I've Moved On Or Have I?
Chapter 14
So sorry for the delays. My mojo for this one has definitely packed up and left home. I am determined to finish it even though there are only a small number of people reading it. You deserve that for waiting so patiently. Thank You.
SM owns all that is Twilight
BPOV
Did I really hear him correctly? He actually wants to forget the last few hours until I can show more enthusiasm. I can see from the faces of his family that they are as shocked as me. Surely he knows by now that he will not get that sort of enthusiasm from me about wedding details. Maybe he doesn't know me as well as I thought.
Gathering my wits about me I turn to him and say,
"okay, if you feel like that maybe you should leave. I think we both need some time to consider our positions on this. Let yourselves out and oh Alice will you please leave me your key on the table on the way out. Thanks."
I know I'm being petty punishing Alice and the rest of them. I also know they can easily access my apartment if they want to. A quick movement to my right hand side draws my attention.
"Bells, please we all need you in our lives. Please don't shut us out, we're here for both of you. Right now I want to knock your heads together. Jesus, not ten minutes ago you fucking each others brains out and from out here I'd say you were both pretty into it and I'm also sure sure I heard the words I love you moaned a few times. Just think about what happened the last time you were apart." Emmett strokes my arm gently.
"Thanks for caring Em, it's nice to know the rest of you love me. It's just a shame your brother over there does not feel the same."
Walking swiftly toward the door he looks over and says.
"You have no idea Bella, you really have no idea. Come on lets go and leave her in peace."
With that he walks out of the door and the rest of his family slowly follow. They all looked shocked and sad. I see Alice leave the key on the table as I'd requested. Emmett is the last to go and squeezes my hand gently as he walks passed.
"You are both as bad Bella. You are as much to blame for this as him this time. You know what marrying you means to him. Could you not pretend to be excited knowing that? He loves you Bella, never doubt that but in his time marriage was the way you committed to someone for the rest of your lives."
"I said I would marry him Em, we compromised. Am I such a bad person not to want all the pomp and circumstance?"
"It's not about how big the wedding is Bella. He just wants you to be excited that you are marrying him. He saw your face and he read it as if you were being forced into marriage to achieve what you want. I think he thinks its more about being a vampire for you than being with him."
"Don't be silly, what would the point of forever be without him?"
"Have you told him that?"
"I thought I had several times over, maybe not in those words but I've certainly told him I want to be with him forever. He is not stupid Emmett he knows how I feel about him, how I've always felt about him. He knows I would not go into a relationship with him lightly knowing what you are."
"He'll come round Bella, he won't be able to stay away. Not now you've committed to each other physically. You see when a vampire makes love it is with his soul mate, the one he wants to spend forever with. Yes there are ones out there who go from mate to mate but we are not like that Bella and Edward is certainly not like that. If anything he is the one of us that would refuse any sort of physical gratification if it wasn't with the one person he was meant to be with forever. He waited for you to come into his life for a long time Bella. Now he has met and loved you he will not be able to walk away again. Before you were not mated in a physical sense so even though it nearly killed him he was able to stay away. Now it's different, he won't have a choice. When he comes to you Bella, please talk to him. Tell him what you've just told me. He'll be stoked to hear that the forever you want is all about him. Shit I'd better go he's getting mad that I've stayed to talk to you. Call me okay?"
Then he was gone and I was all alone. Tears that I been trying so hard to hold back poured from my eyes and down my face. I sink to the floor and sob. What just happened? Emmett was right we had made love several times and were happy. We were getting married and he'd agreed to change me and now I was all alone. He had left me once again only this time it was all my fault. Why oh why did I find it so had to be excited about our wedding. Years and years of hearing Renee tell me how marriage ruined any good relationship maybe. Or my Dad spending the last god knows how many years alone because of what his marriage did to him. Yes I know that my relationship with Edward is different, we love each other desperately but still the whole marriage thing I cannot understand his need for a ring and piece of paper. I know he's old fashioned but even so. I had managed to get him to forget his 1918 morals on sex so why couldn't lighten up a little on the whole marriage thing.
How long I am slumped on my floor I do not know. The tears are still flowing and suddenly I feel really alone. I wonder if they heard me break down. Em maybe as he'd be the closest unless Edward or Alice stayed behind. I really don't know.
I need to pull myself together, I stand up and make my way to the bathroom. Even the cold water I splash on my face does not make me feel better. I make my way into the bedroom and crawl into bed. I take off only the outer layer of clothes, leaving on my underwear and socks. I continue to cry for what seems like hours. I must fall asleep eventually because when I open my eyes it is almost light unless its a really grey day here in Portland.
A groan escapes from my mouth as a remember the events of the early evening. Rolling onto my back I look up at the ceiling and wonder how the hell that had happened. We had been so happy, so in love. We'd made love and fucked like bunnies and then he had gone. What the fuck was it about Edward fucking Cullen that made him just walk away. All the false promises, all the 'I can't live without you'. They must have been a shit because at the first sign of him not getting his own way as usual he'd bailed. Well thank you for fucking nothing Cullen you piece of steaming shit.
"and you Swan what the fuck were you doing getting involved with him again? Oh you love him, well so much good that did for you."
The day goes by and I do not see or hear from a soul. Neither human or vampire, I read a bit for my finals but cannot concentrate so go back to bed and wallow. I replay in my mind all the wonderful things Edward and I have done together since meeting up again. Making friends outside the family had been a big step for Edward and making love to me an even bigger one. I smiled a little as a recalled our first time and how absolutely perfect it was.
Sleep over takes me again, days go by and nothing. I hear nothing from any of them. So much for Emmett's theory about him not being able to stay away. I need to do something about this mood I'm in. Maybe a hike out in the fresh air will lift my mood . It had been a while since I'd last taken myself out for a long walk, it would probably do me good.
With my back pack packed and ready I headed out. I was heading up to Vista Ridge. I loved the wild flowers up there and the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. I could certainly do with something breathtaking right now. The trail is quiet today, the overcast day putting a lot of hikers off. I do pass several familiar faces all dog walkers and I even stay and chat with an old guy I'd seen on many occasions. His dog Maisie a friendly old collie who loved to be tickled behind her ears.
When I reach the ridge I sit down and breathe. The air up here is fresh and the scent of the wildflowers makes it even sweeter. I pull out my camera and take a few random shots. Below is the forest where I'd first seen Alice. Being a glutton for punishment I turn on the zoom lens and direct my camera to said spot. Nothing there was no one there today. I wonder why I thought they would be keeping tabs on me. Oh I remember because they always did.
After a sandwich and a drink I take some more snaps. There is nothing here that I haven't already captured so I get a little bored. Packing my camera away I wander a little farther on. I haven't been this far before I had always stopped at the ridge and then headed back. Today I wondered what I would find on the other side of the ridge.
The path was fairly steep going down so I had to be careful, I mean this is Bella Swan klutz extraordinaire. I manage to make my way down only slipping a couple of times. The path leads straight into the trees. Dare I continue? Sure why not the day is still young and I'd never heard anything about anyone getting hurt round here. So I kept going.
In the shade of the trees it felt much colder and I stopped and pulled out my hoodie from my backpack. Zipping it up I sling the bag over my shoulder and continue. The path weaves in and out deeper and deeper into the forest I just keep going without a thought. I must walk for a good hour before I realise that this forest could go on for hundreds of miles. I decide to turn back. Shit that means not only will I have to walk back for an hour then I'll have to climb back up to the ridge before I can go home. Great just great. Well done Bella great foresight there.
The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stand up. Shit I know this feeling.
"Hey Bella, mind if I walk back with you?" she appears out of thin air.
"No Alice I don't mind but could you please keep your opinions to yourself."
"Well I can't promise that now. You know me too well Bella but I will try."
We walk in comparable silence for a while. It is me that is frustrated with her saying nothing so I speak first.
"So how long have you been following me?"
"I saw when you decided to continue into the forest and thought I should make sure you are okay. I wouldn't want anything to happen to my favourite sister now would I?"
"Sister? I don;t think so Alice not now anyway."
"You will be, you know I'm never wrong. You just have to trust me. You do trust me don;t you Bella?"
"I do Alice however it was your meddling in the wedding plans that brought this particular argument to a head."
"Don't remind me. I've have it from all sides, Edward, Emmett even Rose. They all said if I hadn't have wanted to create a princess wedding this would never have happened. I'm sorry Bella I just love weddings and because I love my brother and you I wanted to make it really special."
"It doesn't matter now does it, I mean its over and I am alone once again. He promised you know never to walk away again and now what are we nine days in and not a word. I was such a fool to believe him, to believe he would not run again."
She does not answer me and I wonder a little about why.
"So how is he?" I ask unable to stop my curiosity.
"Don't ask Bella then I don't have to lie to you."
I swallow a large lump from my throat.
"What do you mean Alice? I want to know how he is?"
"Okay but don't say I didn't warn you. For the first few days he spoke to no one, he stayed alone in his room. Then he came out and announced he was leaving. He took a small bag of stuff with him and left. Carlisle says he's up in Denali with Tanya and her family."
"Tanya, yeah well I'm sure he'll be getting plenty of distractions up there. Good to know I suppose. He always made out he was uncomfortable up there because of how she acted around him. Oh well at least I know and I can move on instead of wasting my time wallowing over him."
"I'm so sorry Bella, Emmett is ready to rip his head off. Even Rose cannot believe what he has done. Of all the places to go. Denali. I mean he hasn't been there since he first met you back in high school when your blood scared him. When he fell in love with you and it scared him to death."
As we reach the edge of the trees I turn to tell her it is safe now but she is gone.
Tears pour down my cheeks once again. When I am going to learn that he just isn't worth all my tears. The one thing I didn't expect was him to go running into the arms of another woman. Even if that woman is a vampire and by all accounts gorgeous. They will make stunning pair. After all we'd shared how could he do this. Even if we were over. Wasn't it right and proper to have a period of alone time.
Up on the ridge I sit for a few minutes and close my eyes. His face comes into view.
"Oh Edward, what happened to tear us part this time. I told you I wanted to be with you forever, I told you I'd marry you because in order to achieve one I needed to do the other. I was going to do it gladly for you. The only thing I didn't want was a lot of fuss. I really wanted to marry you I wanted forever with you and no one else. I love you even though you've hurt me more now than ever before. Alice told me you are with Tanya in Denali, I can't believe you would do that to me or us. I suppose now I know what you meant by being easily distracted. Goodbye my love. I will love you until I die."
Talking to him up here seemed to give me a little closure as I made my way back down to the apartment I felt much better than I had in nine days.
It is nearly dark as I open the door and throw my keys into the glass bowl on the table by the door. I drop my bag on the floor and walk straight into the kitchen. I am starving, I realise I probably haven't eaten as well as I should over the last nine days. I make myself a sandwich and prepare a lasagne for later.
I grab a quick shower and feel refreshed and more optimistic about things than I have in a while. Dressed casually in sleep shorts and a cami top I head into my lounge to turn on my laptop and do some studying. The light is off and I walk towards the wall to flick the switch. As I turn back towards the room I see him sat stone still on the sofa. I know its him. His hair alone gives him away.
Slowly I walk toward him. Looking at him.
"We need to talk." he says calmly.
"I don't think so Edward. You have nothing to say that I want to hear, so you can leave right now."
"I'm not going until you listen, after that if you tell me to go I will but you will listen first." he says with a little more force.
I ignore him then and walk into my bedroom and slam the door shut hoping he will take the hint. Obviously not, as my bedroom door opens slowly a few seconds later.
"Please Bella hear me out."
"No Edward, there is nothing left to say. It is over and I want you to leave."
"You don't mean that, I know you don't, you love me. I heard you earlier talking to me. You said you will love me until you die. I believe you Bella."
I push passed him and walk out of the room but once again he follows.
"Why won't you listen, what are you scared of Bella?"
"Scared? Me? Jesus, Edward I'm not scared. I never have been, that's always been your excuse. Now why don't you tell me why you are here so we can get it over with then you go...back to Tanya and whatever."
Shit I hadn't meant to say that. Now he'll know I'm jealous of his relationship with her. Looking at him I see a wry smile on his beautiful face.
"So you don't like the fact I was in Denali visiting? I know Alice told you love but I wasn't visiting Tanya, Bella, I was there to see Eleazar to see if he could suggest how I deal with the fact you didn't want to marry me but wanted me to make you one of us. He is a great listener and foresees many things. I hoped he'd be able to tell me if we were going to be okay. Marriage or not."
"Well its all pointless now anyway so you can go."
"I am not going anywhere Bella until we have sorted this out. I love you, marriage or not I can not live without you. I just needed someone to tell me that was okay love. I was sure you wanted forever for forever's sake. Em told me about your conversation he said I had to talk to you, but not before he wrestled me to the ground and hit me for going to Denali. I did not go to see her Bella, in fact I saw her only fleetingly and she knew I was now fully mated as soon as she saw me. I must look different. Fucked maybe I don't really know."
"Edward, what is the point hashing this out. Okay I'll tell you what I told Em. What would be the point of forever if it wasn't with you. I only wanted forever with you no one else. I'm just sorry we never got to find out what forever could be like."
"Bella, do you love me?"
"Yes, I always will."
"Do you want forever with me?"
"I would love to spend the rest of eternity with you."
"Okay so we both want the same thing all we have to do is make it happen. What do you say?"
"What do you mean Edward?"
"I'll change you now if you want me to. I've lived too long without you."
"Yeah right."
"I mean it Bella, come on lets do this."
"What about getting married?"
"You don't want to, I have accepted that."
"I do want to Edward I just didn't want a big fuss."
"Really? You want to be my wife?"
"I do, almost as much as I want forever but I don't want to wait. Can we just go to Vegas, just me and you?"
"Today? Now, you mean it. I mean I'm ready now I have the rings and everything. Please Bella, say you mean it."
"I mean now Edward."
He has his phone out and is speaking to the airline before I can even think. We are booked on the next flight to Vegas. His family will meet us there giving us time together. Alice I understand has not said a word just grinned quietly.
He has my bag packed before I can think what I want to pack. I laugh at his face. He looks so excited, how could I ever imagined that we would not be together. When I walk back into the bedroom with my toiletries I find him on one knee with a small wooden box open in front of him.
"Bella I love you and want to spend the rest of eternity making you happy. Please say you will accept this ring as a token of my love for you."
Looking down at the diamond glinting up at me, I cannot stop tears once again starting to pour down my cheeks.
"You can choose another if you don't like it love." he says sounding hurt.
"Oh Edward, don't be silly, I love it. It is just perfect and I would have chosen nothing different."
He stands up and places the diamond solitaire on my left hand ring finger with a kiss. It is a perfect fit. I gaze at it admiring how good it looks on my hand.
"I have matching wedding bands for both of us if you want to see."
" I would seeing as I am supposed to give you yours."
He moves and is back before it really registers that he's moved. Now he holds a new wooden box it slightly bigger and houses two matching platinum bands. Mine is narrower and has channel set diamonds on the top. His is broader and plain in the fact it has no diamonds. The cut of both however does not make them look plain but tasteful and timeless.
"Do you approve. I took the liberty of getting them engraved inside. Alice had mine done for you. She said she knew exactly what it had to say."
I take Edward's ring out of the box and turn my back so he cannot see and read the inscription on the inside of the band.
Edward & Bella together forever.
"She was right. It says exactly what I would have wanted it to."
We walk out of my apartment hand in hand. We fly in a little over two hours so need to get the airport. His family will run and he tells me they are well on their way. They will meet us there and will have already booked us a hotel and the wedding. I feel a little nervous, I have nothing to wear. Alice will make sure I am okay in that I am sure.
It's a little over two and a half hours from Portland to Vegas. The time flies. I think I must sleep for most of the way. His hand never leaves mine. I think I hear a vague conversation between Edward and the stewardess. Something about his fiancee not liking that and he didn't want to be rude but just take the god damn hint that I'm not interested. Poor Edward wherever we go he gets hit upon. My best guess would be the offer to join the mile high club.
Opening my eyes I see him staring at me intently.
"Sleep okay love?"
"Hmm, fine, so you being turning naughty stewardesses down again have you?"
"You heard that huh?"
"Only bits, was it awful?"
"Yes, I hate it. Especially when I have you with me and I'm sat holding your hand and your hand has my engagement ring on it sparkling for her to see."
"Sweetheart some girls just aren't bothered if you are taken. All they care about is nailing the most attractive guy. So how about we give her something to remember you by?"
"What do you mean?" he asks sounding nervous.
"Kiss me silly."
"Oh is that all, you had me worried there for a minute."
We spend the rest of the flight kissing passionately, the stewardess walks by several times but does not bother us again. When we land Emmett is waiting for us with a huge grin on is face.
Pulling me into his huge arms and swinging me around he says.
"I am so glad you two sorted your crap out. Bella did he tell you I beat him up for going to Denali?"
"He did Em and thank you for looking out for me. I guess we should believe him if he told us all the same story huh?"
"I suppose so, so do you like the ring? Let me have a look. I can't believe we are here in Las Vegas so you two can tie the knot. Come on the others are waiting. Alice has booked us all into the Bellagio. Wait until you see the suites."
He's like a little kid so giddy. The drive from McCarran airport is short less than ten minutes. Emmett has brought Edward a cap so that the sun does not hit face. I wondered about the long sleeves, now I knew why.
We are ushered into the large airy foyer and Emmett hands over a key to me and drags poor Edward off in another direction.
"Alice is waiting for you Bells. We'll meet you at the venue in two hours."
God now it was really hitting home I was getting married to Edward Cullen in two hours. Glancing at my watch I saw it was almost five so the wedding must be a seven. Twilight. Could this
be anymore perfect.
The key fob reads Bellagio suite floor 36. when I let myself in a squeal comes from all three women stood inside waiting for me. Alice, Esme and Rose are stood waiting to pamper me to death I assume. The room is huge and very elegant.
"This is your and Edward's room Bella we are all on other floors in the hotel. Now come on we need to get you ready. When did you last wax?"
"I can't remember why?"
"Well we need you to be silky smooth so that you stay that way once you change and I'm sure Edward will appreciate it too. Now hurry up move your arse girl."
The bathroom is bigger than my whole apartment. They leave me to shower in peace but when I get out and walk wrapped in only a towel into the bedroom they pounce.
I am instructed to do this and that. Rose is in charge of the waxing and I cringe when she tells me where to uncover. I scream the place down when she insists on doing me a brazilian. Why the hell would anyone want to go through all that pain for a couple of week to have to go through it all again. I need ice packs after and they laugh and get on with getting ready themselves.
I has seen the dress bag hanging up on the wardrobe door. I hoped she had not gone too OTT, if I had the choice I would choose something simple and elegant.
When my hair was done and I had on a matching set of very sexy underwear along with a garter belt Alice unzipped the dress bag and I got my first glimpse of my wedding dress.
I do not think it was possible for me to speak. What she uncovered took my breath away. It was stunning, ivory, soft looking and I fell in love with immediately. Sleeveless and fitted around the bust area it then flowed effortlessly to the floor. It hung beautifully and as soon as it was on I felt like a princess.
"Alice, its perfect, I could have chosen nothing better. Thank you."
"I'm glad you like it Bella, as soon as I saw I knew it would be perfect for you both. Edward will love it."
"So am I right in thinking the wedding is at seven?"
"Yes on the Terrazza Di Sogna overlooking the lake. The setting is beautiful Bella, we were lucky to get it."
I am ready and it is time for me to go and meet my future husband.
So I am think just one more chapter should wrap this one up.
Leave me the love.