Spencer's POV
I'm in my room putting my shoes back on so I can go see Ashley. It's been an hour since she told me she needed some alone time. I think she's had enough now or maybe it's me just not being able to stay away, especially when I know she's hurting. I can't believe Ashley's mom knew she was gay this whole time and still let her feel like she had to hide it. I just don't understand, when Ashley told her about us, she looked perfectly fine with it. So why couldn't she be that way when they lived in Detroit. I got to stop thinking about it for now. I have to think about what I'm going to say to Ashley.
"Spencer!" I hear Glen yell up the stairs. I finish tying my shoes and run down the stairs. Ashley's moms standing in the door way, I walk over to her. Glen turns and goes back to doing whatever he was doing before the door bell rang. Mrs. Davies sighs and wipes some tears off her face.
"Spencer, can you tell Ashley that it's time to come home." She says. I know I'm looking at her crazy right now because I haven't seen Ashley since I left their house.
"What are you talking about? Ashley's not here." I say.
"Seriously Spencer I know she doesn't want to see me right now but she needs to come home." She says, a little frustration coming through her voice.
"She's not here."
"She left the house. You're the only person she knows. She has to be here." When she says this I start to feel sick.
"She left? When?" I ask.
"About an hour ago." I turn around and run into the living room where my grandma and Glen or sitting.
"Did Ashley come by here?" They both turn their eyes from the TV and look at me.
"No." They both say and turn their attention back to the TV. I walk back to the door and Mrs. Davies is still standing there.
"Are you sure she's not at home?" I ask her and she nods her head yes. "Shit Ashley!" I yell going to look for a phone. I pick up the phone and call Mia. She's the only person house Ashley's ever been over that she'd maybe feel safe going to.
"Hello?" Mia says picking up the phone.
"Have you seen Ashley?" I ask praying that she's there. My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest.
"Yeah, she's here." Mia says and I hear someone asks who is on the phone. She tells them it's me.
"Why the hell didn't you call me?" I ask going from worried to angry that she would just leave without telling me and that no one called to tell me she's safe.
"I was going to, but she stopped me. I don't think she wants to talk to you right now. Hold on." Mia says then I hear her hand the phone off.
"It's Jess, Spence. Look… Ashley's fine, ok? She came over here crying. But she's not anymore. We didn't call you because it obvious she didn't want you around or to be home right now. Now I don't know what's going on, but you know Mia and I are going to take care of her." Jessica says. She's always been the one to know what to say.
"Does she know I'm on the phone?" I ask sniffling. I don't know when I started crying.
"Yeah."
"Can you tell her that I love her and I'll be here when she thinks she can talk to me?" I ask taking a seat at the bottom of the stairs.
"Yeah and we'll call when we bring her home." Jessica says.
"Ok, thanks." I hang up the phone and look back at the door. Ashley mom's still standing there. "She's with my friends." I tell her. I can't believe she walked all the way over to Mia's by herself. Mia's house is not far but it's not close either, and she defiantly shouldn't have gone by herself. "Why couldn't you have just come to me?" I whisper to myself.
"Spencer?" I look up when I hear my name. Mrs. Davies walks over to me and takes a seat next to me on the stair. "You're really in love with her, huh?" I look over at her and shake my head.
"Yeah." I say.
"I do love her. She's my daughter you know." She says, "I never meant to hurt her. I jus…"
"It's not me you need to talk to." I say cutting her off.
"I know, I just thought maybe you could help me."She says. I stand up and look down at her.
"No. I can't. She'll come around. Just let her come to you and when she does... just tell her the truth." I tell her and walk up to my room.
%)*(&*^&^
I'm lying in bed looking at the ceiling when Glen throws the phone at me saying someone's on it. I pick it up and say hello.
"Hey…" It's Ashley.
"Why didn't you come to me?" I ask still mad and not understanding why she didn't want to see me.
"Spencer… I need to talk to someone else for a change." Ashley says in a whisper.
"Well you could have at least told me you were leaving instead of almost giving me a fucking heart attacking because you decided to just fucking walk off." I say.
"I'm fine, Spencer. Ok. So stop freaking out." Ashley says into the phone louder.
"When are you coming home?" I ask. "Ashley?" I say when she's doesn't respond after a minute.
"Tomorrow, ok. I just need to be away from my mom for awhile." She says.
"Do you want me to come over?" I ask her hoping she says yes so I don't feel like she's completely pulling away.
"No… I'll just see you tomorrow." She tells me.
"Whatever." I say into the phone. I hear a big sigh on the other end of the phone.
"Don't." She says.
"Don't what?" I ask playing dumb.
"Look I just need some time. I'm just going to stay here for the night in clear my head." She says.
"Why can't I be there while you're clearing your head? I just want to be there for you Ashley." I tell her getting frustrated.
"I know. I get that but right now I just need for you to give me some space."
"Yeah, ok." I say in a whisper after a minute.
"Spencer…" She sighs out.
"No, I'm fine. It's ok."
"I love you. Don't ever think that I don't." Ashley says seriously.
"Yeah I know."
"Do you love me?" She asks. I don't know why she asks when she knows the answer.
"Yeah, baby." I say smiling a little through my tears.
"Say it." She demands.
"I love you."
Ashley's POV
Last night I slept over Mia's with her and Jessica. When I came over yesterday I was a mess. Everything that happened with my mom was replaying in my head over and over. I had to tell someone what happen and how I was feeling, so I told them. When I first started talking, they both went into shock. Jessica's mouth was hanging open and Mia just stared at me. After they got over it I told them about how my mom has known I was gay since I was dating Brooke but I left out the rape part. I can tell them about that at a later date. We talked about my relationship with Spencer and how much I love her. I also told them how cool I think they are and how they're good friends to Aiden and Spencer.
Now it's like ten in the morning. Mia and I are sitting in her living room watching TV. Jessica's still asleep; she's so not a morning person.
"Are you ok?" I'm brought back by Mia's voice. She's looking at me like she's trying to read me or something.
"Yeah, I'm cool." I say glancing from the TV to her and back at the TV.
"What about you and Spencer? Everything cool between you guys?" She asks and I look back at her.
"Yeah, I mean… did she say anything to you?" I ask. What if Spencer called her talking about us and maybe telling her she doesn't want to be with me anymore or something?
"No. I'm just wondering why you're not with her right now." She says picking up the bowl of cereal she made a couple of minutes ago.
"Because I love her, and I knew if I was around her yesterday while I was so messed up. I would have done or said something I didn't mean, and I wouldn't be able to go to her today." I say.
"You guys are so perfect for each other, always saying weird deep shit." Mia says and I through a couch pillow at her.
^$#^W
"Can I come in?" I ask Spencer. Jessica just dropped me off on her way home.
"Yeah." She says opening her bedroom door some more for me to walk in.
"I'm sorry, about worrying you yesterday." I tell her sitting on her bed.
"It's ok. What's done is done." She says coming to sit next to me.
"I want to hate her." I start to tell Spencer. "But I can't."
"But I can't. Why is that?" I ask her wiping at the tears that have escaped my eyes.
"Because she's your mom and you love her. And you know she loves you. She just sucks at showing how much." Spencer says pulling me into a hug.
"Fuck…why does my life have to be so complicated?" I mumble into Spencer's neck.
"It doesn't. You just have to find away to let go of the past." She kisses the top of my head. I pull away to look at her. "Don't let this trap you again Ashley." She says and I lean in, capturing her lips.
"I won't." I say into the kiss.
I promise myself that I'll talk to my mom and try my best to move forward with my life. This kind of stuff is always easier said than done. Believe me I know.
Spencer's POV
These last week has been stressful. Ashley has yet to talk to her mother. She says she's not ready to talk about that time in her life when she's just started to move away from it. She's been opening up a lot lately but at the same time pulling away. Mia, Jessica, Aiden and even Glen, knows she speaks. She's not just listening to our conversations anymore now she's voicing her opinions. But even then she'll say something then get back quiet. I've been trying to adjust to the fact that she speaks around others. It's like getting to know her all over again. You would think that it wouldn't be seeing as how we've been speaking with each other, but it's different not just seeing her but also hearing her react to other people. Either way I love her just the same.
"Glen, can you please turn the channel. This show is so stupid." I say trying to grab the TV remote from him. We've been sitting around for the last couple of hours watch TV or should I say watching whatever Glen or my Grandma wants to watch. I would have been left this house but my Grandma wasn't having any of that. She said that 'I was spending too much time with those no good friends of mine and its best if I spend the day at home'. So here I am sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I talked to Ashley earlier she said she was going to hang at home today too.
"No. I like this show. Why are you here anyway? What Ashley finally dumped you?" Glen says moving to the other end of the couch. I smirk at him making another grab for the remote.
"Don't be mad because I'm getting som…" I stop what I'm saying remembering that my grandma is in the room. I glance at her and she's eyeing me like she's daring me to finish my sentence. "Don't be mad because I got a girlfriend and you don't." I say finally able to snatch the remote from his hands.
"Oh is that what that little slut next door is." My dad says snatch the remote form my hands and sitting down in the chair next to the couch Glen and I are on. I forgot tell you my dad might not hit anymore but he's still an asshole, always saying something about me and Ashley's relationship, or just anything to try to get under my skin. For the most part I ignore him but sometime's he say things like that comment he just made about Ashley that pisses me off.
"She's not a slut you dumb fuck." I say getting up from the couch to go to my room before things get out of control.
"Spencer don't talk to you father like that." I want to say fuck my father. But even though my grandma always takes his side and gets on my nerves sometimes I still respect her enough not to say something like that in front of her. So I just keep walking ignoring my dad calling for me to come back.
)(&^&%^*&%
"What's wrong?" This is like the tenth time Ashley has asked me since I've been over her house.
"Nothing." I say lying back on her bed.
"No. It's not nothing. Something is bothering you. You've been over here for like an hour and you've barely spoken." She says coming over to the bed and straddling me. "Did something happen yesterday?"
"I'm thinking about moving in with my mom." I say finally letting what's been on my mind be said out loud. Ashley doesn't say anything she just looks down and starts playing with the end of my shirt. "Ashley?" I say after a couple of minutes of silence.
"If that's what you think you need to do, then do it." She says looking me in the eyes. I take her hands and mine while I talk.
"I don't want to be that far away from you but I can't stay in that house much longer without going crazy. My dad is fucking annoying." I tell her. I've been giving thought to moving in with my mom for a while. We've been getting along just fine. She even asked me before If wanted to move in, but I declined. But now I think it's a good idea. I'm tired of the verbal abuse I get at my house. Words hurt just as badly as the physical abuse; they sometimes even cut a little deeper.
"Ok it's settled then. You're moving in with your mom." She says bending down and kissing me on the lips. "Just promise you'll come over all the time still. You won't go away and forget about me." She says smiling against my lips.
"I promise to never forget you." I say kissing her again.
Ashley POV
"So… Ashley how are things going with you and Spencer? I know she moved in with her mom. You guys usually spend every night together. Things are probably weird now that you guys can't do that anymore." My mom says trying to make conversation. We're still not talking about my past… our past, but we are trying to talk. Right now my mom, Shane and I are sitting in the dining room having dinner.
"Good. We still see each other during the day and she's only been away for two days." I say. Spencer moved in with her mom two days ago. Two days after telling me she was thinking about it.
"Lovely." Shane says. "Can I be excused now?" He says wiping his mouth with his napkin.
"Yeah, sure sweetie." My mom says giving him a warm smile. Shane waste no time collecting his plate, dropping it off in the kitchen sink, before going to his room.
"So your relationship with Spencer… seems more serious than the one you had with Brooke." My mom says after a couple of minutes. I just look up at her. I'm so not ready to tackle this subject.
"Let's not." I say taking a sip of my water.
"Not what Ashley." My mom says playing the confused role when she knows perfectly well that I wish not to talk about that time in my life at the moment.
"Talk about the past. Talk about my life back then. Not now."
"Why not now? We have to talk about it sooner or later. You just can't ignore it."When she speaks that last sentence my eyes are quick to look up from my plate to meet hers.
"We can't ignore it? You mean like you ignored me?" I say pushing my chair away from the table. "I'm not ready to hear your lies or are what you believe is the truth as to why you choose to ignore my cries for help." I stand up. "You lived without addressing it for so long. A little while longer won't hurt." I exit the room after that.
*^&O&$%^
"She just pisses me off." I tell Spencer over the phone. I just got done telling her about what happen with my mom.
"Maybe you should just give her a chance to talk." Spencer says quietly into the phone.
"Why? All she's going to do is make up excuses for why she wasn't there when I need her. I'm not ab…"
"You don't know what she's going to say." Spencer says cutting me off. "I mean I thought I would never talk to my mom again, but look at me now. I'm living with her."
"Well it's not as simple as that." I sigh into the phone, getting a little frustrated that she won't just let me rant about it.
"In why is that?" She says. I can hear the annoyance in her voice.
"Because you haven't had your mom emotional abandon you after you've been raped! Have you?" I don't give her time to responded knowing the answer. "You've never had someone know something so important about you and know that you're scared to tell them, and have them do nothing to make it easier for you to come forth with that information! So you don't talk to me as if you know how I feel. Because you know shit! "
"Maybe we should say goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow." Spencer says after a minute.
"No." I whisper into the phone. "I'm sorry." I say wiping my eyes.
"Listen. I know neither me nor anyone else will know or feel what you feel. But I care about you. I love you Ashley and I only encourage you to talk to your mom about it because you need it to move on." Spencer starts. "That part of you that is angry at your family… at your mom. It's not going to go away until it's able to identify what exactly it's angry at. Right now all it knows is that you were abandoned. And that might seem like enough for you. And you might talk to your mom and still be pissed but at least after talking to her you'll be able to tell her exactly why she was wrong. And you won't be so trapped in yourself anymore."
"I'm scared of what she might say. Because I know whatever it is will hurt me." I say after letting what Spencer said sink in.
"Well it sounds to me like its hurting you more not knowing then it ever could to know."She says. We talk on the phone for a little while longer before we say I love you and I let her get some sleep.
I think tomorrow I'll be ready to face my fears. After all I can't live in the moment if I'm stuck in the past.
TBC
A/N: Hey! You guys are great! I really appreciate the reviews and alerts I've been receiving for this story. I love it. Please review and I promise to update sometime this weekend.