Ryder walked slowly through the crowd at the docks. Scott hovering nearby while Vetra followed carrying a bag holding her belongings. Cora walked next to her as she asked, "So the resupply is completed?"
"Yes, the galley has been re-stocked. Power cells as well ammo supplies have been delivered. A new set of armour for you is already in your locker," Cora replied.
"Lexi wants you to drop by the med-bay once you are on board since you insisted on being discharged early," Vetra piped up from behind.
Ryder nodded, she had expected that much from Lexi. The debridement was done surgically three days ago, there was no reason why she couldn't recover on the Tempest. Lexi was more than capable of taking care of the wounds. The Tempest wasn't meant to be grounded, sitting in the docks waiting for her to recover. Ryder wanted off the Nexus and she wanted off now.
She had gone from weariness to anger in quick succession, following the council where Tann practically lied through his fucking teeth. Her wounds hurt but her heart hurt more. Jaal hadn't been by. Not before the council, not after either. Vaguely she wondered if her reaction to his bio-electricity made him stay away.
"Where's Jaal?" Ryder asked, suddenly.
Nobody spoke for a moment, though they were still slowly making their way back to the Tempest. "What?" she asked suspiciously.
"He hasn't reported back to the Tempest yet," Cora replied, carefully eyeing Ryder.
She shrugged single-shoulder. "Was he informed of the departure time?" she asked.
Cora nodded. "Then he is a big boy. He can handle his own time management."
The party made their way to the Tempest while a human male observed them. He was just another face among the sea of faces at the Nexus. Nobody paid him any particular attention. He was a nondescript looking man of average height, black hair and dressed in the Initiative uniform as so many on the Nexus were. Once he was sure the group had entered the Tempest's docking bay, he pushed off from the railing he was leaning against.
His steps were sure as he weaved his way around the crowd. Slipping onto the tram with the crowd was easy, with the clearance he enjoyed, he even had access to a private cabin reserved only to a selected few. He exited the tram at Operations. Skirting around the stairs that led to Addison's office, he entered the larger office that's on the left. After entering he stopped at his own desk. He double checked his appearance in the reflection of his terminal. His hands fidgeted with his collar. Once he was sure, he looked good, he mounted the stairs to see his boss.
"Director Tann, the Pathfinder's party has boarded the Tempest," he reported.
Tann looked up from his work and nodded. "Thank you for your work, Siegfried," he said.
Siegfried knew he was being dismissed so he left his boss to his thoughts. Tann relaxed into his chair and sighed. The mental toll of having Ryder on the Nexus was doing a number on him. Tann caught a glimpse of his own reflection on window. Most other species wouldn't have noticed but his skin was taking on a rather unhealthy pallor. It was too dry to be healthy for a species suited for a humid climate. The stress was getting to him.
Tann prided himself on always being in control. He wielded red tape and protocol like a weapon. Though his position as the director of the Initiative was due to a fluke, he intended on making the most of it. Not as much of a fluke as Ryder's rise to her position.
The arrival of the Hyperion was at first a relief to him and the others but after the success Ryder had with Meridian, both in defeating the Archon and securing of Meridian for the humans, Tann couldn't help but feel control was slipping from his fingers. Ryder's ability to galvanise everyone including the angaras scared him. Though her actions had saved everyone from certain exaltation, Tann knew he couldn't work with the human Pathfinder. Her choice of the Moshae as the Ambassador and then her suggestion of adding an asari voice to the Leadership was just proof she couldn't, wouldn't see reason. Expansion into a brand new cluster wasn't something taken lightly. The human Pathfinder constantly overstepped her bounds and wouldn't be bound by rules.
Addison had paid lip service to opening the Meridian to the other species, Tann knew better. Who would put the needs of other species ahead of their own? Nobody. The species who found their golden world first would have a head start to populate Heleus. There was no fighting if numbers were on your side. No matter how smart or effective you might be, it's a numbers game in the end. It's a matter of simply overwhelming everyone else till you are the majority. Tann knew the clock had already started ticking the moment the Hyperion made land fall. The race had already began and only the humans had arrived for the party. Tann was desperately under pressure to secure a permanent home for his people. And he was determined to see this through within his lifetime.
Tann frowned and took a sip of his cup of fruit juice, he was partial to aloe vera juice. He sighed as he allowed the flavours to fill his mouth. He knew what he had to do, bringing down the Shield of Meridian was just part of his plan to shift the influence away from the humans. Tann knew he was right to strike first and hard. It had always been the salarian way. When Mateo came with his tale of woe, it was just his way to gain a hold over Ryder. He relished the constant barbs thrown her way but those were only petty little victories. The Leadership deciding in his favour was sweet satisfaction. She had nothing on me.
Tann took the omni tool cuff from his drawer and slipped it on. Most would have an omni tool chip implanted directly into their forearm but communication coming from and going out of that particular omni tool were all tagged with DNA. It wouldn't do if a more secure form of communication was needed.
He quickly tapped a message out. The Ryder situation is under control. With the message sent, he pulled the cuff off and threw it back into the drawer. He permitted himself a small smile, pleased that the situation was well under control.
Making sure he locked the drawer before leaving the office. Tann nodded as he passed Siegfried on his way out. All it took was a simple promise to Captain Zaex to move his family up the queue and then a chat with Siegfried. His secretary was more than willing to aid his boss in any way he wanted. It was easy, child's play. Ryder was hardly ready to play with the big boys.
His steps took him to his favourite restaurant, it was a posh restaurant that sprung up recently that served authentic salarian cuisine, at least as authentic as they could so far away from Sur'Kesh. Thoughts of his home world brought his thoughts to the botched mission on Havarl. His contact's information had always been good but not this time. Why?
His regular server left after taking his order. Tann leaned back into the chair, trying to relax. He wasn't stupid. Tann had expanded his considerable resources tracing his mysterious contact when they had first reached out. All his searches had terminated in dead ends. He was cautious of course, double checking and triple checking the information but they checked out time and time again with no trouble. Every tiny bit of information led to undiscovered caches of resources. Their professed goal of finding a home planet for each Milky Way species aligned with his. He didn't even had to do much for them. What's a little access to the outposts' mainframes?
He remembered the request for access to New Tuchanka's mainframes that came along the details of the eezo deposit on Havarl. Morda had refused the request when he put it through the regular channels. Tann frowned at the memory. Morda was always going to be a torn in his side.
Now though Tann decided it might be time to re-evaluate their partnership. If this came at the cost of the anagaras, it might not be worth it after all. But everyone makes mistakes, there is no need to terminate a mutually beneficial relationship over a single mistake. But it'll still be easier to settle his people in a nice humid planet, working with the angaras than against them. Maybe it's time to ask for an update from Raeka on that front.
Tann ate slowly, savouring his lunch. He enjoyed the solitude of having lunch by himself. There was no distractions and he could sort those his thoughts in peace. Sure, sending the team to Havarl was foolhardy but he was eager to secure precious resources for the good of the people, all of them. Eezo was probably the single most valuable resource. No eezo, no exploration; no exploration, no home world for anybody else. Tann shook his head, his best intentions were never understood.
His omni tool chimed with a reminder for an impending vid-comm with Kandros regarding the recent of hacking attempt on the Nexus by Perseus. He shook his head, he was getting tired of hearing about them but they had proved to be hard to find, harder to eradicate.
Ryder laid down on the bed at the med-bay. The scanner whined as it scanned. Lexi staring at the output from the scanner. "Any problems?" she asked.
Lexi frowned. "Most of your wounds are healing well," she said.
"Then why are you frowning?" Ryder asked as she sat up with Lexi's help.
She settled her left arm back into the sling, she clenched and unclenched her hand to work her muscles. "I know you are 23 years old, young even for human standards but you can't expect to keep doing this and expect your body to keep up. There is going to be limit how much your body can take," Lexi said.
"That day is not today, Lexi," Ryder said. "Let me worry about it."
The asari doctor sighed, giving in. "Fine, we'll not talk about that," she said. "How are your headaches and memory?"
Ryder looked away. Her arm instinctively raising to rub the back of her neck before wincing and dropping it. "Ryder, this is serious. I'm not asking you to tell me what happened but this is the only way we really have to determine if you have recovered from your concussion."
She sighed, her brown eyes meeting Lexi's blue ones. "The headaches come and go. I can remember everything from getting the mission from Tann to the deployment on Havarl and the crash. After the crash, it gets a little vague. I kind of recall a fight with some korgans, some humans," Ryder said, her eyes took on a glaze. "After that…"
She stiffened, reliving the memories again. Her breaths grew sharp and fast. Recognising the signs of a flashback, Lexi held her hands. "Ryder, you are here on the Tempest. You are safe. You are home," she said.
As Lexi repeated her words over and over again, Ryder slowly relaxed and she blinked. Recognition slowly coming back to her eyes. "Sorry," Ryder said.
Lexi shook her head, "No, I should apologise. I shouldn't have pushed. You should speak to a therapist, someone trained to treat PTSD. I can reach out to Harry to get some recommendations."
Ryder shook her head. "I don't want a stranger, Lexi," she pleaded, her voice wavering.
"But I am not trained for this…"
Ryder's eyes flicked away then back at Lexi's. She could see the Pathfinder's mask stripped from Ryder's face. The bare bones of Sara Ryder, the 23 year old who had seen too much, endured too much staring back at her. Young, so young but carrying so much. "I trust you," Ryder said simply before sliding off the bed.
She moved to exited the med-bay and turned back. "It's you, or nobody," Ryder said. "Let me know."
Lexi sat there with her mouth agape. She is the patient and she is giving me an option to refuse? There was no doubt. If Ryder trusted her, there was no way she would allow her to go untreated. Knowing the Pathfinder as well she did, Lexi knew Ryder would rather go untreated if she didn't get her way. Damn, the Ryder stubbornness.
Ryder made sure everything was settled before returning to her quarters. Scott had asked for a ride to Elaaden, saying he had some business to attend to at New Tuchanka. She was sure Scott could have hitch a ride with any other ship but he was just there to keep an eye on her. He had gotten over protective after learning what happened to her. We're twins for heaven's sake, he's not my older brother. Knowing him, he would probably point out he was born 12 minutes earlier.
"Jaal has reported in," SAM's voice came through via her omni tool.
"Got it, let Kallo know to make way to Elaaden once we are clear to leave," she said.
"Acknowledged Ryder, it's good to have you back on the Tempest," SAM said.
"It's good to be home."
Ryder sank down onto her chair. She might not show it to the crew but that little walk from the medical centre to the Tempest sapped her energy. It pissed her off feeling weak all the time. Having her dominant left arm in a sling was making things harder than it used to. She glanced at her journal and pen then at her left hand. Sighing, she decided to dictate an entry in her omni tool instead. That, I don't need any hands.
She leaned back against her chair when she finished the entry. Her eyes closed as she turned the question over and over again in her head. The fuzzy memories scared her. What did she not remember? What horrors were hidden behind the dark fog of non-memory? What else was done to me that I just don't remember? She had burn marks way too close to her crotch for her not to think about it. What if? Maybe it did happen? I don't know, I don't fucking remember. Was not knowing worse than actually knowing? Ryder wasn't sure but right then the not knowing sucked.
The door slid open interrupting her brooding. She turned and saw it was Scott. "Hey Sara, it's time for dinner," he said.
"I'm not hungry, Scott."
"Nonsense! You're a biotic, you are always hungry," he insisted.
Ryder levelled a flat look at her brother before sighing and levering herself up from the chair. "Lead the way," she said.
She arrived at the gallery to find most of the crew all cramped in it. Peebee deposited a plate of steaming rice topped with fragrant steamed chicken done in typical South-East Asian style. "You must be sick of all the hospital food," she said. "This should perk up your appetite."
The food dispelled the dark questions from her mind. Ryder's mouth was indeed watering. It was a dish that was popular on the Citadel, she didn't think she would be able to eat it again in Heleus. "How?" she asked, eyeing the plate in her hands.
Scott laughed. "How can I be your older brother and not know what's your favourite food?"
"Twin!" Ryder corrected.
Drack got up from the bench and it freed up more than enough space for Ryder to slide in. "But where did you get it?"
"I confess the seasoning were from a pre-mix pack that Vetra had tracked down. The rest were simple enough to acquire," Cora said.
"Don't mind me if I tuck in," Ryder said with barely contained eagerness.
She dug into the food as if she had been starved for days. In a way, she was. Starved for her make-shift family, for comfort, for something normal. The crew sat around with her, eating and chatting. Ryder felt a semblance of normalcy settling into her bones. A knot that she didn't know she had, loosen. Ryder breathed easier than she had in days.
"Peebee, Liam," Ryder called. "How are your wounds?"
Liam waved his arm at Ryder. "I'm out of a cast!" he announced triumphantly.
"But you are going to start PT tomorrow," Lexi reminded as Liam groaned.
Ryder turned to Peebee and jerked her chin at Peebee. "The cast is coming off in a day or two, meanwhile I'll still be hobbling around in crutches."
"Then, you will be my PT buddy!" Liam cheered while Peebee buried her face in her hands.
Ryder laughed as she caught Drack looking at her. She gave him a smile. It was a smile that was genuine, not a front to reassure but just a simple gesture of contentment.
The stitches on the kid's face was giving her a new smile. Drack knew once the stitches dissolved, the scars would still remained. Absently, he wondered if Lexi told the kid yet. He knew how humans were with scars. They weren't always viewed with pride, for having survived something bigger, stronger. He had seen many humans cover their scars up under clothes and tattoos as if they were badges of defeat.
The line that ran across the kid's right check was a silver line while the one cutting through her left eyebrow would probably forever be an angry red scar. He ran with enough human mercs to know that muscles under scars would tug and pull in ways different. Now the long horizontal one was giving the kid a strange dip in her check, like a horizontal dimple, when her mouth widened into a smile. Drack offered a approving grin back at her.
He clapped a hand on her shoulder causing her to wince. "Drack," Ryder groaned. "Watch the shoulder."
The rest of them piled onto Drack, scolding him for forgetting with Lexi being the loudest among them. Though the crew were enjoying themselves, Ryder's eyes was searching for the only one not there. They hadn't spoke since before the council and Ryder knew a talk was long overdue.
"Hey Scott, where are you sleeping tonight?" she asked as she stood up.
Scott shrugged. "I thought I could just hot bunk with Liam or something," he said.
Ryder shook her head. "You can't be depriving my crew or yourself of proper rest," she mock scolded, grabbed a couple packets of angara nutrient paste and stuffing them into her pocket.
"But it's at least a leisurely five days to Elaaden," Scott protested.
"You can sleep on the sofa in my room, there's space enough if you prefer the floor too. Just grab a sleeping bag or something," she said, as she got up and excused herself from the galley.
After she left, Vetra glanced at Cora. "Jaal?" she asked.
Cora nodded. "Jaal, for sure."
"Shall we get SAM to spy on them for us?" Scott suggested.
"Scott, I will not be invading the Pathfinder's privacy unless she personally makes such a request," SAM chimed in immediately.
"Spoil sport," Gil said.
"Engineer Gil, would you like me to recite the poems you have been composing to Jill?" SAM asked, almost sweetly.
Ryder could hear uproarious laughter drifting from the galley as she made her way over to the tech lab. Ryder pressed her palm on the holo-lock and the door hissed open. She was surprised to hear music coming through the speakers. The twang of guitar strings echoed against her chest as a voice sang a beautiful quiet song. Ryder recognised the song as one from her own collection.
Hey little lady
You've cried too much lately
Don't you think you've had enough
Jaal was sitting at his desk as usual with a weapon disassembled in front of him. His head bobbing a little in time to the song, absorbed with his work. "Have you been stealing my music?"
He looked up surprised at her voice. "No, I had found these on the Tempest's shared data storage. Isn't it for everyone?"
Ryder chuckled. "Yeah it is, I was just teasing."
Jaal looked at Ryder expectantly, she looked right back. She was here to talk but the subject would be uncomfortable at best, painful at worse. Ryder was definitely not looking forward to it. The silence grew long and horribly awkward. Ryder blinked first. "Bad time?" she asked casually, at least she hoped so.
Jaal shook his head. "How are you feeling, Ryder?" he asked.
"Like I am totally sick of that question."
Jaal chuckled. "I can see why. All right, I won't make you answer that boring question."
"We missed you at dinner," she said as she leaned against the wall, keep a distance from Jaal.
Jaal's expression grew pained as he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. Ryder recognised the familiar gesture. Looks like some things do rub off. "Here," she said as she tossed the anagara nutrient paste packs towards him.
He snatched the packs easily out of the air. "Thanks," Jaal said as he ripped one open.
"Why do you only eat these paste packs?" she asked curiously. Anything to avoid the subject.
Jaal raised his brow ridge. "We do have proper food. These nutrient packs are just the same as the ration bars you seemed so fond of," he explained.
"Are they any good?" she asked.
Jaal shook his head. "Ancestors, no. They are not. I think your ration bars aren't any better either."
Ryder stared as Jaal sucked the last of the paste into his mouth, noisily. He tossed the empty pack into the recycler. The recycler churned as he ripped the second pack open. Best to rip off the band-aid quick. She squared her shoulder and winced before finally sighing and said, "I think it's time we talk."
Jaal nodded slowly, it was clear he knew what she was talking about. "Yeah, we should."
Ryder looked at Jaal. He returned the look. The silence was turning horribly awkward again. Oh yes, be the gentleman, let the lady talk first. Very nice Jaal.
Jaal watched as Ryder took a deep breath to gather herself. Her eyes far away for a split second before returning to the present. Hiding half his face behind the pack, he steeled himself. He knew he had been avoiding Ryder. The way the council ended was horrible for Ryder. Jaal thanked the ancestors she didn't suffer any consequences for it.
"Jaal," she said.
His eyes flicked over to her. Her brown eyes boring into him. "I am hurt, still am."
He straightened, worry shoving to the front. "Are you in pain? Does your shoulder hurt?"
She shook her head. "No, I mean yes. Physically, yes but there's nothing you can do about it. Lexi is taking care of that. I mean here," Ryder placed her hand over her heart. "What are we now really?"
Ryder sank onto one of the crates next to the wall she was leaning against. "I mean you didn't come to me, not before the council not after. I mean, I know you care but where were you? I needed you, especially… after."
Jaal took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry, I am so sorry, I was afraid to go to you. It's my fault you were captured, my fault that you had to go through all that."
Ryder stood up and crossed the space between them. "Hey, hey, it's not your fault. How can it be? You came for me," she soothed, standing an arm's length from him.
"I gave you 48 hours to get things done. That's too little time. If you had more time, this wouldn't happen. You would have been able to find some evidence against Tann. Then, the council we just left you to the wolves. I couldn't convince the Moshae and Evfra. We… I blindsided you."
Jaal looked at Ryder, his darling one, his brave warrior, his strong protector with tears standing in his eyes. "Will you forgive me?"
"It's too late, Jaal."
He gasped, his heart cracked at her words. "Sara…"
"There is nothing to forgive. You were doing your duty, just as I was," Ryder said. "If you need it then I've already forgiven you."
The crack across his heart was healed instantly. If only he could do the same for her wounds. Tears spilled from Jaal's eyes as he regarded her. Ryder was standing so close. He so wanted to have her in his arms, to reassure himself that she was real. That she was really saying what he was hearing. Tentatively, Jaal reached his hand towards Ryder. She stiffened for a second before reaching back towards him. He took for her hand hungrily, eager for the physical touch. One gloved hand touched a bare one.
"I don't like how we are torn between duty and what we have," Jaal confessed.
"I don't like it anymore than you do but both of us have responsibilities to things greater than us," she said, sighing.
He tightened his grip on her hands. It made Jaal feel good to be open and honest with Ryder. The events of the past week wasn't an experience he wanted to go through again. Events spun out of their control so quickly, so drastically, Jaal could barely catch his breath, until now.
"When will we be able to do something just for us?" he asked.
"At the rate we go, never," she replied ruefully.
"What are we doing after Elaaden?" he asked suddenly, an idea striking him. "What do you think about a proper shore leave on Aya?"
Ryder looked at him with narrowed eyes. "What are you planning?"
"Something just for us."
Lyrics taken from Rising Sun by Prince of Spain