A/N: You. Guys. Are. FANTASTIC. I can't believe this story has made it to over a hundred followers! Thank you so much to all of you!
When she was showered and dressed, Hermione went downstairs and took a seat on the couch in the living room. She was still feeling a little on edge about their exchange in the bathroom. It felt like it had changed something. Saying out loud that one day she would trust him felt like saying out loud that she wanted to keep him in her life. Which was true, when she thought about it. She really didn't want to be apart from him. Despite her crush, she knew they could never be romantically involved. This world wouldn't allow them to be. But if this world was on the cusp of changing, would she want them to be? Besides, she didn't know what his feelings for her were. She suspected he felt something for her, otherwise he wouldn't have looked so hurt when she said she didn't fully trust him yet.
She shook the thought from her head as Draco entered the room, wearing black trousers, a thick black jumper and a thick travelling cloak that was so dark green it was almost black. He held another cloak and a pair of boots.
"Stand up." He ordered her, as he put the boots on the floor.
She raised her eyebrows at him. Had he still not learned that was not the way to go about getting her to do things?
He sighed. "Will you stand up please?" he asked her.
She smiled and stood. He put the cloak around her shoulders and fastened the clasp at her neck, his fingers lingering a little. The cloak was luxurious. It was black with fine silver stitching around the edges. She had expected it to be heavy considering it was so thick, but it felt incredibly light around her shoulders.
"Are we going out? Like out of the ward boundaries out?" she asked, smiling.
"We might be." He smirked.
She squealed and before she knew what she was doing, she threw her arms around his neck, giving him a quick peck. Then she realised what she had done and blushed. She coughed and let her hands fall back lamely to her sides.
"Those boots are for you." He told her.
"Where are we going?" she asked as she stepped into them. The boots felt like they had been made for her. They were fur lined and suede on the outside and she guessed they probably cost more gold than she'd ever seen in her life.
"It's a surprise." He said. And if he hadn't smiled like he did, with that goddamn glint in his goddamn grey eyes, she would have pressed him for more details again. "We have to change your face first though, unfortunately. I don't think anyone would be impressed to see me rock up with an outlaw who's supposed to be dead."
"I'll do it." She said and walked to the mirror in the hallway.
Using her wand, she changed her hair from brown and bushy to honey blonde and straight. Her eyes changed from hazel to a dark blue and she charmed her nose and lips so they changed shape ever so slightly.
"Am I recognisable like this?" she asked him.
He looked at her, searching her face, and then looked disappointed.
"What? Is it not good enough? Shall I change my hair colour again?" she asked looking back to the mirror.
"No. It's fine." He said. "You just don't look like you. It's weird."
"That's kind of the point, Malfoy." She smirked. "Come on. What's this surprise then?"
He offered his hand to her and without thinking twice she took it in her own. They walked out of the house through the thick layer of snow and past the wards and then she felt the old feeling of apparition as Draco disapparated them both.
They landed in more snow and it took Hermione a few moments to get her bearings. The brightness of the sun glaring off the perfectly white snow caused colourful spots to dance in her eyes as she got used to the glare. It was a glorious day. They were at the edge of a woods. The setting seemed familiar to Hermione, but she couldn't tell from where. Draco started walking and pulled her along, their hands still grasped together. They were approaching a small village from the looks of it.
And then she saw it. A sign was blowing slightly in the faint breeze, a picture of a pig's head emblazoned on it and the words Hog's Head Inn underneath. Hogsmeade. Draco Malfoy had brought her to Hogsmeade at Christmas. She briefly recalled their conversation from a number of weeks before when she'd told him how much she loved seeing Hogsmeade at Christmas, in the glistening snow, with the twinkling Christmas lights adorning the shop fronts.
She stopped suddenly, which of course made Draco stop.
"Alright, Granger?" he said, looking curiously at her.
"You- you brought me to Hogsmeade." She said quietly, searching his face. She half expected it to be some kind of joke. She still didn't expect gestures like this from Draco Malfoy of all people. And why? Why did he have to confuse her like this? Why couldn't he just be the dick Slytherin that she knew in school? Why did he actually have to turn out to be… thoughtful? But then, she had already realised by now, that the Draco Malfoy she had known in school was a completely different Draco Malfoy to the one that stood before her.
"Yes, Granger. Is something wrong?" he asked and took a step towards her, blocking the village from view.
"No, I- I just- Thank you." She beamed and without over thinking what it meant she threw her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. His arms quickly wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer still.
"You're welcome." He whispered into her ear and it sent a shiver down her spine. She moved away but kept her arms around his neck, looking into his eyes, their faces less than an inch apart.
"I mean it." She said quietly. "This is just the best Christmas present I could have, given the circumstances."
"Well, I'm glad you like it." He replied. His breath smelled of peppermint. "I threw away the receipt so you can't possibly exchange it."
She laughed and took his hand again.
"Now, that's a shame." She led him along the street, past the Hog's Head, which was decidedly un-festive, and towards the High Street. As they rounded the corner onto the High Street, Hermione gasped. It was almost exactly as she remembered. She'd expected it to be a lot gloomier, considering Voldemort's reign, but every building and tree was still adorned with wreaths and enchanted lights. She supposed Draco would not have brought her here if it had been savaged by the Death Eaters. She noticed a few shop fronts were empty.
Draco must have been watching her because he said "The village is technically under Death Eater control. Some people left when they took over. Ollivander's is gone. And Zonko's Joke Shop. That would have gone out of business anyway without the Hogwarts students. And Scrivenshaft left as well. It's a shame really. You'd be hard pressed now to find quills as good as hers were."
"Oh, I adored Scrivenshaft's." Hermione pouted.
He chuckled. "Of course you did."
They wandered the street for an hour or two, Hermione entering every shop that was open. Draco stopped her from entering the Post Office, however.
"The Death Eaters run that now. Every single item of post is checked. No witch or wizard who isn't a Death Eater is allowed to keep an owl anymore. If anyone wants to send a letter they have to send it through one of the Post Offices first to be checked. Anyone caught sending unauthorised post is killed."
"That's new. Even if it's just a Christmas card? That seems a little steep."
"Yes well, the Dark Lord isn't exactly mild, is he? Or do you not remember him very well?"
"Of course I remember him." Hermione snapped and stormed up the street. Even as a joke, it wasn't funny. She remembered him every night. His face above her, his high voice yelling Crucio over and over again.
Draco caught up quickly though and grabbed her wrist, spinning her back around to face him. He looked really, genuinely sorry.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think. It's just that you're doing so well, sometimes I forget what you've been through. I know you've been through hell at his hands. I'm sorry."
"Yes, well. Just remember that I don't forget. I still see him and hear him every night. Don't forget that, Malfoy."
"I won't. I promise." He said and tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear.
"I suppose I can forgive you. Especially considering I don't exactly look like myself right now."
They walked on for a little longer before deciding to stop in The Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta was in her usual place behind the bar. However, she did not look as jovial as Hermione remembered her. She seemed to have aged fifteen years since Hermione had last seen her.
Draco and Hermione took a seat at a table in the corner of the bar, taking their cloaks off and laying them over a spare chair. Draco went to the bar and ordered them drinks while Hermione looked around.
It looked the same as when she'd last been here, but it felt different. It was still warm and cosy and the few patrons sitting smoking pipes contributed to the usual smoky air of the place, but the atmosphere was not the same. There was not jovial loud conversations and laughing like she had been used to in her Hogwarts days. It was quiet and although it was still fairly full of customers, the talk was wary and hushed. She glanced around and noticed a few Death Eaters that she recognised. Rodolphus Lestrange sat at a small table on the other side of the room, a tankard in front of him. When she looked at Draco, she saw he was engaged in what looked like a reluctant conversation with Antonin Dolohov.
Draco quickly returned carrying two glasses of whiskey.
"Since you seem to have acquired a taste for it." He said as he passed her one of the glasses.
She had actually. She still hated the burn and the fact that it made her eyes water, but there was something about it that she liked.
"What were you talking to Dolohov about?" she asked, glancing over again as Dolohov joined Lestrange at their table.
"He wanted to know why I was here. Wanted to know if I would take over for him here today so he can go home."
"I hope you told him where to go."
He smirked and raised an eyebrow. "In a manner of speaking."
They were quiet for a minute.
"It's different than before isn't it?" she said. "It doesn't feel quite the same in here. I can't really describe it."
"It's fear." He said, looking down at his glass. "People are afraid. There are now three Death Eaters in their midst. They don't want to be overheard saying the wrong thing and end up dead."
"Why don't they leave? Like Ollivander and Scrivenshaft did?"
He sighed. "If anyone leaves here to go to somewhere where there aren't Death Eaters, they are assumed to be blood traitors and they are hunted down, along with their families, and either tortured or killed."
He didn't look at her. But she could see the pain and regret etched into his features. They sat in silence again for a few more minutes. She watched as he traced a knot in the wood of the table with his finger. She reached forward and took his hand.
"Let's talk about something happier." She forced a smile, which he returned half-heartedly. "Tell me about your favourite memory from here."
He slowly started to tell her about a time in fifth year when he, Crabbe, Goyle and Theo had tried to steal a bottle or two of Firewhiskey. He started off with little enthusiasm, but Hermione watched with intrigue as he became more and more animated, seemingly forgetting their last conversation. She certainly did not approve of what they'd done, but any story that ended with them having to go to the hospital wing because Madam Rosmerta had jinxed their hands to swell so much that they couldn't hold anything was fine in her book.
He went to get them another drink, even though she was sure she didn't need one. Her head was already starting to feel a little cloudy. But she had decided that she liked the feeling, and didn't ask Draco to get her anything weaker instead.
When he returned he asked her about her favourite memory from there. She told him of when she'd come with Ron and Harry during fifth year, and they'd laughed and bitched about Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad for the whole time. There weren't many memories from sixth year – and she looked pointedly at Draco when she said this – since they were cancelled after Katie Bell was jinxed.
She was managing to talk about her old friends now without bursting into hysterical sobs. It still hurt a hell of a lot, but the pain in her chest when she talked about them was bearable now. It was more like a dull ache rather than a sharp pain.
They sat in the Three Broomsticks, talking and laughing for most of the afternoon. They ordered food to share and Hermione switched to drinking Butterbeer for a little while before going back to whiskey after they had finished their food. It was after she'd lost count of her drinks that Draco got up to go to the toilet before they left. As soon as he did so, Antonin Dolohov stalked over and took the newly vacated seat opposite Hermione.
"So, what's a pretty thing like you doing with someone like Draco Malfoy, I wonder?" he smiled at her, but it was a lecherous smile that made Hermione shiver.
"Oh, I- um…" she said, unsure of what to say, and quite frankly, scared into speechlessness. He had done his fair share of torturing her and she tried not to look directly at him, lest her fear be betrayed. The fuzzy feeling in her brain was not exactly helping either.
"Antonin Dolohov." He said and extended his hand towards her. "I'm a friend of Draco's." There was a slight pause before he said the word 'friend'.
"Elizabeth Brown." She said, a little too quickly, the first name to pop into her head. She took his hand, trying to keep hers steady.
"Pleasure." He kissed the back of her hand. She wanted to cringe away but she managed to keep her face impassive. She wished Draco would hurry up. "So how do you know Draco?"
"Oh, I'm just a friend of his. We haven't known each other long."
"Well, I hope he keeps you in the picture for a little longer, Miss Brown." He said and his eyes drifted from her face down to her chest. She wanted to wrap herself up in the cloak on the chair beside her. She also wanted to hex Antonin fucking Dolohov into next year, but she managed to resist.
Draco returned then, thank goodness. She felt if Dolohov's eyes had lingered on her body for much longer she would have been forced to kick him where it hurt.
"Dolohov." Draco said in a tense voice. "I do hope you are not bothering my friend."
"Not at all. I was just introducing myself to Miss Brown and thinking how it suddenly makes sense that you've been skipping out on certain meetings lately. If I had something this pretty at home, I'm sure I wouldn't like to leave either."
He smiled that same lecherous smile at her again and she forced a small smile back, feeling nauseous. She wanted to hurt Dolohov. How dare he speak about her like that? Apparently Draco could tell her anger was rising because he rested a calming hand on her shoulder.
"Honestly, Draco, how you can bear to keep something this fine to yourself is beyond me. I'd have her on my arm everywhere I went."
Dolohov obviously seemed to think he was paying her a compliment from the way he kept smiling at her.
"Unfortunately, I was never very good at sharing." Draco said sarcastically as he pulled Hermione to her feet.
"Ah yes. Only child syndrome and all that. You're not leaving, are you?" he said as Draco passed Hermione her cloak and fastened his own around his shoulders. "I was hoping to get to know your friend a little more."
"We have a previous engagement, unfortunately." He said and pulled Hermione after him. Dolohov grabbed her other hand though.
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Elizabeth." He kissed her hand again and walked off back to Lestrange. It wasn't until she was pulled outside by Draco that she realised he had put something in her hand. It was a piece of parchment and when she unfolded it and looked at what it contained she couldn't contain her anger.
"He gave me his address." She managed to tell a confused looking Draco. "Is he delusional or something?"
"Probably." He said through gritted teeth.
"I'm half his bloody age!" she ranted as they began to walk and turned off the High Street.
"Like that matters to him."
"And he called me a thing. If I had something this pretty at home. How you can bear to keep something like that to yourself is beyond me." She mimicked. "It's disgusting. When I was right there as well! How can he think it's okay to speak to people like that?"
"He's a Death Eater." He said as they walked past the Hog's Head.
"So? You're a Death Eater. You don't speak about people like that! And that's another thing," the alcohol and her clouded mind meant that her rant was going on for longer than usual. "Why would he even try anything when I'm clearly with you?"
"Oh you are, are you?" Draco smirked.
"You know what I mean, Malfoy!" she glared at him as he apparated them back to his home. "I mean that was hardly a business meeting between us, was it?"
"It was not." Draco answered.
"Eugh, just the spine of that man! It's repulsive. It's vile. It's-"
"As much as I agree with you about how repulsive that man is, and as much as I wanted to throw him across the room for talking to you like that, why don't we change the subject?" he interrupted her as they entered the house.
"Fine." She said as he took her cloak and hung it up. They walked into the living room and Draco put a vinyl on the record player. She recognised it – he'd played it before – but she couldn't place it. That last glass of whiskey had caught up with her now and the room was spinning ever so slightly. She closed her eyes as she stood in the centre of the room and listened to the music.
"So despite Dolohov hitting on you," She could hear the malice in Draco's voice as he came nearer. "Did you have a good few hours?"
She opened her eyes. He was closer than she thought he was. He put his hands tentatively on her hips as she put her hands around his neck and hugged him. When she pulled back and looked into his eyes, his arms snaked around her waist and met at the small of her back. She could tell he was slightly tipsy too.
"I did. It was-" she sighed happily, trying to search for the right word. "Magical."
He smiled slightly at her choice of words. They were both swaying slightly to the music without really realising it.
"Thank you, Draco." She said as her fingers absentmindedly played with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"You're welcome, Hermione." He smiled. And there was that lilt to his voice when he said her name that drove her crazy. And she could swear that he knew it. "Now can we please turn your face back to normal?"
"Oh yeah, of course." She said and they broke apart as she fumbled for her wand.
"Allow me." He replied and as he waved his wand she felt her hair return to its normal bushy quality.
He put his hands on her hips again and pulled her gently back into him.
"You're so beautiful." He said softly as one hand came up to cup her cheek.
She blushed and looked down. "You don't mean that." How could he? She was littered with scars and sullied by months of torture.
"I do." He lifted her chin so she was looking into his eyes. She'd never noticed the tiny flecks of blue that surrounded his pupil. How could she have missed that? They were spectacular. "I promise you I do. I missed your face today. It was odd being with you but not seeing you. It felt wrong."
They stared at each other for a few moments, the tension and electricity in the air was palpable. The song on the record player ended and the next one started. He still had his hand on her cheek, and she could feel his heart beating under her hands pressed against his chest. She looked down again.
"I-" she started to say something but no words came to her. She took a deep breath and met his eyes. He cupped her face in both hands and leaned down towards her, stopping when their faces were a half inch apart. His breath smelled of whiskey. She closed the miniscule gap between them and they melted into each other. His lips were so much softer than she'd expected. He pulled away ever so slightly after a moment and rested his forehead against hers.
"Merlin, you taste so good. God, why did you have to taste so good?" he whispered. "Hermione, if you don't want this, tell me now, please."
Did she want this? Of course she did. Should she want this? Now that was a very different question.
"I want this." She whispered, banishing the thoughts from her brain that might make her say no.
He kissed her again, soft and tentative at first, but then his tongue found its way into her mouth, and it became more passionate. Her hands travelled up and down his arms. One of his hands was in her hair and the other on her waist. He walked her to the sofa behind them and they collapsed onto it, never once taking their hands or lips off each other. His mouth moved from her lips to her jawline and then to her neck. She let out a moan of pleasure and she felt him smile against her skin. She wanted him. This was definitely more than just a crush. Their mouths found each other again as his hands pressed against the small of her back, wanting to pull her even closer. She tugged at his jumper and they broke apart for a second while he tore it off. Then her hands were all over his chest and his stomach. She wanted more of him. She bit her lip as he kissed her neck and she felt his hands under her top, pressing against her skin. Against her scars.
A small voice in the back of her head said to stop. She ignored it, pulling his face up to meet hers again. You should stop this. The voice was wrong. She didn't want to stop. She'd been flirting with the idea of her and Draco for nearly a month now and it felt glorious to taste him, to have his lips on her skin. Stop. You can't trust him. The voice got a little louder. Yes I can! He won't hurt me. She tried to banish the voice. But the voice persisted and as Draco started to lift her top it got considerably louder. Stop! You wouldn't be doing this if you were sober. She pulled away from him quickly and stood up, readjusting her top and trying to tame her hair a little.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I'm sorry, Draco. I'm just- I thought-"
"It's okay, Granger." He said.
"I'm sorry." She repeated. She didn't want him to be angry. "Please don't be angry with me."
"Hey," he said softly and placed his hands on her shoulders from behind her. He massaged her shoulders and she relaxed a little, but she still didn't want to look at him. "You don't ever have to apologise for not wanting to, Granger. I'm not angry with you."
"I just don't think we should make any decisions when our minds aren't clear." She said, looking at the floor. If she looked at him properly, standing there topless in front of her, she might just cave again.
"Okay." He answered, pulling on his jumper.
"I need to think." She said, looking into his eyes. Those eyes. They were like the sea on a stormy day. She knew if she looked at them for too long that her inhibitions would melt again, and she knew that would be a mistake. She reluctantly tore her eyes away.
"Okay." He repeated. "Do you want me to make any dinner?"
"Not for me, thank you. I think I'm just going to go upstairs. I might take a bath and get an early night."
"It's only five now, Granger." He said, in a resigned tone. "If you want to avoid me, I'll go and see Theo and get out of your hair."
"It's not that, Draco." She said quickly. "I just- I've had too much to drink and I'm… confused. I just need some time alone."
He let out a heavy breath. "Okay, Granger. Just don't let that brain of yours get overworked, okay? Today doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."
She opened and closed her mouth, wishing there was something else she could say, but nothing came to her. She turned to go but stopped in the doorway.
"Thank you, for taking me to Hogsmeade today. It was wonderful to see it again." She said and smiled.
He nodded. "Night, Granger."
"Night." She replied.
She walked upstairs to her room and collapsed on the bed. What had she just done? Why did things always have to be bloody complicated? Why couldn't Malfoy have just sent her back to the resistance two months ago? She could've recuperated there instead of staying here and actually being forced to see him as a real person, instead of a self-centred, bigoted Death Eater like she'd seen him as before all of this. What did that kiss mean? She obviously liked him, whether she wanted to or not. And if his reaction was anything to go by, he liked her as well. He hadn't shown any sign of wanting to stop.
She'd just kissed Draco Malfoy, and she was pretty sure she would have done a lot more than that had that goddamn voice in her head not had to speak up. If she'd had one more drink, would that voice in her head have been so loud? Would she have stopped it if she'd been drunker? She could only imagine what they'd be doing right now if she hadn't stopped them. A small part of her cursed herself for not having just one more drink. But no, that wouldn't have been right. She'd done the right thing, hadn't she?
She tried to think of what her friends would say to her but that just made her heart ache and her eyes sting. She needed to sort out her emotions by herself.
This was what Hermione Granger was good at. Analysing things and organising things. That was just what this situation called for. If she just separated and organised all the facts and her feelings, then she could analyse things objectively and choose the most logical and prudent option.
But logic and prudence don't always work when it comes to emotions. If she'd always chosen the logical approach, she probably never would have been with Ron, and even if that hadn't worked out as well as they'd hoped it would, she wouldn't have traded it for anything.
She sat staring at the ceiling and thinking everything through for hours. She guessed in the end that all that really mattered was whether she had actually fallen for Draco. And she had, she knew that much. Even if she hadn't before that day, she knew that the moment she saw those lights in Hogsmeade and knew that it was because of him, that she'd lost any last little resolve when it came to shutting down her feelings about him.
She heard Draco come upstairs and go to bed around half 10. She was thinking clearly now. The effects of the alcohol had worn off a while ago. She'd speak to him properly in the morning and they'd get it all straightened out.
A/N: So they finally kissed! Please review and tell me what you think!
And mega thank yous to Mjzero06, Beth, Judy, amg06113, Zethandrapus, Kiari Ferrari, Honoria Granger, ErikaNeubert, worththerisks, CallmeBexxx, Frogster and all you other reviewers (mega apologies if I've missed anyone, I'm trying to get this chapter up super quickly before I go to work) and to all you followers and favers! Hi-5!