Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy or any other game, reference, etc. I shove in here. I only own the characters and other stuff I make up!

Ch. 14 My training begins

The first night without him was strange. I kept looking over at his bed to make sure that he was really gone. I cried some too and ended up crying myself to sleep. That in itself took hours. It did not really sink in until after I ate. I suppose that that was a good thing. No one else got to see me cry aside from Hojo. With Sephiroth gone that means I will probably be spending more time with him. I am going to make it a living hell for him if I can. It seems that subconsciously I am...or my shadow is. It seems to be listening to my feelings rather than actual commands. I wanted to be left alone so it made sure that no one bothered me for a while.

I was also informed that I would be getting some training. Hojo was finally strongly advised to get that started. I would get all of the basics in an attempt to strengthen different areas of interest as Hojo put it. It was going to be a welcome distraction for me. Now that I was alone I knew things would be harder for me. The time away from Hojo was an added bonus. Even with all of the things that Hojo has done to me I cannot be that strong. Admittedly I am stronger than before, but I am nothing compared to Sephiroth or anyone else here. I was not really a complete weakling before coming here, but everyone here is on a different level than someone from Earth.

I learned that floors forty through forty-five are for soldier training, but there is also a training facility near Midgar that does the girth of it. These floors are for soldiers staying in the city to use in between jobs. Forty is for rookies or someone like me. Forty-one has a gym for third class and lower, and forty-two has one for second class and above. Forty-three has showers and lockers separated by gender. It was no surprise that there were not as many women as men. Forty-four had weapon and materia storage and forty-five had a huge battle simulator, with a connecting room for live monsters if simulation was not enough for some.

Sheila gave me a quick explanation and tour of a few areas before taking me down to meet my instructor. He wore the regular Soldier armor and looked like he had not shaved in months. He had a musky smell and he was very muscular compared to most of the other people in the room. The way he looked at me was a mix. There was pity and also something else that I was not sure about. I wonder what they've told him? I was thinking as we approached him.

"My name is Usher and I'll be overseeing you're training." That accent! Hearing him speak made me think of home. He definitely had a country accent. It was one that had a city mix in it from spending a lot of time there. It reminded me how similar yet different Gaia and Earth are and that there was a chance I might never see Earth again. Usher said something that I failed to hear and he slapped a hand on my shoulder and repeated himself. It hurt and I was wondering if it would bruise or not. "Alright, I'm sure she gave you a run-down of the floors, but I'll be a little more thorough." He told me. "So what's your name?" At first I said nothing. "I need something to call you and you won't like the one I choose." He said raising an eyebrow.

"Lilia." I said a little sheepishly. For some reason it was hard to talk to him. He gave me a little smile and patted my back as he led me off to change. I was glad he was being gentler this time. He was going to do an evaluation of me first and then we would go and have a look at the floors and weapons. He wanted me to pick a main weapon even though I would be learning how to use a range of weapons.

"Alright little lady let's see what you can do." There was a small gym here for gauging strength, endurance, etc., which is where he started me off. We started with weight lifting to see how strong my arms were. I got up to one hundred sixty lbs. before I needed some help. We started at one hundred lbs. and I was actually surprised by how easy it was. Before I could barely lift that. He wanted to see how far I could go before I could not even lift it anymore. I got up to two hundred twenty-five lbs. That is when my face turned red and he had to help me.

He did not really seem that impressed with it, but I could not believe it. I looked around and saw that everyone else was benching at least over three hundred lbs. It made me realize how much stronger they were and reminded me that they were almost all rookies in here meaning the level of everyone above us would be much higher. It told me I had a long way to go and made me wonder even more how I managed to survive so far.

"That wasn't too bad. Let's see what else you can do." He sounds so happy about this. We move on and test my legs. I think both of us were surprised by the results of that. After going through everything he said I was off to a decent start. I was getting some stares from a few of the guys there. I think I may be the youngest one here and I know they are evaluating me as well. I heard a few of them laughing at some of the stats. Usher shot them a few looks that shut them up quick.

Afterward I got a little break while he was talking to a friend/colleague in his office. Because I was alone now a small group decided it would be a good idea to come and bother me. I was not really in the mood to deal with them and I was really hoping they were not going to annoy me.

"So what are you supposed be, a new recruit?" One of them asked. "You're so weak I doubt that you'll go far." She was a tough looking girl and so were her friends. They all nodded in agreement.

"I'm not a recruit." I told her.

"Then why are you here. Seems like a waste of time to have you here then. It's kind of insulting watching you." She said scowling at me. Her friends had similar expressions.

"Insulting? What does that mean?" She was smirking at me and stood with her arms crossed looming over me. All three of them were a little too close for comfort.

"Watching you is pathetic. You should stay home and get ready to be a housewife."

"Now who is being insulting?" I told her. "You don't know anything."

"Oh. I don't?" She said laughing. "I doubt you've ever been in a real fight!" She was actually starting to make me angry now. Going out of her way to come over here and insult me was very annoying. Although I'll admit this is not the first time this has happened to me albeit a very different situation. I was doing my best not to make things worse and actually start a fight.

"Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about." I said glancing over at Usher in his office. They were still talking and neither of them were looking in our direction. I have a feeling no matter what I say she's going to be mad at me. Hurry up in there…I don't want to deal with this. She's picking this fight on purpose.

"You three need to leave!" A man said standing behind them. They turned to him and their expressions changed. Whoever he was they were not going to mess with him. They left in a hurry, but I caught them making faces at me like little kids. "I don't know what her problem is. Every time someone new comes in she jumps on them!" He said shaking his head at them. "I'm sorry about them. I don't know what is wrong with some of these new recruits. I'll let my friends know to watch out for you." He said smiling.

"Thanks. I really did not want to deal with them." I told him.

"Name's Evan." He said shaking my hand. It was a really firm handshake and it hurt a little. "Oh, sorry. I forget to be careful around you guys." He told me. He is not a rookie.

"Lilia." I said rubbing my hand.

"That's a nice name. Well, I'll see you later. I'm supposed to be upstairs, but my little brother just joined so I'm helping him out." He said smiling. That's nice of him.

Usher finally came back looking like he had a nice conversation with his friend. "Alright break is over, let's have a look at the weapons and see if we can't find something for you." He motioned for me to follow him and we walked up the stairs to the forty-fourth floor.

There were weapons of every kind lining the entire room. There were three rows of cases plus three rows of weapons on each wall not including the front. "You're pretty small so we can rule out everything on the left wall."

They had everything categorized by type and weight to make things easier to find. The middle cases in the room were for guns only though. I found myself looking over to the right wall. I was looking over at the lighter swords. For some reason I have an affinity for them. Usher seemed to be thinking the same thing and guided me over there to have a better look.

He pointed out a few lightweight swords and some gunblades. I really liked the gunblades. They had a pair that was small. Usher saw me eyeing them and gave me a quick description and even he thought I might be suited for them. He was explaining every one that he pointed out to me. He also went into more detail when he thought he found something I would be suited for. He took some of them down and let me hold them so I could feel the weight and it was obvious that some were just too heavy for me so he chose carefully. I would be learning a variety of things so he tried to let me handle at least one of everything. He said that it would be a while before he felt ready to give me a weapon to fight with. I still had a lot to learn.

He was aware that Hojo had made me fight. He said that it might have helped make me stronger, but it was not the best way. First he would teach me hand-to-hand combat and learn the basics of fighting. Then he would start me on the basics of swordplay. Once I got that down pretty good he would start me on handgun training and I have to go to the gym every day for strength training.

After the overview he took me to the locker rooms and I was assigned a locker and given a bag full of equipment and clothes. "This will be your gear. Keep it here when you aren't using it. Go ahead and change so we can get a quick lesson in today before you leave." He told me. He waited outside for me and then we headed back down to the little training room on the fortieth floor.

"Alright, just show me what you can do and I'll work out where you need improvement." He told me. "I know you can fight weak monsters by yourself, but you have no skill right now." He said getting ready. "But that's just because you've never been trained. That changes right now." He said motioning for me to attack him. Our first round was over pretty quick. He barely seemed to be trying and all he did was defend himself. It was a little embarrassing, but I was also glad it was just us in here and no one could see us. He stopped me and did not hold back telling me everything I did wrong.

"I can see this might be a lot of work." He said sighing. I was ready to stop, but he had other plans. "Let's try again, but this time I'll show you what to do and I want you to do it until you get it right!" He told me. That could take hours! I was right. Two hours later he finally let me go.

"Well I think that's enough for today." He walks me back up to the lab and hands me over to Hojo. I could tell that he does not particularly like Hojo. Hojo seemed excited and asked him to give him an overview of how things went today. I am sent downstairs while they talk about what I did all day and I immediately fall asleep.

I feel so exhausted that even in my dreams I feel that way. Jenova was there only making things worse. She has been quiet for a while now and I have not decided whether I should be worried about that. Now all of a sudden she has decided to annoy me. You really are weak. If you would accept me then you would be much stronger. She says to me trying to sound nice. I try to ignore her like Sephiroth said, but it is harder than it sounds. She kept talking for a few minutes basically saying the same thing over and over.

"You're saying that he is stronger because he accepts you?" I asked her. I was not really sure about that, but then again I could not say it was false either.

Exactly. If you did the same then….

I quickly interrupt her. "Sorry, but I would rather not. You manipulated him. I won't let you do that to me."

There is nothing wrong with that. It made him stronger and if he listened then he would have been free to do as he wished. I would have taken care of him. I laugh at her.

"There is everything wrong with that! Tricking him into doing what you want for your own gain is deceptive and wrong! If he knew the truth and still followed you then it would be different, but even you know that he would never go for that." She did not have a chance to reply. I heard her shouting at someone and the tone in her voice made me wonder if she were afraid of them.

I wake up wondering exactly what that place is. Is it really a dream or is it an out of body experience? Or maybe something else entirely. Sheila interrupted my thoughts bringing in breakfast. It still seems weird that it is just me here. I do not like being in here alone. Having Sephiroth here made it much easier. Maybe I just felt more confident with him around. She noticed me staring absently at his bed. "You miss him don't you?" She said and it sounded like she missed him too. "I have been taking care of him for a long time now. It's sad to see him go off to become a soldier." She sighed and gave me my breakfast.

It was actually boring without him around since he had started talking to me. We would talk for hours about all kinds of things. Now all that time is empty and I have to fill it with something. I have some sketchpads that Sheila gave me. I have been hiding them in the space under the bed so I can have something to do when I am alone. I draw even more now than I have in my whole life on Earth. Most of my drawings now look sad. The people cry or have a sad look on their faces. I still draw a few comics of Hojo, but they are not as enthusiastic as they use to be. Sometimes I would draw Sephiroth when I missed him. Hojo caught me one time. It was not one of the ones with him in it thankfully. It was a pretty macabre image and the look on his face was unsettling. He even let me keep it and never said anything about it.

It has been two weeks since he left. Things have not been too bad without him. What happened at the party is still with me and randomly I have little episodes. It seems to be worse without him, but it is always something small that triggers it. During training Usher grabbed me from behind and I had a panic attack. I screamed at him to stop. It was unexpected and it took me a while to calm down again. He looked so worried about me that he called Sheila to come and get me.

We were sitting in his office and I let her explain everything to him. I glanced out the little window and saw everyone was watching. Evan was there and he was watching me with a sad look on his face. Usher had done a good job getting me into his office and making sure that no one saw me crying, but it was obvious that something was wrong. All of the sudden everyone was watching us. I could see those girls from before watching too and all of them had the same look of contempt on their faces. They had been leaving me alone thanks to Evan and Usher, but they did little things here and there that were annoying.

"What happened?" She asked him.

"We were training. I grabbed her arm and she started screaming." He explained in a bit more detail and she knew exactly what it meant.

"You were at the party three months ago weren't you?"

"Oh that." He said glancing over at me.

"Everyone had to leave early because of what happened to her." She told him.

"That was her?!" He said. "I had no idea. I'll have to be more careful then."

"I'm doing what I can to help her through it, but she still has episodes. It is not something that ever goes away completely, but we should do what we can to minimize it."

"You're right. You can go for the day. If you need some time it's ok." He told her.

I just nodded to him and left with Sheila. No one said anything to us as we left and I heard Usher shouting at them before the elevator door closed. "Are you ok?" She asked me.

"I'll be fine. It just came out of nowhere."

"It usually does. He understands and like he said, if you need time it's ok. Just let me know how you feel tomorrow." We were back in the lab shortly after that. I just sat in the chamber covering myself up. "I'll bring you something warm to eat. It might help."

It keeps happening. And every time it's like it just happened. How long will this go on? I was thinking. I knew that it had not been enough time. Even though they were dead and even though things had been going well it still made me feel the same. I have to get stronger. If I do that…maybe I can do something. Maybe I can help him. Maybe this will get easier. Sheila and Usher said I could take some time to myself, but I did not want to do that. It would only make it worse because I would have more time to deal with it. I needed something to do.

When she brought dinner I decided to let her know. "I'm going back tomorrow."

"Are you sure? You don't have to."

"I do. I don't want to stay here because of it. I want to do something about it!"

"Alright, alright." She said hushing me. "That's a good attitude and I think you'll be ok, but it will be a while before you can deal with it properly. Just remember what I showed you. It might help." She said watching me eat slowly. It was soup and it did seem to make me feel better. I just nodded to her and ate. I went right to sleep when she left.

That man I see in my dreams is slowly becoming less mysterious. I don't really know the reason for it, but it feels like maybe he is unable to continue doing that. It is just a feeling. When he speaks to me I get this impression that I should know him very well. It seemed that he was going through a lot of effort to hide his identity from me. He is not just a dark figure anymore. I could see his clothes. He wore a suit and now that I could see him he faced away from me. He seemed to be trying to comfort me more now that Sephiroth was gone. He always told me things would be okay. "You miss him don't you?" He asked. Of course I do. "It can be hard being alone in that place, but it won't be like that forever." He said in a comforting tone.

"I know you see a lot of what goes on around me. One of the aids concerns me. I don't think she is from Gaia." I said changing the subject. He nodded, but seemed reluctant to answer.

"I would have hoped they would be more discreet than that." He said shaking his head slightly. "I am not sure that you are ready to know yet, but then again you may find out first hand." That sounded like a warning. Whoever she or they were it did not sound good.

"Who are they?" I asked curiously.

"There is still time so I will just say this." He paused as if searching for exactly what he wanted to say. "You are right and wrong about her at the same time." That was it. The signal telling me I was going to wake up came and I found myself staring at the ceiling of the chamber thinking that just was not enough. I know that he did that on purpose. I guess that I can wait to find out.

Author: This chapter has been edited.

Evan is a new character that just happened when I was rewriting everything. He will probably pop up during her training from time to time.

As a little note here: Anything pertaining to the time periods including Before Crisis or Crisis Core later on in this story were written with minimal knowledge of those games. I have never played BC and I had reached CC events in the story before actually playing the game so I went my own way with it, but added elements of the game later on as it pertained to the story.