Hunger Games Parody Part 14!
I try to keep going but my feet feel like Prim is hanging on them, and Prim is fat! I take a rest next to a tree and eat some pine needles that I found on the ground. I started to choke so I decide that eating more would only lead to my death. I hear a cannon fire, "Yes! You stupid American!" I shout. "What's an American?" says a voice behind me. I whirl around to see Peeta sharpening a stick with a knife. The only problem is that he's holding the knife the wrong way and the blade is cutting his palm. "Are you stalking me? You are totally steeling my thunder dog! Everyone knows that stalking is best done by me!" I say. He cocks his head up as if hearing something. Then before I can stop him he lets out the loudest scream I have ever heard! I leap onto him and wrap my hands around his neck. "Why are you screaming you little British boy?" I shout at him. He manages to escape my grasp. Then he runs away into the woods flailing his arms around shouting, "IT'S THE CLIMB! Oh yea E-yeah yeah!" I roll my eyes, everyone knows Miley Cyrus is so ten minutes ago!
It's so hot! Like Taylor Swift hot except maybe not that much! I trudge through the woods feeling my thirst become even more and more intense. That's when I decide to climb up a tree in search of water. I pull myself up to the first branch and hear a voice, "Oh my goodness! Oh my gosh! You're, you're just too fat!" huffs the tree. "You can talk?" I ask stunned. "Yes but I would prefer if you got off of my branch. You see you are terribly heavy and awfully fat, and you are beginning to crack my arm off," says the tree struggling to keep my weight balanced. "You're a bad tree! You should be a dead tree! I hate you!" I scream at the tree. I hop down and stab the tree with a sharp stick that I conveniently find. The tree coughs up some sap, "Tell my little acorns that…I love them," then the tree falls over and dies. I laugh and kick the stump, "I'll kill your acorns too!" I shout. Then I continue on my way.
Finally I collapse in a pond of water because I'm so thirsty. "Why can't I find water!" I think as I sink below the water's surface and hit the mucky bottom. I'm about to die when I realize it! I'M IN WATER! I swim to the surface and breathe some air and take in some gulps of the polluted pond water. I throw up a few times but I drink it any way. I then walk away because now I'm hungry. I see another tribute sitting by a tree. When she looks up at me her expression is a definite sign of fear. I lean against a tree, "You know what? I do believe this is the Hunger Games! And you know what else, I'm hungry. And you know what else? you are looking really yummy over there!" I say. She tries to get up and run but obviously I am too quick! I jump on her and eat her. She was district 7 I think. All that lumber harvesting made her juicy and nutritious! "That should hold me," I say and gallop off into the forest once more. Once it gets dark I settle down and make camp for the night in a tree and strap myself to a branch with my whip. I lay my sleeping bag down and climb in. I start to sleep when I hear it! Crack! Crack! I look up to see some nincompoop lighting a fire down below. "Hey Stupids R Us! You mind not getting us killed?" I shout at the person. "But I'm cold!" she screams back. "I will dance on your grave wench!" I say and go back to sleep.
Then probably a few hours later I hear them, the Careers! The girl's fire has died down, but the smoke is still thick. I look down and see the Careers beating her up! The weirdest thing is that Peeta is there too, and he's one of them! I pull out a video camera and record the show. Finally she stops screaming, but there's no cannon. "Did you kill her po-po?" asked Marvel. "Um my name's Cato and yes I did!" replies Cato. "Then where's the cannon?" asks man lady Clove. "She's dead sweet sugar cakes of love!" he shouts at her. "I'll finish her off!" suggests Peeta. "No offence Peeta, but you're kind of a wus," says Glimmer. "Oh yea!" Peeta stomps over to the girl and slaps her in the face, "There she's done!" he says. The Careers role their eyes, and Cato walks over and ends her for real because the cannon fires. I must have slept through who died today but honestly I kind of don't care.
Next time: Be patient and you'll find out.