I'm not a fan of that last chapter, but that's okay. Hopefully this one will be better.

Jennifer Jareau POV

"I'm coming up."

"Well, um, I'm going to go see if any of my 'friends' will talk to me," JJ said after Garcia hung up.

"Okay. Do you want us to come?" Hotch asked.

"No, it's better if I do this by myself. You guys get ready for surveillance. I want to catch this bastard for good."

Hotch nodded as JJ exited, worried about what she was going to say.

Peter, Sophie, and all the Cliffhangers (including Jules, Auggie, and Kat, who all just arrived) were sitting in the lounge area, talking in hushed tones.

"Well, if it isn't the ice queen herself," Daisy said, getting up to leave.

"Just hear me out," JJ begged. "Please, just listen to my side of the story."

"Well, only after you hear ours," Daisy compromised. "You ran away from home, and left Jess all alone to deal with your abusive step-father. You graduated from here and ran away again, leaving Jess and the rest of us all alone. Your mother almost died because of you, and so did the rest of us. You changed your name so that we couldn't find you, and you didn't even call us. Scott has texted you every day, but you don't bother to respond, even when he told you that Walt was free. You don't care about anyone but yourself, and changing your name isn't going to change that. You left us, Shelby, and there's no coming back now. Not after ten years of nothing."

"My turn now," JJ said angrily. "I ran away because I trusted him. I didn't tell any of you my secret because if I couldn't trust him, how could I know who to trust? Plus, I knew what you all would think of me if I told you how I lived out on the streets. Guess what? I was right. I didn't leave you—you left me."

"Really? Who ran away?" Scott asked.

"I did, but that's not what I mean! You begged me to tell you, and when I finally did, you couldn't stand to be around me. I gave you what you wanted, but you couldn't handle it. You left me. So when I saw the opportunity to start over...well, how can I pass that up? You tell me, who would you rather be: an abused runaway druggie, or a successful FBI agent? Who?"

There was no response.

"Listen," she pleaded, "I know it's asking for a lot, but it would mean the world to me if you could forgive me. Please. I ran away for your own good; I didn't want to hurt you any more.

Sophie was the first to speak. "Of course we forgive you, Shelby."

Peter, Kat, Ezra, Auggie, and Juliette agreed. Scott, Jess, and Daisy, on the other hand, were more reluctant. "Give me one good reason," Jess challenged. "Give me one reason why I should forgive you."

"Because I tried."

"Tried what? Tried leaving? That's hardly a reason, Shell."

"I know, but...look, when you ran away to Horizon, you were escaping him. I did the same thing—you just don't see it that way. We both ran away to escape him; the difference was, I was trying to leave him, and you only were leaving the memories. On the way up, you had a sign and you jumped out of the car. I didn't have that sign. I didn't."

Jess just shook her head, not saying anything.

"What about us, huh?" Scott asked.

"Yes, Scott, what about you?" JJ sighed. "Because the way I remember it, you left me. You begged me to tell you everything, so I did, and you left."

"I came back! I could have left this hellhole forever ago, but I came back because I love you."

"What?" JJ whispered.

"What do you mean, 'what'? I told you that's why I came back. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said...you said you love me."

"Yeah, I don't see the problem here."

"You said you love me. Not you loved me, but you love me. Present tense."

Scott stared in shock. "Yeah, well, I meant loved."

JJ shook her head. "So not working, Scott. I work with a bunch of profilers, remember? I've picked up a few things. You, Scott Barringer, are still in love with me."

"See, that's where you're wrong. I'm still in love with Shelby, not this Jennifer bitch. Get it straight."

"Scott--" Peter warned.

"No, Peter! This isn't group—we're adults now. We can handle this by ourselves. Isn't that right, Jenny?"

"No. No, we can't handle this by ourselves! Don't you get it? No matter how old you are, love is something that doesn't change. It stays just as complicated as it was when we went to school here. Nothing changes. So no, we can't do this alone."

"Who ever said alone?" Kat nearly whispered. "I'm always there for you. Whoever you may be, I'm here for you. Shelby, Jennifer, whatever. I understand that you had to do this, and I want to help."

"Speak for yourself," Daisy scoffed.

"I just did."

"Yeah, well, I'm here for you too," Sophie offered.

"Yeah, same here," Auggie said, followed by Juliette and Peter and, finally Ezra.

JJ's eyes stung with tears. All of the strongest emotions were there—the hatred and the loathing, balanced with the friendship and love felt at that very moment. "Thank you, all of you. Please, Jess and Daisy, try to understand. Please. Just think about what I said. I'm begging you, I need this from you. I know it's a lot to ask and I probably don't deserve it, but please forgive me. Or, forgive Shelby. Forget JJ, just remember Shelby."

"I can't do that," Jess admitted. "I want to, but I can't. I know why you ran away, and I know that you had to, but you didn't have to run from us. You didn't have to change your name! And even if you did, you could have at least told us. I know you thought it would help you forget, but everything reminds you of him. Everything. When you realized this, you could have come back. You nearly killed us all, Shell, and you didn't do anything to stop it. You didn't care."

"I did care! I do care. I really do, I promise."

"Well you're doing a lousy job showing it."

"I can't believe you would say that," Daisy spat. "You want to forgive her? After everything she did to you, did to us, you still want to forgive her?"

"She's my sister," Jess said quietly. "I know what she was thinking when she ran."

"What about me?" Scott asked. "You don't want my forgiveness?"

"I do, I want all of your forgiveness. It's just...it's just harder for you, Scott. You never understood. You've tried for years and years, and you never did. I know it's going to take a miracle for you to forgive me."

"Yeah, well maybe you should be asking for a miracle instead of just dismissing me like that!"

"Scott, I work for the FBI. I've seen the worst of humanity. I know that forgiveness is one of the hardest things in the world and if, years later, you still don't forgive me, you never will."

"When did this happen to you?" Scott screamed. "You're not acting like Shelby at all! You're just going to let him win like this?"

That did it for JJ—the tears started falling. She wiped them away quickly and stood up. "Well, this is obviously getting us nowhere. Thanks, really. Thank you for listening."

"Shelby, wait--" Jules said, standing up.

But JJ ignored her and went back to the cabin. The team was sitting on their beds, talking about the case. And about their friend.

"Hey, you okay?" Emily asked, seeing her friend's bloodshot eyes.

"Yeah, fine. So what's happening tonight?"

"Surveillance is starting in two hours. You sure you're okay?" Hotch said.

"Fine. I'm going to go take a shower now," JJ decided, desperate to escape the questions from her teammates.

"Okay. We'll be right here," Emily responded.

"Yeah," JJ muttered so that nobody could hear her. "I've been getting a lot of that today."

JJ walked up to the claustrophobic shower area she had tried so hard to forget about and began to undress. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing as she turned the water on the hottest it would go. She didn't notice the heat of the water as it scalded her skin. Then, a familiar thought hit her.

What a waste.

She gasped out loud. What a waste of water, for she would never be clean. "No," she said out loud, defiantly. She grabbed a bar of soap and began scrubbing ferociously. "No, I will get clean this time. I can do it! No, no, no!" The tears began to fall again, but she didn't feel them past the intense heat of the shower, which she was also oblivious to. "No! I will get clean, I will get clean." She let out something between a scream and a groan when, after half the bar of soap was gone, she was just as dirty as before. She let herself slide to the floor and began sobbing. She didn't hear the knock on the door, and she didn't hear Prentiss asking if she was okay, so she was startled when the door opened.

"JJ," Emily gasped, running over to her friend, who was leaning against the wall, crying. She turned off the water, which was turning JJ's skin a bright red. She put a hand on JJ's shoulder. "Sweetie, what's wrong? Talk to me, please."

"I can't—I can't—" JJ panted, unable to finish.

"Shh, shh, it's okay."

JJ shook her head frantically. "I can't—I--" she repeated, but again couldn't continue. She put a hand to her chest, still gasping.

"Oh my gosh," Emily muttered. "Jayje, you're having a panic attack. I need you to calm down."

But she couldn't calm down. She couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard she tried. The tears, the gasping—they wouldn't stop. Her stomach was churning, and she was feeling queasy. But the worst was the breathing. Her lungs were shrinking inside her chest, making it impossible to take a deep breath. Or any breath at all, for that matter. They felt almost nonexistent, like they were closing in on her. It reminded her of a cave collapsing. There was a dull yet strong ache in her chest, right where her lungs should be. The space in her chest was closing, getting smaller and smaller, and would keep shrinking until there was none. JJ couldn't imagine an end to this hopelessness, this panic, this stress. It seemed as if it would go on forever.

"Deep breaths," Emily instructed. "Breathe slowly. Deep, slow breaths."

More easily said than done. JJ looked at Emily, terror evident in her eyes. She tried to mimic Emily's own breathing, who was doing just as she was telling JJ to do. After a few minutes, her breathing was almost back to normal, only the occasional gasp. "I'm sorry," she said once she found her voice. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Emily said. "You have nothing to be sorry for." JJ nodded, looking up at Emily again. At first, there was a gratitude, but it quickly turned to horror. Turning around to see the source of her fear, she saw the team all peering around the door into the bathroom.

They had an audience.

Emily got up to close the door, but JJ was already humiliated. Her whole team, everyone she worked with and was friends with, had just seen her completely break down and panic. They had watched as her episode came and passed. They had seen her at her weakest, most vulnerable point.

And she was devastated.

On her way back, Emily grabbed a towel, which she handed to JJ. JJ took it gratefully and wrapped it around her body, but still made no move to get up.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

JJ sighed. Even though it was a question, she knew she had no choice. "When I went to school here, I could take the fastest showers. Everybody would always ask how I do it, because I could get in and out in less than ten minutes and still look decent. But the truth is, I couldn't take long showers. I couldn't because I felt like it was a waste of water, seeing as I would never be clean again. They would always be on me—Walt, and all those other men. They would always be on me, and showering...it was wasteful. When I became JJ, I no longer felt it was a waste because JJ had never done anything to make her dirty. But now I...I feel dirty again. I'm dirty, Em, and always will be. I will never be clean. I let him win." JJ was crying again by the end, but only slightly.

"Oh, Jayje. You did not let him win." Emily said sympathetically yet sternly, pulling her into a hug.

"Oh gosh, I'm gonna--" JJ exclaimed, pressing a hand to her mouth and escaping Emily's grasp. She ran to the toilet just in time to vomit.

She flushed the toilet and closed her eyes, kneeling. She felt a hand run threw her hair and heard whispered words of comfort. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay, Jayje. You're fine. You will be okay. Nothing's wrong."

And, for the first she could remember, she believed it.