"Fuck." Lexa heard the word uttered quietly near her ear, and it caused her to stir a little before realizing that she was tangled up with Clarke. Her eyes fluttered open slowly and her gaze settled on Clarke, whose eyes were squeezed shut.

"You okay?"

"My head kinda hurts," Clarke murmured. "Plus, it's early." Lexa hummed thoughtfully, and then placed a soft kiss on Clarke's forehead before carefully pulling away from the blonde and climbing out of the bed. "Where are you going?"

"To get you water and a painkiller," Lexa answered obviously, stepping out of the room and going into the kitchen to gather the said items. When she brought them back into the bedroom, Clarke was sitting up against the headboard.

"Thank you," Clarke breathed out. She took the water and sipped it first, before popping the pill into her mouth and taking another drink to wash it down. "I'm so sorry about last night, Lexa. I just opened up the fridge and there was beer there..."

"It's okay, Clarke," Lexa promised. "You were upset. I probably would've done the same thing. I'm not mad at you for drinking a little too much after your insane mother lost you your job."

Clarke smiled gratefully at her and took another drink from her water. "Well, thanks for getting me to bed."

"Of course," Lexa returned, sitting down on the edge of the bed, almost on top of Clarke's legs. They sat there quietly for a few minutes.

"How was dinner with your mom yesterday? Did you talk about your dad?"

"A bit," Lexa answered, pulling her gaze away from her girlfriend as she thought about her conversation with her mom. "It's his last week here. I told her that I don't think I'll be okay with having a relationship with him until I've had more time to get over what he's done. And that I wouldn't mind having a relationship with Aden, except that his mom probably won't want me to. When he's older, maybe."

Clarke nodded. "I bet she'd let you if you asked. Plus, Aden really likes you, and I'm sure he's going to pester both his parents to get to see you more often."

Lexa met her gaze and smiled softly. "That would be cool. It's weird... but also kind of awesome to know that I have a brother." Clarke smiled as well, and Lexa look away again. "I told my mom about New York."

Clarke blinked, looking completely caught off guard. "What?"

"I told her that it's up in the air," Lexa continued, avoiding her girlfriend's gaze at all costs. "She wasn't very happy. She doesn't want me to go just because you want to."

"I – wait, did you make it sound like that? I never said that I wanted you to go because I wanted to go," Clarke stated.

"I know, but you do want to go," Lexa countered, "and you do want me to go, so you basically did say that."

"What do you want me to say right now?" Clarke asked, crossing her arms and pulling her legs up to cross them. "Do you want me to say that I want to go to New York City? Then fine, I want to go."

"I know that, Clarke," Lexa insisted, standing. "And I want you to have what you want, but I just want to make sure that before I decide to change something that major in my life, I also want it. This is hard for me, okay?"

Clarke bit down on her lip for a moment. "I know that, that's why I haven't brought it up. I didn't think you were talking about it to anyone."

"So what, you thought that I was just going to ignore it and hope that it went away?"

"I don't know, Lexa, I guess so? You haven't said a thing about it, and every time someone else does, you get frustrated or you ignore it."

"How many times has it even been brought up?" Lexa asked incredulously. "I've been thinking about this a lot, Clarke. I wouldn't just toss something like this aside, it's clearly important to all of our friends and to you, so it's important to me, too. I have talked about it with people other than you, yes, because I already know what you want. What I'm trying to figure out is what I want. Because I want you to be happy and to get what you want out of life, and I know that you're a few years ahead of me at life and maybe that's why it's easier for you to decide that you want to do this –"

"I haven't decided that, Lexa," Clarke interrupted, sitting up straighter. "This is something that we need to decide together, because you know what sounds a whole lot nicer than prancing off to New York? Being with you. Because I fucking love you more than anything else, and sure, while I want to go to New York with my friends, and with you, I'm not going to go without you."

"Clarke, the last thing that I want is to be without you," Lexa agreed, finally looking at Clarke fully. "But I've always known that there was a possibility that being with me might hold you back. You and I both knew that, and that's why all your friends thought it was a bad idea to start dating me when you did. And I don't want to do that to you."

Clarke shook her head. "You don't understand what I'm trying to say, Lexa. You are more important to me than anything. I don't..." Clarke's voice faded out, and she bit down hard on her lower lip. "I don't know what I would do without you, okay? There's no way that I'm going to New York without you. So it's up to you if we're going, and if... if you still don't know, just... you should know that... and I only know this because Octavia told me, but NYU's transfer application is due by next Monday. And if you can't go to school in New York, then we are definitely not moving, because you going to college is important, and –"

"Clarke..."

Lexa bit down on her lower lip, sitting back down on the bed and facing the blonde. Clarke met her gaze head on, and they searched each other's eyes for a moment before Lexa leaned forward and slammed her lips into the blonde's. The kiss heated quickly, as was Lexa's intention, and then she adjusted herself so that she was straddling Clarke's lap, and the blonde stretched out her legs to allow for it. "Fuck, Lexa," Clarke groaned, "we need to finish talking about this."

"We will," Lexa insisted, pulling her lips from Clarke's and bringing them to her neck, sucking on her pulse point hard enough to leave a mark.

"Lexa..." The word came out as a moan this time. "I mean that we need to talk about it now." Lexa just tugged at the blonde's shirt as she continued to suck on the skin on her neck and shoulder, and Clarke huffed. "Fine. But neither of us are leaving this room until we've talked about this."

Her shirt came off in a rush, followed by Lexa's, and the brunette lifted her body off of Clarke's slightly to pull her down into a laying down position rather than a sitting position. She couldn't help wanting to feel Clarke underneath her right now – she'd been so stressed out by her girlfriend, thinking that the blonde could possibly leave her alone here, and just hearing the reassurance that that wouldn't happen was enough to make Lexa want to show her how much she fucking appreciated her. It was almost enough to just make her say yes to moving on the spot, but she still needed a bit more time for that, she knew.

So for now, she dragged her tongue down over Clarke's exposed skin, loving the sound of her girlfriend's breathing becoming uneven. When she reached the shorts that Clarke was wearing, she tugged them away effortlessly and looked at Clarke's center. She pressed feathery kisses along the inside of the blonde's thigh, and Clarke moaned. "Lexa..."

Lexa finally brought her mouth to Clarke's core, along with her fingers, with plans to make her girlfriend come hard and fast. She was spurred on by the sounds of Clarke panting and moaning, and it wasn't long before the blonde cried out with her orgasm. Lexa gently brought her down from it, and then pulled away from the area in between Clarke's legs.

"Fuck, we need to get into discussions about major life decisions more often," Clarke puffed out, and Lexa couldn't help but smile a little before liking her lips and her fingers clean, and then moving to lay down next to her girlfriend. She waited until Clarke's breathing was even before speaking.

"Look, Clarke, I still don't know what I want to do. And I don't want anyone to be presumptuous about my decision, our decision, which is why I haven't said anything... but I've already sent in my transfer application to NYU." Clarke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What?"

"If I don't get in, it's settled. If I do get in... then I'll let you know how I feel, okay? This is really hard for me, but I... the idea is not so awful to me anymore. Luna thinks that I should do what I want to do. Anya was on the fence, but she's going to be leaving here in two years anyway. My mother freaked out, but I can't really blame her, considering that I'm still somewhat freaking out and haven't decided yet... And me... I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy. And being with you makes me happy. NYU isn't a bad school, though it is more expensive and that's something that I would have to figure out. Plus, with all of the drama here... with your mom knowing where you live and your whole life here, it could be really good for both of us to move. We could separate ourselves from our pasts here, and start fresh somewhere together," Lexa listed, almost just realizing this for herself. "Like I said, I don't want us to decide anything until we know whether I even could go to NYU, and I'm sorry that I hadn't already told you that I applied. I just didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, because at the time it was just a precaution, and I was still leaning more toward the 'this is fucking ridiculous' side of things."

"It's not ridiculous anymore?" Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa shook her head, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on the blonde's lips. "I'm sorry that I haven't talked about it at all."

"It's okay," Clarke insisted. "You needed time – need time still – and I understand that. And I know that the way that I first mentioned it wasn't the best way to go about it. I'm sorry for that."

"We're both sorry," Lexa summed up, smiling softly, "and I think now we can relax a little. There's no longer a time constraint, right? So we can just wait for my letter from NYU, and we'll see what happens from there. Deal?"

"Deal."

"You know, I don't think I've felt this good in weeks," Lexa said, lying on Luna's bed and staring up at the ceiling, a small smile on her face.

Luna quirked up a concerned eyebrow. "Your girlfriend just got fired because of her devil mother being back in town. Plus, you got to meet your kid half brother last week, and you actually liked him, and now you probably won't be able to see him for a long while. And your dad is going back to New Jersey soon."

"Okay, yeah, Clarke getting fired is not a good thing," Lexa agreed, "and neither is not getting to see Aden – though that isn't set in stone, and I don't even know that he would want to see me again. I mean... it would be cool to get to know him more, but... I don't know, he still does provide me with a reminder of what my dad did. And as far as Anthony, I don't really care that he's going back. He should. That way he can stay with his current wife and continue giving Aden a good life, since he clearly cares about doing so for his second child."

"Salty much?" Luna asked, smirking.

"Plus, I don't know that I care to keep up any real relationship with him, at least not yet. He hasn't earned it, and frankly, I think it would just weigh me down. At least until I've gotten over what he did," Lexa admitted. She sat up on Luna's bed, twisting onto her side and looking over at her friend, who was lazing on Anya's bed distractedly. "Has Anya called you?"

Luna snorted bitterly. "Hah. No. But it doesn't matter. You forgot to tell me why exactly you haven't felt this good in weeks." Lexa pursed her lips, wishing that Luna would talk to her about Anya a little more.

"Clarke and I talked about New York," she admitted, despite the Luna and Anya issue. "I mean... yeah, we did. We just... didn't make a decision. I told her about applying to NYU. Also... I just feel way lighter about the whole idea. Clarke won't go without me – which I should've already figured, but I... I can't keep her from going. Can I?"

"Um... I don't know, Lex." Luna adjusted her position, tucking her legs under her and looking at Lexa with a skeptical gaze. "If you want to go, you should go. If you don't... you should be prepared to tell Clarke that."

"She promised me that I'm more important than New York," Lexa stated as her gaze dropped down to the floor in between the beds, "but I'm still scared that I'd hold her back by asking her to stay. You know? New York could be amazing for both of us, especially if I get into NYU. I mean, I wouldn't go otherwise, but their psychology program is pretty good, and it would probably be easier to get a job there. I mean, there's onepsychologist office here, and how many people in this place even go to psychologists?"

"Are you trying to convince me, Lexa, or yourself? Sounds to me like your mind is already made up, and I think that you should do whatever you want to do."

Lexa blinked, frowning. Was her mind already made up? Hadn't her mind brought up New York as if it were her future for weeks now? "Fuck."

"What?" Luna asked, taken aback.

"I think you're right. I think that I actually want to go."

Luna furrowed her eyebrows. "Is that a problem?"

"I don't even know if I can go yet. I probably won't even hear back from NYU until next week or the week after," Lexa muttered, groaning. "If I don't get in, I think I'm actually going to be really upset. I think I've secretly just been imagining all the New York stuff like it was actually the endgame."

Luna laughed. "Obviously. You literally applied to a school because of it, and put off paying your next semester fees for Polis. This is something that you want to happen, Lexa, and you should go for it if you can. You and Clarke deserve a fresh start somewhere else anyway."

"What about you?" Lexa asked. She sat up completely now, leaning against the wall and looking at the other brunette with a soft expression. "Looking for a fresh start at the end of this semester? New York is a place for everyone."

"I don't know," Luna muttered, averting her eyes. "If Anya hates me now, then maybe I should leave. But if not... I couldn't leave her. Whether we're friends or something else or whatever... She's going to be here for two more years, and frankly, I could get a good start here. It's a growing city, I could get and hold a job."

Lexa nodded. "I agree. As for Anya... ugh, she's going to hate me when she finds out that I want to go."

"She won't hate you. You two are best friends, aren't you?"

"Yes. I guess. She's just been... I don't know, really distant. I mean, we've been talking, and I've kept her relatively up to date with things. I think that she's mad at me and you. I don't know what's up with her lately."

Suddenly, the dorm room door opened, and Anya was suddenly standing frozen on the threshold. "Well. I wasn't expecting either of you to be here."

"My class was canceled," Luna offered halfheartedly, and Lexa just pursed her lips, looking down at her lap.

"Did I interrupt something?" Anya stepped into the room, shutting the dorm door.

Lexa stood up abruptly, reaching for her bag. "No. I should probably be heading home anyway. Clarke's been taking an off day after what happened on Sunday, and I should get back."

"Wait, what happened on Sunday?"

Lexa crossed her arms, releasing the strap of her bag, and tried her best not to get too frustrated. "Clarke got fired from The Bean because of her asshole mother. You would have known this if you'd cared to be at all involved in society the past few days."

"What, so I'm not allowed to take a break from reality, but everyone else is?" Anya demanded, her voice raising. "Luna gets to disappear for a week! You and Clarke get to run off to an amusement park! Everyone gets a break except for me! I'm sorry if I've been going through some shit, alright?"

"You've been going through some shit?" Lexa exclaimed incredulously. "Have you been paying any attention to anyone else? What shit have you been going through? You met a really great guy and are doing super well in pre-law? Poor you!"

"Guys," Luna interjected, but it was in vain.

Anya let out a sudden, frustrated noise. "Fuck you, Lexa! I have my own shit going on, even if I don't talk about it!"

Lexa's jaw dropped, but before she could talk, Luna was stepping in between them. "Are you guys fucking serious? You're best friends, stop fucking fighting!"

"Oh, we are, are we?" Anya demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Last I checked, you two were pretty buddy buddy and I was getting left out of all of the important stuff."

Now Luna turned to face Anya, and Lexa just barely caught a glimpse of the glare she wore on her face. If looks could kill... "What, you're jealous all of the sudden?" Luna demanded, her voice dangerously low. "You are jealous that Lexa and I are friends? Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to buy that after all of the years you've spent not realizing when I was jealous over you talking about some new guy? I'm supposed to believe that... after you got me to have sex with you while we were drunk as fuck, only to wake up and find that you were nowhere to be fucking seen?"

Anya's eyes were wide, and she stood rooted in one spot.

"I'm sorry that I can't confide in you about how much I fucking love you and how fucking oblivious you are!" Luna growled. "I'm sorry that you're too caught up in your life to pay enough attention to your best friend, and to me, and I'm even more sorry that you're mad at us for that instead of at yourself."

Tears spilled out from Anya's eyes, but she said nothing.

Luna, still tense, glanced behind her at Lexa, who was also unmoving. "I... I have somewhere to be," Luna stuttered out, as if just realizing what she'd said, and she quickly dived around Anya and left the room. Lexa's best friend's teary eyes met hers, full of pain, and Lexa felt herself break. She extended her arms and Anya was wrapped up in them in seconds.

"W-what?" Anya muttered, sobbing. "She... she...?"

"Calm down, An," Lexa hushed her gently. "She was scared to tell you. She's probably terrified right now."

"Why would she be scared to tell me that?" Anya choked out. "Oh fuck, she's totally right. I've been the worst friend on the face of the fucking planet."

"No," Lexa denied, carefully guiding Anya over to her bed and sitting them both down, "you haven't been the worst friend. I mean, you haven't been the best either. But not the worst."

"Luna hates me."

"She could never hate you."

Anya pulled away from the brunette, wiping at her face. "Shit. You hate me."

"No, I don't," Lexa argued gently. "Talk to me, An. What's going on with you?"

"I-I..." Anya sniffled and avoided Lexa's gaze. "I-I had s-sex with Luna."

"Yes, I'm aware."

Anya looked up at the brunette with a hard gaze. "I had sex with her, Lexa, and she loves me! And I... I don't know... I've never... fuck I wasn't supposed to ever do that. I wasn't supposed to have sex with a girl ever, Lexa!"

"What do you mean supposed to? There are plenty of general rules of living, Anya, but forcing your sexuality isn't one of them. At least not in this country," Lexa murmured softly, her hand resting on Anya's covered back and scratching it softly.

"I can't... I can't be interested in a girl that way – in Luna that way! I'm... I'm supposed to be perfect, I..."

Lexa frowned, recalling something that someone very important to her had once told her. "But you know that being gay, or bi, or queer or whatever doesn't make you any less perfect, Anya. Anyone who loves you will know that as well. Do you think that any of your friends care? Do you think that Lincoln would care?"

Anya shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed. "Of course not, Lexa, but my parents. Fuck they would hate me."

"You don't have to tell them anything. Especially not right now, An, you don't even have to tell anyone about your sexuality, whatever you find that it is. Just yourself, so that you can stop beating yourself up and internalizing all of this pain that you're clearly feeling."

"I've messed up so many things, Lexa. And I've been so awful to you – you've been going through so much stuff and I've barely even been around. Fuck, and Luna too. I-I should've... I should never have gone out drinking with her that night, not after everything that's been going through my head lately," Anya breathed out shakily. "I need... I need to go find Luna."

Lexa bit down on her lower lip as Anya jumped up. "Anya, maybe you should just wait –" Before she could even finish her sentence, her best friend was out the door, leaving Lexa alone in the dorm room.

Lexa let out a breath, wondering if she should feel worried or relieved. She settled for the latter, though, because her best friends were finally speaking to each other. On top of that, she had made up her mind about what she wanted to do about New York, given the chance of course. Sure, not everything was perfect, but right now she happily stood up and grabbed her bag, ready to go home and cuddle with her girlfriend.