The sun had just about set now, and his room was mostly dark, save from the glow of the nearby street light, but Kurt didn't really feel up to leaving his comfortable spot to address the situation. He had already closed the window in the face of the chilly winter air; that was more than enough. He sighed, turning his face a bit as he heard a peal of laughter from outside. He smiled absentmindedly as he saw Katy, the little girl from down the street, running away from her father who was making grabby-hands at her. It was refreshing to see such unadulterated happiness, and he hoped that she would retain that for as long as possible.
His smile faded slightly as he recalled a next person he knew who was happy – Finn. He had been ecstatic when he had come home, with a brightness to his eyes and a thousand-watt smile on his face that had caused Kurt's heart to clench painfully even as he tried ineffectively to bat away Finn's hand from ruffling his hair. He couldn't blame his brother though; in his own words his day of examinations had been a success. It seemed like Finn had finally realised that studying actually had a useful purpose. While he had admitted that he wasn't certain if he had answered all of his essay questions with the depth they required, he had, at least, been familiar with every single topic that had presented itself to him. That was a far cry from the norm, and had impressed all of them.
But, it was more than his joy at his potential examination results. Kurt knew for a fact that Finn had been so happy because he had been at McKinley. His elation at having to spend time with Mr. Shuester was undeniable, and, he had even come across Quinn and Sam once he had finished everything and had gone off with them for a bite to eat before he had come home. As far as Kurt knew, Finn hadn't really spoken to them, to anyone for a few weeks now, and while he knew that Finn would deny it, Kurt was certain that he missed them.
That realisation had instantly put him into a contemplative mood, and with Finn and his father watching sports on the television downstairs, and Carole at work, he was free to just lose himself in his thoughts. From the start he had found the whole deal with Dalton, especially Finn's part in it, a bit iffy. He knew a lot more about the school than he had let on to his father – to anyone really. A random fact search early in the school year had led to him obsessively reading anything about the school he could find. Once he had exhausted the school's official website, he had googled the school generally and had spent hours pouring over pictures, chats, anything he could find that would just tell him a bit more about the institute.
The school seemed like little more than a dream for someone like him who had endured so much torment and bullying in his own school. The school had extensive policies, it actually gave equal emphasis and regard to all the various disciplines, and all were respected. There had and probably would never be a moment where a club would have to worry about continued funding or fear facing being ostracised simply because of their interests. The school was like on oasis, and one that Kurt had kept guarded to himself. He had never ever even let himself imagine himself at the place, simply because he knew that there was no way in hell it could happen. That oasis needed a hell of a lot of money for maintenance, more than he could ever even start to expect his father to pay for him. There was a price for safety and security, and Kurt had always known that the Hummels would never be able to afford it.
And now the opportunity to go was literally laid out for him, for him and his brother, and all he had to do was say yes. And that was the issue. He had the final say. He didn't like it, hadn't liked it from the first moment he had started to emerge from the fog that had descended upon his existence. He hadn't given it too much credence outside of the rant he had gotten into with Finn, but despite his conversation with Carole afterwards, and the apology he had given to Finn, he hadn't forgotten what he had felt in that moment, nor what he had said. He had meant it. His family shouldn't and didn't need to put their lives on hold because of him. He didn't want that, he would never want that, and, while he appreciated their love and their desire to keep him safe, it couldn't keep coming with the sacrifices they were making.
And, it seemed to him as if Finn was prepared to make the greatest sacrifice of them all for his sake; he was prepared to permanently say goodbye to a friendship group he had developed for years for his sake. He was prepared to give up football, the sport he truly loved for his sake. He knew that Dalton offered basketball, something that Finn played outside of football season, but he also knew that his brother didn't care for the sport as much. Basketball was just a way for him to maintain his fitness levels without having to become one of the gym rats. It wasn't fair for Finn to force himself into that sporting discipline for his sake. Plus there was the fact that Dalton lacked girls. Sure there was a sister school, but direct interschool interactions were only allowed for mutually shared clubs during the week and on weekends. Except, neither of them would be dorming there if they both went which mean that the opportunities for them to participate in anything (not that Kurt wanted to) was slim to none.
Finn coming to Dalton would literally be his brother switching schools to babysit him, and Finn didn't need that. Finn didn't deserve that. Finn deserved a life of his home, a better life than the one he would have if he followed his misguided desires and allowed himself to be dragged to Westerville with him. And, while Kurt knew how great it would be to have a new school and his brother, he couldn't be selfish. If Finn's facial expression when he had gotten home was any indication, he was best off in Lima at McKinley with the actual friends he had and the club activities he loved doing. That was what was best for him, and that was truly what Kurt wanted him to have.
He would just have to find a way to convince him that that was the case.
Finn didn't bother to knock on Kurt's door before entering, not wanting to risk waking him up in case he had fallen asleep. The game had lasted a lot longer than expected, and Kurt tended to drift off easily these days. As a result, he was actually surprised to see Kurt seated at his desk, a frown on his face as he determined traced letters on the page of his workbook. Finn stared, perplexed. His mother had mentioned starting Kurt on the activity earlier that day, but she had also mentioned that Kurt had reacted badly to it at first, and, for all his good intentions, had sulked his way through it until she had given in and allowed him to stop. So, it was a bit surprising now to find him working so diligently on it.
"Doing okay bud?" he asked, leaning against the door.
Kurt looked up at him, and Finn's lips quirked as he realised that he had mistaken Kurt's expression. That hadn't been concentration on his face, that had been pure frustration.
"Are you here to save me from this hell?" Kurt deadpanned, as he slapped his pencil down on the table.
Hiding his amusement, Finn entered the room, and rested his hands on Kurt's shoulders as he stared at the book. Kurt had been working on the letter L, something that, he supposed, should have been quite easy. It couldn't be that hard to draw short straight lines, right? Apparently it was if the crooked messes Kurt had made all over was anything to go by.
"You'll get it," he told him encouragingly, squeezing down on his shoulders. "But why are you working on this so late anyway?" he couldn't help but ask. "You did two pages with mom earlier right?"
Kurt was silent for a moment, and, from experience, Finn knew that that meant that he was trying to find the best way to deflect the question. Finn pulled back, and, gripping the chair arms for a few seconds so that Kurt would realise what he was doing, he eased the chair out and turned it so that he could see Kurt's face.
"Talk to me," he urged, sitting on the edge of Kurt's bed. "What's going on in Kurt's head tonight?"
He half-expected Kurt to glare at him for his slightly patronising tone, but, instead, Kurt only lifted his head briefly to shoot him a morose look before diligently studying his hands again. "You won't be happy," he mumbled.
"Well we won't know that until you tell me," he responded calmly, even as his mind raced over the possibilities. What ideas could have possibly gone through Kurt's head in the past few hours to garner this? "Do you want to talk to your dad?" Finn offered when Kurt remained silent.
He shook his head slightly in response.
"Do you want to tell me what this is about?"
"School."
Finn nodded despite the fact that Kurt couldn't see him, his mouth twisting as he processed his answer. If Kurt wanted to talk about school and believed that he wouldn't be happy with his response on top of that, it could only mean one thing. With a mild smile, Finn said, "We're going to Dalton, aren't we?"
He expected Kurt to nod at that, or even look up at him in surprise at his guess. What he didn't expect was for Kurt to immediately let out a loud sob before his entire frame started shaking. Startled, Finn reached out, hoping that Kurt was comfortable enough with him to not need warning before he pulled his out of the chair and to him. He hugged Kurt tightly, his mind racing even as he strived to comfort him.
"It'll be okay kiddo," he whispered to him, as he wondered if this could be considered a normal emotional reaction or if he should subtly or otherwise indicate to their parents that maybe it was time to whip out a stronger dose of Kurt's pills for that night.
"It won't," Kurt protested, in between sobs, his voice muffled against Finn's chest. "You'll hate me."
"I will never do that," Finn said firmly, and rested his chin on top of Kurt's head. "Let's get you calmed down and then we'll talk about it."
It took a long time to calm him down, and even then, after they had resettled themselves, this time on the window seat, Finn was loathe to restart the conversation because it was clear to him that it would not take too much more to start the tears again.
"Finn?" Kurt said, in a soft, questioning tone.
"Yeah kiddo?"
He smiled slightly at that, and it was only then that Finn realised that Burt's nicknames for his son had become a permanent part of his own repertoire. He found that he didn't really mind it in the least.
Kurt nipped on his lip for a moment. "I want to go to Dalton."
"That's fine, Kurt," Finn told him. "We'll do that." He frowned a moment later when Kurt's eyes started watering again. "Bud?
"I don't want you to come," he said then, and in that moment, Finn felt as if all the air had been knocked out of him.
Burt realised something was wrong the moment he entered the kitchen to start breakfast, only to find Finn standing at the stove, carefully manoeuvring a pancake out of the skillet. Now that in itself was an unusual occurrence – Finn usually only attempted to cook whenever there was truly no other options available, and even then he would usually slap together a sandwich and call it a meal. But, when he turned slightly and Burt saw the conflicted expression on his face, he realised that perhaps the activity was a form of therapy for him.
"What's going on son?" Burt asked.
Finn flinched slightly. Despite his heavy footsteps, it seemed as if his step-son had truly been lost in a world of his own thoughts.
"Kurt made a decision," Finn answered, as he poured more batter into the pan.
"Dalton," Burt concluded. He supposed that that would explain Finn's mood. He and Carole both knew that he had wanted Kurt to go the route of home-schooling. "Look Finn, I know it's not exactly what you wanted, but we did agree that Dalton would be a wonderful opportunity for Kurt, for the both of you."
"He doesn't want me to come," Finn said, looking over his shoulder.
Burt gaped. Out of any response he could have expected from Finn, that had not been it. "What?"
"My reaction exactly," Finn responded, a bit of humour shining through briefly. "I'm not sure if this is really what he wants though."
"Did he explain himself?"
"Oh he did," he responded as he poured in the last of the batter. "He doesn't think that attending Dalton would be fair to me. That I'd be giving up too many things to be there for him, and that maybe if he ever wants to be strong again he's got to learn how to stand on his own two feet."
Burt was silent for a long moment as he contemplated what his son had said. It was a difficult thing to process. It was true that, when Kentwood had told them that two spots could be opened at Dalton for them, he and Carole had been more than a little excited. Neither of them in the least had liked the idea of Kurt being so far away from them in his sensitive stage, and alone at that, and so, Finn accompanying him would have been a great solution for that issue. But, they had also acknowledged that for Finn to attend there would put a real damper on any possibility of him pursuing football as a career post-high school, and while neither knew if his childhood dreams still influenced him strong enough that he would want to seek that out, neither wanted him to feel obligated to give that dream away for Kurt. Supporting one's family was one thing, but it wouldn't do to hurt oneself too badly in the process.
"And what did you say?" he asked, trying not to colour his opinion by giving his own thoughts on the matter just yet.
"Well I may have reacted badly and told him that I thought he was being ridiculous," Finn responded, "and that I didn't tell him about Dalton for him to turn around and make the worst decision possible."
Burt sighed, but, before he could respond, Finn continued speaking.
"I know that that wasn't the best response ever," he acknowledged, "but for a moment he glared at me Burt, and I saw the old Kurt, the one who wasn't afraid to show exactly how idiotic he thought I could be. I think it was worth it," he finished proudly before growing serious once again. "What should we do?"
"I don't know," Burt admitted. "I think I need to talk to your mom first about this, and then with Kurt. If Kurt truly wants this, and I mean for the right reasons, it wouldn't be fair for us to tell him no."
"But what if it's the wrong decision?"
"That isn't something we can predict," Burt finished sadly. "But I have a question for you Finn, and I think that's going to really decide how we address this."
"What is it?" he inquired.
Burt gave him a serious look. "Tell me the truth here son. Do you want to go to Dalton? Or are you really just doing this so Kurt can have a second shot?"
Finn didn't answer, but the expression on his face told the bald man all he needed to know. He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck.
"Maybe Carole and I should stay out of this for a while," he said contemplatively. "Because it seems that both you and Kurt need to figure out exactly what it is that the two of you want before we take any other steps here."