Ok, apology time. I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long, but just after the last update, real life threw me a majorly nasty wicked curveball that has been taking all my energy. I realise that I promised a teaser to everyone who reviewed, and my plan was to get them sorted while this chapter was with my beta, Mrs. P, but then she got it back to me within a couple of hours. I debated what to do, but decided that you'd all waited for long enough, so I've added the chapter.
I said that there'd be two teasers, one for both possible pregnancy test results. I will still be finishing the alternative result 'teaser' and posting it on the 'Elusively Yours Outtakes' story that I've added on here.
Today I've added the Alice x Jasper outtake that I submitted for the Fandom for Preemies fundraiser. You can find it by clicking on my profile, selecting my stories and looking for EY Outtakes. Please remember to sign up for Story Alerts if you want to know when I add new outtakes (including the teaser).
I've also signed up for the Domestic Violence fundraiser and would love to hear what you'd like to read for that. Let me know in a review, or in a direct message.
Ok, time to see what the result was. I hope you're all happy with this…
Chapter 14 ~ Your Star Will Shine Again One Day
Edward took the test from me and looked down at it. I noticed him swallow deeply and then he raised his head to look at me. I couldn't stand it. I tilted my head back, raising my eyes to the ceiling. Still Edward was silent.
I locked eyes with him again, but he didn't speak.
"For God's sake, Edward, just tell me!" I begged.
He lifted a hand, ran it through his hair and opened his mouth to let me know what our future held.
"It's negative."
I huffed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the arm of the chair next to me.
"Oh, thank God," I half-whispered. Alice crossed the room to put her arm around me, rubbing my back comfortingly. I gave her a relieved smile and then turned my eyes to Edward. He took a step forward and offered the test to me. I held my hand up in refusal. "No thanks, I believe you. I never want to look at another pregnancy test again," I told him. He regarded me, strangely.
"Never? You don't want kids?" The intensity in his eyes was immense. If he'd had superhero powers, I was fairly certain that he would have shot lasers into me as he waited for me to answer the question.
"No, one day I do, it's just…" I looked to Alice for help. She jumped in.
"Edward, do you really think this is the right time for this conversation?"
He looked down again at the test in his hand and then back up at us.
"No. I guess not. I'll see you later."
He dropped the test down onto the coffee table and strode out of the room. The front door slammed a moment later.
"If that's how he does relieved, I'm glad it wasn't positive," I said to Alice, trying to lighten the situation. She was staring thoughtfully at the door.
"I don't know what the hell that was, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't relief, Bella."
The doorbell rang and I looked at Alice. She shrugged her shoulders and went to answer it. I heard muffled voices and a moment later Edward walked back into the room, closing the door behind him. He was the last person I'd expected to see and I immediately felt defensive.
"What's up, Edward? Did you forget to ask me about my views on marriage, or maybe what my plans for my retirement are? Or perhaps there's something else that's none of your goddamned business that you were wondering about? " I looked away, still annoyed at him.
"I'm sorry. Running has been my first reaction for so long now…I guess old habits die hard." I looked up as he sat gingerly down on the couch. "I…fuck." He pushed his hand nervously through his hair. "I owe you an apology, Bella. My behaviour recently has been…unacceptable."
I cringed as I thought of how I'd kept the truth about me and Jake from him, and the guilt I felt thawed my icy exterior a little.
"You weren't the only one at fault. If I'd been honest—"
"No!" he cut in. "If I wasn't so fucked up in the first place it wouldn't even have been an issue. I think I need to tell you about my past; I mean, I want to tell you. I'm not asking you to forgive me, but hopefully you'll understand a little more."
I nodded. I knew the story that was coming; it was the one that Alice had told me as he lay in bed upstairs from us sleeping off his anxiety attack.
"I was engaged to this girl; Tanya. I loved her and I would have done anything for her. She found out she was pregnant and everything seemed perfect. I was really excited about having a family with her." He sat back in his seat and rubbed his forehead. "Anyway, we went for a sonogram and found out that she'd got her dates wrong; she was four weeks further along than she'd realized. I came home after that to find her packing her stuff up to leave me. It turned out that she'd been having an affair with some sleazeball from work and the baby was his."
"I'm sorry," I told him. "And…I kind of already knew." I looked down, feeling a little awkward but wanting to be honest with him.
"Alice," he stated simply. I nodded.
"So, what did you do?" I was curious to know more from his side of the story.
"I got drunk and then went to his house and fucked his wife." I flinched as I looked back over at him. He looked tired as he shrugged his shoulders. "You asked," he told me.
"Yeah, uh, not quite the answer I was expecting. I guess I meant more along the lines of how you felt."
"Then that's what you should have asked me. Now stop looking at me like that," he said with a hint of a whine in his voice.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to look at you like anything." I diverted my eyes away from him again, wondering how he managed to look impossibly prettier when he was obviously filled with angst.
"When you walked in here with that pregnancy test, it brought everything crashing back down on me. I grieved for a long time over losing the baby. I know it's crazy, but for a moment there I was almost hoping that you were pregnant."
I leapt to my feet, anger bursting inside me.
"Yes, that's crazy! That's the craziest thing I ever heard, considering that you were the one who wanted to keep things strictly business between us. As far as I'm concerned, you don't have a private life, remember? And that's the kind of relationship you were 'almost hoping' to bring a new life into? Shit, Edward, you're even more fucked up than I realized!" I turned and paced the room.
"You're right, and you know what's even more fucked up?" His voice was raised to match mine as I moved around to face him. He was on his feet too, and was leaning forward as he yelled. "The only reason that I said all of that to you in the first place, Bella, is because I really fucking like you and I'm scared shitless that you'll end up tearing me apart, just like she did. To go through that again would fucking kill me; I couldn't do it again."
He collapsed onto the couch, his head in his hands. As I watched, his whole body begin to shake and in horror, I suddenly realized that he was crying. I crossed the room and sat down next to him, gently rubbing his back and making soothing sounds.
"For the record, I really like you too," I told him. "And I'd never hurt anybody deliberately, much less somebody that I really cared about. Once I care, loyalty is my thing, Edward." I continued rubbing my hand on his back as the trembling ceased. He slowly lifted his head looked at me, his eyes red and watery.
"You seem too good to be true, Bella, and it worries me that you are."
I smiled.
"Are you kidding me? I spent the first few weeks keeping the truth from you about my relationship with Jake. I mean, granted it was so that you wouldn't run away from me, but still. That hardly makes me perfect."
"I think you're pretty damn close," he whispered. The glint in his eyes as he said it made my heart jump a little.
"You want to know what I think?" I asked him, taking his hand in mine. "I think that you have two responses to everything; dive in head first, or take off running. Did you ever hear of taking things slowly?" He smiled slightly and shook his head as he looked to the ground.
"You have insight too. I told you; perfect." He turned his face back to mine again. He looked like a vulnerable little boy and my heart ached for him.
"There's no such thing, Edward. If you're looking for perfection then you're going to be disappointed all of your life." I reached out with one hand and cupped his face, stroking the tears from his wet cheek with my thumb. "And you deserve more than that."
He leaned towards me, his eyes on my lips. As he got close, I turned my face and he kissed my cheek. I leaned back slightly,
"You're trying to dive in again," I scolded him gently. "Let's get to know each other a little. You never know, you may even discover I have a flaw or two." I smiled and he returned it, squeezing the hand that still joined us.
"Can I have a hug? Friends hug, right?" He let go of my hand and held his arms out. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his body as he folded his around me, enveloping me in a warm embrace. I inhaled deeply, my nose right beside his neck. He smelt wonderful; manly and…just Edward.
He squeezed a little tighter and I felt one of his hands begin to smooth circles on my back, before it moved down to my waist. My heart-rate increased slightly as the feel of his hands on me and the smell of him brought memories back of exactly how close we'd been. The way his hands were moving now, I suspected he was probably having similar thoughts.
"Bella?" he whispered huskily next to my ear.
"Hmm?"
"You heard of 'friends with benefits' right?" I smirked, knowing where he was going with his line of questioning.
"I heard of it. I did it and it rarely works out. Forget it." He sighed.
"Ok."
Suddenly he pulled away quickly. I looked at him, puzzled, taking in the frown on his face. "Wait, you tried it? Who with? Was it Jake?"
"Ew! No, it was not with Jake, he's like my brother. And it's none of your business who it was…" I suddenly realized what the interrogation was about. "Hold up. Are you jealous?" I giggled. The idea of Edward, with his reputation with women, being jealous of me with my limited experience seemed ludicrous.
"Jealous? Uh…no! Don't be ridiculous, Bella." He gave a fake laugh, but also ran his hand through his hair nervously as he did.
"Would you still be jealous if I told you it was with a girlfriend?" His eyes went wide and he coughed and shifted in his seat, before he looked quickly back at me.
"Really? You and another girl?" I shrugged.
"That actually worked out better than it did with a guy. She didn't have a jealous streak." I nudged him.
"So, uh…what happened?" I shot him a shocked look.
"I'm not going into detail for you," I teased him. He seriously looked like he thought he'd offended me.
"Oh God, no, that's not what I meant!"
I giggled, putting him out of his misery and he narrowed his eyes momentarily as he realized I'd known all along what he'd been getting at, then he grinned.
"I meant why didn't things go further with her?"
"We weren't gay, it's that simple. She met a guy and fell in love with him and we stopped." He nodded in understanding.
"You mentioned a guy too?"
"You can't help yourself, can you?" I asked, smirking, but answered him anyway. "He turned out to be a jerk. He was a great guy to be friends with, but as soon as we started sleeping together I saw a different side to him. He interpreted the situation as meaning that he got to have sex with me and also with anyone else he wanted, while I hung around waiting for him. He hated me having anything to do with other guys and kept starting fights. I didn't stick with it for long."
"You lost your friendship over it?"
"Yeah, mostly. He stayed friends with Jake, but we didn't spend a lot of time together after that. I still see him sometimes; he's been threatening to come to Forks and visit us soon."
I took Edward's hand again.
"So…friends?" I asked. He looked pained for a moment. "If you don't want to—"
"It's not that," he cut in hurriedly. "When you say friends, do you mean 'friends and that's it', or 'friends with a view to more someday'?"
"I mean 'friends but ask me on a date and let's take it from there'. Is that ok?" I smiled at him and he smiled back.
"That sounds…perfect," he said. I nudged him playfully. "So," he continued. "Would you go on a date with me?"
"I'd love to. I haven't been on a date in…" I stopped to think and cringed when I calculated it. "An embarrassingly long time, actually." Edward laughed at me.
"Me neither. Maybe it's what we both need."
~*~EY~*~
"I'm so pleased that you two actually made some positive progress," Alice told me later after Edward left. "I really had thought he was a hopeless case."
"Yeah, you're not the only one," I admitted, smiling. "I still keep thinking that I dreamt it. I've never seen that side of him before."
"Well I hope you liked it, because that's the true Edward; the brother I used to have." She looked wistful. "I actually hadn't realized how much I missed him."
I couldn't believe how the day had gone since I'd got out of bed that morning. Edward had left after we'd agreed to an as yet unarranged date soon. Alice had pounced as soon as he left, demanding every detail of what had happened. Seriously, the girl could have had an astounding career as a detective if her interrogation skills were anything to go by.
~*~EY~*~
"Man, what a day," I stated tiredly as I sank down on the opposite end of the couch from Jake as he watched TV. He'd bathed the boys and got them settled in bed, while I got some work done. I'd been a little lax with it lately and knew that I needed to start putting more hours in again.
"Tell me about it," he grumbled, casting a glance my way. "I don't mind reading to the boys at bedtime, but I really wish Billy didn't choose the same story every night."
"The Three Little Pigs?" I asked. I did the bedtime routine occasionally if Jake had to work late, but if he was in he insisted on doing it himself.
"Yep. If I have to read about the Big Bad Wolf one more time…"
"You'll huff and you'll puff?" I teased, laughing. He just raised his eyebrows and smiled at me.
"So, what made your day so bad?" he asked, reaching across to where my feet were pulled up on the couch next to me and sliding them onto his lap. I turned my body so that I was facing him, and my legs were stretched out in front of me. Jake moved his hands skilfully, rubbing my feet in just the way that he knew I loved. I sighed and felt myself relaxing as I closed my eyes blissfully.
"Trust me, Jake, you don't even want to know." I felt his eyes burning into me, and cracked my own open slightly to see if I was right. I was, of course. That was the kind of relationship that Jake and I had, I knew him as well as a brother. "What?" I asked him.
"Nothing. I was just under the impression that I was your best friend, Bells. I'm wondering what sort of thing you'd feel you couldn't tell me?" He was silent for a moment, continuing his manipulation of my feet as we looked at one another. "Are you pregnant?"
"Oh my God, Jake! How do you do that?" I exclaimed. His hands stilled on my feet.
"You are pregnant?" He asked again, his eyebrows rising in incredulity, despite him being the one who had mentioned it in the first place.
"No!" I replied quickly, hearing the panic stricken note in my own voice. Still his deep brown eyes remained fixed on my own. "Really, I'm not!" I exhaled noisily and pulled my eyes away from his. "I realized this morning that my period was late. I thought I might be, but I did a test and I'm not."
"Cullen," he stated, his eyes narrowing and his fingers beginning to work tentatively on me again. "Bella, what the hell is this hold he has on you? You're not that kind of girl. A pregnancy scare? Really?"
"Hey, I'll have the sympathy with a side order of hugs and hold the judgement, please."
He sighed.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you having a hard time because of this guy." He lifted his arms and held them out to me. I scrambled along the couch and shifted into his side, where he wrapped his huge arm around me. Jake gave world-class hugs.
"It's fine. He was at Alice's when I took the test. Not how I would have planned it at all, but actually it helped us clear the air. We both really like each other." I moved my head away so I could look up at Jake. "We're going to date."
Jake was silent for a moment and then he nodded his head.
"You want me to buy you some condoms?" He asked. I gawked at him for a moment before I noticed one side of his mouth turn up a little into a smile and I elbowed him in the ribs.
"Hey! You obviously need help remembering, Bells!" His face turned serious again. "Seriously though, I know the guy has a reputation. Please get yourself checked out, make sure you're ok.
"I will, I promise," I sighed, knowing that he was right and planning on making sure Edward did the same before I let him anywhere near me again.
~*~EY~*~
Despite the fact that we hadn't actually been out on a date yet, I found myself looking forward to seeing Edward twice a day at school. It was actually nice to be able to hold a conversation with him without the heavy sexual tension that had existed between us previously. Don't get me wrong, there was still more than a spark of attraction there, but it had shifted slightly now that we had openly admitted our feelings to one another.
I'd become accustomed to the multiple death glares that were directed towards me. It had become common knowledge that Edward was no longer living the playboy lifestyle that he'd been maintaining prior to me really knowing him; although from the snippets we all overheard and put together between us, none of the women was quite sure why.
Jasper had thought up this game that he was making us play with him; each time we all met up at school, we took it in turns to share a fact about ourselves that the others didn't know. I was surprised when Edward demanded my fact as soon as I showed up to collect Josh and Billy.
"Shouldn't we wait for Jas?" I asked, trying desperately to think of something. Edward shook his head, smirking.
"Uh-uh. Charlotte's coming back with Grace this afternoon, he's not coming."
"Oh, uh, right…" I hesitated. He was still watching me expectantly, his tongue poking out between his lips slightly and the scruff on his face shining reddish-brown in the late autumn sunshine. "I get really turned on by dirty talk," I admitted. His eyes bulged slightly and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. I smiled inwardly. "The dirtier the better," I added for good measure.
The school bell rang at that exact moment, just as Edward began to cough violently. The children began to pour from the building and things got chaotic enough for him to miss the smirk that adorned my face.
As I began to walk away from the school building, Edward caught my arm.
"Hey, we never arranged that date," he said, a noticeable blush still coloring his cheeks. "How about this Saturday?"
I opened my mouth to say yes, and then groaned as I remembered something.
"Dammit, I can't this Saturday. Jake has a friend coming to stay and he's already asked if I'll watch the kids while they go out." Edward's face fell and I gave him an apologetic smile. "Hey, how about Sunday instead? We could go and catch a movie in Port Angeles or something?" He smiled.
"Sure, I'd like that."
I looked up in time to see one of the moms lingering in hearing distance, her eyes narrowed at me.
"A friend of yours?" I asked Edward loud enough for her to hear, as I nodded in her direction. The woman had the shame to look quickly away and hurry out of the schoolyard. He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. I nodded in understanding.
"Aah. Notch on your bedpost. I get it." He looked ill at ease, so I nudged him. "Just kidding. I knew right off from her reaction. You have made quite an impact here, haven't you?"
Before he had a chance to answer, a loud cry I recognised as belonging to Billy, met my ears. I spun around and saw him lying on the ground where he'd fallen.
"I have to go, I'll see you soon," I called to Edward as I moved quickly towards Billy. Other than a grazed knee he was fine, and we were soon making our way home.
~*~EY~*~
As soon as we were within view of home, I saw a car that I recognised parked in the driveway. Here so soon? Fantastic, I thought to myself sarcastically.
"Hey kids, it looks like Paul's here," I told the boys, knowing that they idolised all of Jake's friends. They'd been raised with a large extended group of 'uncles' around them, and being all boys together, had revelled in it. Unfortunately when Emma got sick, most of them hadn't known what to say to Jake, and had made the mistake of just staying away instead. I'd noticed that they'd started to stay in touch a little more now that things had begun to settle down again, but I wondered if Jake would ever forgive them for keeping their distance when he needed them. Knowing Jake, I guessed that he probably would.
The boys took off running towards the car, and as they got closer, a figure all too familiar to me opened the door and stepped out, bending to catch the boys in a hug as they threw themselves at him.
"Hey, Bella," he greeted me, smiling as he straightened up and ruffling the boys' hair with a hand on each of their heads.
"Paul," I replied with a curt nod. Paul was the 'friend with benefits' that I'd told Edward about. I hadn't seen him in months, which was fine with me. I'd considered him to be a great guy and a good friend for years. How it was possible to suddenly discover you have been wrong about somebody for so long, was still a little unbelievable to me. That had been a couple of years earlier, and things were still frosty between us.
When Jake had told me that Paul was going to be visiting, I was torn. On the one hand I was pleased for Jake that he was renewing lost friendships, but on the other hand I wasn't looking forward to spending time under the same roof as Paul. I'd pretty much managed to avoid him, other than a few minutes here and there. And you accused Edward of running away from his problems? Congratulations, Bella, you just earned yourself an A in hypocrisy.
I was determined not to make things awkward for Jake and the boys, and so I promised myself that I would make an effort for their sakes.
It was actually amazing what a difference a little positive thinking could make; as the front door slammed announcing Jake's arrival home from work, Paul and I had rediscovered a little of our friendship again, laughing as we prepared dinner together.
Jake walked into the kitchen and I watched his eyes widen a little in surprise as he took in the unexpected sight of Paul and I getting along. The two men exchanged excited greetings as they met up and embraced, thumping one another on the back.
"How you doing, man?" Paul asked Jake. "You're looking good!" He punched him in the stomach, to no obvious reaction from Jake.
"Yeah, we're surviving, aren't we Bells?" He looked over at me and I smiled at him.
"Yep. It's not been easy, but we're getting there."
Paul looked from one of us to the other, and I suddenly realized what was going through his head, just an instant before he said it.
"Are you two like, together now?"
"No!" Jake and I exclaimed simultaneously.
"No," Jake continued. "Bella has been the best, I really have no idea how I'd have got through everything without her. We're best friends still; nothing more. Right, Bells?"
"Right," I confirmed, smiling.
"Shit, man," Paul laughed, sagging slightly. "I thought for a moment…"
"That you were going to have to pin him against the wall by his throat like you did the last guy you thought I was having a thing with?" I asked him, only half teasing. He cast a guilty look at me.
"Look, about that…"
"Forget it," I told him, turning to continue chopping the vegetables for dinner. "Ancient history, I shouldn't have mentioned it." There was silence for a moment.
"Well, for the record, I'm sorry. I miss your friendship; have since I messed up. So…yeah, that's it."
"Apology accepted," I told him. "I promise not to bring it up again." He smiled gratefully at me and Jake came and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Want a hand with that?" he asked me, nodding towards the chopping board.
"No, I'm good. You guys go and catch up, I'll give you the evening off." I smiled and he returned it, squeezing my shoulder gently and then leaving the room with Paul, grabbing a couple of beers from the refrigerator on his way past.
~*~EY~*~
I returned home from lunch with Alice on Saturday, to discover that Billy had fallen sick while I'd been out. It didn't worry me, I'd taken care of both Joshua and Billy when they'd been sick before, but Billy was adamant that he didn't want Jake to go out and leave him that evening.
"I'm sorry, bro, but I just can't go out and leave him when he's sick and wants me," I overheard Jake explaining to Paul as I neared the kitchen doorway.
"Hey, I understand, dude, it's cool. I might head down there anyway; I've been looking forward to seeing the band for a while now. If you don't mind?"
"No! No, you totally should. It's not going to be much fun here." Jake glanced up and noticed me passing. "Bella!" I stopped and backed up a couple of steps.
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you take my place at the gig tonight? Paul was going to go alone, but there's no point both of us being stuck at home."
I hesitated.
"Uh…"
"Oh, come on, Bella," Paul urged me. "It'll be like old times." I gave him my best bitch-brow. "Well obviously not exactly like old times…ah, you know what I mean." He gave up, exasperated. I chanced a look at Jake and he was nodding at me in encouragement. I huffed.
"Ok, ok, I'll go. But you," I pointed a finger at Paul. "No funny business, got it?"
Paul clapped his hand over his heart.
"I swear."
"Ok, I'm going to go grab a shower and get ready."
~*~EY~*~
Paul pushed open the door of the bar and we both ducked inside out of the rain. The heat generated by the number of bodies packed into the place hit me. I pushed my hood off my head and ran my fingers through my hair, fluffing it out a little. The band was doing a sound check on the small temporary stage at the far end of the room and I fought the urge to cover my ears as the sound of microphone feedback screeched through the speakers.
My eyes scanned the room and I spotted one last small table in a corner. Somebody had removed the chairs from around one side of it, but there was a small, high- backed bench seat against the wall on the other side. I put my hand on Paul's arm and pointed it out to him, the music playing combined with the sound check, making sign language easier than speech.
We made our way over and shrugged out of our wet coats, placing them tentatively across the arm at one end of the bench.
"I'll get the drinks, Bella. You still a beer drinker?" Paul yelled above the music. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up and he disappeared into the crowd in the direction of the bar.
The beer flowed and the band played. Paul and I laughed together as the alcohol relaxed us. It was almost as though the problems between us had never existed. I'd never go there again, but I could appreciate the good times we'd shared as friends.
A particularly loud song was playing when Paul leaned in to say something to me. It was impossible to hear him, so I slid further along the bench so I was pressed up against him. He flung his arm casually around my shoulder as I leaned my ear towards his mouth to try and hear what he was saying to me. This time I caught it, and laughed, but as I moved my head away again, I caught sight of someone and froze.
There, frozen in place, his hand poised to push open the door to the men's room and his eyes fixed firmly on Paul and I, stood Edward.
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