A/N: So you probably know this is going to be a bit angsty. Just a little warning that you're going to hear what happened to Faith so it's not going to be pretty and will mention abuse and rape.

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Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
To young to know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
(Didn't learn to lose it)
Didn't learn to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

"Long Way to Happy" – Pink

BUFFY POV:

When I said those three little words it was like a wall crashed down. I could see it, her eyes cleared and in depths of those brown orbs all the pain, suffering, regret and hatred came rushing to the surface and I physically had to tighten my grip around her waist to stop her from falling.

"I w-want to tell you," she whispered and I could feel her trembling in my arms.

I know you do.

I don't say anything because I don't want to scare her off so I just help her over to my bed and sit us down. I don't want to crowd her so I released my arms from around her and sit facing her making sure that my knee is touching her thigh, which at this point I think at this point is as much for her benefit as it is for mine. I know she's nervous, she's looking anywhere but at me and her hand goes to scratch her tattoo, a move that always lets me know she's craving a hit. I pull that hand softly into my own and her eyes find mine.

"Take your time," I tell her.

"My Ma, s-she worked three jobs when I was little, s-she didn't know who my Dad was, too many guys for her to pick from or somethin'. Anyways I was left on my own a lot, pretty much looked after myself from pretty early on 'cause she wasn't really 'round all that much. There was this one guy, Brad, she started going out with him when I was five a-and he was cool, he talked to me, t-took me to the park and all that shit and Ma was happy with him, like real happy. Didn't last though, never did, he left and she, she started drinking, drugs, basically anything to make her forget. Guess the apple doesn't really fall far from the tree," she laughed bitterly and lapsed into silence the only sound was our breathing. I didn't think she was going to continue and her inner turmoil was obvious in her haunted expression. I jumped when she started speaking again, her voice softer and raspier than it was before.

"Guess she blamed me, no I know she blamed me told me nearly every fucking day that it was my fault. Why would he want to go out with someone who had such a fuck up kid, whatever I became her punching bag, took out all her frustrations on me. We weren't rich or nothing but after that all Ma's money went to feed her habit so we had to move into another apartment, if you could even call it that and Ma met our landlord, Dustin," she visibly shuddered when she said his name.

"I was six and he was nice, gave me food when Ma had spent all of hers on smack and he treated Ma pretty good. But Ma got him onto the drink and he-he changed, he'd yell at me and hit me and Ma would just sit and watch kinda like she was glad someone else was doin' it so she didn't havta bother to get off her ass herself. One n-night Ma must've passed out before he could get off and he-he came into my room after I had gone to bed. I could hear him coming and I-I pretended to be asleep b-but he leaned over me and the smell coming off him nearly made me be sick. I-I didn't know what he wanted b-but he told me to take off my pyjamas and when I said no he ripped them off. His h-hands were so fucking rough and his stubble grazed my skin and no matter how loud I screamed h-he wouldn't stop."

Oh Faith, my poor sweet Faith.

I'm too scared to move, I don't want to startle her. I want to cry but it's not my place. She doesn't seem to notice that my hands have grabbed both of hers tightly, her eyes have a faraway look in them and I know she's not here anymore, she's stuck in that horrific memory.

"I-it happened up until I was twelve when my Ma died and I ran away. Lived on the streets until my Watcher found me when I was fifteen. A-and when she died I came here. Thought I could outrun him, that maybe if I wasn't in Boston and hearin' people that sounded like him that I could forget. But at night in that motel room he's all that I could see, hear, he was everywhere and I couldn't escape. His scent was there, I could still feel his hands on m-my, I needed to do something I c-couldn't deal. A-and you were perfect, and I needed you but couldn't have you s-so one n-night on patrol I went to some dive bar and shot up. It made everything better, I didn't see his face, when I was trippin' I was numb and it was everything that I needed. You don't know how much I hate myself for turning into her, how much I want to tear the mirror from the wall because I fucking despise what I see. But I can still see him B, he's there every time I close my eyes, I can feel him on me and it's suffocating and I can't forget it, I want to but I just can't."

She's sobbing now her body curled in on itself. How could someone do that to her, a child. My heart feels like its broken into a million pieces and I don't hesitate this time before pulling her into my arms. I can't stop my tears which mingle with her own and all I want to do is hold her forever and tell her that everything is going to be okay. Only how can it? How can someone go through what she's gone through and hope to be okay. All I can do is kiss away her tears and hold her until she falls asleep and hope that above all my love will be enough to save her.