Cabin Fever
By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles
Chapter 14: Adrift
The flight there and the taxi ride after was done mostly in silence, but Alex kept a tight grip on Casey, causing a stir at customs until Casey managed to convince them they were no threat to anyone. When the taxi finally stopped, it was outside a large hotel. "This is it. Want me to help you inside with your bags, ladies?"
"Ah, yes that would be great, thank you," Casey said, looking at Alex. "Ready?"
Alex moved from the car with her, holding onto the back of her t-shirt when Casey insisted on helping the driver with the bags. Casey was yet to work out whose benefit the touching was for or the reason for it, but it seemed to calm Alex so she didn't question her.
Inside, the receptionist gave a wide smile. "Welcome to Texas! You, ah, Ms. Cabot, were a little vague on the phone. We weren't sure if you wanted a double, a twin or two single rooms?"
She looked back at Alex. "We'll take a double if its available, right?"
Alex gave a distracted nod, her hand finally freeing Casey as she walked to look out the window.
Casey grabbed the key and walked over. "Okay, come on. We're on the second floor," she said, taking her arm.
"I never wanted to come back here."
Casey wrapped her arm around her. "Why?"
Alex didn't want to tell her, the defense wall already began to creep up and could be felt as her body stiffened, eyes moving her way as they usually did as she strutted, tall, everywhere. But, Casey's arm was so warm, her gaze had looked so caring. Alex's body sank a little, her hand reaching to grasp onto part of Casey. Any part, to remind herself she needed to...feel. "Bad memories. my..choices weren't well received by my family."
"So they know and...hate it?"
Alex nodded, her head turning to rest on Casey's shoulder.
Casey let out a breath she'd been holding in. "So can't you just say I'm a concerned friend? And, anyway, it's your life. You shouldn't care so much about what they think."
Alex, after two days, finally gave a proper smile, and it widened at Casey's frown. A moment later, she dropped a gentle kiss to her lips.
Casey leaned into her, savoring the feeling of the gnawing fire as she pulled Alex close, kissing deeper, loving the feel of Alex's hands on her back, wishing they could do more.
"Alex?" The voice of a man, sounding shocked, interrupted them, a hand pulled them apart.
Casey stood straighter, pulling away, but still holding her hand. "Sorry."
Something Casey had said or done seemed to have pulled Alex from the fog she'd been in for days, and her finger calmly stroked Casey's hand as she looked up at the man now standing red-faced with arms crossed. "Hello to you too, brother."
Casey stayed silent, knowing the moment was tense, but still that she needed support.
Alex's brother stared at Alex for a long time before looking at Casey. "Peter. Whatever she's told you or asked you to do, please do not do it so publically. Our father is well known around here and he can't have-"
"-Can't have his wife walking around New York in fish nets and a mini skirt?" Alex asked, icily.
Casey pulled on her hand. "Alex, maybe you shouldn't—"
A second later, Peter's hand shot out to slap Alex across the cheek.
Casey instantly pulled her close. "What the hell's the matter with you? A family gathering for a death is no place for that! Can't you see she's been upset? She's barely spoken two words to me since we arrived! Just cried!"
He gave a cynical laugh. "She doesn't cry. Just don't do that…stuff, or say that sort of thing around Dad, ok? OKAY?" He stared hard at Alex who looked like she wanted to lash out at him more than anything, but Casey's words and gentle arms stopped her. She would be ok as long as Casey was here.
If only she'd done the same. She gave a small nod to her brother, sinking into Casey a little again.
"Alright fine. We'll be more careful, but is that really any way to treat your grieving sister?" Casey asked.
He gave another cynical laugh. "You've got her well fooled, Alex. Dad wants you at home tonight for dinner. 6pm. Be there." With that, he walked away.
Casey looked to her. "I know, I know. 'Not now', but should we go back up to the room for a bit?"
They walked into the elevator and Alex held her tighter. "So, let me guess, they know your stone cold walls, emotionless, they've never seen you upset?"
Alex gave a nod. "I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me upset."
"But for this...? Wouldn't they expect you to be upset?" she asked as they got off the elevator and walked to the room.
"...They didn't know my mom and I had got back into contact. We hadn't spoken in over 10 years." Alex pushed open the door to the room.
Casey walked in, holding the door for her and closed it. Then she walked over and sat on the bed. "I-I know it's a lot, but would you tell me why you hadn't spoken until just recently? I won't push. I just want to help."
"I didn't...understand why she stayed with my dad. I thought she was weak, pathetic. But then...I guess something happened to show me that sometimes you do things...for love. I'm going to have a shower, ok?" Alex slid into the bathroom.
"Alex?"
She turned back to look at Casey from the doorway.
"Would you...like me to wait for you?"
Alex this time didn't hesitate before she nodded, resting against the doorframe like she was going to speak, before disappearing into the bathroom, the door left ajar.
Casey sighed, grabbing a fresh change of clothes to make herself look presentable and quickly changed.
Alex had told her, before they arrived, how strict her father was and that her brother had picked up his nature. Alex was forced to build barriers, lest she look weak and be reprimanded on every little thing.
When she had finished showering, Alex walked from the room with damp hair and a large, fluffy towel wrapped tightly around herself, her hands holding it in place, a far cry from the woman who had seemed happy to walk around naked in Casey's house days earlier.
Casey looked up from lying on the bed reading. "Feel a little better?"
Alex gave a small nod, facing away from Casey and dropping the towel to dress. Not so different a woman then, mused Casey as Alex stood stark naked in the middle of the room, assessing the clothes she had brought with her.
Casey let out a sigh, raising the book to obstruct her view. "Try the white button down with the blue skirt," she suggested, eyes trying to remain focused on what she was reading.
"Where is it? I can't find it." Alex pulled on some knickers, but then moved to stand in front of Casey, hands on hips. "Did I pack them?"
Casey nodded. "I thought for sure you would. Aren't they your favorite?" she asked, straining to read.
Alex bit her lip, then moved back to look in her bag. "I can't...what about this one?" She held up another top.
Cautiously, Casey let her eyes dart up. "If you're going for red, you might want black on bottom."
Alex suddenly noticed the blush that was creeping slowly onto Casey's cheeks, and a smile pulled at her lips. "I don't have any black. What about this skirt?"
Without looking up, she asked, "Color?"
"It's getting to be a very rosy pink now. It suits you."
"What?"
"That blush." Alex did up a bra before pulling on a conservative shirt and buttoning it up.
Casey smiled, finally setting her book down. "Well, it's hard not to. Alex, I'm here as support. I don't want this to be some fling that we forget about. If you love me and want to be with me, you're going to have to prove it. I don't expect it to be this week, what with family around, but...you understand, don't you?"
The smile that had been playing on Alex's lips slowly disappeared, and she nodded before mumbling an apology, returning to the bathroom.
Casey followed her, standing outside the door. "Alex, you don't need to apologize. I just...I don't want you feeling like this is a last-ditch effort because it's not, okay?" She sighed. "It hurts to be away from you, but it hurts even more to be in the same room and not try to comfort you out of fear that it'll be taken the wrong way and things will go too fast. Alex, I still do, with everything I have... Please believe that," she said walking back out to lay on the bed.
After several minutes of silence, Alex walked from the bathroom, her eyes red rimmed once more. She sat gently on the bed, her hand taking Casey's and caressing it a moment before she spoke in a shaking voice. "I'm going to tell you a story and I don't want you to say anything until I've finished, okay?"
Casey patted a spot beside her, nodding.
Alex slid next to her, and after a moment's hesitation, rested her head on Casey's shoulder. "Growing up...everyone here thought we were the perfect family. Two smart kids, a housewife and a successful businessman. But my dad...well, I have at least 3 half siblings, that I know of. My mum...she drank, she gambled, she did anything she could to stop thinking, but only at night.
"In the morning, she was always there making breakfast, smiling. No one ever told anyone they loved them. My dad thought it was weak, and my mum...she loved my dad too much to love anyone else, even herself. Once a maid told me she loved me. I was about 10...she left the house pregnant and disgraced a couple of weeks later and I never saw her again. I used to hang out with all the bad boys, to try and anger my dad, try to try to shame my family, but it didn't work. He would say it was all them.
"So I started hanging out with women. All sorts of women, all the time. He eventually kicked me out...I thought that was the happiest day of my life. When I met...when I met your sister, she offered something I'd never had. Laughter, freedom, idle talk. I told her I loved her. I was desperate to know someone...wanted me. Needed me. But she didn't say it back. She'd get angry when I said it, said I didn't understand love. And maybe I didn't. If I had loved her, I would have stayed for her funeral.
"Then, every time someone said they loved me...I'd laugh. I could never love anyone. I didn't know what it was. I'd never had it, not really. Until one day...I saw you at work, trying to get a coffee stain out of your shirt. I would have been so angry with myself. You were laughing. I felt a funny feeling. It hasn't gone away. And it scares me."
"Why does it scare you?"
"I don't know what its' like. I don't know what to do, what to say, how to behave. I've already got it wrong and it's only been a few weeks."
Casey smiled at her, kissing her forehead. "Love is crazy like that. You never know what you'll do for someone else, how far you'll go, until you feel its depth and purity. Until it scares you to be without that person. Alex, no relationship is ever perfect. We both have demons and maybe we're...too scared to admit how much they affect us. You didn't really mess up. It - what happened - isn't easy to talk about. I think I was pushing too hard to try to get over it all at once now that I knew I didn't have to hide it and well...I'm sorry. I've just kept it locked up for so long..."
"You will...we will be ok, won't we?"
Casey nodded. "Sometime, yes, but, like I said, I don't expect it to be now. But someday...I would like to be able to talk openly and honestly about it. Is that too much to ask?"
Alex shook her head, and they lay in silence for a long time before Alex suddenly spoke softly, her voice tired but teasing. "No more kissing then? Do they sell Novak withdrawal patches at the chemist?"
Casey sighed, standing and pacing the room. "Alex... I need to be able to talk. She was my sister for God's sake!"
Alex bit her lip, fighting her instinct to go. "Sorry."
Casey nodded. "Do you just run at any sign of a fight?" she asked, walking back over and laying her hand on her leg. "Because I don't want our relationship to be like that. I want you to talk to me, tell me how you feel, even if you are angry. If you need time, take it, just tell me and...promise you'll come back."
Alex gave a small shrug, drawing a deep breath. "I...guess I'm my mother's daughter. Oblivion is easier than dealing with things."
Casey sat next to her. "Don't. Don't go there. Let me help you. Please...baby?" the last word was said so quietly it was barely heard.
Tears prickled Alex's eyes as she curled up against Casey, burying her face in her red locks.
Author's note: What do you think?
Review thanks to: Eljh55, Madds21, Blitz1030, Lexie, iTrick, Nobo4life, Wigler, steple, Surfrider, Stussy, Mackster, Butterscotch, Tracer, Tripperz, LOCISVU & Cavak
217 for 13 chapters was awesome you guys! That's the most I've ever gotten! Let's keep it up!
Please read & review!
Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles