The Journal Chapter 14, a twilight fanfic

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

Note: I know I am always apologizing for not updating but I mean it everytime and I am grateful to all of you that are still with me. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. In the last chapter I realized I had not included what songs I used as I had before and I apologize for that as well. The songs from the last chapter are:

You don't see me: Josie and the Pussycats (movie not the cartoon or comic)

You belong with me: Taylor Swift

Bella

The room was silent after her words. Charlie was looking at her in disbelief and Carlisle was looking at her unsure and she could tell he wasn't sure if he believed what she had just said. Looking her father in the eye and not faltering she waited patiently for him to speak and when he didn't she attempted to pass him only to stop at his words.

"Your seventeen. You don't have the choice to leave."

Spinning around and seeing Carlisle shake his head she raised her gaze to Charlie's and began to speak her voice rising steadily as her anger grew.

"That's all you're going to say? I have been beaten and abused, harassed and called filthy names for weeks I tell you the truth and you don't believe me and now because I'm finally pissed off enough to leave, your saying I can't. You've taken away my friends, my dreams and my contest. Do you know how hard I worked to get into that competition? Hundreds of people got rejected and I made it. But no the thing you care about? That I don't want to stay with someone who doesn't trust me or care?!"

Charlie's face went puce and he stepped forward before saying.

"You know I care. You're acting like a child and I am trying to be the parent and do what's best for you."

Shaking her head and ignoring the voices of Tanya's parents behind her she said softly.

"Parents who love their children…..trust them."

She knew she had hurt him when she met his eyes. He had clearly understood what she had implied and she felt a wave of guilt at his pain, but this time she didn't back down. Feeling another wave of guilt at Carlisle's shocked face she looked at her shoes before saying.

"Come on. Let's sort this out."

When he didn't move she held out her hand and said.

"Dad. Let's sort this out."

Knowing that she had made up for her words a little by calling him dad she forced her hand into his and gently nudged him toward Tanya and Lauren's parents only to hear Charlie whisper.

"You know I love you Bells. I always have."

She opened her mouth to answer him only to close it just as quick. She'd already hurt him once and deep down she knew. She knew he did. Opting to stay silent she moved past Carlisle and walked over to Tanya's parents before saying.

"I'm pressing charges against your daughter and I assure you I will be attempting to get her expelled from our school and if no one listens, I'll go to the media."

Hearing Tanya's mother begin to yell at her she shook her head and pulled off her shirt ignoring the gasps from everyone around her and Carlisle had quickly moved the curtains boxing them in for Bella's modesty. Turning slowly and letting them see the extent of the damage she turned seeing Charlie look like he was going to be sick. Pulling her shirt back on and biting her lip she said softly.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I never did. All I did was fall in love with a boy and your daughter hates the fact that he loves me back so she's been hurting me for weeks and I did nothing not wanting to anger my father. If she hurts me again I will fight back and she knows I will win. That's why she always double teams me. She knows she can't face me one on one."

Turning and smirking she said.

"I can take both of you in a second and you know it. I refused out of respect for Charlie."

Trying to tamp down her guilt at seeing her father's expression she said.

"I don't deserve this and I won't take it any longer."

Seeing Lauren and her parents moving closer and knowing they'd seen too she said.

"Your daughter has called me a whore and many other despicable things and I just want to say that while I am not any of those things I feel perfectly happy to say that your daughters are monsters for bullying someone so badly for no reason."

Pushing her way out of the group she turned back to her father silently giving him the choice to stay with them or walk with her. She saw his hesitation and that was all it took. She knew it wasn't intentional. He had a job to do and she knew how it important it was, but she was important too. Shaking her head she walked out only turning to say to Charlie.

"I'm eighteen in less than a week. I could leave then."

Before turning once again and walking away ignoring the raised voices she heard behind her including her father shouting. Hearing Carlisle calling her back she ignored him too pressing her phone against her ear and hearing the voice she wanted she whispered shakily.

"I'm at the hospital can you come and get me?"

Edward

He had been bouncing in impatience and kept glancing at his watch every five minutes before finally giving up and going to his room and pulling out the journal after he had tripped over it once again. It seemed he never thought about it until it presented itself to him. Realizing he was about a quarter of the way through he read silently for about five pages simply enjoying the writing. She had written more on the competition and her father and he realized that once again he really wanted to meet her. Seeing another entry that looked as if it had been written jerkily he paused and re read it trying to understand what was wrong although he wasn't with her and couldn't actually make it better.

He's been so different lately. I get that his job is so hard that he has issues and I know his leg is hurting him so much but he won't let me help him. And now Carlisle has been telling us that if he doesn't go through with the operation he could lose function in it all together. I have to find a way to make him listen to me. Either that or I have to find a better job and get more money to help him that way. I wouldn't mind working myself to death if it meant helping dad. I love him so much I can't let this happen to him. I can't.

Sighing, he pinched his nose with his fingers. This poor girl. Remembering his resolve to talk to his father he promised himself that he would tonight and would see if there was a way he could help. He knew doctor patient privilege laws and hippa but he figured maybe there was a chance he could get some information out of his father if it meant helping someone. He didn't know what he could do but he could try to make it better. Looking back down at the journal again he saw another song and couldn't help the eager smile that came over his face. He loved her music so much and was always eager to read her songs.

Can I ask you a question please

Promise you won't laugh at me

Honestly I'm standing here

Afraid I'll be betrayed.

As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams

So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness

How long must I hold my breath

So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea

I reach to the sky as the moon looks on

One last year has come and gone

It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

And I said can you turn my black roses red?

Cuz I feel like I've never known love

I feel like I've never known love!

Can you turn my black roses red?

Can someone turn my black roses red?

Can you be the one to turn my black roses red?

Cuz I feel like I'll never know love

And I feel like I've never known love…..

Feeling himself sit down on the floor he couldn't stop himself as a tear slid down his face. What kind of girl had never felt as if she was worthy of love and terrified of it? What had happened to her and who had hurt her? Or had she simply never fallen in love and was terrified of trying? This song was about a shy girl. A reserved girl. He didn't know to many of those. Thinking for a moment he wondered about Angela. She was shy and quiet and didn't have a boyfriend. In fact when he had talked to Bella about her at a game she had even said that Angela had a crush on someone but couldn't tell him because she was scared. Could he be the crush she had mentioned?

Closing the journal he continued to think for a long moment before Bella's smiling face came to mind. She didn't have a boyfriend either and she had always been quiet and reserved as well. He had heard her sing many times and knew she was good but she had never mentioned anything about her father being hurt and he'd seen Charlie almost everyday sometimes and couldn't see anything wrong with him.

Turning to the back of the page he saw a bunch of quotes and notes written in all directions and began turning the journal and his head this way and that to read them.

"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."

If I believe and never give up my dreams of becoming a singer will come true. They have too. I just have to believe hard enough.

"The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

Turning to the left and cocking his head he read.

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

If I remember anything its that I must believe in myself even when no one else does and I know that I can shine through. I am stronger than they know and there's a strength inside of me that no one can take away.

Feeling a smile overtake his face despite everything going on he turned his head to the right while turning the journal in the same direction to see what else she had written.

Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright."

Release me from my cage….

"Every man dies, not every man really lives."

"Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya."

"Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." -

Boy isn't that the truth but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try!

Turning his head the right way he saw a quote right in the middle and by the care she'd taken to make sure the writing was pretty, he knew it was her favorite. His emotions from the previous section had gotten him. Especially her saying she needed to be released from a cage. This girl obviously felt trapped and needed a release to freedom.

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends

The qoute was written twice but Edward instantly realized why. She had taken the original quote with the one that was from the movie and shown the similarities and differences. He smiled thinking about how analytical that was which made him shift back to Angela. He knew she was very critical and thoughtful at all times and couldn't help but wonder if it could be her.

Pain can be controlled - you just disconnect it.

Feeling his stomach drop on reading this he closed his eyes for a long moment. He didn't even know how to feel after reading that. A sadness had seeped through him and he almost felt numb and depressed for this girl. Hearing his phone he was shaken from his thoughts and noticed Jasper was calling him. Grinning in relief as he had been feeling guilty about how he treated him, he answered and said.

"I'm so glad you called man. I'm so sorry about the cafeteria. I was wrong and I'm sorry I've been a complete prick and I.."

He was quickly cut off by Jasper yelling at him and frowning he concentrated on the words before shouting.

"WHAT?"

Hearing Jasper sigh exasperatedly, he said again.

"BELLA IS ON HER WAY TO THE HOSPITAL IN A COP CAR!"

Quickly telling him he had to go Edward hung up and called his dad only to swear when he couldn't get through. Calling the backup number he got one of the nurses and after she heard how frantic he was and him saying it was a family emergency she agreed to go get Carlisle. Waiting impatiently and tapping his foot he startled when he heard his phone beep and saw a text message from Jasper saying he was coming over to him. Quickly typing back his thanks he heard his father in his ear.

"Edward what's wrong are you alright? Is it Esme or Alice? Did Emmett get hurt?"

"I'm fine dad. We all are, but Bella's on her way to the hospital! What's wrong dad is she okay?"

Hearing his father exhale angrily he frowned for a second before realizing Carlisle was angry with him.

"Edward! I can't come running to the phone for things like this. I'm a doctor at a hospital. I know you love Bella but patients need me and if this isn't an emergency like you said it was I am very disappointed that you would lie like this. I was terrified something had happened to you or your siblings or Esme."

Feeling his anger swell at his father's words he forced himself to calm before whispering.

"Bella's an emergency to me dad. She always has been and seeing as she's like a daughter to you, I guess I had assumed it would be to you too."

It was so quiet on the other side of the line he thought for a brief second maybe he had hung up. Hearing his quiet breathing assured him he was still there and then he finally spoke.

"Bella is my daughter Edward I'm sorry. I am sure she will be fine and i promise to let you know something as soon as I know."

Hearing sirens in the background he heard his father say he had to go before hanging up and lowering his head before raking his hands through his hair he swore again before hiding the journal and sitting down in the living room not looking up again until he heard his front door opening and saw Jasper approaching him carefully.

Saying nothing he saw Jasper study him before softly saying.

"You look like hell."

Nodding he still said nothing for a long moment before saying very quietly.

"I'm sorry Jazz."

It was his turn to nod and he replied.

"I know."

Handing him a jacket he pulled him up before saying.

"Let's go get your girl."

It was his turn to nod only to stop when they reached the driveway and he paused in front of Bella's motorcycle. He knew Bella better than anyone and knew what she would need and seeing Jasper raise his eyes in question he quickly plopped on ignoring Jasper's protests that he didn't know what he was doing. He did. It was a secret that he'd been learning. He hadn't even told Bella. He knew plenty for what he knew she needed. Revving it up he smiled at Jasper's expression he sped off laughing when he heard Jasper's car starting behind him. Speeding past the buildings in town and ignoring the stares he was getting, he made it to the hospital in record time. Waiting for Jasper to catch up he smiled again when he saw him jump out of his car and look at him in disbelief.

"Where the hell did you learn to drive like that?"

Wagging his finger back and forth he shook his head before walking into the hospital. After texting his father he waited for a moment before checking his phone after hearing the telltale beep.

Edward you can't come up here. I'm sorry. Bella will be fine. I can't say more than that.

Sitting down heavily he felt Jasper sitting down next to him and he said.

"They will tell us when they can Edward. You know she's okay. Your father's one of the best."

"Yeah, I know."

He said after a long moment before turning his head to see two security guards stand up before making their way down the hall and without a second thought Edward motioned his head toward them only for Jasper to hiss.

"Are you trying to get arrested too?"

Seeing them approach the elevator Edward quickly pushed past Jasper only to feel Jasper yanking him back and hissing again.

"Edward stop! Your being a serious dumb ass!"

Feeling his anger rise he opened his mouth to retort only for Jasper to say warningly.

"I am trying to help you."

Sitting down he glared at the floor but said nothing knowing his anger was getting the best of them and they were both silent until Jasper said quietly.

"Your dad has been extremely understanding about everything that's been going on but I'm sure even he has limits dude. You getting arrested is I'm sure something that will push him over the edge."

After pausing and making sure Edward was paying attention he said.

"And if Charlie arrests you, you know you will never be allowed near Bella again. He already tried pushing her towards Jake."

Seeing Edward's head snap up Jasper closed his eyes in frustration at himself he spoke again.

"I thought you knew."

He shook his head and hissed.

"No. Decidedly not."

Shrugging his shoulders in apology they were silent again until Jasper's phone began ringing. Taking it out he mouthed, It's Bella before answering and simultaneously trying to calm down Edward who was muttering angrily.

"Why didn't she call me?"

Putting his hand over Edward's mouth he turned up the volume on his phone so he could hear the conversation as well so he would calm down he silently hoped Bella would forgive him for doing so. Sighing silently in relief as Edward's face softened when he could hear Bella crying and her voice shaking so badly he knew if anything Edward was calming down as his worry was taking over.

"I'm at the hospital. Can you come and get me?"

He let out a short laugh before saying.

"I'm at the hospital right now. Edward is too. He was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were ok."

They heard a long pause and finally she said softly.

"He's going to be mad at me for calling you and not him. It's just we've had so many problems lately and I didn't know what to do I just needed someone who would understand and be here for me and lately it seems that the only person willing to do that is you…..and Jacob."

She added as an afterthought trying to get her voice to stop shaking and he could hear her crying in the background. Ignoring Edward's growl he listened to her say.

"I didn't want Jake to be there. I want Edward but he just jumps to all these conclusions but I didn't do anything. Jacob didn't try anything either. Were just friends and I wish everyone could see that."

Her voice cracked on the end. Seeing guilt rack Edward's eyes, Jasper said.

"I am here for you and always will be Bella. I promise. But I also promise this. Edward's not mad at you. Right now he's just worried."

Hearing footsteps they didn't realize Bella must have been walking to them because they heard her soft voice ask.

"Really?"

Snapping his head up Edward ran to her and gave her a gentle hug before whispering.

"I'm not mad baby."

Bella

"I'm not mad baby."

She heard him whisper. Feeling her resistance fading she sank into him and began sobbing into his shoulder feeling Jasper coming up behind her and hug her and Edward as well. She felt Edward tense for a second before relaxing and hugging her tighter. Letting out a small giggle she felt Jasper shaking behind her before whispering.

"Edward's jealous…."

Giggling again at Edward's body language she heard him say.

"Jazz…"

Raising her head she said.

"He's trying to help."

Edward nodded saying nothing before sighing and wrapping his arms around Jasper the same way he was to him and said in an overtly happy voice.

"Oh my gosh! Group hug!"

Seeing Jasper and Bella raise their eyes to his staring at him as if he'd lost his mind he winked suggestively making Jasper and Bella burst into laughter and Bella gratefully kissed him while hugging him as tightly as she could before whispering.

"Thank you. I needed that."

Smiling gently he said.

"I know I've been an ass but I do have my good moments too."

Hearing her make a sobbing sound he looked down confused until she spoke and he felt guilt slam him.

"I don't always think you're an ass. You just don't trust me and keep blowing things out of proportion."

He nodded and said quietly.

"I'll try to work on it from now on. I don't want to hurt you. You know that."

Clutching him tighter she nodded in his chest before saying.

"Your ex girlfriend is a complete wench."

"I can't even believe she went this far she's such….. I can't believe I ever dated her."

Cupping her chin and kissing her softly he said.

"I need someone who wears sneakers. Not high heels."

He said thinking on the journal and allowing a grin to overtake his features. Looking down at Bella he saw her eyebrows furrowed and she asked him to repeat what he said. After doing so he saw her frown again. Opening his mouth to speak he stopped hearing voices down the hallway. It was his father and Bella's.

"Carlisle, I'm not going to just let her walk out of the hospital. She's my daughter and I'm taking her home with me."

Seeing Bella close her eyes in defeat he cupped her chin and whispered against her mouth.

"Let's get out of here."

Seeing Bella's eyes light up for a second, it quickly faded and she said.

"I can't. I'm in so much trouble already."

Both teens were quiet for a long moment before Jasper clicked his teeth making them look up and he said mischievously.

"How much more screwed can you get."

Thinking for a second she answered.

"Honestly…but you guys aren't in trouble. Jasper your mama would kill you and Carlisle..."

Seeing her falter Edward picked her up and basket carried her out of the hospital ignoring the front desk and brought her to her bike. Bella instantly lit up and said happily.

"How did you…?"

Kissing her gently he whispered.

"I knew what you needed."

Seeing tears in her eyes she whispered.

"We still need to talk Edward."

Nodding he answered.

"I know."

Getting on the bike and feeling her get behind him he said.

"But for now, let's go!"

Taking off he felt her hands tighten on his stomach and grinned before speeding up and making her grab him completely. Feeling Jasper come up beside him, he heard him ask where they were heading. Telling him and feeling Bella squeeze he knew he made the right choice.

Bella

Ignoring everything around her she squeezed Edward as tight as she could but one panicked thought kept running through her mind.

Did Edward have her journal?

And that's all for now. I tried to make it super long to make up for the fact that I've been absent and as promised Edward let something slip.

Qoutes in this chapter :

Cinderella

lion king

winnie the pooh

Arnold Bennett

The Shawshank Redemption

William Wallace, Braveheart

Laverne (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas)

nicholas sparks a walk to remember

bible where the original qoute was taken

Kyle reese terminator

Song used in this chapter:

Black roses red- alana grace