Goodness, the response to the last chapter... just, wow! That's all I can say. That and THANK YOU!
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Thirteen.
She cries so much, her chest aches, her throat feels raw, and she falls asleep, exhausted. She cries in the shower the next morning and as she is fixing her usual toast for breakfast and drinking her glass of milk. She cries as she gets dressed and fixes her hair and cries, standing in front of the mirror, giving herself one more look over before she leaves for work. She cries so much, she feels like Alice in Alice in Wonderland, when she cries so much, she floods the room and has to ride in a glass bottle so she doesn't drown.
Beth knows she's crying so much because of the hormones and the pregnancy, but she knows that she's also crying so much because it hurts. It just hurts so much and no matter how hard she tries, Daryl's words just echo over and over again in her head.
"Just what I need. Some pregnant girl moonin' over me. She's barkin' up the wrong tree."
And as she hears him say those words in her mind, a fresh round of tears form and how much can a person cry? She would think her body could no longer produce salt water and should be completely dried up by this point.
She told herself. She told herself again and again to not get close to him and not spend time with him, but she had ignored herself and her brilliant advice and had put him in her life. Or had put herself in his life. She didn't know which way, but either way, they spent time together and she thought… she thought they were friends and her attraction to him was there, but she was so certain that she could be just friends with him without that getting in the way. She had wanted to be friends with him and had thought that maybe, they already were – until he said what she had heard him say to Sheriff Grimes.
"Stop it, Beth," she scolds herself as she wipes at her cheeks and blows her nose, but she can't because she hears those words and thinks of Daryl and Aiden and she had told herself to leave men – all men – alone.
But God, it hurts. So much. This whole time, she's been looking at Daryl and thinking how he's nothing like Aiden, but she knows that's not true anymore. Both have hurt her so badly and how is it that men are so capable and talented in crushing a girl if they want to?
She finally stops crying enough to leave her apartment and go to work – making sure she looks out the peephole in her door before she does so she can be certain that Daryl isn't leaving his apartment at the same time or in the hallway. But the coast is clear and Beth grabs her bag and slips outside her door, locking it behind her before slipping the chain with the key back on around her neck.
"You could have told me," Sheriff Grimes said once she was sitting across from him on the other side of his desk and they were the only two in his office.
Beth shook her head. "I couldn't… I didn't want to give you a reason to not hire me." She swallowed and lowered her eyes from him for a moment. "And I really needed a job."
"I can see that," he smiled a little. He leaned forward then, resting his arms on his desk and looking at her until Beth finally lifted her eyes once again. "Stop being so nervous. I'm not going to fire you. Baby or no baby, you're too good of a worker to just let you go for no reason whatsoever. I'm just not sure what I should do."
Beth looked at him and waited, a lump still in her throat and knots still in her stomach and she could feel a burning in her eyes from Daryl's words she had just heard him say to the Sheriff sitting across from her, but she would not allow herself to cry in front of anyone in regards to Daryl Dixon.
"You're so good at the intake desk, but I can't keep you there in your condition-"
"Please, Sheriff Grimes," Beth interrupted quickly. "I love my job. I didn't think I would, but I do. I love it so much and I should be fine. I just stand and sit behind a desk all day. And like you said, they are cuffed and there's always an officer at their side."
Rick was quiet, staring at her; studying her. "I'm going to be talking to some of my other officers. Maybe I pull one off the street for a while. In your eighth month, you start training them. Do you think you can work that far into your pregnancy?" Rick asked, looking a little unsure, and Beth figured he was probably trying to remember Lori when she was pregnant, years earlier, with Carl.
"I was going to work until my water broke," she confessed.
"That'd be a mess," Rick smiled and for the first time since she woke up that morning, no longer able to hide the fact she was pregnant from her boss or any of those who worked in the jail with her, Beth felt herself smiling, too.
She arrives at the jail now and going to her desk, she locks her purse in her bottom desk drawer with the key that the jail warden had given her. "Just in case," he had said. She then sits down at her computer and boots it up for the day and no sooner has she pressed the power button that the front doors open and Officer Martinez enters, leading a young offender wearing handcuffs up to her desk.
Beth smiles and stands up. "Good morning," she says though really, if a teenager is already being arrested, how good of a morning can it be? "Give me just two seconds more." She sits down again and types her password in quickly and brings up the intake screen.
"Name," she then begins the list of questions that have become familiar to her.
As she types each answer, Beth's eyes keep floating over to the young man's face – particularly to his eyes. It amazes her. Just a few months ago, she had had absolutely no contact with anyone under the influence of drugs. Of alcohol, yes. At work functions after hours and sometimes, Shawn and Maggie would be caught sneaking in after curfew and daddy would be yelling at them, while they stood there, attempting to look sober. But never drugs. She had never had contact with anyone who took any kind of drug.
Now though, being at this job for just a couple of weeks, she picks up her phone and rings the medical wing in the jail. "Good morning," she speaks to who answers the phone, her fingers still typing on the keyboard. "I need a nurse down at the intake desk. Thank you." She hangs up the receiver once more and looks to the offender. "Are you under the influence of any drugs or alcohol at the moment?" She asks though she knows what he'll say to that.
"No," the kid immediately answers.
Beth's eyes look to Martinez. "Caught him smoking weed on the curb," he reveals.
Beth nods and types that into the computer and then looks back to the offender. The kid. He's just thirteen. He's just a child. "Is that all you're taking? Just marijuana?"
The kid doesn't answer her. Unsurprisingly.
The nurse arrives and after looking at the youth's blood-shot eyes, and Beth prints off his wristband to wear, she and Martinez lead him off towards the medical wing to get drug tested because none of them believe that there's just marijuana in his system, but he of course, isn't saying.
Beth isn't naïve and she knows her job isn't a happy one. It's actually quite depressing, to see a stream of kids – and she doesn't care how the others view them; they are still kids – come into the jail, wearing handcuffs and having to be processed and they've done things and are living a life Beth had been blessed enough in her own life to not even have to imagine. And she will do everything she can to make sure her baby won't be exposed to the things these kids have seen and done.
And it's like she's told Shane and others. So many have given up on these kids already. Maybe she's hoping that she can do something – no matter how small it may seem – to help them in any way that she can.
But really, the best part of her job – at the moment – is that it keeps her busy and she doesn't have the time to spend her morning, crying, thinking about men.
She hates men. And she means it. This time, she really is done with them.
…
Beth's morning is busy and it seems like there is a steady stream of kids being brought in to be booked into the jail. She also is in charge of visitors coming in to see one of the kids locked in the jail behind her. Visiting Hours are strictly enforced and don't begin until two o'clock in the afternoon and last until five on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but some get there early in the morning, to make sure that they are registered with enough time to spare. Beth gets them registered and gets them passes and then at one, an officer will come to collect them to lead them back through metal detectors into the visiting area. Also, if they wish to add more money onto their child's commissary, they come see Beth about that, too.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are always her busiest days.
Around noon, the door leading into the lobby and intake area opens and Beth instantly stiffens the moment she sees who it is. Daryl steps in and he's holding a cup in his hand. His eyes land on her and he pauses for a moment and then pushes himself forward, coming towards her. Beth's entire body is braced for the impact and she prays that he's possibly hear to see someone else and not her even though he's walking straight for her.
And just seeing him again, her eyes begin burning with tears again and her stomach clenches – painfully this time and not in the fluttering way it did when he was around. She can feel Dot roll around inside of her as if turning over in their sleep and just feeling her baby and knowing they're in there, Beth straightens her shoulders and juts her chin out slightly. She is not going to give Daryl the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt her as deeply as he truly did. She doesn't care about him. The only thing that matters is her baby and she is going to be sure to teach her baby to not be as stupid as she clearly is in life.
Daryl stops in front of her on the other side of the intake desk. He clears his throat and then sets the cup down on the ledge in front of her. She sees instantly that it's a cake batter milkshake from Denny's and upon seeing it, Beth feels her throat close up.
"Do you have a second?" He asks her. "I brought you this."
"Thank you," she says because no matter what, she's still the proper Southern girl her parents raised her to be. She sometimes hates how polite she always is.
Just once, she wants to channel Maggie and be capable of being a complete bitch to someone without allowing herself to feel guilty about it. If anyone deserves her to be a bitch right now, it's Daryl.
And Aiden.
And every other single man walking around with a penis.
Damn him, because this milkshake looks so good and she's only thinking about throwing it in his face because now that it's in front of her, all she wants to do is inhale it.
"Beth… 'bout what I said… what you heard me say…" Daryl begins to say and Beth doesn't say a word. She just picks the milkshake up, bringing it closer to her, and taking the straw, she tears the paper wrapping away from it. He is swallowing constantly and he is having trouble meeting her eyes and she still doesn't say a word, now drinking her milkshake.
She almost feels bad about how much he seems to be struggling with speaking right now, but she keeps sipping her milkshake and not saying a word. She instead pretends that there is something absolutely fascinating on her computer.
"I can't say 'm sorry enough to you," he finally manages to say and Beth finally, slowly, moves her eyes away from the computer to look at him; looks at him for a moment.
He does seem sorry, but she's learned that men are fantastic actors. If they want to look sorry, if they want to act like they're not married, they're capable of doing it splendidly.
"And you've got every right in the world to not believe me," Daryl continues and Beth wonders for a fleeting moment if he can read minds. "And I got no right to ask you for anythin', but I wan' you to forgive me."
Beth lifts an eyebrow at that. "You want?" She throws back at him and he winces.
Daryl quickly shakes his head. "I didn' mean it like that."
The doors open and there are two police officers, leading a teenage boy in, who is struggling with every step of the way. Beth sets her milkshake aside for the moment and opens up to the appropriate screen.
"Name?" She asks once they are on the other side of her desk.
"Fuck you!" The kid snaps at her. Beth hardly blinks an eye though.
He then begins reeling his head back and they all know what he's going to do. Daryl actually steps closer, as if to put himself between the kid and Beth, and the police officers push the kid's head down onto the desk. Again though, Beth hardly blinks an eye. The kid begins struggling in earnest, kicking at the desk and throwing more swears at all of them.
"You need to cool down in the box," one of the officers growls at him and they begin dragging him towards the isolation cell that has no bed, sink or toilet or even a window.
Once they're gone, Beth exhales a breath and picks up her milkshake again.
Daryl just looks at her and he's still stiff from the confrontation and Beth's not sure why, but she feels the need to put him at ease though why she should care, she has no idea.
"It's not the first time one of them have tried to spit on me," she tells him calmly, sitting down again in her chair and taking a generous sip of milkshake.
Daryl doesn't say anything and keeps staring at her.
Beth swallows a mouthful of cake batter milkshake and she feels Dot move again. She has an appointment with Dr. Douglas during her lunch hour today and hopefully, the baby feels like showing them if they are a boy or girl. Beth feels a buzz of excitement at finally knowing what her baby is, but at the moment, it's not her excitement that is overwhelming her. It's the feeling of just laying her head down and crying because Daryl is still standing there, looking at her, and he's brought her a milkshake and apologized and Beth almost hates herself for being so close to just forgiving him.
"Just what I need. Some pregnant girl moonin' over me. She's barkin' up the wrong tree."
She was raised to forgive and forget and move on, but so much has happened to her in the past few months and she feels like it would be perfectly understandable to anyone if she just isn't able to do that anymore.
How many times does she have to be kicked until she learns her lessons and stays away and keeps herself away from everyone?
"Beth…" Daryl begins to say.
Thankfully, the phone chooses that precise moment to ring and Beth turns away from him, answering the call and thankful that she has a legitimate reason to not say anything to him.
…
The gel is cold on her bump and she watches the screen with a held breath in her lungs as Dr. Douglas runs the transducer over her skin. The familiar image of Dot appears on the screen in grainy black and white and as always, when she sees her baby, Beth smiles.
"Alright. Let's see if Baby Greene is feeling cooperative today," he says with a grin.
He's quiet for a passing minute, studying the picture and then he looks back to Beth with that same toothy warm grin of his.
"You want to know?" He asks her though he knows darn well that she does.
"You can tell?" Beth asks eagerly, nearly sitting up on her elbows from the excitement and the anticipation and Dr. Douglas lets out a laugh.
"You are having, from the looks of it, a very healthy baby girl," Dr. Douglas tells her.
And at that, Beth promptly bursts into tears, feeling a warmth rush over her that she has never experienced before and something she knows she probably never will again.
…
Getting home that evening with a baked potato and a piece of chocolate cake carried out from Magnolia's that she is going to eat for dinner while talking to her family and telling that that she is having a daughter, Beth sees that Eliza and Louis Morales are outside, sitting on the building's front steps, a familiar yellow ball of fur in Eliza's lap.
"Hi, Beth," Eliza smiles when Beth nears.
"Hi, guys," Beth smiles warmly in return. "Hi, Lemon," she leans a hand down to scratch the kitten behind his ear. "Daryl's putting quite a bit of weight on you," she comments and Lemon lets out a contented purr and she laughs a little.
"Did you see the flyer?" Louis asks and then points to a hot pink piece of paper taped inside on the wall next to their mailboxes. "Our landlords are giving everyone in the building a barbecue this weekend!" He then exclaims excitedly. "We've never had landlords do that!"
"That's very nice of them," Beth agrees with a nod and small smile.
Of course, her mind doesn't immediately go to the barbecue. It goes to wondering if Daryl is going to be there or not. Of course he would be there. He's building manager and he's helped renovate this whole building and Tyreese and Karen are his bosses and his friends. Beth begins to wonder if she will attend the barbecue or if she'll just, by chance, happen to be busy that day with other things.
Is this how it's going to be? She doing everything she can to avoid seeing him anywhere?
That makes her heart feel heavy and she gives Lemon one more head scratch and says good night to Eliza and Louis as she heads inside, first stopping to get her mail from her box and then going towards her door. She knows he hadn't had a crush on her like she had – has – on him, but still, she thought… she thought that maybe he was a good man who wouldn't hurt her in the same way that Aiden had.
What Aiden had done is far worse – lying about his marriage by not telling her at all and pursuing her and allowing her to help him carry on an affair and then throwing her money, telling her to abort her baby – her daughter. Daryl has simply said a few words that had crushed her, which is nowhere on the same level as to what Aiden had done.
But still, she feels as if she's cried as much over Daryl as she ever did over Aiden.
That doesn't feel like it should be right though because Aiden is the man she loved and the father of her child and Daryl is… he's just Daryl.
With a heavy sigh, Beth goes into her apartment and locks the door behind her and goes into the kitchen to get her dinner together. She's relieved that he's not in the hallway and doesn't see her get home from work. She worries that she would have told him that she's having a girl and it might be petty, but she doesn't want to tell him.
She sighs again and turns to the refrigerator to pours herself a glass of milk.
There's nothing just about Daryl and she knows it – no matter what she tries to tell herself.
…
Thank you very much for reading and please take a moment to review! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!