I'm not sure what to do anymore! My life is in confusion, disbelief, love, secrecy, and lies. I was not brought up like this, I made it like this.
Sneaking behind my fiancés back with his brother was hard. We didn't do anything except kiss but I know my fiancé, and when he looks me in the eyes it's not true love. It's forced.
He loves me as a best friend and I can accept that but being pushed into do something is not right to begin with. I know him, his heart belongs to another, and the one that makes him believe he is worth the world for. And I think I have an idea who it is.
Being within reach of my love is fantastic. I love him, I actually never thought he would love me back, but turns out, luck is always in the right places at the right times. He makes me feel that fuzzy feeling inside when he kisses me and hugs me close to him, but we both know it cannot be.
As for I am engaged.
We cannot be together, even though our hearts tell us different. We differ, he is smart, fantastic, handsome, cunning, arrogant, possessive, but all of these personality traits he has makes him. Him.
I'm well... me, if that actually says something.
Right now, I was in the bathroom, getting ready for breakfast, with my 'future' family.
I washed my faced and looked into the mirror. Images of last night came through my head. Me, Edward... kissing, me and Edward kissing, Jasper, me kissing jasper. What am I going to do? What can I do, it's not like I can cancel the wedding, and no one ever has cancelled a wedding. I slid down the bathroom door, knees pulled up to my chest. Eyes swimming through my own tears. I was shaking, making the door shake also.
Can I talk to nonna about calling off the wedding?
Will Edward actually be there for me after the engagement is called off?
Will I have to go through the wedding, marring my best friend, which whom I do not love and does not love me back?
Will I be happy?
"Bella, were nearly ready, where just waiting on you" Jaspers voice floated through the door.
Wiping my tears with my pyjama sleeve "Yeah, I'm nearly ready just give me a minute okay?"
He hesitated speaking "Agh... sure, are you okay?" He always knew, for that reason is why I trust him so much.
"Yeah, I'm fine... and Jazz thanks for asking"
I finally got off the floor and got dressed.
Once I got dressed, I opened the door and made my way to the stairs. Arms wrapped around my waist. I jumped and turned around.
"What's got you so... scared?" Jasper said as he looked at me with concern "If it's a guy ill take him down"
"It's Agh... nothing, don't worry" I kissed his cheek and held hands as we descended the stairs.
Jaspers arm wrapped around my waist as we reached the bottom, everyone was smiling. Emmett was playing his handheld, Esme and Carlisle were together on a love seat holding hands and whispering in each other's ears. Edward was leaning against the sofa, hands in pockets, smiling. He turned towards us when we walked closer. I noticed his smile started to fade as he noticed Jaspers arm wrapped around my waist. His eyes held hurt and knowledge; he knew we couldn't be together.
Getting into Edwards Volvo, with him was hard. He kept looking where jasper touched me, kissed me. He couldn't keep his eyes off me. I knew he wanted to be the one who did that, but can't.
Jasper whispered in my ear "I have a surprise for you later, after breakfast okay?" I nodded and kissed him on the lips. He traced my bottom lip with his tounge, i hesitantly opened. I shouldn't be doing this, leading him on.
I heard a groan from the front of the car "Could you two please stop, its hard if i have to look in the review mirror and see you two making out" Edwards face was forced into annoyed but looking into his eyes, they were sad, he was upset.
"Dosn't matter anyway, where here" Jasper said as he took my hand and lead me inside for breakfast, i looked back over my shoulder. Edward had his head in his hands and hasn't moved from the drivers seat.
After we finished breakfast, jasper excused himself from the table.
All that was left was me, Emmett and Edward.
Emmett was smiling to himself and patting his stomach. Edward was staring at his untouched food. Me well ... was staring at my phone. The image was me, jasper, Edward and Emmett. Happy carefree after the pool incident.
Emmett leaned forward with his hands holding his head up on the table "You know, you two are really quite"
"Yeah, so?" Edward said without looking up.
"Yeah... well im gonna say this before jasper gets back okay?" Edward looked up waiting to see what he had to say "I'm not objecting you to be together, i think you guys would make a perfect couple, but doing the things i saw last night in Edward's room behind his back, well, i think Jazz has the right to know..."
"I have the right to know what?" Jasper said as he slipped into his seat.