Denial
Chapter 14: Pain and Sorrow
Nami sat on the figure head of Thousand Sunny and blindly stared out into the sea. She could hear the muffled utterances of her Nakama behind her. She knew exactly what they were saying even though she couldn't actually hear what was being said. She pulled her knees further into her chest as tears silently streamed down her face. She knew he was just under her, lying in her bed. She didn't want to think about that. She leaned back against the lion's mane as she continued to stare out mindlessly. She brought a hand and gently placed it on her stomach. 'If only…if only…if only I had allowed him to leave me with that much…' she thought as her face contorted in her grief. She now mourned for the seed he had washed down the drain that night. She loudly sobbed as she brought a hand to her mouth.
She knew he was lying down below, in her bed…lifeless. She began to weep uncontrollably as she leaned forward. It hurt so much. The pain was unbearable. Twice in her short life…she had lost the one man she most loved. Only this time…she couldn't see him. All she could see was his lifeless body just below her that she wouldn't dare go near. She knew they were more worried about her this time around. She knew they were afraid her frail mind would snap. She didn't care. She just didn't care anymore. Not about her…not about her dream…nothing. She only cared about the lifeless body of her captain, her savior, her lover just below her.
She leaned her head back and cried out a sorrowful, mournful, long and loud cry. Sanji ground his teeth as he bit down on his cigarette from her agonizing cry. "Damn…it…" he said through his clenched teeth. Everyone else lowered their gaze to the ground.
Zoro growled and ground his teeth all through her sorrowful cry. Chopper sobbed as well as Usopp. It had been two days since they left that island. Chopper had not been able to save their captain. He had been far too weak.
Flashback
"Luffy!! Breathe!! Breathe!! Breathe!!!" cried Chopper as he continued to pump his hooves into Luffy's chest.
"Lu—ffy
"Damn it Luffy!! Don't you dare die on us now!!" yelled Sanji.
"Luffy! Open your eyes you son of a bitch!!" yelled Zoro.
"Luffy…please…baby please…open your eyes…breath for me please…" whispered Nami as she looked down into his face.
"He won't breath!!" cried Chopper as he began to sob and pump his hooves harder.
"Oh god Luffy please…please don't leave me!" cried Nami. She leaned forward and gently glided her lips over his. "Please…" she whispered as she began to weep uncontrollably over his lips.
"His…his heart…his heart won't beat!" cried Chopper as he began to wail.
"No…no…" whispered Usopp as he began to shake his head and cry.
Robin fell to her knees as she too began to weep.
"You son of a bi-tch!!" screamed Sanji at the top of his lungs. Then he screamed loudly in anger.
Zoro slammed his fists down onto the deck hard. "Damn it Luffy!!" he yelled as tears formed in his eyes. Then he just slumped forward. Usopp fell to his knees as he just stared at Luffy wide eyed while tears spilled down his face.
"N-o…Luffy no…No…Don't go…Don't go…" said Nami as she wept uncontrollably.
"Mugiwara…" whispered Franky as tears spilled from under his shades.
Everyone just sat around staring at his body as they wept. Nami held him tightly against her as she wept. After awhile, Sanji approached her. "Nami-san…Nami-san…we…we should move him…" he said gently as he reached down and put his hands on her arms.
"No! I want to stay with him!" she cried as her hold on him tightened.
"We…we should clean him off…" whispered Chopper.
"What…what are we going to…going to do with him…?" whispered Usopp as he hiccupped.
"I…I don't know…" replied Chopper.
"We should…take him to the next island and…give him a proper burial…" whispered Zoro who was still slumped forward on the ground. He didn't bother to raise his head.
"Aa…" whispered the guys.
"No…I don't want to…" sobbed Nami.
"We have to…Nami-san…" said Sanji as he tried to pull her away.
"No! Stop it! Let me just stay here!" she screamed as she refused to let him go.
"Please Nami…we can't leave him like this…" whispered Chopper. Nami finally and slowly looked up at Chopper. Then she looked down at Luffy. He was covered in his own blood. She finally loosened her hold. Sanji came forward and lifted him up. He and Chopper took him to the bath house to clean off his body. She could only watch as they walked away with the body of her captain, her lover. Tears streamed down her face as she remained where she was.
Robin walked up behind her and practically fell on her as she hugged her to her. Both women wept together as they held each other. Nami looked over at the little fox he had given her. She cried out loudly in her anguish.
End Flashback
She knew they were considering taking her back to Dr. Ferris. After all, he had given them an eternal pose, just in case. She didn't want to go back there…She didn't want anything, but him. She couldn't have him…so what else was there…? He hadn't even left her with his seed…There was no other reason she could think of to exist any longer. She slowly got up onto her feet swaying a bit from not having eaten in two days. She slid down to the ground and slowly began walking to the back of the ship.
"Oi, Nami-san…let me make you something to eat…" said Sanji softly. His stubble was much more visible, she didn't see it. She kept going without answering him. Everyone just frowned. They were extremely worried about her mental state.
"Should we follow her?" asked Chopper.
"No…just…just give her some space…" replied Zoro.
She climbed up the stairs and continued slowly to the back of the ship. She turned the corner and opened the door to Chopper's infirmary. She began to sift through all the medication he had. She pulled out two bottles. One read 'Pain Killers', the other, 'Sleeping Drugs'. She looked at the pain killers. If only it would work for the pain and anguish she was feeling right at this moment. She set it down and then opened the sleeping pills. Maybe she could just go to sleep and never wake up. The pain was just too much. She poured a hand full into her hand. She threw them into her mouth and began chewing on them as she poured herself a glass of water. She washed down the awful powder with the water.
She made her way back out on deck and continued until she made it to her room. Everyone continued to watch her, having no idea of what she had just done. She entered the room and then turned to his lifeless body. She slowly made her way over to him and then slowly lay down next to him. Tears spilled from her eyes as soon as she touched his skin. He was so cold. She pressed her body against his cold one and held him to her tightly. More tears spilled from her eyes as she wept silently.
"I'm so sorry…I'm not…I'm not strong enough…I can't do it…not again…I'm so sorry…" she whispered as she shut her eyes tight against her tears. "I know you wouldn't have wanted this…You couldn't keep your promise…You're not here to protect me…not even from myself…I'm so sorry, my love…" she continued. She slowly opened her eyes and leaned up. She gently kissed his cold and lifeless lips. She pulled away from him and stared down into his pale face. His lips had already turned blue. Her face contorted in her grief. She covered her mouth with her hand as she wept. She watched as her tears dripped onto his face and glided down onto the bed.
She lay back down and wrapped her arm around him. She could already feel her body growing weak from the drugs. Her eyes were becoming heavy. "Luffy…maybe…maybe I will see you…I love you……Luffy…" she whispered as her eyes closed.
----
Two Days Ago
Desini stood at the edge of the dock as she watched their ship sail away. She could still hear battle cries from the ship. She hugged herself as anxiety flooded over here. 'Are they okay…? Is he…okay?' she thought to herself. Jin walked up behind her. "I'm sure they are just fine…" he said gently.
"How did they know they were here?" she asked quickly after he finished his words.
"I…I called them…" he replied quietly.
Desini quickly turned and slapped him across the face. "I knew it was you…" she seethed.
He slowly turned back to her, the red mark becoming visible on his face. "I had to do my job." he said. Her having struck him didn't bother him.
"I don't care about your job!! Do you have any idea what you have done?! Those are wonderful people!! Pirates or not!!" she yelled.
He only stared down at her with slightly furrowed brows. "I'm sorry…I had to…" he replied.
She growled in frustration. "You idiot…" she whispered. "You may have helped me in the past…and you may have thought you were helping now…but you have only caused damage…" she whispered with her head lowered.
She quickly turned when the battle cries stopped. Then she gasped in horror when she could hear screaming coming from the ship. "Oh no!!" she cried as she ran forward. She heard someone scream his name. "No!!" she cried as she fell to her knees. Jin slowly walked forward with a frown on his face. She covered her face with her hands. She heard more screaming and cries. She knew exactly what those horrific sounds meant. He was dead…She sobbed silently into her hands.
Jin slowly closed his eyes. She would never forgive him for this. He knelt down and reached for her. "Don't touch me you bastard!! I hate you!! He's dead and it's all your fault!! You killed a good man!! He didn't deserve this!! She didn't deserve this!!" she screamed as she began beating him with her fists. He didn't stop her.
"I'm sorry…Desi…" he whispered as he lowered his gaze. It took him awhile to finally calm her down. She was slumped forward onto his chest. She hiccupped a few times.
"I hate you…" she whispered.
"Aa…I know…You never did like me much..." he replied.
She pulled away from him and then stood up. She began to slowly walk away. "Desi, wait!" he said as he stood up and ran after her.
"Don't touch me…" she said in low angry voice.
"I said I was sorry…" he said.
"Will your apology bring him back?" she asked in an unpleasant voice.
He frowned at her. "I knew you were in over your head…I knew your job was going to kill you one day…I had asked you when we last saw each other to find a new job…It was bad enough everyone else died…" he said.
"I like my job…" she replied with no emotion as she continued to walk.
"It's dangerous!" he said, raising his voice.
"Un, it is…" she replied emotionlessly.
"It's not a job you can do alone…" he said.
"I wasn't alone…I think I would have been happy with them…Now he's gone…" she whispered. "I will never forgive you…Jin…" she said as she continued walking.
He frowned sadly as she walked away from him. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"Captain Jin…"
Jin didn't turn for awhile. He waited until she was out of sight before turning to the Vice Admiral. He could never remember his name. "Sir…" he finally replied.
"Why did you allow them to escape?"
"They out numbered me sir…" he replied in an uncaring voice. "I tried to stall them for you sir…" he continued.
"Do you expect me to believe such foolishness?!"
"I'm sorry sir…They were quiet powerful…" he replied staring the man in the eyes. 'I hate higher-ups…' he thought.
"You will receive proper punishment for your failure."
"Of course, sir…" replied Jin. He knew he wouldn't be demoted. He was sure they would just give him a worse post than what he had now. He didn't really care at the moment. It seemed to slip their minds that they failed just as miserably. Also, that it was he who placed that call to begin with. Just like higher-ups…that's why he hated them. He was not going to mention to them that they had in fact succeeded to eliminate Mugiwara no Luffy. He will let them figure it out for themselves.
"You're dismissed…Captain."
"Hai, sir!" he replied as he turned and walked away.
----
Nami woke up with a long and loud gasp. She brought her hands to her face. Her body felt incredibly weak. She began to cough as she rolled over onto her side. Her entire body ached. Her vision blurred as she tried to look around. Then memory began to flood her mind. Her face wrenched as she began to remember what she had done. She looked around again. She was in a clinic. They had brought her back to Dr. Ferris…She was still alive. Tears spilled from her eyes as she began to weep. She covered her face with her hands. "Luffy…" she whispered as she sobbed. Then she slowly reached down and touched her flat belly. She ground her teeth. She wanted to cry out, but she kept her control. She noticed no one was in the room.
She slowly sat up and cried out from the pain her body was in. She vaguely recognized the room. She slid off the bed, only to fall to her knees. Her legs were weak. She wondered how long it had been since she had been asleep. She was sure her Nakama had buried Luffy by now. She sobbed loudly as she thought of this. Her love…under ground…just like Bellemere, the last thought she remembered was his pale face. Then, his smiling face came into view, the night they had first made love. She touched her forehead to the cold floor as she continued to weep. She slowly brought up her leg, as she attempted to stand once again. Her legs wobbled, but managed to hold her up.
She stumbled to the door and opened it. She wiped away her tears and walked outside. She leaned against the wall for support as she made her way down the corridor. She could see the familiar exit.
"Nami-san!"
Nami stopped walking and then slowly turned to Sanji. He was standing some distance away with a cup in his hand. The cup slipped through his fingers as it fell to the floor the contents spilling everywhere. "Nami-san! You're awake!!" he cried as tears came to his eyes. He quickly walked forward and grabbed her shoulders. "Are you alright? Do you feel okay?" he asked in quick rushed questions. She only stared up into his face, her own expressionless. She watched as his smile faded. "Nami-san…are…are you alright?" he asked again. Then he gasped as tears streamed down her face. How could he ask her such a stupid question? She had tried to kill herself…the man she loved his dead…How could she possibly be alright? He frowned at her tears. "Nami-san…" he whispered.
"Ah! Sanji-san! She's awake!"
Nami slowly turned to the familiar voice. "Aa…she is Ms. Ness…" replied Sanji quietly with a small smile.
"Perhaps I should call the others. It's early, but I'm sure they would be happy to know she has awakened." she suggested with a smile.
"Aa…Thank you, Ms. Ness." replied Sanji. Nami turned away. She didn't really care to see anyone…Not even her Nakama. She slowly made her way towards the lobby. She walked up to the window and looked out. She could see the different colors in the sky as the sun was about to rise. 'So it's morning…' she thought to herself. "Nami-san…" called Sanji quietly. She slowly turned to him. He was frowning sadly at her. She slowly walked over and sat down in a chair some distance from the window. Sanji walked up and sat down next to her. "Nami-san…please tell me what's wrong." he said quietly.
She shook her head at him. He already knew what was wrong with her. Why was he asking her such a stupid question? More tears streamed down her face. She could hear Ms. Ness talking on the den-den mushi. Then she hung it up. "I don't want to talk about it…" she finally whispered. Her head hurt. "How long…?" she whispered.
"A…about a month and a half..." he replied.
Nami's face contorted as she covered her face. It's been over a month and a half since he died. He was already buried. She would never see him again. "A month and a half…" she whispered through her hands. She felt his arm wrap around her.
"Nami-san…don't cry…" he said soothingly.
How could he make such a request…? Did he not know how much pain she was in…? She hadn't wanted to wake up…She wanted to sleep forever…with him…She should have taken the entire bottle. "Just leave me alone…" she whispered as she leaned forward onto her knees.
"Oi, Nami-san…I don't think that's such a good idea…Besides, the others will be here…They will want to see you…" he said in his soothing voice.
"I don't want to see them!!" she cried loudly.
Sanji was taken back by her outburst. He frowned profusely at her. "Don't say that…Nami-san…They have been really worried about you…" he said.
"I don't care…" she replied.
Sanji made a loud noise of disbelief as his eyes widened. He could only stare down at her in disbelief. "Nami-san…" he whispered in his disbelief. "Nami-san…they would be terribly hurt if they knew you said such a horrible thing…" he continued.
"I said…I don't care…" she whispered.
Sanji furrowed his brows deeper. "Nami-san…please…talk to me…" he said.
"I don't need to talk to you…or anyone!!" she yelled as she kept her forehead to her knees.
Ms. Ness stood up and frowned at them. 'This is really bad…' she thought to herself.
Nami had to get away from this…It hurt way too much. She felt like she was going to fall apart. She would try again…This time…she wouldn't fail. Just then, the clinic door opened.
"Oi, Nami!!" cried Usopp and Chopper. Nami slowly looked up at them, face expressionless. Sanji turned to them with a frown. She watched as Robin and Zoro walked in after them. They were all smiling at her. What was there to smile about…? She frowned at them.
"Oi, Nami…you okay?" asked Usopp with a frown…another stupid question.
Franky then walked in. "Oi, Navigator-neesan, how are you feeling?" he asked with a grin. Her frown turned into a scowl. Why were these idiots smiling at her?
"Go away…" she said through clenched teeth as tears streamed down her face.
"Oi, Nami…what's with the tears?"
Nami gasped as her eyes widened. Suddenly, his silhouette came into the doorway. She couldn't see him due to the rising sun behind him. He had a hand over his hat. "Luffy…" she whispered. More tears streamed down her face. She was seeing him again. "No…" she whispered. The door closed behind him. He had a confused frown on his face.
"Oi, Nami…what's the matter with you?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No…" she repeated. 'Not again…' she thought as she stood up. "No…no…not again…I can't take this!" she cried as she stood up and started to run.
"Oi, Nami!!"
She heard them call for her. She just kept stumbling down the hall way. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted it to end. Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed her shoulder. She turned quickly and pushed him away from her. "Don't touch me!! I can't take this anymore!!" she cried.
Luffy stumbled back and almost fell. "Oi, Nami, what's the matter with you?!" he yelled.
She stared into his confused face. Everyone had the same expression. "Oi, Nami-san…what's the matter…?" asked Sanji.
She turned to him as she began to cry again. "I see him…I can see him again…." she whispered. Everyone made throaty noise, even Luffy.
"See him again…?" whispered Usopp.
"Oi, Nami…what are you talking about?! Are you talking about me?" asked Luffy as he pointed to himself. To her amazement every turned a confused stare to Luffy.
"Why is she surprise to see you Luffy?" asked Usopp.
Luffy turned to him. "I don't know…" he replied as he scratched his head, knocking his hat back onto it's string.
"You…you can see him?" she whispered as her eyes widened.
"Of course we can see him you crazy woman…" replied Zoro with a raised brow.
She inhaled sharply as her eyes grew larger. More tears streamed down her face. Everyone watched in utter disbelief as she cried out and leapt onto Luffy. He cried out in surprise as they both fell over backwards. He landed on his back with her on top of him. "Oi!!" he cried.
Then everyone's jaw dropped as she began kissing his face. "You're alive…You're alive…You're alive…" she kept repeating as she planted kisses all over his face.
Luffy's eyes widened as a sweat bead formed on the side of his face. "O…o…oi, Nami what are yoomph…" He was interrupted by her lips. His eyes widened further. Everyone's eyes bugged in utter disbelief as Nami kissed their captain.
She finally pulled away as tears dripped down to his face. "I'm so glad…I'm so glad…You're alive…" she whispered. Then she noticed his expression. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared up at her. Then she took a second glance. All but one of his scars…were gone. "You're scars are gone…" she whispered.
"S…scars?" he asked as he frowned at her.
She ran her finger over his one scar. "You had more than one scar…" she said. "Did Chopper use an ointment to make them go away?" she asked.
"Have you completely lost your mind?!"
Nami's eyes widened as she turned to the rest of the crew. Usopp and Chopper's eyes were still bugged. Zoro was staring at her with a nervous expression as sweat beaded down his face. Sanji had tears waterfalling down his face. She frowned at them. She turned back down to Luffy who was staring up at her with an expressionless gaze. He blinked a few times. She looked down. She was still straddling him. 'What's going on?' she thought to herself. She was sure he had in fact died. She slowly got up. Luffy got up and placed his hat back on his head.
"You were out for about a month and a half and when you finally come to…you've completely lost your noodle!!" exclaimed Zoro.
"Oi, don't talk to Nami-san that way, Marimo!!" yelled Sanji angrily.
"You're just as crazy, Magic-brows!!" retorted Zoro.
"What did you say, Stick Boy?!" yelled Sanji.
"They're swords!!" growled Zoro.
Nami's eyes widened. It had been a long time since she had seen these two argue so much. She quickly turned back to Luffy who was still staring at her. "What's going on?" she whispered.
"Perhaps you should sit down…Navigator-san…" suggested Robin with a warm smile on her face. She guided Nami back to her room. Nami sat down in her bed and stared at everyone as they all bunched into the room.
"Maybe we should get the Doc…" suggested Franky.
"Dr. Ferris…?" said Nami.
"E-h?!" everyone exclaimed.
Nami stared at them in surprise. Then she frowned. "How do you know Dr. Ferris' name?!" asked Chopper.
Nami gasped as her eyes widened. "Wait…wait a minute…I've been here before…to see Dr. Ferris…Why wouldn't I know his name?!" she asked.
"E-h?! How could you have come here before?! This is the first time we've come here!!" exclaimed Chopper.
Nami was becoming more and more confused. "No…" she replied. Then she slowly brought a hand to her head. "What's going on…? What happened?" she whispered.
"Perhaps…we should tell her what happened." suggested Robin. Everyone turned to her.
"Okay…" replied Usopp.
"After you were knocked out on Keibi Island…We were successful in defeating the marines and were able to escape…However…you wouldn't wake up…So, we brought you here. Luffy was out for about a week before he finally woke up. He over did it trying to fight them all off." explained Chopper.
Nami's eyes were wide as saucers as her face paled. "Escaped…?" she whispered.
"Aa…you were put into a coma after the explosion. Luffy was the last to talk to you before you passed out." said Usopp. Nami began to breathe heavily. 'It had been a dream…It had been a dream…' "It was a dream…" she whispered out loud.
"Eh? A dream?" asked Chopper.
She lowered her gaze as she brought a hand to her forehead. "It was all a dream…" she whispered again.
"What was a dream, Nami?" asked Usopp.
She slowly looked up at everyone, and then she looked over at Luffy who was just silently staring at her with his expressionless gaze. There was no warmth there…nothing…She felt tears sting her eyes. "It was a dream…" she repeated. None of it had been real…none of it…
"Oi, now why are you crying?!" asked Zoro in annoyance.
"I want to be alone…" she whispered.
"Oi, I'm not so sure that's a good idea…" said Sanji.
"I said I want to be alone!! Now get out!! All of you!!" she screamed as tears streamed down her face. Then she looked back down. She heard footsteps and then the door close. She began to sob quietly to herself. It had all been a dream. Everything…even…even their love. None of it had been real.
"Nami…"
She gasped as she quickly looked up. Luffy was standing in front of the door. "I said I wanted to be alone!! Get out!!" she screamed.
"No." he simply replied.
She scowled as she grabbed her pillow and threw it at him. He caught it easily and walked up to her. "Get out!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"No." he replied again as he kept walking towards her. "Not until you tell me why you're crying." he continued as he set the pillow down.
She sobbed harder as she slumped forward. "Just go away…" she whispered.
"I can't do that, Nami…" he replied. "I missed you…"
Nami gasped as her eyes widened. She quickly looked up into his eyes. "What did you say…?" she whispered.
"I was worried…I thought you would never wake up…" he said as he looked down towards the ground with a frown. 'Did he just say…he missed me…?' she thought to herself. It had been a whisper. She wasn't sure if she heard him right. She could only stare at his face. It was so good to be looking at him, to see his face with color. She watched as he blinked. She frowned sadly. He was alive. Who cares if it wasn't real or not? He was alive. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.
She inhaled sharply. "Sorry…? Sorry for what?" she asked quietly.
"I wasn't able to protect you…You were asleep for so long because I couldn't protect you…and now you're so sad…" he said quietly.
"No Luffy…I don't care about any of that…I'm just so glad you're alive…" she said as she felt herself smile.
He looked up at her in confusion. "Nami…why do you keep saying that?" he asked.
She frowned and looked away from him. "I had a bad dream is all…" she replied quietly.
"A bad dream…?" he asked as he furrowed his brows.
"Un…I just want to forget about it…" she replied.
"Nami…"
She slowly closed her eyes as his voice echoed in her mind. Then she finally turned to him. He was frowning at her. "It seemed really bad…I've never seen you like this…Tell me about it…" he said.
She couldn't help but to think about the night they spent together in her dream. She felt herself blush. "No…" she replied as she looked away from him.
"Nami…please…"
She felt her face wrenching in sorrow again. "It was just really bad…That's all you need to know…" she said as she tried to dry her tears. He walked up and began wiping away her tears for her. She stared up at him wide eyed. Then she began crying more. "Please…don't touch me…" she whispered.
He furrowed his brows deeper as he made a small noise. "Nami…please tell me what's wrong…" he said quietly. "What happened in your dream?" he asked.
She closed her eyes and shook her head. How could she possible tell him what she had dreamt about? How could she tell him she lived almost five months in her sleep, five incredibly horrible months? One incredibly great night… How could she tell him that they made love…? "I can't…" she whispered.
"Did I die?"
She gasped as her eyes flew open. She stared up into his eyes. Tears flowed from them as her face scrunched up again. "Yes…" she whispered.
He frowned sadly down at her. "I'm sorry…You had such a horrible dream because of me…" he said quietly.
"No Luffy…Don't say that…" she whispered. He still had his hand on her face, she reached up and grabbed it. He was still staring down at her with a slight sad expression. Her eyes slowly shifted down to his lips. They were slightly parted. She wanted to kiss him. What was sad…was that she could still remember what they felt like against her own. She could still remember the warmth of his skin against hers. She slowly blinked and looked away from him. "It was just a dream…" she repeated.
"Nami…...Why did you kiss me?"
Her eyes widened as she quickly turned to him. "I…I…I was…I mean…" she stammered as a blush crept up her cheeks. Hadn't she asked him this very same thing?
"One more question…" she said.
"Okay…" he said.
"Why did you kiss me?" she asked.
He looked at her in surprise as he made a soft noise. "Kiss…?" he whispered.
"Un…twice…" she replied.
He slowly looked away. He slowly furrowed his brows. "Because…it was good to see you…I hadn't seen you since…" He stopped in the middle of his sentence. "I thought…I never would…" he continued quietly.
"Then it wasn't a dream…" she whispered.
He turned to her. "No…it wasn't…" he replied.
"But…why a kiss…?" she asked.
He turned away again. "I'm not sure…" he replied.
She looked away from him. "I thought you had died…When I woke up…I thought I was still in my dream…" she explained.
"But…why a kiss?"
She inhaled slowly as her eyes widened. She slowly turned to his pursed lips. She continued to stare at him wide eyed. He reached up and scratched his head. "A hug would have been fine…" he said as he frowned in a lopsided frown.
She tilted her head to the side as she smiled slowly and warmly up at him. "You're right…I'm sorry…" she said softly.
He grinned at her. "No, it's okay!" he exclaimed. She stood up and walked into him as she wrapped her arms around him.
"You're right…A hug would have been just fine…" she whispered. His eyes widened as he stared at the wall. He slowly raised his arms and placed his hands on her back. He wasn't sure what to do.
She wanted to stay like this. She knew she couldn't. Her dream made her realize…that she was in love with her captain. She knew she couldn't do anything about it. Was it possible to fall in love with someone in a dream? She finally pulled away and smiled at him. This was reality…and in reality…he was not in love with her. Her heart sank at that thought, but she refused to cry again. He was still frowning at her.
She gave him a false smile. "I'm okay now." she said. He furrowed his brows deeper. She looked at him slightly surprised.
Then suddenly he grinned. "I'm glad you're okay now." he said.
"Un…I'm okay now…" she replied quietly. In reality…she wasn't…She loved him so much it hurt, and he had no idea.
"Should I go get the others now?" he asked with his goofy grin.
She smiled wider. "Un…that would be nice." she said as she turned and sat down.
"Okay!" he exclaimed as he turned and ran out the door.
Her smile immediately faded. "I love you…" she whispered as she looked away from the door. He would never know this…She couldn't tell him. However…if she didn't…what if…what if something did happen to him…? She would be back at where she was in the beginning of her dream. She would be without him and having regretted not telling him her feelings. She could then hear footsteps coming towards her room. She planted a smile on her face as everyone began to walk in. They all smiled in return as soon as they saw her smile.
'What should I do…?' she thought as everyone began talking to her at once. 'What should I do…?' She smiled at Chopper who threw himself at her. 'Should I tell him my dream?' Chopper began crying into her chest. She squeezed him tightly. 'Should I tell him I love him?' She dried away his little tears and told him she would be okay. 'Should I tell him I can no longer live without him?' She set him down as Sanji tried to hug her with his usually love-love manner. She smiled nervously as she tried to push him away. She turned toward Luffy. He was staring at her with his expressionless gaze. Her smile faded. 'What should I do?' They stared at one another for awhile until Usopp caught her attention.
"She was incredible!!" he was saying.
"What did you just say?" she asked.
"This bounty hunter we heard about!" he exclaimed.
"Desini…" she whispered as her eyes widened.
"Eh…?" he questioned. Everyone was staring at her wide eyed. "I…I never said her name…" he said quietly in disbelief.
"How did you know her name?! That's so cool, Nami!!" exclaimed Luffy with a grin.
"Perhaps she over heard things while she was in a coma…" explained Robin with a hand to her chin. Luffy quickly looked over at Robin. Nami turned at his quick motion. If he had had an expression…it was gone by the time she looked at him. She furrowed her brows.
"That makes sense. That would explain how she knew Dr. Ferris' name too." said Chopper.
"Ee…" replied Robin with a small smile.
Nami laughed nervously. "Un…I guess so…" she said as she scratched the back of her head. She wanted to be alone again. She needed time to think. "You know…I'm…I'm a little tired…I know I've been asleep this whole time, but I think I'm going to lay down." she said with a small smile. Everyone frowned at her, but then nodded and began to leave the room. Luffy watched her the entire time before leaving last and closing he door. She could now hear them talking outside as she lay down.
"Should someone watch her?" asked Sanji.
"Considering how…'disoriented' she was when she woke up, it's probably best someone does stay with her." said Chopper.
"I watched her last night. I'm not doing it." said Zoro. Nami narrowed her eyes.
"Let me do it." said Luffy.
"I could just continue my watch on her. I don't mind." said Sanji.
"Don't you need to make breakfast, Cook-san? I can do it. I don't mind." asked Robin. 'Did they just ignore Luffy?'
"I said let me do it!" said Luffy a little louder. There was silence.
"You know we can't do that Luffy…" said Usopp quieter.
"Don't be stupid! I'm alright now! She's awake…I won't do that again!" said Luffy. 'What are they talking about?' There was more silence.
"I'm sorry Luffy…but I can't allow it…" said Sanji. 'Can't allow it?' Then she heard a growl.
"Fine…" said Luffy. Nami frowned. He hadn't put up much of a fight.
Good. Then it's agreed Robin-chan wil-…"
"I never agreed." said Luffy.
"But you just said 'Fine'." said Usopp.
"I said 'Fine' because I didn't want to have to do this. I will watch Nami while she sleeps. I'm Captain here, and those are my orders. I allowed it before because you were right…I'm alright now. Go back to the ship. I already said I won't do that. She's awake now." said Luffy. Nami's eyes widened as she gasped. 'Luffy…'
"Oi, now hold on a minute Luffy..."
"I said go back to the ship!" said Luffy loudly.
"But Luffy, aren't you going to eat?…" asked Usopp.
"I'll eat later…Go back to the ship…" he said. There was a long silence. Nami couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'Why wasn't Luffy allowed to watch her before? Was he actually passing up food?' Then she heard footsteps walk down the hall. She heard the door open. She closed her eyes.
She heard silent footsteps walk in and then sit in the chair near her bed. 'Luffy…' she thought again. It took all her will power not to open her eyes. What had happened while she had been in her coma? He said he was alright now…What did he mean by that? She wanted to ask…What was going on? She rolled over towards the roll and opened her eyes.
It was unnerving know he was just behind her. She knew he was probably watching her sleep. She was beginning to wonder. He's alive again…What if this were the dream? What if what happened was the actual reality…? She had taken a great deal of drugs. What if she were dreaming now?
What if she fell asleep now…and then woke up there…? She wasn't sure she could ever sleep now. She was too afraid this was a dream. She knew she couldn't sleep. She wanted this to be reality. She wanted him to be alive.
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: Yup, I'm pure evil incarnate. You've said it a million times in the reviews. I bet I had you all screaming and crying. HA! Thanks for the support you guys! XD I couldn't say this in the A/N above, but the perfect song to go with when they first talk that I found was Avril Lavigne's Fall To Pieces. Check out the lyrics! You should reread that whole scene while listening to that song! Please review. Enjoy again! Later! XD