"Let me get this straight you had a wet dream about Paul." Kim said as we climbed up my hill Sunday afternoon. I groaned as we turned onto my driveway and walked for a while in silence. I narrowed my eyes down at my wrists, which were turning numb form the grocery bags that I carried. I felt bad for asking Kim to help because she was holding an equal amount, maybe even a few less than I was, and I knew if it was hurting me it was certainly hurting her. I want to get a car, I thought to myself but Gran's checks and stuff would certainly not cover a truck. I'm definitely not driving one of those beat up ones that cost more to repair them than anything. I didn't think to call Jake until we were half way up the hill, to which after I voiced the idea, Kim kicked me and nearly lost some groceries. Kim also pointed out afterwards that it was a dumb idea to shop when I'd be spending the next few days with her. Then again, she had no idea what lived with me. The meat was definitely necessary, I just didn't want to look like an idiot buying so much meat.

I sighed, remembering her question. "Yes Kim."

"Okay okay start from the top." She said, grinning. "Give me details."

I peered over at her in horror. "You need a love life!" I exclaimed as we walked up the stairs. I nudged the door open with my foot, thankful I didn't bother to lock it today for this reason. No one would come up here, everyone's afraid of this place.

"Yea," she grumbled as she followed me to the kitchen. "Don't remind me." She let out a thankful groan as the grocery bags slipped off her arms and hands and she rubbed them tenderly.

I sent her a look. "Just ask him out already!" I exclaimed, exasperated, throwing my hands into the air once they were free.

"You know very well that I can't," she said, horrified by the idea. "He'd probably look right through me like I'm Casper." I rolled my eyes as I grabbed some spices out of the one bag and moved to put them in the cabinets above the stove.

"Maybe he wouldn't look through you, as you put it, if you didn't have that hood on all the damn time." I said, going for more groceries as she sat down at one of the chairs, grabbing one of my newly bought apples from the bag it came in and sinking her teeth into it. "Or if you went and socialized a bit, go to places he does."

She scoffed, swallowing her bite of the apple. "Yea, the only place he goes to is that bonfire the guys have all the time."

I frowned. "Kim, I doubt that. He was at the arcade with Jake and I." I told her as I grabbed some frozen vegetables and placed them in the freezer above my fridge. "You just don't go out much."

"And you're point is what? You were locked in this house for how many years?" She asked, "You never went out."

I rolled my eyes again as I grabbed some more groceries. "Yeah but that's because Gran was a bit strict. And when it was night time and she was asleep, I'd sneak down to the cliff above the beach." I paused to look pointedly at her. "So at least I tried."

She looked down as she took another bite. "Oh so you're saying if I went out, got humiliated by everyone in public, he'd notice me then?"

"UGH!" I exclaimed, leaning my hands against the counter when I went to put the fruit I bought into the bowl. "No Kim, I'm saying if you weren't so damn afraid of everyone, take that hood off, and stood up for yourself when things like that happened, you wouldn't be so alone!" She kept her head down. Immediately guilt struck me like a semi truck. "Kim I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," she murmured. "I know. You're right and I know this." She peered up at me, her dark eyes slightly damp. "I tried before. It just makes it worse... It's just better to be this way. At least I get to keep some form of sanity."

I looked at her sadly and went over to give her a hug. She hugged me tightly back. "You have me now though Kim, won't you try again?" I asked patiently. "I'll kick their ass, the lot of them. I know He'll see you too, just take your hood off."

She sniffed. "You think that's all it'll take? It's not a fairy tale Red," She said, pulling away to look at me. She pulled her hood down. "I'm not beautiful by any means Red. I'm..plain. My face is too wide, eyes are much too small, and my eyelashes are too long for it to even balance out." Kim said, all hope disappearing from her features.

I frowned, peering up at her from my kneeling place on the floor. "I don't see that at all." She then frowned too, confusion settling in. "You're face isn't wide at all, and your eyes are perfectly fine, and long lashes are pretty, don't need make-up to enhance them," I pointed out. "Unlike the girls we know." I suggested. "They need that stuff to even come close to pretty, and even then it's gross. Their faces weren't meant to be coloring books. You don't need that, you have natural beauty." Her eyes had become damp again and she bit her lip. "And if the guy has any brains, he'll notice that, as well as your awesome personality."

She sniffled. "Thanks Red."

I smiled. "That's what friends are for." I stood to finish putting the food away.

"So...just...put my hood down?" She questioned, nibbling on apple again. "Nothing more?"

"I don't think so." I said, pulling out the meat that was suppose to go downstairs before tossing the bags away. I grabbed the milk and put them away, before setting some bread out on the counter. "I like you just the way you are, but I'm also not the guy you're trying to impress. You do you." I said with a grin and hauled the meat to the basement door before going down the murky staircase, I flipped the switch for the lights to come on and nearly screamed up my own lungs when I saw Ash by his 'doggy door' of sorts. I panted heavily, trying to calm my racing heart as I placed the fresh meat into it's place. "God Ash," I whispered, putting a hand over my heart. "You nearly scared me to death."

He whimpered and came over, easily nuzzling my chest to-in a sense- calm me down. I rolled my eyes as I pet his mane, running my hands gently through his soft fur. "Ash I'm not going to be home for a few days, I already told you this. Kim is upstairs too, so if you don't want to be seen you gotta go." I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck in a hugging manner. "I'll miss you." I said quietly, squeezing a bit. He whimpered again, nuzzling me. I smiled into his fur before pulling away and giving him a kiss on the nose. I turned upstairs, flicking off the light as I came through the door and locking it.

"Let me pack some clothes real fast Kim and grab my school stuff, it was a busy day yesterday so I didn't get the chance."

Kim smirked as she tossed the apple core into the trash. "Bet it was a busy night too," she winked.

"Dear god," I groaned and ran up the stairs to my room. She followed me up and stood in my door way as I stuffed another book bag full of a few days worth of clothes and supplies.

"Hey, I'm not the one who dreamed of making love to Paul Lahote." Kim pointed out and I sent her a glare.

"First off, we didn't make love-"

"So it was rough sex?" She interrupted and I growled.

"No, no sex was involved." I threw another shirt into my bag. "Second, at least I don't have a crush on Jared Cameron. Jared Cameron of all people. If you ask me Seth is a lot cuter."

"Seth?" Kim frowned. "Yea no, he's cute but not Jared cute." I rolled my eyes as I jogged over to the bathroom down the hall and grabbed my toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash along with some other shower supplies. "But you obviously have it bad for Paul."

"Do not," I argued.

"Do too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not!" I exclaimed, frustrated as I zipped up the book bag. I grabbed my school bag and tossed it over to her and I slipped this one onto my back. She too carried that one on her back as I shut off any remaining lights or appliances in the house.

"Why are you so afraid to admit that you've got the hots for him?" She asked as I locked the door behind me and began walking down the driveway.

I exhaled an annoyed groan. "Because it's...wrong. He's got a temper-"

"And you don't?"

"That's not the point!" I argued, my voice growing a few octaves higher.

"Bullshit it's not the point. You have one too that he'll have to deal with. Fight fire with fire Red, you know that. So don't give me the stupid excuse that he has a temper and you don't know what he could, because you have just as much fire as he does. So why are you avoiding it?"I licked my lips and looked at the forest around me in silence. "Huh Red? What's so bad about him that you're running from? Why won't you admit you do?"

I exhaled and looked over at her, fighting to keep that said temper she was talking about, quenched down. "You know what, yes, I do, I like Paul. I like Paul a lot. I don't know why, or what draws me to him, but I feel it." I growled, aware that somewhere Ash was probably around. Hopefully he stayed out of sight of Kim. "And you know what I don't want to get close to him. I don't want it. I want him, but I want him to stay away. Why?"

I paused.

"I don't know why Kim. I can't give you a real reason. I want him. But there's something inside that's also screaming at me to stay away. I cdon't want to give into him, and hurt him by mistake. There's just something in me that's telling me I can't have him."

Immediately I blanched, not realizing I had said all of that at once. She stopped, a few paces ahead of me. "And I thought I was a coward."

"Excuse me?" I said, eyebrows raised.

Kim sighed. "I'm a coward, I know that much. For running from everyone, hiding myself from the world. I know that. But you're using it as an excuse just as much as I am." She explained. "You're running from not only him, but yourself. You want him, so, have him. You're just afraid. That's all." She sighed. "I'm just saying, you give some really good advice Red." She turned around and kept walking. "Though, if you're willing to give advice, you need to learn how to follow it too."

I watched Kim leave and I felt a pang in my heart. Anxiously I rubbed at my necklace that Gran gave me so long ago. It wasn't like what she said wasn't true.

But for some reaosn I couldn't explain, I knew it was much more complicated than that. There was something small in me that hated Paul with a passion. I just didn't know why.