The minutes rolled by as they stared at each other. Arya wanted to deny his words, to make him believe it was not true, but the anger in his eyes stilled her words. Instead, she looked out upon the blue sea. The wind caressed her face with it's salt filled fingers. She did not want to lie to Gendry…anyone but him. If he loved her as he said, he deserved the truth from her. The whole truth.
"Yes. Jon is the one I fell in love with." She said it so quietly, so reverently, she was not sure he heard her. The tightening of his jaw told her differently. Gendry had heard every word, had even heard the way she had spoke of her love for Jon.
"How could you allow yourself to fall in love with…him?"
The way he said it made her love for Jon sound horribly disgusting. To the outside world she assumed it was disgusting. Arya closed her eyes, not wanting to feel that disgust.
"Why did you not stop it! WHY…" he screamed, but he stopped himself from saying anything more. "Why did he not stop it? He is your brother," he said, more calm.
"I know what he is!" Arya hissed. "I know what he is better than you! Do you think I wanted this to happen? Do you think we decided to torture ourselves by falling in love with each other?"
Arya had stepped closer to Gendry with each word she spoke. She stood inches from him, her eyes burning with anger at the injustice of it all. He stood his ground, meeting her anger with anger. Who was he to judge her, a man that would have allowed her to walk away from him.
"I do not know what the hell the two of you were thinking!" He spat.
"What is the matter, Gendry, hm?" she said, sarcastically. "Just a few days ago you were ready to go to war for me, to show me you were the better choice. Now what? Everything has changed because that man is Jon? You just all of a sudden stopped loving me?"
"It is different," Gendry mumbled.
"Only because you allow it to be."
"No," he said, shaking his head softly. "It is different because I cannot compete with him. I cannot compete with that kind of love and history. I am doomed before I start."
Arya was taken aback by this. The biting words she had in store to throw back at him choked her as she swallowed them whole. "Gendry…" she started, but he held his hands up for her to be silent.
"I saw what it did to you when you thought he was dead. Do I understand how you could love Jon the way you do…no I do not, but there is no denying that love. The way you look at him. The way he moves around you like a shadow. I have seen him hold you, and I have seen the way you melt in his arms. I wanted to deny what I saw, just some sibling link, but the more I saw the more I could no longer deny. I cannot compete with that, Arya."
"You are walking away? You are giving up again?" she accused, tears welling in her eyes.
"What would you have me do?" he asked, defeated.
"Fight!" she yelled. "Just once, for me, do not give up!"
"You cannot ask that of me," he said, grabbing her arms and pulling her close. "You have to make that choice. Me or him. There is no in between. If I fight it will be a losing battle I face. I know I am letting you down again, but it is your turn to fight for me."
Gendry released her, taking a step back. She opened her mouth several times to tell him she had already chosen him, but the words were not there. Had she not told Jon she would choose Gendry? Why could she not say it? Because, she had lived in a world where she thought Jon was dead and that had changed everything. But, the thought of Gendry walking away for good destroyed her heart.
Arya wanted to scream and scream till her voice grew hoarse in the effort. She was being torn apart by her feelings for these two men. When Gendry turned walk away Arya grabbed his arm to stop him. He stopped, yet refused to meet her eyes.
"Do you love me?" she asked.
His jaw clenched as his eyes met hers. She could see the pain she caused him, but she pushed passed it. She needed to hear him say it, needed to feel it completely in that moment.
"More than I have ever loved anyone," he whispered.
She took his face in her hands and pulled him to her. She kissed him, allowing him to feel her love for him. His arms snaked around her as he towered over her shaking body. Gendry deepened the kiss, accepting all that she gave him. His hand went to the back of her head, grabbing a head full of brown hair. Arya sucked the bottom of his lip, tasting him…devouring him.
"How can you not feel how right this is, Arya? Tell me you do feel it!" He whispered, against her lips. She could not deny it. Gendry's lips were made for hers.
"I feel it," she whispered back. I have always felt it."
He kissed her again, softer this time. Within is arms she felt the most peace she had ever known. Gendry was her home, her sanctuary. The time for words with him was at an end. If she did not grab a hold of this man he would be gone like a shadow in the dark. She knew what had to be done, knew the choice that had to be made.
Gendry kissed the tears from her cheeks. Tears of love. Tears of loss. Tears for a choice that had to be made. She would give Gendry every part of her heart. She would choose him and let Jon go. Her prayers had been answered and Jon was alive. She could not ask more from the gods.
Gendry was waiting on her in his cabin later that night. She had explained what she needed to do. Although, he did not like it he allowed her this one thing without a fight. She stood in front of Jon's closed door, her heart hammering against her chest. When she raised her hand to knock it shook violently. She swallowed several times before her knuckles hit the hard wood.
"Come in," Jon's voice floated from the other side of the door. He sounded so weak.
Arya pushed the door opened and walked into the dimly lit room. He lay in his bed, the wounds on his chest visible to her. She chose those scars to stare at, anything but Jon's eyes. She watched him struggle to sit up, watched as his hand stretched towards her inviting her to come to him.
A voice in her head begged and screamed for her to run to him, for her to fall in his bed and never get up again. But, that was not what she was here to do. She was here to end things, to finally release him. Jon would survive this, for he had Daenerys, and Arya knew the woman cared for Jon. She would make him happy, and he needed her more than he would ever admit.
Jon's hand fell slowly, coming to rest in his lap. She watched his chest heave a long sigh. "Say what you have come here to say, Arya," he said, his voice so quiet. Jon already knew.
"How are you feeling?" she said, instead.
"Get on with it!" He shot back, causing her to jump.
This time, she did meet his eyes. They looked at her full of tears, full of hurt. "You know it has to be this way, Jon. I will choose Gendry and you will choose Daenerys. That is the way fate designed it. There is no world for you and me, no life."
Arya felt bile rise with each word, and desperately wanted to stop, but there was no stopping this time. Jon had returned to her, returned for one reason,.and that was so that she could let him go.
"When I fell in the frozen lake I knew that was the end," he said, caught in his memories. "I was surprised by how peaceful it was. I closed my eyes," he said, closing his eyes , as if reliving the moment. "In my darkest moment there was your face." Jon opened his eyes and looked at Arya again. "I could have easily sank to the bottom of that lake and ended all of this hell, but I wanted to see your face again. Seeing it in my head was not enough for me. I wanted to touch you, hold you…kiss you again. I opened my eyes and I swam. I swam as hard and fast as I could, even as my lungs burned with such pain. I fought my way out of that lake. I fought my way through a hoard of wrights. I fought through days of blistering weather so cold it stole my breath. All for you, and now you stand before me and tell me you are giving up on us?"
Jon threw the heavy blankets from his body and struggled out of the bed. Arya hurried to his side trying to stop him, but he shrugged her hands from his shoulders. He stood on shaky legs, his face full of anger and determination. Arya watched him, unsure of what he would do. He needed to be resting.
"I! Do! Not! Accept!" He whispered.
"Jon," Arya said, miserably.
"I do not accept!" He screamed. She leaned forward, laying her forehead upon his chest. She felt his heart beat wildly, felt his chest heave with heavy breaths. "I give it all up for you, Arya. I give up the war, the North. I give up everything. I would rather have just one day of life with you than to win this war and lose you. I met death twice and I defeated it for you! I need you so much it hurts to be away from you. I know you feel the same…I know!"
She wrapped her arms around him, finding his lips easily. How foolish was she to think she could walk in here and end their love so easily? But... He clung to her with all the strength he could find, kissing her back more feverishly than ever before. She kissed his mouth, his jaw, his closed eyelids. Her fingers roamed in his black curls, pulling his face as close to her own as she could. For every moment she loved him she poured into her kisses. For every tear he had dried, every fear he had made better, she gave him more love. He took and took and gave and gave.
She pulled away, letting out a sob. Her lips found his ear, kissing softly. "Goodbye, Jon," she whispered, breaking out of his hold.
His eyes grew wide, the tears spilling over. Arya had no choice. She had come here to end things and that is what she had to do. Forever more, she would be ripped in two, but she would give Jon a fighting chance to survive this…to survive them. If there had been no choice to make Arya would have been in Jon's bed, making love to him, but there was always choices. Hurt him to save him.
She turned from his stricken face and walked towards the door. He never called her back, never tried to stop her, and she was not sure that was better or worse than if he would have fought to keep her there with him. The door closed softly behind her, yet it sounded like lightening in her ears. She had broken his heart, and he would finally be done with her. If this was the right decision why did she feel like cutting her heart from her chest just to stop the pain?
She entered Gendry's cabin. He sat on the bed with his head down, but when he heard the door open his head popped up. She gave him a small smile, yet the action felt odd. He stood from the bed and walked towards her , wrapping her in his strong arms. She closed her eyes, breathing heavily, as if she could release what had just happened.
"Are you tired? Hungry? Do you want to talk?" he asked, softly.
"Can you just hold me until I fall asleep?" she asked, against his neck.
"Always," he whispered.
Gendry and Arya climbed in bed, their bodies linked from head to toe. She looked into his blue eyes, wishing away the dark eyes of Jon. She memorized his chiseled jawline and dark skin. She ran her hands through his short, dark hair…no curls to be found.
"I love you, Arya," he whispered, kissing her softly.
"I love you, too, Gendry," she said, barely able to speak. She closed her eyes, allowing the darkness of sleep to finally consume her.
Gendry moved beside her, mumbling something about a knock at the door. In a sleeping daze, Arya sat up in bed and watched Gendry open the door. Davos stood in the doorway, his face grim.
"Pardon the intrusion at this late hour, but there is something you need to see, M'lady."
Arya was to her feet in seconds, the sleep gone from her mind. Her first thought was that Jon had done something dangerous, and in his state it scared her. She hurried past Gendry towards Davos, but Gendry came right on her heels. They followed Davos through the darkened halls of the ship towards the stairs. Arya could hear a voices above her, could hear them speaking softly.
She burst through first, thinking the worst, but what she saw froze her in her tracks. There were people standing around, listening to the words spoken, words that felt like a death sentence. She looked on, wide-eyed, as man spoke.
"In the sight of the Seven, I hearby seal these two souls, binding them as one for all eternity. Look upon one another and say the words."
Jon and Daenerys turned to one another, their hands tied together. She smiled at him, yet he did not smile back. His eyes looked tired, his face ashen, yet he spoke the words loud and clear.
"Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. I am his/hers, and s/he is mine, from this day, until the end of my days."
All Arya could do was stare as Jon and Daenerys became man and wife on the back of a ship sailing towards King's Landing.