thought I was dying," Jeremy said, breath catching. "It was terrible…everything was just far away. I couldn't control myself. I thought I was going to die."
"Then why did you do it? And more importantly why didn't you fucking call me?" He barely managed to keep from shouting. Jeremy shrank back into the pillow, wiping his eyes and sniffling.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "One thing just led to another and before I knew it…I wanted to. I tried but my fingers wouldn't work. Then everything went black."
"You have to stop Jeremy. Tell me you will. Please." Tyler wasn't used to asking for things. But this was important, for both of them. Jeremy nodded.

A few days later he was discharged. Tyler didn't hear from him. Every so often he'd see him on campus again. But he didn't call. Tyler didn't know if it was because he didn't need him to or if he had simply found someone else. He hoped it wasn't the latter. Tyler didn't know what to do. These lines had been drawn between them, half by Tyler and now he didn't know how to cross them. Even though he wanted to. God did he want to. But Jeremy wasn't drinking anymore. He didn't call Tyler anymore. He didn't want Tyler anymore. Maybe he never did. Tyler didn't want to think about it anyways. He shouldn't let it bother him.

It was nearly summer. Tyler was looking forward to it only in the vaguest sense. What was going to happen when he and Jeremy were both back in Mystic Falls? Would Jeremy just pretend that nothing had happened? Would Tyler let him? Should he? He didn't know. He didn't know anything he thought. He gave in trying to watch TV and turned it off, settling back into the couch. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He answered without looking at the screen, glad of the distraction.
"Hello?" There was a long pause.
"Can you come pick me up?" Jeremy finally questioned.
"Where are you?" More importantly, why was Tyler happy about this? He mentally berated himself. This was not a good thing. This was a horrible thing. Jeremy was sliding back to his former ways. He grabbed his keys and clutched them so tightly in his palm they cut the skin. He cursed and headed for the door. It didn't take long to get there, Jeremy wasn't far. He staggered towards Tyler as Tyler got out of the car. Tyler caught him effortlessly and held him for a moment, nose wrinkling at the overwhelming smell of booze. Jeremy leaned into him, sighing.
"Thankss."
"Yeah. Let's get out of here." Going through the motions felt good. Tyler tried desperately to tell himself he didn't enjoy it, that he wasn't enjoying it, but it was just a filthy lie. He'd missed Jeremy more than he should, more than words. He helped Jeremy back out of his car in the parking lot and let him lean all his weight on him as they entered the building. He helped him into the bedroom and sat him on the bed. Tyler kneeled and began working on Jeremy's shoes. Jeremy let his hands fall to Tyler's shoulders.
"I shouldn't have done this," Jeremy said. Tyler nodded his agreement. "I missed you." His hands slowed and he looked up. Jeremy was looking back at him. It was the craziest thing, Jeremy looked like he knew exactly what he was saying, exactly what he was doing. "I never said thank you," he said slowly, almost as if he was in awe of the fact. "You saved me over and over. And I never said thank you."
"You should-" he cut off when Jeremy reached out with a fingertip and traced his lips. Tyler went back to watching him, wondering what he was going to do. He still reeked of alcohol but Tyler wasn't too sure what was going on anymore. As a rule, Jeremy didn't speak. He didn't say thank you and he didn't verbally admit to what was going on. All the lines were blurring away now. Tyler didn't mind. You couldn't cross it if it wasn't there. "You're not," he paused again, "you're not drunk are you?" Jeremy shook his head slowly, dropping his hand. "So, what's going on?" Jeremy shrugged.
"I missed you," he repeated.
"You couldn't just call?" Jeremy rolled his eyes.
"I thought that was against the rules." Tyler had the same thought himself so he didn't say anything.
"How've you been?" Tyler finally asked, at a loss of what to say. Jeremy shook his head again.
"Just, stop talking Ty." He leaned down, hands on Tyler's shoulders again, and pressed his lips to Tyler's.

Tyler went stock still. For a moment he swore he couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes. Jeremy's lips were still there. The heat was still there. This was still happening. Jeremy was kissing him. He was kissing Jeremy. Jeremy pulled away after another moment. Tyler let his eyelids flutter open slowly. He could feel it. That was one of those moments. Where everything tangled and changed. If he managed to work through it, everything would be different. His life would never be the same again. He met Jeremy's eyes and all the strings snapped into one. He could see then. It had been there all along. He shook his head, the thoughts falling into place. He couldn't let go. He couldn't let go of Jeremy because all he could see was Jeremy. All that there was, was Jeremy. He loved him. He continued to stare into Jeremy's eyes. Everything he wasn't saying was written there. I had to push you away. I had to see if you would keep coming back. I had to see if you were worth it. And you are. Thank you. More than anything. Thank you. Tyler ran a hand over his head and laughed slightly. Just like that. Everything was different. He didn't mind. It wasn't so much that the past was gone. He just didn't see it anymore. He'd found a new way to see things. A new, better way.