Terror filled his lungs, crushing his ability to inhale. She's going to leave me, and not even because someone manages to take her again. She's going to leave me of her own accord.

"Beth," Shepherd counseled, her voice gentle. "Even in this God-forsaken, twisted world, you have people who love you. More than that, there are people that you love. You've just got give it time and allow your memories the chance to return. It's already started, right? So let them keep coming. Don't fight it. Take it day by day. Just …just hold on, ok?"

Oh you got to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You got to hold on

Daryl rubbed his temples, unable to dislodge the memory of her singing these words so long ago. Amplified and reverberated by the acoustics of the prison, her voice had sounded otherworldly.

"Don't worry, Shepherd," Beth said with mock cheerfulness. "I'm not going to do anything; I mean, I gotta stick around to see what 19's all about, right?" Through the door Daryl heard her voice hitch, as if she were going to start weeping again. And then, that's exactly what she did.

As her crying turned to uncontrollable sobbing, he could endure it no longer. He fled down the hallway, slipped into his room and shut the door behind him. Leaning up against it for support, he realized his body felt all wrong, as if his skin were too tight for everything to fit inside. Like he needed to bust out of it or shed it like a snake sheds its skin.

Beth Greene has lost hope.

Then his own tears started coming, hot and furious. He slid to the floor and cradled his head in his hands.

Beth Greene has lost hope.

Daryl cried at the thought of Beth choosing to end her life after all she'd been through. After all she'd already survived. He cried at the idea that she no longer believed there were good reasons to live. He cried knowing that she wasn't able to see the beauty in things anymore.

Beth Green has lost hope.

Perhaps more than any other reason, he cried because the Beth Greene he knew had been the embodiment of promise and optimism. That Beth Greene was just... gone.

He took a shaky breath and pushed himself to a standing position. He crossed the room to look out the window, wanting to make sure that Beth and Shepherd had made it safely outside. They were standing near Carol, who was passing out plates filled with food.

You're a bigger pussy than I thought. Merle chuckled. If your little porcelain princess is "gone," go and get her back, then, ya dumbass! Jesus, Daryl, this here ain't how a Dixon operates. Ya want somethin', go and get it, even if ya have to lie, cheat and steal. Sick o' all the excuses, boy… all the "ain't smart for me to talk to her now" shit. Excuses are like backsides, little brother. Everyone's got 'em and they all stink."

He turned for just a moment to reach into the closet. He dragged out the duffle bag he'd brought from Grady. He glanced out the window again, and saw Beth sitting cross-legged with Carol, her plate balanced on a knee. She didn't look up. Rose, on the other hand, did. She smiled and then saluted.

Daryl swore.

He had a good, long smoke in his room to help calm his nerves. He wondered how many cigarettes had been snuck up to these bedrooms when it was still a girls' boarding school.

Leaning against the window sill, he surveyed the activity below. From his vantage point, he could see about 10 walkers milling around, outside the secured gate. He saw Beth yawn and gesture back toward the school. He knew the signs; she was retreating. This was going to be his chance.

His heart beat faster, time standing still as he waited in the hallway in front of her room. He watched her round the corner, her blonde hair wild from Shepherd's quick bandage change. Despite his stomach being in knots, he stood his ground.

"Hey," he called to her, softly.

"Thanks for the deer," she said mechanically.

"Hey," he said more insistently. He grabbed her wrist lightly, his heart beating so fast he feared she could hear it.

"Yeah?" she asked, her eye travelling down to examine how his fingers encircled her wrist.

He saw her staring and promptly removed his hand. He didn't want to spook her. It was bad enough that he, himself, was about ready to balk. "I just wanna say… sorry."

"For what?"

"Can't begin to count all the ways," he acknowledged.

She shrugged. "S'ok." He could tell she didn't really mean it.

"Wait here," he said. "Wanna show ya something."

"Why?"

"Just…" He felt stupid and shy, and was concerned that he was on the verge of messing up again. Finally he managed to eke out, "I…I got a birthday present for ya, is all."

She took a deep breath. "Ok, I guess. But I promised Rick and Carol I'd put Judy down for the night. Let me take care'o that first, then I'll be up."

She dipped into her room to get a sweater.

"Ok," Daryl replied, deflated. As she disappeared down the hallway, he just watched her go.

His muscles spasmed with tension as sat on his bed, the duffle bag still looped over his torso and shoulder. Beth hadn't been gone long, but the familiar anxiety was already reaching unprecedented levels, intensified by the fact that she'd intimated suicide.

He decided he would go and find her, under the guise of showing her the gift while she was tending to the baby. He'd explain how he thought she'd want to use it with Asskicker. Of course, she'd see right through him, but at that point he didn't give a shit. He was worried, and apparently for good reason.

The bag wasn't heavy, but the contents were oddly shaped and fragile, so he couldn't go as fast as he wanted. He came across Tyreese, first. "You seen Beth? She said she was putting Asskicker down for the night."

Tyreese looked confused. "I saw Beth a while ago, but she wasn't with Judith. Said she was going to have Noah teach her how to check the boundaries, make sure things are secure." He tilted his head. "Somethin' wrong, Daryl?"

"Not sure," he grumbled. The two of them trudged outside and looked along the fence line.

"There," Tyreese said, pointing out Noah in the distance. The big man squinted. "But that's not Beth with him. Looks like Mason."

The ground seemed to fall out from under Daryl's feet. Without explanation he turned and ran back up to the dorms, kicking open her door and then a string of others without ceremony. The rooms, as he feared, were empty.

"Beth!" He yelled. "BETH!"