Chapter fourteen

'Alright, I think that is only fair considering how my godson treated you. But what I am about to tell you I would like kept between us. It will shock you, but you will only hear the truth.'

Harry sat back down, 'That's all I ever wanted, shock or not, so you have my word I will never repeat this.'

Severus nodded, 'Maybe I could do with a drink before I start.'

Harry nodded got back up and poured another glass of Firewhiskey, handed it to Snape before sitting down.

Severus took a sip, 'Before explaining, this is the reason why I gave you such a hard time. Yes, it was your looks, you are James all over apart from Lily's eyes. But so much of your personality is James. You fight like him, your quick temper is James and your protectiveness is all James. The memories I showed you, I selected them deliberately. I figured I was about to die, so I would keep the truth buried. But you never saw some of the times I was alone with your father. Now even though you know I loved your mother, it was as my best friend, not a romantic love. She was the closest person to me, closer than even my own parents and we cared very much for each other, but as friends only. I know what you saw made you believe otherwise and that was deliberate.'

'Okay, keep going, please.'

'At the age of twelve, I realised I preferred men, but something else occurred to me. Even though I hated your father and godfather, I seemed to find myself being attracted to James and I believe that is why I fought with him so much. He was who I wanted but could never have. Now even though that has just shocked you, that is nothing to this next part I'm about to explain,' Severus took another sip, before he could continue Harry spoke.

'So since you were attracted to him and I look like my father, that's the reason for how you treated me?'

'Yes, you reminded me of what I wanted. Now this next part, one day after your father finished quidditch training, I would hide in the shadows to watch him, I waited until the rest of the team left, then snuck into the changing room. Your father was alone, he was having a shower. He never knew I was watching him, not until he stepped out. I seemed to have frozen and couldn't get out in time. He must have seen something, some look on my face. He didn't even cover himself, just walked over to me. He stared for what seemed hours, really it was only minutes. Finally he asked me why I watching him shower and why was I in the Gryffindor changing rooms. He grabbed my arm because I was going to refuse to answer, he would not let me go until I told him the truth. I thought he would taunt me, but he never did, he actually surprised me.'

'What did he do?' Harry's voice had a nervous quiver to it and he knew Snape heard it as well.

'He kissed me, then he explained that even though he preferred girls, he was actually bisexual and had been with a boy before. He never told me who it was, I just assumed it was Black because I knew he was gay.'

'Sirius was gay,' Harry gulped then drank the last of his drink, 'I never knew that, but I don't know a lot about my parents or Sirius.'

'No, you don't, but there is more if you wish to hear this?'

'I do, I think I need to because it's all making sense now.'

'Yes, it would,' Severus took a sip, 'We never left the changing rooms, we ended up having sex. From then on, we would sneak away at least once a week and meet somewhere. Your father told me he was in love with Lily and planned to marry her one day and then he blackmailed me. If I told Lily anything about what we were doing, he would tell Lily I was lying, I was a death eater and I talked him into having sex and I used to spy on him in the shower. Lily knew I was gay, she was the only one that knew, before I told your father that is. Lily would talk to me about it because I used to think I was wrong, there was something wrong with me.

'When I was fifteen, I tried to kill myself because of it, this was right before your father. She came to St Mungo's to see me and told me about Albus being gay. She never did tell me how she found out about that. But from then on I had someone to talk to who knew what I was going through. It took me a while, but I even told Albus about James, he told me to give up on James because it would never go anywhere, that James and Lily were destined to be together. Naturally I was hurt, but I always knew the truth. From then on I immersed myself with the other death eaters, I had hoped that would help me forget your father. That is also the reason for some of our more severe fights, even if we did still get together occasionally.'

'It wasn't just sex was it, you loved him?'

'Yes, I did. Now even though Albus said Lily when he saw my patronus in the memory, it was for your father not you're mother and I made Albus and you believe that, a mate to his stag.'

'Okay, well, that has surprised me, but not as much as it should have. One more thing I really need to know. At the time I promise Dumbledore to never tell anyone, I never have, I don't think he meant you though, the prophecy?'

'Yes, when he believed you were child the prophecy meant, I went to your parent's home and spoke with your father. We hadn't spoken since our last time together. It was awkward at first and once he realised I was not there for him, we relaxed and I explained what I did. He never even hated me for it, but he did ask me to do everything I could to keep you safe. Lily asked me the same thing when I spoke to her. It was after I left your father that I went to Albus and you saw what took place. I did promise to do everything I could to protect Lily and James' son, for the love I had for both of them.'

'Yeah, I get that now. Just one more thing, Sirius, the way he talked about you and you him, did he know about you and my father?'

'Yes, that is the reason. James told me he had to tell Black as he told him everything. He thought I was trying to get James to join the death eaters. No matter what I said, he refused to believe I wasn't trying to corrupt James, I would never do that and James was not the type to ever let anyone talk him into going over to the other side.'

Harry nodded, finally realising why Snape had been so cold towards him. The two men sat in silence, occasionally taking a drink, but neither of them said a thing. They both had a lot to think about and take in everything that had been spoken about.