Negan

I clutched Carl's hospital shirt as I turned another corner.

I knew I should be looking for an exit but I couldn't leave without her.

Carl's head rested against my chest, his eye drooping to the point that it looked closed. He still wore nothing but the hospital shirt, boxers and socks.

He seemed drowsy and ready to fall asleep any moment, the drugs still weren't out of his system.

My eyes fell to the large hand shaped bruise on his thigh contrasting with his pale skin. I could feel anger rising in me but pushed it back down. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. I repeated in my head like a mantra. I knew on some level it wasn't true, but I still wanted to believe that if Carl died I wouldn't care; I wouldn't feel a thing, no matter how untrue it was.

He's a prisoner and nothing more.

I kept my surroundings in mind as I moved through the halls thinking of the places we had passed on our way to and from the front office where they kept all the weapons.

One of Carl's hands clutched the back of my leather jacket while the other held onto the front. He hung limply in my arms but I could tell he was still awake; he would take glimpses up at me once in a while as if seeing if I was still there even though I held him.

Finally after passing several classrooms and offices the room I was looking for came into sight.

I slipped passed the corner and pressed my back to the side of the office, checking left and right for any guards.

I peered into the glass that separated us from the office that held weapons and multiple people still working. Guards lazily paced around; there was no way we could slip in and out unnoticed. But I could see someone handing Lucille to another.

I growled low in my throat and tightened my grip on Carl's shoulders and knees. I couldn't leave without her, I wouldn't not after everything, she had saved Joshua… but at the same time she had pushed him away.

I heard Carl whimper and looked down to see that I was clutching the teen's shoulder so hard my nails were practically digging into his skin. I quickly eased my grip and Carl's pained expression fell back into a dazed one.

I sighed, it was risky and it would only put Carl and myself into more danger but I just couldn't find it in myself to leave her.

…

Carl sat against the wall next to me as I clutched the machine gun I had taken from the guard and leaned over the edge of the open door to the office. There weren't as many people as before, I had seen some go into the back room to put weapons away and some had retired to their living quarters as the day wore on.

I felt a tug at my sleeve and looked beside me to see Carl clutching my jacket.

"I'm tired," he whispered, a small pout on his lips making him look much younger.

"I know, but when we get home you can sleep all you want, just stay awake for me okay"

I placed a hand on his cheek and he seemed to melt into it. The same way Joshua used to.

It reminded me of happier times, simpler times when Joshua Lucille and I would spend our day in the park eating ice cream.

When Joshua would hit a home run and look at me with that gleam in his eyes and that dazzling smile.

When I would come home late from work and we would sit on the couch, me with my beer, and Joshua with his can of soda and watch football until Lucille would come downstairs and scold us both into bed.

For a rare second I almost smiled, I felt the twitch in my lips and almost welcomed it; almost let myself believe that I could have those same things with Carl.

That I could have my son back, that things could be different.

But then a grim look swept over my features as I upbraided myself for such stupid thoughts, delusional and unrealistic thoughts that could never be true.

My hand dropped from Carl's cheek and I turned away from him without a glance, clutching the machine gun with white knuckles.

I forced my mind back to the objective and pushed all thoughts of both Carl and Joshua from my mind. I peeked into the room again to see only two guards and a handful of people still sorting weapons.

I glanced around at several of the boxes before my eyes landed on Lucille sitting in a box with other bats, crowbars and hand held weapons.

I straightened getting ready to take the shot. I could only take one guard by surprise. I would have to fight the other and avoid getting both myself and Carl shot. If any of the other people in the office decide to fight it would make it much more difficult, they were surrounded by weapons, any of them could simply pick one up.

I sighed, I had to hope I would put them into enough of a panic that they would flee, they didn't look like fighters like the guards, if they were, they wouldn't be sorting weapons but hefting them.

I once again felt the tug at my sleeve, I sighed and turned to Carl again. He held a handful of the leather material in his hand and for a moment he looked at the part of jacket he held with confusion. He stared at me with that convicting blue eye of his, he studied my face, and his expression was unreadable.

He looked up at me and asked.

"Dad? Where are you going? What are you doing, I thought you said we were going home"

He put his hand on my shoulder; he clutched the material of my leather jacket in a fist.

"You're wearing… a leather jacket. When did you get a leather jacket?"

He stared at me with his large questioning eye waiting for my answer.

My insides did a one eighty. How could I possibly answer that, I looked nothing like Rick, if he noticed the jacket he would start to notice other things.

I grabbed his wrist and slowly lowered his arm; I placed it in his lap and looked back up at his still thoroughly confused gaze.

"I have to go Carl, I'll come back for you, I promise" I gave him an apologetic look.

I could already see some of the confusion melting away and realization starting to dawn on him. But I stood and looked over the corner, and into the room again.

I raised the gun and aimed right for one of the guard's heads, the one that seemed stronger and bigger. I inhaled and rested my finger on the trigger.

I exhaled and took the shot.

There was a loud and surprised yelp then with a spray of blood the guard was down, a hole in his head.

For a moment everyone just stood there, eyes wide and jaws slack and then it was chaos.

A woman screamed and the guard jumped into action.

"Everyone! Get back to your rooms now!" The guard shouted and lifted his gun to the wall I stood behind as people crowded out of the room.

People passed, none noticing Carl or me in their haste to get to their rooms.

Once everyone was gone the guard spoke, "Who ever you are come out," he growled, "Come on you bastard, you won't be able to get out of here anyways"

Before I could do anything a hole popped into the wall, wood and drywall sprayed over both of us.

Another bullet hit the wall just above Carl's shoulder, he yelped and dived to the side.

"It's you isn't it" The guard said, "You and the kid that Miguel brought in"

I swung around the wall and shot, taking the guard by surprise. I swung back around but heard the cry of pain and thud as he hit the floor. I could hear heavy and pained breathing from behind the wall, meaning I had only shot him not killed him.

I turned to Carl and plopped the large machine gun onto his lap. I grabbed his arm in a bruising grip.

"Don't move," I warned through clenched teeth, "If anyone comes, shoot them"

Carl looked like he wanted to use the weapon on me but he knew we had priorities, if he killed me there was almost no chance of him making it out of here.

Before Carl could say anything back I rounded the corner.

I could hear the gunshots whizzing past me, and the sound of the bullets hitting the wooden wall of the office with a spray of splintered wood.

I lunged for the box that held Lucille and wrapped my hand around her, ignoring the metal that dug into my hand and drew the drops of blood that rolled down my arm.

Before I knew what was happening I had let out a strangled cry of pain. My leg buckled and I could feel the small piece of metal in my leg.

The guard had shot me.

The man held up the gun, this time aiming for my head.

He smirked, "You were never gonna wi-"

The body that crashed into him was less than half his size, but the teenager was unrelenting.

Carl punched the man with as much strength as he could, but he was still weak and drugged. I don't know how much medicine Miguel gave him but he wasn't ready to fight anyone.

The man grabbed his wrist before he could hit him again. The guard turned the tables and pushed the struggling teen onto his back. He straddled the youth and wrapped his large hands around Carl's neck.

I clenched my teeth trying to push away the pain and get to Carl. I could hear the chocking noises coming from the teen as he scratched at the man's face, wheezing, scratching and fighting.

I clutched Lucille; I could feel the metal thorns digging even more into my rough palm but instead of letting the pain stop me I used it to fuel me.

I could see Carl's movements starting to turn sluggish, his face was red and he could only eke gasps of breath.

I growled low in my throat and charged at the man, he was so focused on choking the life out of the teen he hadn't noticed me move till I swung Lucille.

His head snapped back with a splatter of blood that showered both Carl and I.

The teen was clutching his throat, taking in scratchy and labored breaths.

I panted clutching my bloody beauty as the limp body of the guard slumped onto Carl. The teen pushed the man's lifeless body away and struggled to sit up.

I reached to help him but he slapped my hand away, glaring at me with as much hate as a person could muster and at this point I couldn't blame him.

I sighed and looked around there was no doubt Miguel knew we've escaped by now.

I stood, as Carl took in lungful's of air. I walked to the door and checked around each corner. The coast was clear for now but I know they'll be waiting for me, for us.

"What happened to the gun?" I asked Carl.

I saw a flash of electric blue as he glanced up at me and then muttered, "It was out of ammo"

I walked back over to him and extended my hand to help him up. But he glared at me and once again slapped my hand away.

He pressed his bloody palms to the carpeted office floor and pushed himself onto shaky feet. He glared at me for about half a second before he stumbled forward, clutching his throat as he coughed.

I caught him before he could fall. He clutched my jacket as he coughed violently into my chest.

I rubbed his back and I had the feeling the only reason he wasn't pushing me away was because he was half drugged and coughing up a storm.

Finally after the coughing subsided and he pulled in large labored breaths his eye flickered up to me. He studied my face for a moment before his features scrunched in anger and he pushed me away, which caused him to stumble back more than me.

I sighed again, "Let's go were getting out of here"

"I'm going home," he said, as I turned towards the door, "when we get out of here I'm going back to Alexandria and you're not going stop me"

I turned my head to the side, my eyes settling on his shaking figure and fierce gaze.

"Not as long as I have something to say about it"

Wow it's been a while I didn't mean to take this long it's just I can't afford internet at the moment even now I'm typing this in a Taco Bell…

Moomoo- Me too ;)

Lizzy- Rick will find him eventually… I hope, anyway thanks for the nice review :)

Alucard and Seras- Aww thank you:) I was also looking for one but couldn't find it so I wrote one :) I can't wait to see their relationship in the show, I absolutely loved it in the comics, lets hope. And once again thank you :)

Guest- Here I am!

Flacagonzalez- Thank you :) Yes I agree the damage has been done and he is in part to blame, lets see where this goes and as always thanks for reviewing :)

I'll try not to be so late next time, I really will, I don't want to give up on this story and I think I have a vague ending in mind so please stick around :)