Last chapter was rough. Thank you to all who were kind enough to leave a few (often emotional) words, especially Beaches of La Push, TickTockBANG555, bombon, Krissybabes4e, Wasipi, kgmc08, turtlebrit, and xoxocullenluverxoxo. I'm glad you all feel the chapter was well done, if being very sad. Let us see how the survivors deal, shall we?
Chapter 14: There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Sun
2AM, Saturday, January 20, 2007
All signs indicated that Paul wasn't going to be able to leave Kim alone for a very long time. As a result, Alpha and Third rounded up the Plains Pack. Apparently the kind of energy required to force a phase into werewolf skin outside the proper moon cycle was complicated and difficult. Phasing back human was no easier.
Damian, Lydia, and Elizabeth sat on the forest floor panting and sweating as if they'd just run the four minute mile. The two wolf packs recapped and tallied their losses.
"I think your neighbors are far more amenable to an alliance with us now that they have met our creator, though I am afraid we rather have an even greater distaste for such treaties."
"So I'm assuming that spare wolf that showed up and tore Alice's arm off was your 'Creator'," Jacob asked through the fog of exhaustion.
"Azrael," Damian nodded. "Yes. That was the same man. I am curious to find out whether he allied with the vampire royalty out of convenience or whether a larger scheme was afoot."
"Did anyone get this guy?" Embry asked. "Azrael, or whatever? I didn't see him towards the end."
"No," Lydia shook her head. "Unfortunately, he has a knack for escape. He has never considered cowardice to be a fault. I saw him run into the woods heading east. When we leave we will be sure to follow his trail and see that he has properly left your land. Do not let your guard down, though. He has been skirting your land since before we arrived. He knows you are here. He is up to something."
"We'd really appreciate that. Let us know if you have any trouble, or need help getting back."
Damian inclined his head with a small grin. "Most appreciated, Alpha Black. However, I do expect we shall be fine. I appreciate your calling us in a time of trouble. I am not unaware that are services rendered were not necessary, but I sense that you are testing our loyalties – to which I cannot fault you. Any good leader must practice such discretion."
"Yeah," Jacob admitted. "You guys seem all right though. I know it takes a lot to fight a battle that isn't yours. La Push truly appreciates your willingness to help us. And – really – you guys have any problems, let us know. We've got the advantage of numbers. We wouldn't want Abigail and Zachary to have to fight."
"Much obliged, I assure you," Damian replied. "Pardon me if this is imprudent, but would either of you happen to be heading to the Coven's cremation? While we are not personally fond of the family, diplomatic manners would dictate that we pay our respects. Unless of course you think the gesture would be ill-received?"
"Sure," Jacob nodded. "We can go visit the Cullens and then we'll go pick up Zach and Abi? You're free to stay a few days to get everything in order. No rush."
"Most excellent."
The funeral of one Edward Cullen was not something that Jacob Black's wolf brain and Jacob Black's human brain were fully prepared to cooperate on. As such, he mostly stood – still and quiet – and tried not to allow the warring tides of instinctual and emotional disturbance read on his face.
The wolf was determined not to show weakness. He was here with allies, yes, but a Coven and a werewolf Pack was not the most ideal place for one to show an emotion so weak as sorrow. It simply was not a posture an Alpha could take so publicly in front of other wolves that were not his own. Could the Alpha mourn his allies, feel sorrow, grief, pain, guilt, and all myriad of emotions that came with death? Of course.
But Jacob's human head was seven-fucking-teen and running on overdrive to the point where he was quite sure the gears would be ground to discs by dawn and people would see the smoke pouring out his ears. If he let himself feel just a little bit sad, who the hell knows what would happen. He couldn't exactly risk a mental breakdown at a funeral which was – for all intents and purposes – a political event.
However, even Jacob's wolf brain could not suppress the tugging feeling of sorrow and the desire to comfort when fretful little Renesmee – who had screamed and cried herself to the point of physical exhaustion – would rustle occasionally in her Aunt Rosalie's arms to reach out and cry and wail for her Mommy and her Papa. Much to his surprise, Rosalie humored Jacob and stood beside him for the duration of the short ceremony, passing the small slumbering child to him when she helped Carlisle tend the funeral pyre.
Jacob's human mind also knew that this funeral for Edward was just as much a funeral for Bella. Her body had been lost in fires set by the Volturi to scare and distract the wolves and the Cullens. The girl had screamed as she was dismembered and Jacob – in the midst of crushing a stray guardsmen, had only raised his muzzle in time to watch a bloodsucker the size of Emmett toss her torso – gripped by the shirt and her hair – into a smoldering bonfire. Jacob had looked away too long and sustained a crushing blow to the flank as a result.
From their his wolf had realize the trauma that Jacob's human had sustained and took over. As an act of self-preservation – as a way to keep itself and the Pack alive – Jacob's wolf took over. It was only later that Jacob witnessed through Quil's mind that Edward had gone after the goliath that had killed Bella. The giant had run off in the woods and was only yards from Jezzie's Jeep before he tackled him. Edward was not unskilled, but he was too distracted and Paul had been too late when he pulled the large leech off Edward.
Yes, the fire before the Cullens, Jacob, Embry, Damian, Lydia, and Elizabeth was consuming Edward's lifeless remains. However, it also burnt in effigy of Bella Swan. Not Cullen. She would always be Bella Swan to Jake. He could never imagine her different. Petite with big brown eyes that always made her look terrified. Long hair that brushed her waist and a passion for cooking that might've rivaled a few Food Network stars. A quiet girl who had carefully stabbed him in the back several times over the past couple years.
He'd always come back to her though. Jake loved Bella Swan and he couldn't explain why. Not in a way that didn't stupid, anyways. He'd have given a limb to not love Bella Swan. Many times over, too. After every time she tried to carefully let him down but had somehow managed to throw the bulldozer into high gear and level an entire zipcode. So much of him didn't want to be burdened with loving a girl that didn't love him back, a girl that wasn't in love with him, a girl that didn't marry his enemy, a girl that wasn't slowly killed by her fetus, a girl that wasn't transformed in a desperate attempt to 'save her life, a girl that was now dead a second time – with no chance of coming back. He kind of hoped that in death maybe she found some peace.
She was free. She finally didn't have to choose anymore. The better part of the last year Bella had been miserable and seemed like no choice made her happy. He had willingly not ripped Edward's throat out, because Bella had all but said she would be happier with him. He was like a drug to her, and she needed him. So he let her go. But she was never happy. So why the hell did he let her do in the first place? He didn't want to love Bella Swan anymore. So much of him wanted to be able to view her death with a sigh of relief. It was over. He wouldn't have the specter of her haunting him anymore - forever frozen as the girl he'd always loved, but so physically repulsive it was hard not to gag. It had been a pretty sick form of torture. He didn't want to love Bella Swan, because it would have made her death a lot easier. But since life was never easy for Jacob, he did - in fact - still love Bella.
Or maybe, he thought, he loved her memory. He'd never been comfortable around her after her Transformation. He'd always felt a kind of nostalgia for the girl that used to sit in his garage and drink warm soda; the girl that would chew her lip incessantly when she was nervous; the girl who blushed ten shades of red whenever he so much as reached for her hand. He missed her a little bit like Leah missed Sam. Jake knew that a part of Leah hated Sam. A part of Jake hated Bella. But it was always hard for both wolves to put away the past and accept the present circumstances; for both Jacob and Leah, the deck had been so stacked against them, it was hard to believe it was actually real. It wasn't until Bella's death that Jake realized how much he empathized with Leah; it wasn't just a polite nodding anymore - letting her vent and being the sounding board. He got it now. He understood.
He was torn from his thoughts long enough to realize that the tension from Nessie's sleeping form had melted out of her system. She was know slack, relaxed, and peaceful against his shoulder. After the fire had burnt to coal Jacob took a deep breath and relinquished the small girl to her Aunt. He, Embry, and the Plains wolves didn't make more than ten yards into the trees outside the Cullen house before Nessie could be heard wailing. It took all of Embry's physical and emotional reserves to force his best friend to keep going forward. Back to the reservation.
4AM, Saturday, January 20, 2007
Jezzie killed the engine and glanced over to the man sleeping in the seat next to her. She was pretty sure that Embry hadn't slept in three solid days. She couldn't help a small peaceful smile that graced her lips as she watched Embry sleep just as peacefully. Peace wasn't something the wolves had much recently; Jezzie liked to see them enjoy some. Taking Sam home had been rough. Emily was naturally upset, even though the rest of them knew that he'd probably be fine, now. Jacob had come for Embry from the Cameron's after they'd arrived at Sam's. The two were gone – to the Cullens, Jezzie overheard – for a while.
Quil had set off for home with Anna, and Leah with Seth as the sky began to threaten them all with light. It had brought a smile to her lips, watching the two older siblings walk down the street with their arms over the shoulders of the younger siblings on their way home.
Jezzie had made the potentially awkward decision to bring Embry back to her house after he marched out of the woods guiding Jacob by the shoulder. He lazily shook Embry's grip and joined the Plains wolves as they proceeded down the street to the Black house to retrieve their youngest members.
There was no way Embry could offer his mother an explanation, and for want of making sure he didn't end up sleeping outside somewhere because he didn't want to impose – Jezzie just brought him to her house without saying a word.
She hopped out of her truck and took a deep breath, relishing the cool night air and the peace of her own yard. She stretched her arms up to the star-speckled sky and yawned once. Her skin itched with the dried sweat, blood, and mud. The slashes across her back from the vampire attack had gone from painful to mindbendingly itchy. She couldn't wait to take a shower. She went to Embry's side of the truck and opened the door. He was conscious enough to support his own weight, but Jezzie wrapped an arm around his waist and steered him along. She murmured a quiet "step, step," at appropriate intervals and he somehow made it to her second floor bedroom without waking up the Plains Pack - all of whom had already returned to Jezzie's and were fast asleep.
She felt bad and didn't want him to be forced to sleep cramped on her couch. And that guestroom bed was too small - even if it wasn't being occupied by part of a werewolf family. Jezzie tried not to feel awkward about the boy collapsed on her bed, but then realized he was probably too exhausted to realize where he was anyways.
Jezzie hung her coat and Embry's light snore soon filled the quiet space. She left the basketball shorts where they were. He'd only been human for a few hours and Jezzie could safely assume that was his last layer of clothing. But she refused to allow those shoes in her bed.
"I know you're not trying to molest me in my sleep. That's pretty low, Jez."
"Of course not," she replied quietly. "But I prefer to ogle my man meat, not just imagine. Actually... I don't want your shoes in my bed."
She slipped off her own shoes and peeled away the jeans and t-shirt that had seen and absorbed too much gore for one day. In the mirror above her dresser she observed the five slash marks cutting across her left shoulder. Taking off the shirt had stung as she peeled the cotton away from the healing lacerations. They were jagged and rough, not neat like knife slices or paper cuts. She felt the skin pulse as the opened cuts began a slow bleed.
"I'll be back," she muttered to her reflection. "I've got to get these cleaned out. They feel really funny."
"Tingly?" Embry asked.
"Yeah," she nodded. "It's weird and uncomfortable."
"Vampires'll do that to you."
Jezzie kicked her clothes into a pile. She pulled some much more clean and acceptable clothing out of the dresser and made for the bathroom. She didn't even bother turning the light on and once under the heat of the showerhead, she felt the burn and sting against her torn skin. She clenched her teeth, not wanting the pain to be made audible. She spent just enough time under the water to rinse clean from the days events, lest she fall asleep under the showerhead. She'd be the one to survive a vampire war and then drown in her own shower after dozing. She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a simple bandeau bra so her clothing wouldn't interfere with her wounds. After tying her hair on top of her head and spinning in three consecutive circles, she realized there was no way she was going to be able to reach those slashes.
She took her fistful of supplies back to her room and climbed on top of the bed next to Embry who was half-asleep against her headboard. "Emb will you do me a favor?"
"Mhm," he mumbled opening one eye.
She proffered the gauze. "I can't reach," she offered apologetically. "Can you just tape the gauze down? Like a tattoo. So long as it's all covered at least for the night while it closes up."
Embry sat up and took the supplies soundlessly and Jezzie turned around. She felt warm hands begin to work slowly, but steadily, and very meticulously. Again she found herself melting into the warmth and trying not to fall asleep. The sound of the tape being pulled from the roll and torn was the only sound to interrupt the quiet. Moments later she felt Embry's warm grip wrap around her shoulders, move down her arms and one arm went around her waist as he leaned forward depositing her extra supplies on her bedside table.
"All set," he mumbled against the skin of her shoulder.
"Thanks," she sighed, leaning back into him. Things were markedly more comfortable with those scratches covered up, and leaning against the warmth that emanated from Embry's skin was wonderful on the cold night. "I was spinning in circles in the bathroom trying to do it myself." She could feel his lips smile against her skin, probably imagining her.
"Do they hurt?" he asked.
"They sting. Not as bad as when I first got them. I think, though, the adrenaline kept me from really feeling it. They feel like they did hurt a lot, you know what I mean?" She felt him nod.
She looked down, watching his hand on her stomach as her fingers moved idly around her lap. "Jasper said that I might get sick if the cuts have gone too deep, but nothing worse. Because I didn't get bit. So if I go rabid in the middle of the night the shotgun's in my Dad's room across the hall in the corner by the door."
"That is not even remotely funny," Embry said, pulling her closer.
"Too soon for vampire jokes?" she asked. He nodded soundlessly. "Well, at least I'll have a cool story to go with the scars. Even if I can't tell anyone. Glad it's on my other shoulder. I don't know what a vampire clawing woulda done to the tattoo."
She took a moment to relax, allowing her mind and muscles to release some of their tension. She felt... Good. Not great, though great hadn't happened in a while. She could safely say, however, that her relapse was over. That was a nice perk. She let out a sigh.
"You all right, Jez?" Embry asked through a fog of sleep. "I can crash on the couch."
She turned towards where his chin rested on her shoulder with a small smile. "Two," she said simply. "The warmth makes the stinging feel better." Embry proceeded to stretch and lay down.
"Best get some sleep. I'm gonna be up early tomorrow," Jezzie said as she stretched her spine, noticing a very different kind of muscle pain – that from exertion.
"There was a vampire war this weekend and you're still going to be up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow?"
"Of course," she smiled. "I live in the house of the rising sun."
"Good song... Pretty sure it was about a whorehouse, though. Just sayin."
Embry was right. If not a whorehouse, a saloon. The Animals remake of a folk classic was an allusion to some house of ill repute. Those women and men would be up with the rising sun. A wonderful sight to see over the bayous but Jezzie felt the cost was a bit high. But she guessed cost and worth was something that was really personal. Some things were worth more to others. Jezzie placed a high value on sunrises.
Jezzie didn't think she'd mind New Orleans.
For a moment she sat on the edge of her bed, wondering if she could do this. She had felt so sick the week leading up to the battle. She tried not to let on, but she knew the wolves - particularly Embry and Seth - could smell her drugs and her pain. But since the battle started? Jezzie hadn't remembered her pain. It became such a relatively insignificant thing. It had withered but was no replaced with the exhaustion of wrought by recent history. Cost and worth. Her scales were slightly skewed that weekend.
She turned and laid down, burrowing mercilessly toward Embry's side – half on top of him and one leg over his. He let one hand wrap around her to rest on her bandaged shoulder and she smiled at the way the heat calmed the shooting tingles. Home at last.
"You did a good job today, Embry," she said quietly. Jezzie opened her eyes a few silent moments later, feeling like she was being watched.
She was. Embry was glancing at her sleepily. "You too, warrior woman."
"Hm..." she hummed quietly. "Do I get the ceremonial garb and war paint next time? I might as well channel the land's ancestral warriors."
Embry reached up and ruffled Jezzie's already messy hair. "Jez, I'm not letting you run through the woods half clothed with war paint."
"You are no fun, Embry Call," Jezzie yawned. They were quiet for a while before Jezzie spoke again. "Embry?" he hummed in response. "What happens now... you know..."
"You of all people should know that you have no choice but to keep going after someone dies. I like to think Jared's finally made some peace with this world."
"And what about…"
Embry knew who Jezzie was talking about without the names. "Edward lived a long life, Jezzie," he said evenly. "And Bella got what she always wanted in the end – to be changed. They died defending Nessie. That was something they really believed in. Edward and Bella loved Ness."
"How do you know all this?" Jezzie muttered into the pillowcase as her knees tangled with his.
"The joy of Pack Mind," Embry replied. "Edward's mind reading was shoddy with Pack and occasionally worked two ways with us. We don't know why. And Bella had told Jake a lot and he's never been good at keeping it from us when he's upset."
"And Nessie?" Jezzie's voice was barely above a whisper and a normal human might not have heard her.
Embry released a small breath, anticipating Jezzie's train of thought. "She's upset. I've never seen anyone so sad and scared. But... she'll be okay. She has a big support system. Both the Pack and the Cullens. She's not a typical orphan."
Jezzie whispered, "I've never had anyone die on me. Not like that. Like any of them."
"Jezzie," Embry said her name purposefully and intentionally. For the first time, he made deliberate and prolonged eye contact with her. Previously, Embry had just been talking with his eyes closed, on the cusp of sleep. Now, he moved back a bit and propped himself up on an elbow, taking one of Jezzie's hands.
"There wasn't anything you could do. You of all people should know you can't save everyone. There was no helping Edward or Bella. Jared was doomed because we could never take him to a hospital; Carlisle said he wouldn't have made it in time anyways. Helping Sam didn't kill Edward or Bella or Jared. You save who you can." Jezzie simply squeezed her fist inside Embry's hand. "You made the right choice."
"How can you say that?" Jezzie intoned sharply.
"Because whether any of us like it or not, Edward has been dead for a really long time. He's lived life over and over. Bella knew the risks going into all of this. All of it. And I pulled you off Jared less than two minutes after he got there – that's not on your head. And Sam is in his mid twenties. The only mid twenties he'll ever get. He has his whole life ahead of him and is excited to live it. Between saving someone who you can't help and someone who can be saved, I say you made the right choice. Given the situation."
And - in a most unexpected turn of events - Jezzie crawled forward, curled into Embry's lap and buried her face in his shoulder and cried. It felt powerful and intensely personal; naked. It was the first time he'd seen her cry since the battle happened. He was wondering when it would show up. The past several days had wreaked havoc on all of them.
Jacob hadn't been sleeping, Sam had almost ground his molars into dust and Leah was definitely going to need a new punching bag (maybe they should buy her a really nice piece of granite…). Embry had been stressed six ways to Sunday knowing that his mortal, human girlfriend was going to be party to all this. More than once he'd told the other imprinted wolves just where they could shove their incessant worry. At least the rest of the humans were miles away behind the Treaty Line. Embry was proud as hell of Jezzie. He knew it took guts to do what she did. She never had to be a part of any of it. She could've stayed home and done her homework. She could've told them all they were crazy and gone back to Detroit. But she didn't. She offered what skills she had and for anyone that wasn't Embry (…and sometimes Jake…) it didn't matter that she was human.
But he knew she was stressed. Between school, work, babysitting Ness, and still trying to pretend to be normal, the poor girl hadn't had much in the way of peaceful sleep. She was downing enough coffee to give even a shapeshifting metabolism a grand mal seizure. Just less than a week ago, her symptoms had begun nagging her – not even enough to count as a flare, she'd told him – just a spare few hours of inconvenience and she'd gone to pieces. She'd flipped out in a way that Embry'd never seen before. Embry knew part of it was exhaustion. But part of her was very serious about that imprinting business.
Given all that, plus the afternoon, evening, and night they'd just had, Embry didn't begrudge the girl of her breaking point. Even if he was totally fucking clueless when it came to crying girls. He wrapped an arm around her waist and the other moved to her hair. He leaned against her headboard, his eyes heavy, hoping she'd be able to get some rest tonight. "Oh, Jez… it's been a helluva day."
Embry wasn't quite sure how long it was before she squirmed slightly and planted herself steadfastly in his lap, determined to stay there for the night. It wasn't Jezzie's fault that Embry's warmth was comforting, but he also made an exceptionally good teddy bear. Jezzie was extorting the benefits of their relationship and she knew it.
Embry was not opposed. He liked her here – warm and soft against him – breathing steady and content, if not entirely happy in this moment. Embry liked it a lot. But even through his exhaustion, he remembered himself. He wouldn't hold Jezzie here. He'd never ask for her gone or prevent her from leaving. It was all on him that it was all on her terms. Sure, Embry liked her a lot and would die a happy man if she stayed in his life forever. But he wasn't going to be the one to ask her to stay. The others told him he was stupid on a daily basis.
Everything was on Jezzie's terms because Embry came with way too much baggage. It had to be on Jezzie's terms. Accepting life without an imprint was one thing, but he couldn't accept life with a non-imprint unless it was completely her choice. She knew the risks, she knew the possibilities; the what-ifs and worst case scenarios. Embry might've been a masochist but he sure as hell wasn't channeling any of his male precedents. The other guys in Embry's life hadn't had such good luck in pursuing women - imprinted or not. Embry and Jezzie were going this alone. And Embry would never drop Jezzie for an imprint. It would just have to be different…
Maybe he was pathetic. Okay, he definitely was. But he would take whatever Jezzie was willing to give him. When did he turn into such a miserable, sad, lump of a man?
"No funny business, Mr. Call," Jezzie said through a teary yawn. "Or I'll sic my jealous ex-husband on you."
"Girlfriend, please, Seth isn't even coordinated enough to scratch his own ears," Embry slumped carefully down the headboard until he was mostly lying down and Jezzie stayed tucked into his side. "No worries. I'll be dead to the world in less than ninety seconds. I'm thinking it's me that has to worry. What with your penchant for taking my clothes off while I sleep."
Jezzie blew a half-hearted raspberry against his skin. Embry snorted, "I can get used to two."
Jezzie curled up beside him. She was surprised that Embry slept like the absolute dead. He'd slept at her house before, but never very often and she always fell asleep before him. Not this time. He was totally still – not prone to rolling or thrashing as Jezzie was – and he didn't snore at all. That was a serious change of pace; Jezzie was used to her father sounding like a winded rhinoceros. Jezzie wondered, as she began to drift off, if it was the result of the Pack. Maybe he was so exhausted he couldn't even bring himself to breathe loudly or move around in his sleep.
However, Embry was easily twice her size and his general stillness had spoiled her. Hours later she felt the shifting then sudden lightness of the bed behind her. She rolled over groggily, stretched her toes and let her arm fall down on the warm vacant spot Embry had left. Before she was able to fall back asleep she heard the flush of the toilet and moments later Embry dragged his feet back into her room.
She could tell by the look on his face, illuminated only by the hazy moonlight, that he hadn't woken up from a full bladder. His face was drawn and wan, he looked worn out, and a light layer of sweat clung to his skin. He didn't notice Jezzie's wakefulness as he sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
The sight of him and his posture rang like a distress call and Jezzie woke up more fully. She sat up, rubbed her eyes to consciousness and scooted across the bed to him.
"Sorry," he spoke quietly and shortly. "I tried not to wake you." He didn't move an inch as he spoke.
Jezzie sat behind his broad back and moved close, leaning her face and her front against the strength there. He was actually almost clammy. "It's all right; I'm a light sleeper," she murmured against his skin. "Are you okay?" she traced an idle pattern on his skin.
"M'fine," he muttered half audibly.
Jezzie sat up on her knees and laid her chin on his shoulder to better see his face. "You're a terrible liar, Emb."
"Just sick," he confessed, dropping his hands from his face and continuing to stare ahead.
"I gathered," Jezzie replied as she laced her arms over his shoulders and into some semblance of an embrace. Embry didn't get sick. None of them did. Not like that anyways. "Want to talk about it?"
He shook his head but spoke anyways. "Having nightmares makes me feel like a damn child." Jezzie didn't speak; she just waited. "Dealing with what happened is harder as a human. The wolf is cool with it, because that's the job: kill vampires, sometimes your friends die. But I'm still a guy and I still know that on some level killing people – even if they're blood sucking, soulless, psychopaths – is wrong. Because they were human once too. It really fucks with the head. I killed people today, Jez."
Jezzie was shocked at Embry's level of emotion. He didn't swear often.
"And I can ward it off well enough while I'm awake, but not while I sleep. I can kill just as easily as those bastards. There isn't much that separates us."
Jezzie slid from his shoulder and ducked under his arm. She wound her arms around his still frame and kissed his shoulder. "There's a lot of difference between you and them, Embry. We've all been killing each other for thousands of years. Unfortunately, war is not a modern invention. You and your brothers don't kill indiscriminately like the Volturi did. You did it to protect the people and the land here. That's a natural reaction – shapeshifter or not."
"Even though they were terrible, you still feel a sort of remorse for having to kill in the first place. I think that's a good telling to your humanity. Monsters don't feel bad about killing. Just look at those vampires. Not a trace of emotional upheaval."
"So because I can be guilt-ridden after the fact, I'm still human? Awesome."
Jezzie rolled her eyes. Embry tended to get sarcastic when he was upset. She reached a hand up to touch where his heart beat, so strong and distinct beneath his chest even her human senses could feel it. "You have a beating heart and metaphorical one. You love me, right?" Jezzie asked with a small smile.
"You know I love you, Jez," Embry replied tiredly.
"Exactly, and how many villains and monsters have ever been capable of that kind of emotion? It just doesn't work that way. You were human before this, you'll be human after this. Right now is just a messy interlude. Plus, I've never been the monster-type."
For the first time since he sat down, he turned to look at Jezzie. A small smile that didn't reach his eyes, inched up one side of his face. "Have I ever mentioned that you're too good for me?"
"Once or twice," Jezzie smiled. "You seem to forget I like you just the way you are. None of us are perfect, Emb. I burnt my toast this morning and willfully killed a spider in the bathroom. It's all an unfortunate business sometimes; as long as your means and your ends all match up. We can't always sit idly by; some of us are vested with too much responsibility. Have I ever mentioned that I used to be normal before I met you?"
"I don't believe that for a minute. But you definitely keep me human, Jez."
"I'm good at humanity," she smiled against his side. "You are too when you want to be; are you gonna be a vampire next?" she jibed. "Because at this rate of sleep, you're on the way."
"I am way too much of a man to ever sparkle," Embry grumbled. He finally silently agreed to move and climbed back into Jezzie's bed entirely. This time, Embry fell asleep in Jezzie's side. With his head on her chest as she hummed quietly and allowed her fingers to wind gently through his hair, waiting for him to get some rest. He dozed again quickly, silent and still in his slumber.
Jezzie waited a whole half hour after the fact, keeping a careful eye on him. She tried to convince herself she wasn't being creepy, she was just worried. She wanted him to be able to sleep peacefully. At 6AM her eyes finally gave out on her and she drifted into unconsciousness, firmly entwined in Embry's arms and scent.
Jezzie was sitting on her kitchen counter the next morning eating a toaster-heated waffle slathered in peanut butter. She'd woken at about ten o'clock. She'd checked the alarm clock on the other side of Embry's behemoth form and decided that four hours of sleep – given the givens – was quite respectable. It didn't take her long to realize that Damian, Lydia, Elizabeth, Zachary, and Abigail were not in the house. She'd taken the pile of her clothes and tossed it in the wash, scrounging up a spare toothbrush for the wolfboy in the meantime and leaving it sealed on the bathroom counter. She'd settled into her waffle after the clothes had made it to the dryer and she heard Embry shuffle into the kitchen in a sleepy haze.
She smiled at the sight. His hair was askew and it was plainly obvious he'd slept the remainder of the night on one side as the pattern from her quilt was still embedded on the side of his face. She was also mildly horrified, because the light of day revealed that Embry was absolutely filthy and she could not believe that she just let him go to sleep like that…
"Morning, sleepyhead," Jezzie greeted him quietly, taking a bite from her waffle.
He shuffled over to her and stood just in front of her spot on the counter. "Morning. Thanks for the toothbrush."
"You're welcome," she offered him a small sad smile. Her next attempt at a bite of her breakfast was interrupted. She was expecting peanut butter, but she got Embry. He had leaned in close and kissed her. She squeaked once in surprise – not expecting his advance, but not really upset about it all. "Good morning," she mumbled against his mouth as his lips caught hers.
She put her breakfast down and her arms found their way around Embry's shoulders – happy to be the same height as him at current – and his hands held her hips, pulling her close. She tried to prevent herself from falling completely off the counter. "Peanut butter," he mumbled back to her as his mouth migrated and she felt his teeth against her ear.
"Peppermint," she laughed, licking her lips and remembering the odd combination. He seemed to get distracted from there as his mouth moved lower, down the column of her neck. She could feel the alternating sensations of teeth, lips, and tongue. For a boy who hadn't had many girlfriends, he was pretty good with his mouth, Jezzie thought. The contact warmed her, bleeding through her skin where they connected and also growing from within. Embry was very good at warming her up inside and out. Body and soul.
However, he'd been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over the past twenty-four hours and this moment really came out of nowhere, so she had to wonder…
"Embry?" He only hummed in response against her skin, but she felt his shoulder muscles tense under her grip. "Embry… what's going on? Not that I'm opposed to any of this, really, but…" she trailed off, leaving her question open and ambiguous, hoping he would pick it up and just be able to say something. Anything.
He stilled against her, but didn't move. "Talk to me, please?" she tried to keep the note of mild begging and hysteria out of her voice, but she felt so out of her depth. How was she supposed to help with any of this? She didn't know, but she was far more terrified of being shut out than being overwhelmed. She also desperately didn't want to be the nagging girlfriend.
Embry held on to her hips, preventing her from falling off the counter but moved back far enough to see her face. Her eyes were wide and he could tell she was slightly terrified by the can of worms she just opened.
"My brother's dead."
Jezzie bit down on her lip. What was she supposed to say to that? It was true. Jezzie's grief last night had been immediate and obvious, because someone had died. Someone she had known had died. But Embry had been reserved, quiet. Embry had known Jared a lot longer than she'd known him, and he'd never get the chance to know him any better. He'd been Embry's big brother, his – as Seth would call it – Daddy Wolf. It was true; there wasn't any getting around it. Embry's brother was dead. "Yeah," she replied with a soft nod. "Yeah, he is."
Embry didn't respond for a moment, then he only pulled her close again – closer than they'd been before – and she felt him bury his face in the crook of her neck. She felt his arms around her tighter than usual, and all she could do in response was hold on, a steady hand against his back and wound through his hair.
She felt so helpless. Jared's death had made her sad – she was still sad – but Embry… Embry had known him in a much different way and therefore his grief was much different. Bigger and deeper. No matter how close he pulled her, Embry was in a place much darker and scarier than Jezzie was, and she had no idea how to go to him, to help him.
She felt tears in her eyes, largely suspecting she could not help the boy who pulled her so close.
Jezzie made the trip into La Push that morning to check on the battered wolves, before the rest of the Pack convened their meeting. She assumed Leah was probably mostly fine at this point. It was Sam she was worried about. When she arrived at Emily Young's house she knocked quietly. Emily arrived at the door, looking distinctly creased with worry. Her eyes were red with crying. She didn't say anything, but she did lunge at Jezzie, wrapping her up an embrace to rival the wolves.
Jezzie was shocked for a moment before she realized Emily hadn't been there last night when Jezzie was patching up Sam for the night. He was merely dragged home by his ex girlfriend clinging to life, but alive. That must've been quite a shock.
"Thank you," Emily said quietly and Jezzie could hear the tears in her voice. She wrapped her arms around Emily too, in a true embrace, trying to offer some level of comfort. "Thank you."
"Of course, Emily," Jezzie replied. "Can I see him? I wanted check up on him."
"Sure," Emily released Jezzie and wiped hastily at her eyes. Jezzie hitched her med bag over her shoulder. "Carlisle was by earlier but he seemed a bit distracted. He said Sam was healing properly, though."
Jezzie nodded, unsure if certain details of the battle had been revealed to Emily. "I heard about the others," Emily added. She said nothing else.
Jezzie only nodded as they reached the closed bedroom door. Jezzie offered a sad smile before turning the knob and entering quietly. She grinned a little when she saw Sam. He was healing on his own quite well it seemed.
She pulled up a chair and sat down beside him as Emily leaned against the doorframe. "He's been asleep almost non-stop."
"That's good," Jezzie nodded. "The body heals better in sleep, plus it means the pain's not too bad."
"Not… sleeping…" Sam offered through oxygen tubing. He reached up and tugged the setup off his face. "That shit is so obnoxious."
"Better than a breathing tube," Jezzie offered as she unzipped her bag.
"I was high as a kite for that part, I don't think I cared very much." Jezzie looked at Sam with wide eyes, wondering why in the hell he was high. "The drugs," Sam offered. "Carlisle was running a bit blind on dosages."
"Oh," Jezzie nodded in humorous recognition. "What else did he do? Just try out a breathing tube and juice you up?"
"Yeah," Sam nodded. "Pretty much. He was still a bit upset. We told him he didn't have to come by, but he did anyways."
"He's a good man like that," Jezzie offered. Sam only grunted. It was easier for someone like Jezzie or even Emily to appreciate the humanity left in Carlisle or his family. Sam couldn't by default. Jezzie didn't blame him for that.
"They're the ones that got us into this goddamn mess." Jezzie moved closer to the bed and moved Sam's arm so she could access his bandages. "They did. They're the whole reason all this happens in the first place. Did you know that Jezzie? Wolves only phase when there are vampires near by."
"I didn't know that," Jezzie offered as she laid down strip of cloth on the bed to keep it clean and pulled on a pair of gloves.
"Yeah," Sam replied as Jezzie peeled back the tape. "The more vampires, the more wolves. Their presence triggers the gene. A lot more older people on the rez have the same gene. Jared's mom, Jake's dad, just about everyone in both Brady and Collin's family. But they never phased because the Cullens weren't around when they were kids."
"I take it adults don't phase?" Jezzie asked.
"Not that we've seen," Sam shook his head. "Anyone that phases ages rapidfire to their mid twenties and stops. I look pretty much the same as before I phased. Just bulkier. And angrier if you ask the guys."
"So mid twenties is prime age for the strength of phased wolves?" she concluded. He nodded. "Has this felt any more painful than it did yesterday? Has it burned or heated up – more than usual – at all?" she asked as she peered closely at the still ghastly wound on Sam's entire side.
"No," Sam replied. "It's actually probably the most comfortable injury I've got."
"Good," Jezzie nodded. "Probably means it's healing well." Jezzie checked and there were no signs of redness or swelling and no pus. "I'm really surprised you didn't sustain an infection actually. When I was cleaning this out I kind of figured I missed something but your system was healing so fast you were incorporating dirt and pine needles back into your skin."
"Yeah, I remember," Sam noted bitterly. "Then you scrubbed off all the skin on that side of my body."
Jezzie offered a grimace of apology. "Sorry," she squeaked.
"Better than dirt and pine needles, Jezzie," Sam offered with a smile. "I appreciate it, Little Red. I really do."
Jezzie smiled. That was the first time Sam had ever called her anything but 'Jezzie' and she wondered if maybe she had finally broken the most stoic of the wolves.
"Of course," she nodded. "Now… you're healing pretty well, so I'm just going to cover this loosely with a dry dressing. Emily, you can check on it every few hours, once it's a closed wound you can take it off entirely. If anything looks red or you start seeing pus, let me know."
Emily nodded from the doorway.
"Now this leg," Jezzie sighed looking at where Sam's leg had been strapped and later casted by Carlisle. "I won't lie, compound fractures are about as bad as it can get. Most humans take more than a year to heal that. I don't think anyone has any idea how long it's going to take before it's solid again. If we take the cast off too soon, you run the risk of fracturing again at the break."
"Well, I can tell you that most normal bone breakages take about a week to heal in a wolf. I don't know if that helps."
"Well," Jezzie said, leaning back in her chair. "Anyone ever busted a femur before?"
Sam thought for a moment. "Yes, actually," he replied after a pause. He laughed at the memory. "Jared had made some asinine sexual comment about Leah, and Seth tackled him. He had just phased for the first time recently and had some pent up aggression. He fractured his thighbone at the midpoint. Poor kid was upset about it; Leah thought it was hilarious. That healed in a week."
Jezzie was quiet for a moment. The casual mention of Jared surprised her. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if all memory had died along with him. She supposed it just felt a little jarring. But Sam had been one of the wolves to know Jared the longest. Jezzie wondered if Sam was taking it all as well as he appeared.
"All right, well, a femur fracture takes about twelve weeks to heal naturally. Jared did it in one so that's about a twelfth the time. A compound fracture of the same place takes eighteen months which is seventy two weeks. A twelfth of that six weeks."
Sam just looked at her point blank. "Are you telling me that I'm gonna be laid up here for six weeks?"
"At least before the cast can come off," Jezzie nodded. "I say we give it a week before you put any weight on it. So a few more days. After that, we'll get you some crutches or a chair if you want."
"Great," Sam seemed less than pleased.
"Well, look on the bright side," Emily offered from the doorway. "You've been looking for a way to step out of Pack life, maybe this is your opportunity. I take it he can't phase for those six weeks?"
Jezzie shook her head. "I wouldn't risk it. Heaven only knows what a phasing does to broken bones. Can you go six weeks without phasing?"
"Probably," Sam nodded. "Wow, that's it, huh? I guess I'm out." He looked a little shocked. Jezzie knew he and Emily had been working themselves out of the Pack since she arrived in Washington, but now that the final opportunity was here, it seemed bittersweet and unreal. Pack had been family – a staple – for so long now, it was strange to consider life without it. Without Pack. It was all the more real with having lost a member so recently. Sam's wolf turned in his head with anxious energy; it didn't like this idea, not one little bit.
"Sam, you're only ever out if you want to be. You'll always be Pack. You raised these mongrels, trust me when I say you'll never really get rid of them."
"The intuitive grasp you have on Pack is kind of bizarre, Jezzie."
She only smiled.
"How's Kim?" Jezzie asked quietly, staring down into her coffee.
When Paul didn't respond, Jezzie glanced up. He only shook his head. She'd brought him two coffees. "I don't know. She hasn't said a word. Been crying nonstop, but hasn't said a word. It's all I can do to keep her hydrated. I brought her home and she's been sitting in the same place – hasn't moved."
Wow.
"Do you want me to talk to her?" Jezzie offered. She didn't know Kim very well. She'd gotten on better with Leah. But she liked Kim.
"Would you?" Paul replied. "I don't know what to do. She's never been close with either Rach or Emily. And I'm afraid if she doesn't eat or talk soon, I'm gonna have to take her to the hospital. I don't want to have to sit outside her room all night again."
Jezzie nodded, reaching across the table and squeezing Paul's hand once. "How about some reinforcements," she said as she stood and moved to the fridge. She took the quart of OJ – with any luck maybe the girl would open up and at least drink something with sugar in it. Paul passed her a box of saltines from the top shelf of the cabinet and Jezzie took the box of tissues from the countertop.
"Wish me luck," Jezzie nodded as she turned down the hall. Paul saluted her and Jezzie shifted the box of saltines so she could knock.
"Kim?" Jezzie spoke to the door. "Kim, it's Jezzie do you mind if I come in?" Silence. "I'm gonna come in unless you say otherwise, all right?" More silence. Jezzie edged the door open with her hip and placed the supplies on the floor next to Kim's bed. The room was big enough for the Queen sized bed, a dresser and two side tables.
On the bed sat a woman so small and inconsequential, Jezzie almost missed her. This was a testament to Kim's state – because she was normally impossible to ignore. She talked all the time.
Kim had curled herself into such a compact shape she almost blended with the furniture. She sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, staring into the hands in her lap. Jezzie took a few hesitant steps before perching herself on the edge of Kim's bed.
She was quiet for a moment, letting her legs swing and her feet graze the smooth wooden floors before she decided to be the one to break the ice. "I hate that feeling, when so much happens at once that you just kind of… check out. You can't feel yourself talk, you can't feel yourself move. It's like autopilot. I hate that. I hate that feeling of not being in control."
Jezzie heard the bed creak – even though she hadn't moved – and she turned to see Kim nodding. "That's why I haven't moved in twelve hours."
"You don't like that feeling either?"
Kim shook her head. "If I don't move, nothing changes. Stupid, I know. But," she shrugged, "it could be any old day. It could be last Sunday or two Tuesdays ago. Everything in this room is exactly same. And maybe I just need something to be the same for a little bit. I can't let all the things in my head reshuffle and watch everything around me change too. It's like overload, you know?"
Jezzie nodded. She did know.
"And I know it sounds really clichéd and melodramatic, but it's like there's this hole in my chest now." Kim gave a snort of derision. "Before you moved here, Bella walked around like her chest was a black hole for months because Edward left her. I always thought she was crazy."
Kim shook her head and licked her lips before continuing. "I don't think my opinion has changed much," she rolled her eyes. "But I know the feeling, now. I feel like if I sit up straight, my whole chest is going to cave in. Like some critical support beam is gone."
"Do you think it's the imprint?" Jezzie asked.
Kim nodded, chewing on her lip. "Yeah," she whispered. "I do. And it's weird because I felt something snap inside me, that cave like feeling began last night. I tried staying awake until someone came home, but I fell asleep on the couch. That woke me up from a dead sleep. That something snapping."
Jezzie took a deep breath as she realized what Kim was telling her. Kim knew exactly when Jared had died. She didn't know it at the time, but now she knew what that feeling meant.
"We've always been really… symbiotic," Kim offered. "When he was mad, I could feel it – and it took me a while to be able realize when my random mood swings were mine or his. But when he was happy or excited, I felt that too. He was the same way. We reflected each others feelings. We couldn't help it."
Kim wiped at her eyes and Jezzie reached down and brought the tissue box up to the bed. She snagged one after Kim did. "And now I feel this nagging blackhole inside my chest. And I'm just so worried because… once Jared died, shouldn't I be feeling something… ambiguous or peaceful – at least from his end? All I feel is a vacuum and I'm worried. Does that mean that he's still suffering? Does that mean he isn't at peace like everyone's going to try to tell me?"
"If the empty spot is where the imprint used to be, would that mean it's broken or gone? Maybe that spot is just being filled with your own feelings now?" Jezzie offered.
Kim reached up and covered her face with her hand. She began sobbing in earnest. Jezzie moved herself awkwardly across the bed and wrapped her arms around Kim's slumped shoulders. She actually accepted the embrace and cried into Jezzie's shoulder.
"I don't want it to be gone," she wailed. "I've been so close to him – even when I didn't want to be – for so long, and all I ask now is a grain of hope; all I want to know is if he's okay, if he's happy. And the stupid imprint can't give me that. I don't even have that one small, emotional tie anymore. Nothing."
Jezzie failed miserably at keeping her own tears at bay. "I know, hon," she told Kim – holding her tight and rubbing her back. "I know."
Kim remained like that for a few minutes before she sat up, pulling herself away from Jezzie momentarily. She wiped her eyes on her forearm. "I'm really thirsty," she offered. Jezzie reached over the edge of the bed and picked up the OJ and the saltine crackers. Kim uncapped the OJ and took a sip straight from the jug. She stared down into the vibrant contents and breathed deep. Her heavy sobs and mostly subsided, now.
"I'm pregnant, Jezzie."
Jezzie had helped Kim uncurl herself from her bed and into the bathroom. She said she wanted to pee, take a shower and then just go to sleep for a while. Jezzie didn't blame her for that. She sat in the living room – in case Kim needed anything – and stared into space until the girl retreated wet and clean into her room.
It was less than ten minutes later that Paul peeked into the room, saw her asleep, and closed her bedroom door. "What the hell happened in there?"
"You didn't hear?"
Paul shook his head. "Seth came by. I was talking with him."
Jezzie huffed out a breath and leaned back. "I just… it's… I don't even… yeah."
Paul nodded sitting on the couch across from Jezzie. "I understand entirely."
Jezzie glared at him without conviction. Was it her place to tell him? She really didn't think Kim cared at this point. And she made no indication that she was going to keep talking. Apparently Jared had known, and Jezzie wasn't sure how the others didn't – given the Pack hivemind.
"She's pregnant, Paul." Jezzie had never seen Paul Lahote at a loss for words. It was odd. "She's six weeks on. She said she's surprised none of you actually noticed it before her. With the smell and all."
Paul stood up walked through the kitchen and Jezzie watched him quietly open Kim's door. He didn't leave the doorway, but Jezzie definitely saw him sniff. He pulled the door closed and leaned his head against it. "Shit."
"I have to go talk to Jake. You got this for now?"
He nodded, dazed.
The rest of the Pack proved fully healthy. Leah's knee had healed overnight – though Seth was still following her around like a mother hen. She'd gone to the Black's home after doing her rounds to check in with the Rachel and the dear Alpha to update him on the medical health of the Pack. And Kim… Jezzie needed to tell someone about Kim.
"Jake?" she knocked on the door. When it swung open, she was greeted by Billy Black. A nice man, but one of the ones that didn't trust her. At least he hadn't insulted her, like Old Quil, and called her a drunk 'Catholic Mick.' Jezzie had tried not to blame anyone for that, because the feeling of distrust did make sense. She tried to be understanding. But she still felt a little resentful and bitter when she saw that face when the people of La Push looked at her. And she still refused to share presence with Old Quil – especially after he'd given her the third degree while she was babysitting his grandson's imprint.
"Jake's out back talking with Collin," Billy offered. "Why don't you come in?"
"Thank you, sir," Jezzie offered quietly. She stepped inside and closed the door softly, keeping her head down. It was almost an unconscious act. Billy was the Alpha's father, even if he himself was not Alpha, and the lack of acceptance weighed down on Jezzie's Pack bond.
"Take a seat, dear. Let's have a chat," Billy offered as he wheeled into the living room. Jezzie sat and Billy took a space where it appeared his wheels had worn into the rug, marking the spot as his own. "I heard what you did for the Pack during yesterday's battle, Miss Sullivan."
Jezzie nodded. "It was the least I could do. I wanted to help somehow. Turns out I was a bit useful," she shrugged.
"A bit?" Billy questioned. "The way I hear it, you saved Sam Uley's life." Jezzie only nodded discreetly; she didn't feel the need to mention that she'd also failed to save another wolf. "Jezzie, I wanted to offer my apologies," Billy said apropos of nothing. Jezzie's head snapped up immediately, wondering if she heard correctly.
When she glanced up, that face was gone. The one of guarded questioning. The face of doubt and distrust; of outright dislike. Now, Billy simply looked tired and aging. "I know we have not been entirely receptive of you here in La Push. And we worry for good reason, not just because we're an Indian tribe on a reservation, but because of the Pack. They're still our children. But I think you've more than proved your intentions."
Jezzie just kind of stared with her mouth open like a guppy. She couldn't believe what was happening. A movement behind Billy caught her attention and her eyes quickly shifted to see Jake in the hallway behind him. He hadn't made a sound coming back into the house. Jake looked about as surprised as Jezzie had, but he held up a finger to his mouth, signaling her to keep quiet about his presence.
"You're a good person Jezzie," Billy nodded. "And I happen to be quite fond of your father; I know you come from good people. I wanted to apologize for the way we've received you. And for Quil's – Quil Senior's – behavior. I hope you can find it in you to forgive us someday."
Jezzie didn't know what kind of inner fortitude it took for a man of Billy's place to apologize to someone like her. Jezzie was never very good at apologizing herself. She could very well appreciate the gravity of the moment.
"Thank you, sir," she nodded. "I… I really appreciate that. And I accept. I understand your doubts, but I'm glad you changed your mind."
She didn't know what else to say. Maybe fewer words were better in this circumstance?
"All right, Jake," Billy offered in a slightly louder voice. "You can stop hiding and eavesdropping."
Jake only swung his arms out as if to say 'what gives?' Jezzie only shrugged. She hadn't heard him make a noise. "I'm a Dad," Billy offered as he turned his chair partly to face his son. "I got eyes and ears everywhere."
Jake stepped into the living room and smiled. "Thanks dad. It's a lot nicer when you guys accept my Beta Human."
Jezzie nodded as she stood and Jake ruffled her hair. She glanced down at Billy, "Sir, may I embrace you?" she asked in a bit of a happiness-fueled chirp. She felt light now; Billy's accepting her into the Pack had taken a knot of tension out her Pack bond – a knot that Jake had been desperately trying to keep from weighing on her for weeks now. She felt her connection springboard like an elastic as she was pulled tighter into the fold. She tried not lose her balance.
Billy looked up at her appraisingly. "Well, I don't see why not."
"Sam's off his feet for the next six weeks," Jezzie said as Jake handed her a cup of coffee.
"Six weeks?" Jake asked in astonishment. "Even with phase-strength healing?"
Jezzie nodded. "If he was human it would have been months and months. You don't spring back from a compound fracture to the femur. Leah's fine, Seth is hovering. She puts on a good show of annoyance but I secretly think she loves it."
"Probably," Jake agreed.
"Also…" Jezzie trailed off and stared at the floor. Jake noticed immediately.
"Jezzie, what's going on?" he tried to coax it out of her. "I'm a big boy, let me have it."
She opened her mouth to speak when Jake got a peculiar expression on his face. He cocked his head to the side and it looked as if he was just noticing something for the first time. Jake glanced up momentarily and looked at Jezzie appraisingly. "What?" she asked.
"Why is Kim in my head?" he asked.
Jezzie thought about it – getting used to Pack hierarchy was hard as a human. Her awareness was limited. She felt around in her subconscious and her awareness of Kim was hyped up. She mostly thought that was due to the fact that she was a now widowed imprint with a baby on the way and was mourning in the house they'd shared.
"That's what that is? I felt it… it happened in the room. When she let me hug her," Jezzie replayed recent history. It was a lot easier to pick out when she looked back on it.
"Kim?" he replied. "You felt Kim? She's not normally Pack, Jezzie – not like that anyways. What happened?"
"She's pregnant, Jake. I went to go see how she was. We talked and then she just… told me. It felt a little different. I thought it just felt weird because she was upset and I don't really know her that well, so it felt really personal. It's not because she's pregnant, right?"
"I don't know," Jake shook his head. "Kids are a sign of strength in the Pack, and she only comes in and out of the ranks occasionally. Maybe with the baby coming and with Jared being gone… she's probably holding onto what she knows. That's what Pack is for. We hold each other up in bad times. That's easier for us to do if she's fully Pack and not just an imprint. Hell, you probably pulled her in."
"Me?" Jezzie replied. "Why?"
"According to what you told me, you just Mama Bear'd the shit out of her. Being protective has a whole lot of other repercussions when you're in a wolfpack. Because Pack is protection."
"How the heck did I go from random new girl from Michigan to pulling renegade imprints into a wolfpack?"
"Hell if I know," Jake offered. "But you're stuck with us now."
"Well, from a completely present-minded point of view," Jezzie offered, with a shake of her head trying to bring her mind back to more pragmatic issues. "We're gonna have to make sure she starts consuming more than OJ really soon. Not eating is not good for the baby. She needs nutrition. Later on…" Jezzie added, glossing over a direct mention of Jared's funeral, "she's gonna need to go to the doctor."
Jake returned to the couch and collapsed down, his head in his hands. "An imprint is having my dead wolf's baby and I have no idea what to do." Jezzie stood up and walked around the coffee table, sitting down next to her overexhausted Alpha.
Jezzie looped an arm around his slumped shoulders and leaned her head against his arm. "It's okay, Jake. I'm not sure there's a precedent for this." Seventeen was just a little too young for all of this, Jezzie thought.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
"All right, Black. If we're fetching an imprint then I'm driving. No way I'm letting your mangy ass drive us off the road in some fit of pique."
"Wait… what?" Jacob looked back at Leah as she dug through the basket by the table for the keys to the Honda outside.
Jacob had been back and forth almost constantly between La Push and the Cullen house. The Alpha was extremely distracted by the state of his imprint. Nessie had been in tears since Carlisle and Esme had told her that her parents had died. Leah had no idea how much of Nessie knew what was really happening. She also didn't know how the two of them explained to Ness that her parents were torn to shreds. Bella's remains were never found and they assumed she'd been incinerated with the rest. Jacob didn't notice but Leah pointed that he'd come home with Nessie claw marks all over him and smelling like bleach, ass, and burning plastic. Leah didn't have the heart to give him any shit about it.
It had been a few days since the battle and Nessie had been in hysterics the whole time. Jake tore himself away for twelve hour blocks to tend to his own Pack. But his attention was split and everyone knew it. This is why Alpha's shouldn't imprint. Everyone was thinking it. No one said it. Leah had been shouldering the majority of the Alpha business, as a result.
Paul was mostly busy trying to keep a violently severed imprint bond from tearing Kim apart at the seams. He was starting to think it wasn't even her reaction to Jared's death but mostly the imprint being cut off so quick and gruesome.
Leah actually agreed to go over to Sam and Emily's place and help out. No one was more surprised than Emily. Leah didn't like Emily. Leah hated Emily, but she wasn't about to watch her Packmate and the shadow of a man she once loved develop blood clots and bed sores because his fiancée wasn't strong enough to lift him. She wasn't that much of a vindictive bitch. Though she made it quite clear she was doing it for Sam's benefit – not Emily's.
Embry had been working with the Plains Pack and making sure that they were thanked good and proper and seen off home as safely as possible. Jezzie helped them pack their spare few belongings. They'd proved themselves to be true allies and he worked as best he could to really cement that bond between the Packs. He knew La Push might need the werewolves in the future and he didn't want the million other distractions to make them think otherwise. They accepted his thanks on behalf of the Pack with grace and agreed to help when they could. Maybe this allies thing would work out?
Jezzie spent most of her time between Kim's, Sam and Emily's, and making sure the younger wolves weren't too traumatized. She thought it might be best not to think too long on that last. At least Collin was already in therapy and Seth's family would understand why he was a little left of center for a while. Brady, though, she worried about.
Quil spent most of his time keeping time for Jacob and reminding him when it might've been a good idea to go visit his Pack or Nessie. With so much going on at once, Jacob's focus had gone single-minded and he tunnel-visioned his way through tasks, ending up spending too much time with either Pack or Ness. Quil broke him down to even twelve-hour shifts with each. It worked out pretty well given that Jake didn't seem compelled to sleep.
But it soon became obvious that while Kim was now eating and Leah was around often enough to help Sam at least bathe, Nessie was not getting any better. She seemed to be getting worse, actually. As the hours trickled by and her father's service had passed, the impact of her loneliness threatened to crush her. Both her parents were torn from her before she even got to know them. She was an orphan in the world and the only remaining thing left she had any blood ties to was Charlie Swan. She liked her Grandpa, but it wasn't the same. The only thing that calmed her long enough to stop wailing was Jacob's presence. Her imprinted wolf was supposed to be there for her. Sure, they didn't share blood, but they were bonded in a special way just like families.
Nessie never brought it up though. She knew it would hurt her aunts and uncles, her grandpa Carlisle and grandma Esme. Jacob, however, was a (mostly) full-grown man. And hell if he didn't notice that the only time Nessie got any relief for her lungs or her mind was when he sat down with her. Neither of them could continue to live like this. Nessie needed him around a lot more frequently than six hour intervals, and so did his Pack. The only thing that made sense was bringing them together. Because Jacob was never good at multi-tasking.
"I'm coming with," Leah insisted. "And assuming you're going for the dramatics and refusing to leave without Ness – a car would be good. I think one of the cardinal rules of parenting is that you transport your children in vehicles and not on wolfback."
"That's a good idea," Jacob agreed like a car only belatedly occurred to him. Maybe he should take Leah along. Jacob was currently being driven purely by his emotions and his imprint. Leah was always logical.
"It's what I'm here for," Leah shrugged.
Jacob held the door as she followed him out onto the porch. "I didn't think you liked Nessie."
"I never said any such thing. I think her parentage is unfortunate, but no one gets to choose that. And in the broad scheme of things I think a seventeen-year-old boy has a better shot at raising a child than those emo sparkle pussies. Of course, my never letting either of you out of my sight will help."
Jacob gave her a sideways glance and Leah rolled her eyes as she hopped off the porch and stretched with a smirk.
"Seriously, Jake? I mean, just because you're better for her than the leeches doesn't mean I think you can raise a child. You're cool and all, but it would be nice if Ness grew up to be normal. Relatively speaking."
"Leah…" Jacob knew there had to be more to this than Leah was letting on. She was volunteering to fight a coven for their youngest member? "You hate the Cullens."
"Partially true. I don't hate Rosalie and Emmett, necessarily – though don't tell them that – and Jasper's okay. But Nessie isn't a Cullen, Jake," she shook her head. "She's young. And she's a nice girl. And she just lost both her parents. You know what it's like to lose a Mom. I know what it's like to lose a Dad. I'm not about to let you bring up a kid on your own. I think this is something we can adequately tag team."
Jake just smiled. Leah was having a maternal moment. She was letting an emotion that wasn't covered in acid shine through – something very few people ever saw and Jake loved seeing it from his Alpha female. She could be softer than she would ever lead most people to believe.
"I knew you loved us," Jacob insisted as he crossed her yard to catch up.
"It's no reflection on you, you dork," she replied as she slung her arm over Jake's shoulder. "But who else is going to explain boobs and menstruation to the girl? Because at her rate of growth that's gonna be real, real soon."
"Point taken," Jacob nodded. "I really would appreciate your help Leah. I've got sisters but I know it's not the same. Especially since I'm younger. But raising Ness isn't going to be a picnic. Don't you think you've given up enough already?"
"Do not deign to lecture me about what I've given up, Grand Poobah." Her words were serious, but her tone was flippant as she chided Jacob briefly. She turned the engine over and pulled immediately out of the driveway, not pausing long enough to let Jacob lecture her about the benefits of actually letting the car's engine warm up. "My scales got smashed a few years back, but I've figured out how I want to rebalance them."
"Whatever you want, Leah." She smiled with that one. Jacob maybe indulged her a little too much. This Alpha was inclined to do so for his she-wolves. Leah didn't mind one bit.
"We'll be one big, multi and interspecies family. Now if we can just get Jezzie to agree to be the crazy Irish aunt, we'll be complete. Maybe Damian can be godfather. That'd be five different species."
To say that Jake and Leah were not well received was the understatement of – quite possibly – the decade. Esme would have cried, if she could have, and Rosalie threw a chair across the house.
"No," Alice protested steadfastly. "She's all we have left of either Bella or Edward. We can't. She's our family. She comes with us."
"Like hell she does!" Jacob replied. "She's my imprint and you guys aren't the only ones that lost someone. Bella meant a hell of a lot to me, too – in case you forgot. Don't you guys get it? This is why I'm tied to Ness the way I am; this is why I imprinted. To take care of her and to help her. Being raised with vampires is not normal for her. She's more human than she is vampire."
"You're not all human either, Jacob Black," Jasper offered quietly.
"No," Jake shook his head. "You're right. But I'm a lot closer to human than you all. I still eat and sleep and someday I'm gonna age like a human too. I've been around long enough to know that you guys have to put a lot of effort into appearing normal. Nessie needs to grow up as happy and natural as possible. And you guys can't give that to her. You can't even go outside when you want to."
"You said it yourself, Jacob," Carlisle shrugged. "When you stop phasing, you will begin to age as a human. What then?"
"What do you mean, 'what then'? Then I'll get older. I'm not going to instantly turn into some wrinkled old man. I'll still be plenty young enough to raise Ness. I'm only seventeen."
"And what about when Nessie comes of age?" Carlisle queried. "Won't people wonder?"
"Wonder about what?" Jake looked confused. "Yeah, I get that she's going to grow up quick, but we can keep her underwraps and only around the reservation until she's fully grown – even that's better than being locked in a house. And when she's older, she'll be older. I'm not going to lock her in the basement or some shit. She can go to high school and college if she wants to – she can do whatever she wants. She'll be an adult and can make her own decisions."
"Without you?"
"Sure," Jake responded flabbergasted. "If she's eighteen or twenty-one or when-the-hell-ever and wants to make her own life choices, who the hell am I to stop her? What are you getting at Carlisle?"
"I worry about the changing dynamics of your relationship and the kind of effect that could have on Renesmee's psyche in the short and long term."
Jacob had the decency to look deadpan floored for about a half a second. "Oh for fuck's sake!" he growled. "What the hell is with all you people and this sick ass thought that the wolves are picking up child brides? Carlisle, I hate to disappoint, but I have no romantic interest in your granddaughter. And I never will. I'd sooner through myself off a cliff. It's sick that you'd even think that. You have no basis for thinking that whatsoever. And if that's anyone's primary concern, well you can all go to hell."
"You have to consider," Leah offered in an uncharacteristically calm voice, "that we might be a better option for Nessie. We don't want to take her and run for the hills, but we want her around humans, where she'll play and interact with others who know about her and one day she'll go to school and she'll make friends and she'll live a life she can choose. You have so few options, she would have no choice but to live like you. None of you chose this life, don't force it on a young girl."
Leah came along because – as much as she hated the Cullens – she really wanted Jacob to win this one. And she knew he wasn't going to be able to go into it with a level head. She didn't really expect him to. But she was also very well assured that negotiations would break down quick if Jake phased in the living room and ate someone.
Who would've thought Leah came to play 'voice of reason'?
There was no response as suddenly their argument was interrupted by the heartrending cries of someone very small and very scared from two floors up. Everyone's eyes darted to the ceiling immediately and Rosalie was gone in a flash. They could hear her up on the third floor, trying to calm a frantic Nessie.
"Honey, it's okay. I'm here."
"I… want… my… Mommy!" Nessie's voiced splintered between a scream and a sob. "Where's Papa!" The sounds of Rosalie attempting to comfort the girl drifted down to sensitive ears and Leah had to hold Jacob in his spot. His face looked anguished enough to split.
Nessie's nightmares had not abated, despite her comfort in her father's old room during her waking hours. She had sustained next to no sleep since the battle and while Jacob had assumed this – feeling her through the imprint bond – having it confirmed only made it worse.
Nessie had woken up confused, not understanding right away where Bella or Edward were, why she was in the main house and why she was so scared, angry, and sad. As the fearfulness of her sleep slipped away it was replaced by the colder, darker reality. At least her Mom and Dad had been in her dreams. In her waking world, they were nowhere to be found. And the small girl, screamed and cried all the louder.
It was becoming clear that Nessie could not be comforted. Leah cleared her throat subtly. "Rosalie, if you don't bring the girl down stairs… well, I can't be responsible for what Jacob does to your stairwell."
The blonde issued a long-suffering sigh but was down the stairs moments later, the fretful child in her arms. She hadn't even made it off the last step when Nessie wrested herself from her Aunt's grip. Rosalie could not hide the mask of hurt that washed over her face as the distraught child stumbled blindly to Jacob.
She was wailing and sobbing uncontrollably. Tears streamed down her red flushed cheeks from her bright brown eyes – Bella's eyes – and Jacob squatted down wordlessly to take the child into his arms. He scooped her up, held her close and took a step back from the group – his focus entirely redirected.
"They'll be back," Leah muttered quietly when Alice and Esme looked tempted to follow the pair's retreat. "They won't go far."
"Her nightmares never stop." Leah glanced away from the retreating Alpha and the small imprint to see that it was Emmett that had spoken.
"That's understandable, Emmett," Rosalie replied, irate. "Her parents are gone. I think it's going to be awhile before she makes it through the night."
"She's fine when Jake's here. She's fine when any of the wolves are here. I love the shit out of that little girl out there, but I don't wanna sit here and guess how long it's gonna be before she stops crying her heart out, just so we can keep her away from the Pack."
"It hasn't stopped once," Alice admitted as she approached the window, watching the pair on their front porch. Nessie had at least stopped screaming. Alice turned back towards the rest and glanced sadly at both Rosalie and Esme.
"The Pack does have a point, peach," Jasper glanced down at his wife. "We aren't good humans. For the public, sure. But here… we're a house full of vampires. What's that gonna do to a small chil' like Ness, huh?"
Alice glanced towards Rosalie, who was tall and fearsome in her sadness. Her face was flat and she pursed her lips as Emmett wrapped his arm around her. "Rosie, I know that Nessie feels like your own, but we have to seriously consider what might be best for her. We at least have to give her the option."
Rosalie was quiet and still for a moment before stepping out of Emmett's embrace. She approached the window Alice was at and looked outside briefly, to Jacob and Nessie on the steps, before marching resolutely back towards the porch. The screen door whirled open and Rosalie sat down on the steps beside the pair.
"I have conditions," she said shortly.
"Understandable," Jacob nodded, as the small girl in his arms quieted to whimpers. "So dish."
"I want to be able to talk to her whenever. If your phone number changes, I want to know. I want to be able to see her. I'll let you know whenever I'm coming – I'll give you good warning – but I don't want any excuses."
"That goes for the rest of us, too," Emmett insisted as he leaned in the doorway.
"Of course," Jake nodded. "I'm not trying to steal her from you guys. I'm trying to make her happy. And, if Carlisle's right, she's going to look like a twenty-something for the rest of her life, right? Which is forever. I'm not going to phase forever. I'm going to grow old and die as soon as I can - like a normal person. So... I've got another forty, fifty years with her. But after that? You guys have her forever. She's going to be just like you for all eternity."
Rosalie offered a weary smile but continued. Her face was sad now, no longer flat, and she looked at Jacob in a way that she hadn't before. She was being honest and not a bit sarcastic. "Please don't let her forget. Anything. Us. Bella or Edward. I know… I know they did some damage. But they were her mother and father. Don't ever let her forget that."
Jacob nodded. Her request wasn't at all unreasonable. "Of course, Rosalie."
"Thank you, Jacob."
And without much further fanfare, the Cullens and Jake and Leah and Nessie sat down and talked. The Cullens explained that they had to leave for a while and that Nessie was going to stay with Jacob and Leah, if she'd like to. Of course there would be visits, and of course no one would ever leave her. She was intelligent enough to understand that her family's presence caused a lot of stress for her Pack. Somehow, they'd all migrated to the porch and Nessie stood up, walked carefully down the steps and paced a little – back and forth – across the lawn.
"If you leave, where will you go?" she asked.
"I'm thinking it will be nice to visit our friends in Alaska for a little while," Carlisle supplied. "From there, we'll decide as a family."
"And if I stay in La Push? Will you still come visit me? What if I want to go with you?"
"Nessie, dear, come here for a moment," Esme crouched on the steps next to Rosalie and beckoned the child to her lap. "Either of us will come to get you at a moment's notice. You won't be giving anyone up. If you stay here with Jacob and Leah and the rest of the Pack, we will all still be able to see you. We'll talk all the time. But if you'd really like to stay with us, of course Jacob will come and visit. Nothing is set in stone, dear."
The small girl observed her own lap with big eyes for a few moments. "Okay," she agreed quietly.
And for the first time, the Cullens and the La Push Pack were party to a treaty that they never questioned breaking.